ARGUMENT237 第一次写,不计时,按作文书上编了个套路,不知可否,望大家多多指教

PEGGYUID: 2102778

Argument 237
The following appeared as part of an article in a local Beauville newspaper
“According to a government report, last year the city of Dillton reduced its corporate tax rate by 15 percent; at the same time, it began offering relocation grants and favorable rates on city utilities to any company that would relocate to Dollton. Within 18 months, two manufacturing companies moved to Dillton, where they employ a total of 300 people. Therefore, the fastest way for Beauville to stimulate economic development and hence reduce unemployment is to provide tax incentives and other financial inducements that encourage private companies to relocate here.”

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the fastest way for Beauville to stimulate economic development and hence reduce unemployment is to provide tax incentives and other financial inducements that encourage private companies to relocate here. To support this, the arguer cites a government report as an evidence.. However, close scrutiny of this evidence reveals that it lends little support for the conclusion.

First of all, the arguer indicates that two companies moved to Dillton because the city of Dilliton reduced its corporate tax rate and began offering relocation grants and favorable rates on city utilities to any company that would relocate to Dillton. However, he fails to provides any evidence to support this assumption. It’s equally possible that the city of Dillton has a good demand for this two companies’ products, so the two company moved here considering the market require rather than the favorable policy. Perhaps, when there is no market demand for their products in Dillton or other city has bigger “cake”, the two companies will move out of Dillton Thus, lacking information about the companies’ products , profound plan and evidence that the companies moved to Dillton mainly  for the favorable policy, the argument’s claim that providing tax incentives and other financial inducements will encourage private companies to relocate Beauville is dubious.

In the second place, even if providing financial inducements stimulated the two companies to move to Dillton, the assumption that company will move to Beauville if the government provides tax incentives and other financial inducements is still unsubstantiated. The problem is that the two cities are not similar enough to justify the analogical deduction. It’s entirely possible that Dillton has more people than Beauville to consume products or the geographical position of Dillton is more convenient for the company to transport products to other markets. It’s also possible that there are more universities in Dillton, and it’s considered that the employees of Dillton have more technology and administration capability and knowledge than that of Beauville. Any of these scenarios, if true, would cast considerable doubt on the argument’s conclusion.

Last but not least, even if the arguer can substantiate all of the foregoing assumptions, the arguer assume too hastily that the fastest way for Beauville to stimulate economic development and hence reduce unemployment is to provide tax incentives and other fimancial inducements. Perhaps other measures can be taken to stimulate economic development more efficiently. For instance, increase the people’s payment to encourage them to consume and invent. Without considering and ruling out alternative measures to stimulate economic development, the arguer’s conclusion is indefensible.

In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To convince me that the fastest way for Beauville to stimulate economic development is to provide tax incentives and other financial inducements, the arguer must provide more convincing evidence that conditions in the two cities are relevantly similar. The arguer would also bolster the argument by providing evidence  that providing tax incentives and other financial inducements can stimulate economic development. To better assess the argument, it would be useful to know other means to stimulate economic improvement.

[ Last edited by yogurt4 on 2005-8-2 at 15:56 ]

polymathUID: 179557

占个座！晚上一起改！:)

PEGGYUID: 2102778

等得好辛苦

OceanDUID: 2118730

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the fastest way for Beauville to stimulate economic development and hence reduce unemployment is to provide tax incentives and other financial inducements that encourage private companies to relocate here. To support this, the arguer cites a government report as an evidence.. However, close scrutiny of this evidence reveals that it lends little support for the conclusion.

First of all, the arguer indicates that two companies moved to Dillton because the city of Dilliton reduced its corporate tax rate and began offering relocation grants and favorable rates on city utilities to any company that would relocate to Dillton. However, he fails to provides[provide] any evidence to support this assumption. It’s equally possible that the city of Dillton has a good demand for this two companies’ products, so the two company [companies] moved here considering the market require rather than the favorable policy. Perhaps, when there is no market demand for their products in Dillton or other city has bigger “cake”, the two companies will move out of Dillton Thus, lacking information about the companies’ products , profound plan and evidence that the companies moved to Dillton mainly  for the favorable policy, the argument’s claim that providing tax incentives and other financial inducements will encourage private companies to relocate Beauville is dubious.

In the second place, even if providing financial inducements stimulated the two companies to move to Dillton, the assumption that company will move to Beauville if the government provides tax incentives and other financial inducements is still unsubstantiated. [这句话作为主题句说得不够精炼]The problem is that the two cities are not similar enough to justify the analogical deduction. It’s entirely possible that Dillton has more people than Beauville to consume products or the geographical position of Dillton is more convenient for the company to transport products to other markets. It’s also possible that there are more universities in Dillton, and it’s considered that the employees of Dillton have more technology and administration capability and knowledge than that of Beauville. Any of these scenarios, if true, would cast considerable doubt on the argument’s conclusion.

Last but not least, even if the arguer can substantiate all of the foregoing assumptions, the arguer assume too hastily that the fastest way for Beauville to stimulate economic development and hence reduce unemployment is to provide tax incentives and other fimancial [financial] inducements. Perhaps other measures can be taken to stimulate economic development more efficiently. For instance, increase the people’s payment to encourage them to consume and invent. Without considering and ruling out alternative measures to stimulate economic development, the arguer’s conclusion is indefensible.

In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To convince me that the fastest way for Beauville to stimulate economic development is to provide tax incentives and other financial inducements, the arguer must provide more convincing evidence that conditions in the two cities are relevantly similar. The arguer would also bolster the argument by providing evidence  that providing tax incentives and other financial inducements can stimulate economic development. To better assess the argument, it would be useful to know other means to stimulate economic improvement.
[OceanD小结：
总的来说，我认为写得还不错，:victory:低级错误不多，逻辑表达也比较清楚，估计在4-5分的水平上，但是我们的目标是6分，鉴于此，我给你提出以下建议。
1.逻辑：这一点你做得还可以。
2.语言：有很多词都很新颖，我很喜欢。但是你找得这个模版有点太大众了，还有待提高。有些句子有点看不明白，其实我最近研究我们和外国人的文章（私人信件），发现他们的表述特别简练，但是你读了觉得特别清楚。对于我们来说，我们第一步是要表述清楚，第二步就是尽可能简练了。这体现在句式和动词的运用上。
其实你写得挺好，我也没有什么说的了，只是因为表示我认真看了，才写了这些，我自己都做不到，总之，加油，祝你成功，:handshake再多看看例文，争取写出自己的模版来]

ningxinerUID: 2103394

是不是看得北美范文？
55555跟我的套路好像呀
会不会被判雷同？

ningxinerUID: 2103394

5555原来是这样……

PEGGYUID: 2102778

心中燃起了战斗的欲火:@
谢谢鼓励！:handshake