14年秋季提纲互改小组-issue 10

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

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10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

相关题目包括： 125，148
请回帖时按照这里的指引列出英语提纲并用汉语解释或直接回帖参与讨论其他同学的提纲

写这道题的同学请注意
preserve是指完全不开发该区域，只能搞科研、观光
conserve是指可以有限度、可持续的开发  
因此不存在既能preserve又能发展经济的情况 （除非你能说通过科研来开发药物等等）
写这道题 preserve和conserve之争是不可避免的  希望新写提纲的同学看一下我的点评再动笔

liliudodoUID: 3261082

10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position

(主旨句)For human being, there is only one earth, so environment protection is a global issue. I concede that, people should not sacrifice the nature state of wilderness areas to obtain immediate benefits; and not only nations but any people and organization should try their best to protect the environment of wilderness areas. Besides, people could utilize some other methods to achieve their aim not only passing laws.

主题句1）although utilizing kinds resource of nature can improve the development of society and economy, we must put protecting environment at first hand. 环境对人很重要，如果环境不好，经济再好也没用，例如水污染和空气污染会导致疾病，缩短人们的寿命，天天在被污染的环境中生存，不会有好的心情。这些效果带来的损失，远大于经济的发展。所以不能因为经济效应，而污染环境。

主题句2）although, nations have the responsibility to release pollution and protect wilderness areas, individual and any organization should also try their best to have positive effects on this issue. 地球是全人类唯一的家，所以每个人都有责任。国家和政府因为有很多别的事情要办，比如教育，科研，国防，所以能投到环境保护中的钱是有限的，个人和一些NGO组织可以更好地保护环境，比如earth libaration front.

主题句3）In common, passing laws to preserve wilderness areas is an effective way for protecting environment; yet some other more effective methods still need to be resisting, such as affording fund, publishing relative news paper books and punishing such movements which break the law seriously. 立法的作用有限，如果人们不遵守法律怎么办？所以要加大惩罚力度。如果人们不知道法律怎么办？所以要加到宣传力度。同时还要提升技术水平，使用更多的环境友好型environment friendly 设备，这样在获得economic gain 的同时，也能remian the nature states of wilderness areas.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

liliudodo 发表于 2014-10-15 20:53
10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even ...

10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position

(主旨句)For human being, there is only one earth, so environment protection is a global issue. I concede that, people should not sacrifice the nature state of wilderness areas to obtain immediate benefits; and not only nations but any people and organization should try their best to protect the environment of wilderness areas. Besides, people could utilize some other methods to achieve their aim not only passing laws.


1. 主旨句是否回应题目要求，有没有偏题？
题目要求讨论实施政策后的后果。主旨句里用了不少should，但是没有通过讨论后果来支持
最后一个分论点提到立法以外的方法，这种思路是不错的，但在这里却偏题了





4. 分论点的汉语展开是否充分支持分论点，例子是否合适？

主题句1）although utilizing kinds resource of nature can improve the development of society and economy, we must put protecting environment at first hand. 环境对人很重要，如果环境不好，经济再好也没用，例如水污染和空气污染会导致疾病，缩短人们的寿命，天天在被污染的环境中生存，不会有好的心情。这些效果带来的损失，远大于经济的发展。所以不能因为经济效应，而污染环境。


2. 中间段分论点有没有和主旨句中提出的某个分论点呼应？
本道题的重点是 preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state  注意是preserve而不是conserve
关于这两种不同措施的论争是很多的 比如http://education-portal.com/acad ... erences.html#lesson
楼主的这个分论点只讲大道理 完全没有触及到这道题的核心问题 这样的讨论对整个论证是没有贡献的



主题句2）although, nations have the responsibility to release pollution and protect wilderness areas, individual and any organization should also try their best to have positive effects on this issue. 地球是全人类唯一的家，所以每个人都有责任。国家和政府因为有很多别的事情要办，比如教育，科研，国防，所以能投到环境保护中的钱是有限的，个人和一些NGO组织可以更好地保护环境，比如earth libaration front.


