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[i习作temp] issue8,政治类,觉得较难把握重点,请大家修改。 [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-1-16 21:10:07 |显示全部楼层
Topic: It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public.


Text :
      As a leader, he or she should learn many skills and knowledge in order to be good at his or her job and take good advantages to most people in the same time. I have known it deeply when I am still a college student. And as an administrator of the basketball department in my college, I agree with the point of the view for political leaders to withhold information from the public in most situations .


      Firstly, it is very necessary for the political leaders to withhold information from the public as an individual. As we all known, political leader is also a common people who owns special skill in political aspect in order to  handle and solve the problems for people. And he or she has his or her personal secret and something which is not very important for people they do not want the others know in order to keep their public appearance. And there is no laws to make it is necessary to speak out all the information which they know as an leader in front of the public. If one political leader do that in order to show that he or she is no secret with themselves in front of the people, he or she will bring themselves many problems because they has been known everything by all the people around them.


     Secondly, it is also very necessary and desirable for the political leader in order to take advantage for the people to withhold information from the public. As a genuine leader, special a political leader, it is crucial to divide the information which will benefit and which will do harm to the people. And some information which maybe be spread out by some enemies who want to destroy our normal social system will even break the stability of the whole society. Therefore,  the political leader can not declare the information completely before they make it clearly and wholly. For example, in the east-south Asia tsunami disaster, as a leader for the local government, they can not declare the quantities of the died people before they make it clearly. And also the administrator can not tell the died people the genuine identity before they affirm it. They do these in order to avoid the more disorder situation to happen.


     However, the above argument is insofar as the people will not be in the dangerous in the most situation. The political leader should tell all the information to the people wholly if there is dangerous to them. And we can learn it critically from the deep fact of the SARS. And if the political leader decide to tell the people all the information in the beginning, there should be more lesser people to die in that time.


To sum, as a political leader, it is very difficulty to handle the information in front of the people. But it is right for the political leader to withhold the information from the public in most situation. And that is also significant for the political leader to choose the appropriate opportunity to tell them all.


(用时约一小时,觉得观点把握的不好,语言一般!)


近期作文:
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=242410

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发表于 2005-1-16 21:39:25 |显示全部楼层
开头那个“basketball....”要能出现在正文中,比如作类比, 那就更好了。
第二段好像空洞了一点,最后一句的“many problems”太模糊了。
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发表于 2005-1-16 22:01:31 |显示全部楼层
谢谢你的意见。我也觉得这个关于individual aspect 不知道怎么样来写好一点。觉得很难把握好论述的理由与原因!

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发表于 2005-1-19 00:54:29 |显示全部楼层
Topic: It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public.


Text :
As a leader, he or she should learn many skills and knowledge in order to be good at his or her job and [U]take good advantages [/U]没见过这个短语  to most people in the same time. I have known it deeply when I am still a college student. And as an administrator of the basketball department in my college, I agree with the point of the view for political leaders to withhold information from the public in most situations . 我觉得能不用he or she的地方尽量不要用,可以换个句式。


Firstly, it is very necessary for the political leaders to withhold information from the public as an individual. [U]As we all known,[/U](As is known to all 好像有这个句型)  political leader is also [U]a common people [/U] 这样的错误绝不能犯 who owns special skill in political aspect in order to handle and solve the problems for people. And he or she has his or her personal secret and something which is not very important for people [U]they do not want the others know in order to keep their public appearance. [/U] 这个分句没有和前面的连接词  And there is no laws to make it is necessary to speak out all the information which they know as an leader in front of the public. If one political leader do that in order to show that he or she [U]is [/U] (has) no secret with themselves in front of the people, he or she will bring themselves many problems because they has [U]been known everything [/U]  by all the people around them.


Secondly, it is also very necessary and desirable for the political leader in order to take advantage for the people to withhold information from the public. As a genuine leader, [U]special [/U](especially)  a political leader, it is crucial to divide the information which will benefit  and which will do harm to the people. And some information which [U]maybe be [/U]  (might be)spread out by some enemies who want to destroy our normal social system will even break the stability of the whole society. Therefore, the political leader can not declare the information completely before they make it clearly and wholly. For example, in the east-south Asia tsunami disaster, as[U] a leader [/U]  for the local government, [U]they [/U]  can not declare the quantities of the died people before they make it clearly. And also the administrator can not tell the died people the genuine identity before they affirm it. They do these in order to avoid [U]the [/U]  a more disorder situation to happen.


However, the above argument is insofar as the people will not be in the dangerous in the most situation. The political leader should tell all the information to the people wholly if there is [U]dangerous[/U]  to them. And we can learn it critically from the deep fact of the SARS. And if the political leader decide to tell the people all the information in the beginning, there should be [U]more lesser [/U]  people to die [U]in[/U]  that time.


To sum, as a political leader, it is very [U]difficulty[/U]  to handle the information in front of the people. But it is right for the political leader to withhold the information from the public in most situation. And that is also significant for [U]the[/U]  political leader to choose [U]the[/U]  appropriate opportunity to tell them all.不要滥用the

比第一篇有了很大进步
但是语法错误还是不少。
有的错误重新读一遍就会发现的,为什么贴出来之前不再仔细看看呢?

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发表于 2005-1-19 12:33:04 |显示全部楼层
最初由 beilongzhuhai 发布
[B]谢谢你的意见。我也觉得这个关于individual aspect 不知道怎么样来写好一点。觉得很难把握好论述的理由与原因! [/B]



我觉得题目中针对的就是作为political leaders 该不该withhold information 所说的information 也不应该是私人的事情吧,所以感觉individual aspect还是不要写为好

个人意见,欢迎讨论

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发表于 2005-1-20 00:05:03 |显示全部楼层
谢谢两位的意见,自己觉得问题真的是很多。我会好好总结,多谢大家!

我会努力的!动笔就是进步!

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RE: issue8,政治类,觉得较难把握重点,请大家修改。 [修改]

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issue8,政治类,觉得较难把握重点,请大家修改。
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-242967-1-1.html
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