argument153 G-89-互助社8月6日同主题写作

PEGGYUID: 2102778

Issue 153
提纲：1。 青少年犯罪的增件和电视暴力节目的增加只是同时放生的两个现象。有可能是社会风气不好，犯罪率增加，同时越来越多的人喜欢看暴力片所以暴力节目有所增加
2．有可能，看了大量含暴力镜头的儿童本身就更喜欢暴力节目，天性就暴力。看电视节目与暴力没因果关系。
3．很小的儿童易手影响，表现出暴力，并不意味在青少年阶段会犯罪．
4．调查的方法有问题。有多少家长作调查，是否有代表性，回应的人占调查的人的比例。

In this argument, the arguer concludes that to lower the rate of teenage crime in Alta, television viewers should demand that television programmers reduce the amount of violence shown during prime time. To support this, the arguer points out that the increase in teenage crime parallels the increase in violence shown on television. The arguer also cites a study that children who watch a great number of television shows featuring violent scenes display more violent behavior within their home environment than do children who do not watch violent shows. However, scrutiny of these evidences reveals they are lend little support for the conclusion.

First, the arguer assumes that the increase in violent show on television causes the increase in teenage crime. However, the arguer provide insufficient evident to support it, and it is equally that they are just two things happened coincidently. Probably, the society environment becomes more violent and the rate of whole crime increases. And more and more adults like watching violent shows. Without ruling out other social factors that might cause the increase of rate of teenager crime, the conclusion that television programmer should reduce the amount of violence on television during prime time is dubious.

Secondly, the study about children who watch a great number of television shows featuring violent scenes does not indicate watching violent shows attribute to children’s violent behavior. Even so, it cannot be indicated that the children who behavior violently will commit crimes in their teenager age. There are other explanation for those children’s violent behavior. It’s possible that those children are inherently violent, which is determined by genes. Because of their love of violence, they watch violence on television To the contrary, children who is inherently uninterested in violence would not like to watch violence on television. What’s more, children are more easily influenced in childhood so their violent behavior might not turn out to be crime when they grows to teenager. Any of these scenario, if true, would cast considerable doubts on the arguments conclusion that television programmers should reduce violence .

Thirdly, the statistical reliability of the survey is questionable. The arguer dose not provide the number of parents who took part in this survey. Yet, we are not informed whether the survey’s respondents were representative of the overall parents of Alta. It’s equally possible that parents who don’t want their children to watch violence on television would like to respond the survey while others would not. Lacking evidence of a respective sample and respondents, the arguer cannot justifiably rely on the study to draw any conclusion that the violence on television shown during prime time should be reduced.

In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To strengthen the argument , the arguer should provide more convincing evidence that the increase of violence on television leads to the increase of the rate of teenager crime. In order to better access the argument, we would need more information about the subjects of the survey and how many parents responded.it.

plutoplutoUID: 2116389

为了答谢, 我来轻拍一个

plutoplutoUID: 2116389

argument153 G-89-互助社8月6日同主题写作

Issue 153 （吹毛求疵一下， 应该是ARG153）
提纲：1。 青少年犯罪的增件和电视暴力节目的增加只是同时放生的两个现象。有可能是社会风气不好，犯罪率增加，同时越来越多的人喜欢看暴力片所以暴力节目有所增加
2．有可能，看了大量含暴力镜头的儿童本身就更喜欢暴力节目，天性就暴力。看电视节目与暴力没因果关系
3．很小的儿童易手影响，表现出暴力，并不意味在青少年阶段会犯罪．
4．调查的方法有问题。有多少家长作调查，是否有代表性，回应的人占调查的人的比例。

In this argument, the arguer concludes that to lower the rate of teenage crime in Alta, television viewers should demand that television programmers reduce the amount of violence shown during prime time. （建议用DEMAND…….TO， 而不要用从句） To support this, the arguer points out that the increase in teenage crime parallels the increase in violence shown on television. The arguer also cites a study that children who watch a great number of television shows featuring violent scenes display more violent behavior within their home environment than do children who do not watch violent shows. However, scrutiny of these evidences reveals they are (are去掉) lend little support for the conclusion. 那关于家长的那个调查你不提了吗？？可以考虑干脆不要提论据或简写几个论据

First, the arguer assumes that the increase in violent show on television causes the increase in teenage crime. However, the arguer provide insufficient evident to support it, and it is equally (equally这个词有些怪) that they are just two things happened coincidently. Probably, the society (social) environment becomes more violent and the rate of whole crime increases. ( It is possible that the social environment becomes more violent while it influences the teenagers a lot) And more and more adults like watching violent shows. (这句话放在这里好象意义不大，可删) Without ruling out other social factors that might cause the increase of rate of teenager crime, the conclusion that television programmer should reduce the amount of violence on television during prime time is dubious.

Secondly, the study about children who watch a great number of television shows featuring violent scenes does not indicate watching violent shows attribute to children’s violent behavior. Even so, it cannot be indicated that the children who behavior violently will commit crimes in their teenager age.(我觉得这个让步应该放到后面， 等你的基因决定论说完后再说) There are other explanation for those children’s violent behavior. It’s possible that those children are inherently violent, which is determined by genes. Because of their love of violence, they watch violence on television To the contrary; children who is 复数喔inherently uninterested in violence would not like to watch violence on television. What’s more, children are more easily influenced in childhood so their violent behavior might not turn out to be crime when they grows to teenager. Any of these scenario（复数喔）, if true, would cast considerable doubts on the arguments conclusion that television programmers should reduce violence. 关于生性暴力的说法很有意思，应该是个亮点

Thirdly, the statistical reliability of the survey is questionable. The arguer dose拼错了 not provide the （最好加个absolute，绝对数字） number of parents who took part in this survey. Yet, we are not informed whether the survey’s respondents were representative of the overall parents of Alta. It’s equally possible that parents who don’t want their children to watch violence on television would like to respond the survey while others would not. Lacking evidence of a respective sample and respondents, the arguer cannot justifiably rely on the study to draw any conclusion that the violence on television shown during prime time should be reduced.很好

In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should provide more convincing evidence that the increase of violence on television leads to the increase of the rate of teenager crime. In order to better access the argument, we would need more information about the subjects of the survey and how many parents responded.it.(and the absolute number of the respondents of the survey)
感觉后两个论点论证的不错， 第一个论点说的有些乱。还有注意一下单复数问题， 好象这方面错的比较多。 个人意见，仅供参考。

[ Last edited by plutopluto on 2005-8-6 at 21:43 ]

PEGGYUID: 2102778

:handshake
多谢!任何建议对我都是宝贵的财富:lol