2. 中间段分论点有没有和主旨句中提出的某个分论点呼应？

开始偏题了 题目讨论的是应否立法preserve，同时提出这样做的问题是经济发展被限制 你讲的跟题目没有直接关系


主题句3）In common, passing laws to preserve wilderness areas is an effective way for protecting environment; yet some other more effective methods still need to be resisting, such as affording fund, publishing relative news paper books and punishing such movements which break the law seriously. 立法的作用有限，如果人们不遵守法律怎么办？所以要加大惩罚力度。如果人们不知道法律怎么办？所以要加到宣传力度。同时还要提升技术水平，使用更多的环境友好型environment friendly 设备，这样在获得economic gain 的同时，也能remian the nature states of wilderness areas.

3. 每个分论点表达是否清晰，内容是否合适？
很可惜，你在肯定立法的基础上提出的其他措施并没有回应题目的要求，题目要你讨论实施政策的后果，你却......   如果你讨论立法可能不奏效，或许还能沾边

dongyan18UID: 3560600

Issue10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

主旨句：As the wildness areas disappear fast, man need to do something to conserve the remaining wildness areas. But it's going to too far by passing laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their pristine stats. In considerations of human society's development, the consequently development of technology to conserve the nature, as well as the possibility of harmony between human and nature, we shouldn't pass such a law, instead we could conserve wildness areas in other effective ways.

主题句1Firstly, if we passed a law to preserve any remaining wildness areas in their natural state, human society would stop developing in these areas.

主题句2Secondly, if we passed such a law and implemented it, when some natural disaster came, we could do nothing to protect either human or wild lives in these areas.

主题句3Furthermore, human society development is not necessarily contradict with the flourish in the wilderness areas, there is no need to put it in the pristine state by passing a law.

结论：In conclusion, human society could develop together with natural conservation. Instead of passing laws to develop the wilderness areas, we have a lot of alternations, such as making detailed conservation plans in any projects in the wilderness areas, introducing mass media to admonish the development of these areas, propagating the conditions of the areas and thus alluring more people to care about these areas.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

dongyan18 发表于 2014-10-18 15:40
Issue10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, ...

欢迎参与，请点击加入互改小组并坚持打卡！

Issue10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

主旨句：As the wildness areas disappear fast, man need to do something to conserve the remaining wildness areas. But it's going to too far by passing laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their pristine stats. In considerations of human society's development, the consequently development of technology to conserve the nature, as well as the possibility of harmony between human and nature, we shouldn't pass such a law, instead we could conserve wildness areas in other effective ways.

主题句1Firstly, if we passed a law to preserve any remaining wildness areas in their natural state, human society would stop developing in these areas.

按照要求，组员列提纲之后要用汉语解释如何展开中间段。不过从你的提纲看，你对题目的理解有些偏差。
比如你说保育旷野，人类社会在那些区域会停止发展，我很难想象这个点如何展开。提出保育的动机就是为了不让人在这里发展，而留给一块净土给动植物生存。

主题句2Secondly, if we passed such a law and implemented it, when some natural disaster came, we could do nothing to protect either human or wild lives in these areas.

如果preserve的话，那里就不会有人，不存在保护那里的人。至于自然灾害的问题，我也不太确定这里如何展开。

主题句3Furthermore, human society development is not necessarily contradict with the flourish in the wilderness areas, there is no need to put it in the pristine state by passing a law.

第三个点或许可以展开，指出发展与保育并不矛盾。其实这便是preservation和conservation的争议，我在一楼有链接，可以查看。

总的来说，我觉得你对这个问题的了解和思考还不充分，以致提出的两个分论点都不太好展开。
另外，如果你检查一下你的分论点和主旨句就会发现并没有一一对应的关系。  

再次感谢参与本小组的提纲写作活动，如有时间，请继续互动！

结论：In conclusion, human society could develop together with natural conservation. Instead of passing laws to develop the wilderness areas, we have a lot of alternations, such as making detailed conservation plans in any projects in the wilderness areas, introducing mass media to admonish the development of these areas, propagating the conditions of the areas and thus alluring more people to care about these areas.

dongyan18UID: 3560600

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-18 17:57
欢迎参与，请点击加入互改小组并坚持打卡！

Issue10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any rem ...

