issue同主题写作第五类 8月20-21日

卿本悠悠UID：3817355

7、In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years.（8/111/149）

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

我写提纲时搭建框架所用的方法是第3种，through classification of key term(s) in the issue statement。按照题目给定的内容，将profession分成business, politics (together with government), education三类论述。

我的提纲如下

开头段全文：
The stipulation according to which the powerful in any profession should step down after five years is a wide-ranged consensus and has lots of apparent benefits. The periodical change of significant positions in any vocations, like business, politics and education, although the difference in working content, has helped in professional development, the talent attraction and better resource allocation.

主题句1
As the importance and necessity of decisiveness and adventurous spirit, the powerful in business have a responsibility to step down to a more ambitious successor after five years.
具体例子或细节
--decisiveness. New successor tends to more likely to take some resolute decision and reform the old custom.
--adventurous spirit. Being a powerful person for a long time will gradually wear his adventurous spirit away.

主题句2
Like but more essential than businessman, those in power in politics will lead to severe consequences towards the national and whole country if their power are permanent and unrestricted without the stepping down after five years.
具体例子或细节
--emperors in ancient times, even the most praised and memorable ones, had done some bad-influenced things.
--the state leaders of some countries, like North Korea and Saudi Arabia.

主题句3
Not so far-reaching influence as politics, but play a pivotal role in the society, from the low-educated to the well-educated, is the powerful in education, as they directly effect on the next generation.
具体例子或细节
--principals, bring new resources and reforms.


关于这个提纲的写作我有以下感想或困惑
最后一部分除了校长，暂时没想到教育方面的高层之类的例子，希望能够予以补充。

范文中间段分析（段落间句子连贯性分析）
选自8/111/149题范文的第三段
With the increasing corporatization of higher education, the same logic also applied to the leadership of universities. As a president of a university, one has to spend years developing intimate knowledge about the industry of higher education and building his/her network with the key people in the circle. S/he will need to promote the university aggressively at a global scale and raise money for different projects and programs that can help the university to stay competitive. This is a very challenging job and if a university is lucky enough to find someone who can do the job well, it makes little sense to let him/her go in 5 years. This is why the leaders of universities often hold their positions for years.

我来点评其他网友
楼层：7楼

1）amber_123网友提纲的框架是否合理？
框架与题目切合，属于第3类分类方式。但是按照老师的提纲格式来写会更清晰。
2）amber_123网友提纲所用的例子是否合适？
合适。但是感觉PIE model中的information有点多，相比起来elaboration显得比较少。
3）amber_123网友开头段语言方面有哪些问题？  
mustn’t这个用法不合适。seriousness of laws感觉不是很好。