jianguo摸考组的第一类题：教育类

janice1231UID：154941

一会来填~~
建议jianguo再发有关互改组的贴时，将标题弄的醒目一些，免得大家粗心错过了。欢迎修改我的，在2页NO。17！！
Education is so complex and convoluted, such as the character, morality and personality beside the high grade, that the educators can not burden all duties and all-sided facets except the high grades. So, if people can recognize the situation is very emergent and important for cultivate the students in all-facets, parents and communities should involve in the local schools together.

When people mention the education, they would recognize that obtaining the high grades in every course. However, the education involves many facets such as the morality, character, temperate, and so on.(看样子前面这两句话表达了中心意思，在however 前应用逗号。) In these facets, every facet（两个facet 略显重复，each 怎么样？） is very important for students to obtain the successful education. The successful education is（The goal of which is to inculcate…） inculcating students the necessary knowledge and the way how to succeed in their field, they are very vital for people to make success and perfect the personality. For example, the character is a vital factor for a person to succeed in some fields instead of only the high grade or the solid knowledge(有这种说法吗？很弱的说~~). Many corporations employ their stuff commanding that the interviewers have the perfect character and mortality. We can assume that a person, who has abundant acquirement and perfect grades but he/she（可以省主语） is very poor in character and mortality, can make great achievements and fortunes for company. Every year people will afford the severely loss in computers because of the hackers’ damage, hackers do these detrimental things just for show off their adept technology for satisfying their damage appetite, which is just testify the character is very crucial. So, the education is not the only facet.（好象句式有点单一呦！）

Moreover, the teacher or educator can only provide the sufficient beneficial knowledge relating student's textbooks and exams instead of omnipotent learning. With the development of the society and economic, the competition become more and more furious and severe. The students have no（有点绝对化） choice but to get high grades for attaining more excellent and perfect than others and possess their own spheres in society. So, students and educators all involve in how to obtain the high grades, they have no time and no energy to impose other facets such as cultivating the perfect character and mortality and other interesting. (相对第一段来说略显单薄。)

So, the parents and other community are indispensable for student's other facets education.（这个’so’有点突然，前面好象没说什么） In addition, Parents have the energy and obligatory to cultivate students' character and morality. They should recognize the importance of these facets instead of the only high grades and encourage them to form the mature character and health morality and cultivate them other own interesting. It is well known that people who has the perfect felling status and great health are more important than the students who are always busy in preparing the endless exams which make so nervous and affording heavy burden for obtaining the high grades, The students, who have no good status and condition in every facets become very nervous in everything. However, parents and community always indulge the children and make them only can enjoy the comfortable life and lose the proper attitude for studying. So, the parents and community should control the degree of other education facets.

To sum, the education is so important that the parents and communities should participate the local schools for cultivate more perfect and excellent students on every facets.(结尾不能忽视，应该对全文好好的总结，不过可能楼主由于限时的缘故吧，紧张了，下次就好了。)

句式应该注意变化一下，（我也一样的毛病），好想为什么parents and community should involve in the local schools 论证的不是很清楚。
+U+U！

janice1231UID：154941

拙作一篇，欢迎修改！
Issue 39
“The intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated: most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree.”

Attending a university or college is the dream of every one of us. Usually, people believe that to become a college and university student means to learn a lot of knowledge and experiences and be ready to find a good job. However, there are also some people advocate that the intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated for the reason that most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree. And I agree with the latter one.

Admittedly, to attend a college and university can receive formal education which is designed by the government and learn knowledge in every area systematically. The teachers there with plenty of experiences not only teach the students knowledge and how to grasp the knowledge easily but also tell them how to deal with the complex relationships between them and other people and how to be a person with various abilities to make contributions to the society. And the axioms and concepts as well as some reasons are all indicated in the textbooks clearly. Also, in a college or university, there is special environment for the students to study. Thus, one cannot deny the benefits of attending a university or college.

However, to some extent, the benefits brought by studying in a college or university are overrated, that is, actually, attending a college or university is not that good as the people usually say. For one thing, in my observation, the students in the colleges or universities only passively accept what have been taught and inculcated whether the “knowledge” is right or wrong, and they are never taught to challenge the authority and query when they have questions. As a result, most of the students are becoming “studying machines” which can only accept things without thinking and speaking. Due to the passive influences on the students noted above, I advise that most students should learn by themselves, through which they can learn more during four years than in colleges and universities.

I believe that studying and reading on one’s own will benefit more than attending a college or university. As a saying goes: “Interest is the best teacher.” If the students choose the way to learn by themselves, they can read whatever they like and learn whatever they are interested, which can lead them to succeed easily. There are many scientists who had little regular education experiences, such as Edison and Columbus who lived long ago as well as Bill Gates in contemporary society, yet got much great attainment. Besides, by getting in touch with the society outside the school, the students can learn how to deal with social affairs and the complex human relationships. Also, they can participate many public-service activities, which enable them to understand the meaning of helping and being concerned about others.

To sum up, learning by one’s own can bring more intellectual benefits than attending a college or university. Students should not be fettered by the mechanical and dull education in the colleges or universities. On the contrary, the colleges and universities should reform their curriculums and teaching methods in order to meet the individual needs of students.

janice1231UID：154941

最初由 casablanca 发布
[B]
be ready (ready->sure是不是这个意思啊?) to find a good job以下省略...... [/B]

我想说做好找工做的准备，不知该怎么说好捏？

最初由 casablanca 发布
[B]
to attend (to attend->attending) a college以下省略...... [/B]

弱弱的问一下，to ….做主语不行吗？有什么区别，呵呵，语法不太好了。

最初由 casablanca 发布
[B]
completely and systematically我没想到“全面地”更好的说法，不过觉得这样句式会紧凑些) 以下省略...... [/B]

comprehensively 要得不？

最初由 casablanca 发布
[B]
the axioms and concepts as well as some reasons (which are essential for one’s academic study) are all indicated in the textbooks clearly. 以下省略...... [/B]

接受！

最初由 casablanca 发布
[B]
the students in the colleges or universities only (always,不要太绝对哦) passively accept what have been taught and inculcated whether the “knowledge” is right or wrong,(这句不是很通顺的说) 以下省略...... [/B]

后面那个’whether……’去掉。

最初由 casablanca 发布
[B]
I believe that studying and reading on one’s own will benefit more than attending a college or university. (这个是你的全文观点吧，最好不要用来作T.S. ->There are many advantages for one in learning by himself.) 以下省略...... [/B]

指点的及时，我经常干这样的傻事，呵呵

谢谢casablanca 的修改！
Bill Gates，呵呵，我有点underrate 了，按我那种写法的话，换哪个好呢？

janice1231UID：154941

最初由 jianguo 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 janice1231 发布
[B]
people believe that to become a college and university student means to learn a lot of knowledge and experiences and ..你把vastly overrated 理解成高估了，猴哥认为是褒义。好好再想想。
你的写法我能够理解，但是你的第一段让步中的具体细节对你的下面论述很不利，我觉得你还不如把让步放到最后，而且说点其他的，例如学习环境，交友呀，不要在提学习的事了。
BODY3论证的很牵强，毕竟牛人少呀，所以缺乏说服力，还是保守点把。呵呵


[/B]

我按新东方的翻译，“大学学习的好处被过分的高估了”
如果是褒义，那应该怎么理解呢？后面的意思明显是说上大学没有自己学好啊？指点一下喽！
第三段的确不太好，我自己再好好掐掐。
谢谢你的点评！