谢谢您的鼓励和指导，指出我对题目的理解存在偏误:L。在此基础上，我又重新整理一下思路，不知这样处理会不会好一些。
主旨句：As the wildness areas disappeared fast, man need to do something to conserve the remaining wildness areas. But it's go to too far by passing laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their pristine states. In considerations of various conditions of different wilderness, government could choose to preserve areas with abundant plants and precious animal resources by passing a law on one side, and develop the barren wilderness which is not worth preserving on the other. The harmony between human and nature is accessible when we pick up different policies in various conditions.

主题句1.Admittedly, passing laws is one of the most effective methods in deterring some native government or private organizations from damaging the precious wilderness.
论述旷野也是丰富的生态系统，有丰富的动植物资源，在城市化的进程中，许多物种正濒临灭绝，而一些地方政府和私人机构出于利益考虑，仍然在盲目破坏。相较其他手段，立法是最有效的保存旷野的方法。

主题句2.But it's going too far to assert that nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural stats.
一方面，一些生态贫瘠的旷野位于城市中心，或者有丰富的矿产资源，如果立法阻止开发是不明智的。另一方面，立法执法也需要人力、物力，对于经济不发达的地区则是一个负担。因此，在这个情况下立法阻止开发不明智。


主题句3.Furthermore, wilderness development is not necessarily contradict with the flourish of the wild life in the area, and there is no use for solve all problems just by passing a prohibiting law.
发展经济的同时可以划出生态保护区保护生态环境，甚至用得到的资金改善旷野的生态环境，比如……另外，相比较单一的立法阻止开发，更重要的是讨论每个旷野的特殊性，采取不同的策略以取得双赢。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

谢谢您的鼓励和指导，指出我对题目的理解存在偏误。在此基础上，我又重新整理一下思路，不知这样处理会不会好一些。

主旨句：As the wildness areas disappeared fast, man need to do something to conserve the remaining wildness areas. But it's go to too far by passing laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their pristine states. In considerations of various conditions of different wilderness, government could choose to preserve areas with abundant plants and precious animal resources by passing a law on one side, and develop the barren wilderness which is not worth preserving on the other. The harmony between human and nature is accessible when we pick up different policies in various conditions.

嗯 你在主旨句中提出要根据不同的旷野的具体情况来具体讨论是否应该立法，我觉得是很不错的思路。需要提醒的是题目要求
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position
也就是说你要讨论在不同情况下实施政策的后果。


主题句1.Admittedly, passing laws is one of the most effective methods in deterring some native government or private organizations from damaging the precious wilderness.
论述旷野也是丰富的生态系统，有丰富的动植物资源，在城市化的进程中，许多物种正濒临灭绝，而一些地方政府和私人机构出于利益考虑，仍然在盲目破坏。相较其他手段，立法是最有效的保存旷野的方法。

native -> local
我建议你去读一些关于perservation vs. conservation的讨论 找一些具体例子来讨论 preservation的基本立场是完全不开发 因此你所说的丰富资源就没什么意义 可能对气候变化的控制和整体生态环境保护比较有意义 这方面最好去调研一下

主题句2.But it's going too far to assert that nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural stats.
一方面，一些生态贫瘠的旷野位于城市中心，或者有丰富的矿产资源，如果立法阻止开发是不明智的。另一方面，立法执法也需要人力、物力，对于经济不发达的地区则是一个负担。因此，在这个情况下立法阻止开发不明智。

你似乎在用一种cost-benefit分析 权衡利弊 这个思路不错 最好能找到具体例子 其实你这里提出的就是不应该preserve 而应该conserve  


主题句3.Furthermore, wilderness development is not necessarily contradict with the flourish of the wild life in the area, and there is no use for solve all problems just by passing a prohibiting law.
发展经济的同时可以划出生态保护区保护生态环境，甚至用得到的资金改善旷野的生态环境，比如……另外，相比较单一的立法阻止开发，更重要的是讨论每个旷野的特殊性，采取不同的策略以取得双赢。

最后这个点 我觉得你要注意preserve和conserve的区别 你似乎想说conserve并不一定破坏环境 又能发展经济 可以两全其美
这里或许可以提出sustainable的概念
http://education-portal.com/acad ... erences.html#lesson 这个链接的视频建议看看



你还没加我们的小组？ http://group.gter.net/index/show/gid/144.html

smily_rayUID: 3568276

这道题感觉很不好写啊>_<尤其是分论点的论证，没什么例子，感觉比较空。

Considering the deteriorating ecosystem, it is necessary for governments to pass laws to preserve wilderness areas where are habitats of endangered species while conserving other areas. Although implementing such kind of law may reduce economic gains, people can benefit from the preservation in other aspects.

To save the increasing number of engendered species, their habitats need to be preserved from further deterioration. 由于这类地区物种已经濒临灭绝，因此需要采取较极端的措施。人类对栖息地的介入可能影响濒危物种的生存环境，加快它们的灭绝。而大自然具有自我修复能力，被人为破坏的生态结构会在一段时间后恢复平衡。

However, for other wilderness areas where animals and plants are not facing the risk of extinguishment, some moderate action such as conservation is sufficient. 对于没有什么濒危物种的地区，可以采取相对温和的措施。人们可以开发利用野外地区的自然资源，但要采取可持续的方式，实现人类利用与自然的平衡。

Besides, although preserving certain wilderness areas may hinder economic development, it can benefit us in other aspects. Preserve的地区（保育区？）虽然不可以进行经济开发，但保留了物种多样性，为科学研究提供了丰富的资料。另外，一些保育区限制每天的访问人数，使市民有机会接触到珍稀物种，也提供了进行自然科学教育的场所。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

smily_ray 发表于 2014-10-20 00:21
这道题感觉很不好写啊>_<尤其是分论点的论证，没什么例子，感觉比较空。

Considering the deteriorating ecosystem, it is necessary for governments to pass laws to preserve wilderness areas where are habitats of endangered species while conserving other areas. Although implementing such kind of law may reduce economic gains, people can benefit from the preservation in other aspects.

To save the increasing number of engendered species, their habitats need to be preserved from further deterioration. 由于这类地区物种已经濒临灭绝，因此需要采取较极端的措施。人类对栖息地的介入可能影响濒危物种的生存环境，加快它们的灭绝。而大自然具有自我修复能力，被人为破坏的生态结构会在一段时间后恢复平衡。

However, for other wilderness areas where animals and plants are not facing the risk of extinguishment, some moderate action such as conservation is sufficient. 对于没有什么濒危物种的地区，可以采取相对温和的措施。人们可以开发利用野外地区的自然资源，但要采取可持续的方式，实现人类利用与自然的平衡。

Besides, although preserving certain wilderness areas may hinder economic development, it can benefit us in other aspects. Preserve的地区（保育区？）虽然不可以进行经济开发，但保留了物种多样性，为科学研究提供了丰富的资料。另外，一些保育区限制每天的访问人数，使市民有机会接触到珍稀物种，也提供了进行自然科学教育的场所。

我觉得你这个思路挺好 注意要强调不同政策的后果 同时要做一些相关调研 可以和一些关于保护滨临灭绝物种的题目一起准备

lisa_CUID: 2678347

是需要占楼点评上一个人的吗

lisa_CUID: 2678347

10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

相关题目包括： 31，63，67，125，148

我的思路

Whether a nation should pass laws to protect any remaining wilderness areas depends on economic status and natural environment of the nation. For areas where people's basic demands for living are not satisfied,it is not politic for its government to establish laws to keep people away from any wilderness areas. What's more, even for areas where are well-developed, it would probably be a waste of social resourses.But one thing should be reminded is that if the wilderness areas are speical habitats for endangered species, they should be protected without considering the economic costs. For that matter, other than laws, international collaboration is encouraged.
总观点：是否需要保护野生环境取决于该国家或地区的经济状态和环境属性，经济发展落后地区一般没有必要，经济发展良好地区在注意保护环境的同时也要注意不要无谓浪费资源。而不论对于哪个国家或地区，对于稀缺资源的保护都是必要的，这时候不应该过多考虑经济成本。如果本国无法负担，可以请求国际援助。

To begin with, in poor areas where many people are still struggling to survive, laws that force people to stay away from any remaining wilderness areas is unnecessary and even, it may lead its whole society to unstable state.
观点1：对于经济发展落后的地区，人民生计尚且不能满足，强制立法可能起到反效果。
（首先，贫困落后的地区，自然环境一般破坏得较少，甚至自然资源没有充分开发，因而对于这样的地区，立法保护所有的自然保护区显然是不必要的。第二，落后地区政府的第一要务是发展经济，这时候花费人力物力在环境保护上收益小而且并不能被民众理解。即使有立法保护，一贫如洗的人们还是会铤而走险进入自然保护区开采资源猎杀动物，容易造成社会动荡。举非洲肯尼亚大象被猎杀例子。）

Furthermore, even in an area where is well-developed in economy, to make all the remaining wilderness areas under protection is a waste of social resources.
观点2：即使是经济发展良好的地区，如果将任何野生环境都纳入保护范围，会造成不必要的社会资源浪费。
（一般来说，经济发展良好的地区环境破坏问题比较严重，急需立法保护自然环境，增强人们的环保意识。但是如果把所有的自然环境都纳入保护范围，需要大量的人力物力投入，举黄石公园每年保护经费为例。）

Finally, if a wilderness area is a special habitat for endangered species, the government definitely should try its best to protect the area, and in that case, international aid is needed for poor areas.
观点3：不论哪个国家或地区，属于稀缺资源的，则需要不计经济成本进行保护。这种情况下，需要有效的国际合作和援助。
（一般来说，对于濒危动物栖息地或是稀缺资源所在地，需要大力保护。一些濒危物种对栖息地条件要求苛刻，如果一旦被破坏，将无法挽回。如熊猫。对于这样的地区，即使经济条件尚不发达，政府也应该要有前瞻性对它们加以保护。如果政府无力负担，可以申请国际援助。这样进一步来说，除了立法之后，在环保方面有效的国际合作和救助体系应该促进成立）

总结再点题。

Silent_SirenUID: 3569979

lisa_C 发表于 2014-10-22 00:17
10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even ...

来点评下考友的~
感觉整体思路比较清晰，真正在写的时候最好对一些概念加以定义或厘清，比如
1 为什么贫困国家无必要保护？（要考虑到保护某些wilderness也可能推动经济的情况）
2 稀缺资源的定义。为什么要大力保护？对不保护的后果最好展开说下。
3 经济发展好的地区环境破坏更严重？这点有被argue的空间

Silent_SirenUID: 3569979

10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

相关题目包括： 31，63，67，125，148

我这道题之前写过，但感觉思路比较浅，过后我会再根据点评改一遍。

1）I fundamentally agree with the author’s claim that nations should pass laws to preserve remaining wilderness areas in their natural state.基本持同意的观点。（虽然这道题同意不太好写，主要是那个any是个flaw)

2）The major changes caused by human beings may have at least as much influence, if not more, as natural geological processes did on earth during the long geological ages. In this case, undamaged wilderness areas are particularly precious.（第二段大体介绍一下人类活动对自然环境的影响，为引出下文做准备）

3）The precious values we need to protect from frenzy development by humans include not only the natural features, but also the aesthetic or cultural significance, because of the scarcity of those unpolluted areas.
（对wilderness的保存除了自然环境，还包括文化上的原生态地区，因此这种conservation兼具经济、生态、文化甚至美学上的价值。举例：美国的印第安保存区，北欧的原生态聚居区，亨利梭罗经常强调自然环境对他哲学思想形成的影响）

4）Some may argue that preservation of wilderness areas would have impact on forest and land use, so as to slow the economy, especially in developing countries.
（小让步，有人很可能argue我，说会拖垮经济，但我指出保存wilderness未必和经济相抵触，甚至可能帮助经济发展）

5）As for the approaches for reservation of those wildness areas, the law serves as an powerful means.
（进一步指出Law在保护中的重要性，列举中国的自然保护区为例说明没有详细的法规指引，保护很可能不见成效）

6）强调观点并总结。

raikkonen36UID: 2871931

It is necessary to pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas. Nonetheless, protecting wilderness areas should not always be at the cost of economic growth. In fact, government can protect wilderness areas and contribute to economic growth as well, drafting effective measures.


第一段：说明Laws play a significant role in preserving wilderness areas. Along with rapid social development, human beings have brought disastrous effects on wilderness areas. Considering the importance of maintaining ecosystem balance, humans being should take serious steps preserve any remaining wilderness areas. No doubt that drafting law is an effective approach in preserving wilderness areas. 一是 通过制定法律让大家认识到这个的问题的严重性，二是法律可以利用它的威慑力来保护。

第二段：说明while preserving remaining wilderness areas is important, it is not reasonable that preserving remaining wilderness areas always needs to be at the cost of economic growth. If, preserving remaining wilderness areas, people spare no efforts to protect these areas which could be developed for economic gain, some unfavorable results would be obtained. 经济发展非常重要，尤其是对不发达地区来说，如果一再错失这些机会的话，经济没有进步，又如何来保护环境呢。而且有可能引发其他社会问题，失业率上升以及随之而来的社会动乱。

第三段：说明in fact, government can always preserve wilderness areas and contribute to economic growth as well, drafting effective measures. Preserving remaining wilderness areas is not exclusive to economic growth. 举例青藏铁路的修建，不仅保护了环境，也推动了经济建设。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

raikkonen36 发表于 2014-10-22 13:47
It is necessary to pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas. Nonetheless, protecting wil ...

10) Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

相关题目包括： 31，63，67，125，148
请回帖时按照这里的指引列出英语提纲并用汉语解释或直接回帖参与讨论其他同学的提纲


It is necessary to pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas. Nonetheless, protecting wilderness areas should not always be at the cost of economic growth. In fact, government can protect wilderness areas and contribute to economic growth as well, drafting effective measures.

你的主旨句有了层次 和后面的主题句有呼应 赞一个
这道题的关键是preservation与conservation之争
preserve阵营认为郊野应该完全不开发 只能做科研和欣赏（观鸟、野营等）
conserve阵营认为可以开发 但要有限度的可持续的开发

你的第一段强调立法的意义基本可行
第二段 似乎在讲应该conserve 这个就和preserve的原则相违背了
第三段是第二段问题的延续

而且第一段的内容和后面两段也没有衔接起来

可以看看我7楼的点评

第一段：说明Laws play a significant role in preserving wilderness areas. Along with rapid social development, human beings have brought disastrous effects on wilderness areas. Considering the importance of maintaining ecosystem balance, humans being should take serious steps preserve any remaining wilderness areas. No doubt that drafting law is an effective approach in preserving wilderness areas. 一是 通过制定法律让大家认识到这个的问题的严重性，二是法律可以利用它的威慑力来保护。

第二段：说明while preserving remaining wilderness areas is important, it is not reasonable that preserving remaining wilderness areas always needs to be at the cost of economic growth. If, preserving remaining wilderness areas, people spare no efforts to protect these areas which could be developed for economic gain, some unfavorable results would be obtained. 经济发展非常重要，尤其是对不发达地区来说，如果一再错失这些机会的话，经济没有进步，又如何来保护环境呢。而且有可能引发其他社会问题，失业率上升以及随之而来的社会动乱。


第三段：说明in fact, government can always preserve wilderness areas and contribute to economic growth as well, drafting effective measures. Preserving remaining wilderness areas is not exclusive to economic growth. 举例青藏铁路的修建，不仅保护了环境，也推动了经济建设。