issue135 G-89-互助社-8月8日同主题写作 请拍

jason0926UID：200697

终于限时成功一次,激动啊


135"While most of the environmental problems we face result from the use of technology, society must depend upon technology to find solutions to these problems."
A.很多科技的进是以对环境的破坏作为代价的
B.科技进步有助于解决环境问题
C.要想彻底解决环境问题，科技进步远远不够。需要政府和所有人的共同努力；需要社会道德和法律共同进行约束。

43分50秒     434 words


I partly agree with the author's claim that most of the environmental problems result from the use of technology and society only depends upon technology to find solutions to these problems. Because environmental problems not only were led by technology but also depends on the normal activities of people. And the solutions also rely on both technology and corporate endeavors of people.

In the first place, many developments of advanced technology depend on the cost of destorying the environment. For example, alone with the extending areas of cities and more and more factories and companies were build, in order to provide more space for people's living and make high profits. Some people, arbitrarily, cut more forests, kill more animals and lead more contamination and deforestation. They do not worry about the environment and extinguishment of species, in their eyes, money and profits are more crucial than any thing. Because of these contamination, people suffer from many disasters such as acid rain, flood, hurricane etc which make momentous tragedies and losses. Although the technology is developing fleetly, the environment, at the same time, are demolished severely.

In the second place, On the other hand, technology is important to help is solve the problems of environment. With these advanced technologies, we can, accurately, find out whether the environment are destoryed in some areas and what the extent of these destoryed environment; with these advanced technologies, we can have more scientific methods to resolve these problems more faster and better; with these advanced technologies, we can repair some environment which was devastated before timely and effectively. So we may utilize the advanced technology offset and restore destoryed environment.

In the third place, in order to solve the environmental problems drastically, it will not only depend on the development of technology, but also rely on the efforts of people and government; rely on the restriction of laws and moral; rely on the education of people about protecting environment. As long as we stick together to emphasize the question of environment and protect it by our actual activities, the environmental problems must be solved ideally. And finally, we can see a new world as before and we can breath fresh atmosphere everyday and have a good mood. We can believe the situation must be changed and tomorrow will be a new day.

In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that the environmental problems is important and not time to delay, we should make great efforts to protect it through advanced technology and other methods, meantime, we must constrain ourselves not to destroy the environment.

jasonwilliamsUID：2125642

本人是个菜鸟，如有改得不好的地方请楼主就多多包涵了

jasonwilliamsUID：2125642

I partly agree with the author's claim that most of the environmental problems result from the use of technology and society only depends upon technology to find solutions to these problems. [虽然你是想写成问题解决型，但用only 来转会不会太生硬了？后半句可以改为：and it is applicable for the society to resort to technology itself for a solution to the undesirable outcomes.] Because environmental problems not only were led[我觉得用caused比较恰当] by technology[the use of technology] but also depends on[depends on多余] the normal[casual] activities of people. [这里应该是“，”吧？再把后面的 “And”去掉，两句连成一句]And the solutions also rely on both technology and corporate[joint] endeavors of people.

In the first place, many developments of advanced technology depend on the cost of destorying the environment.[这句话好像表达的的意思不太准吧，我觉得这样比较好：the price for the aquirement of some technological advancement is the inevitable damage to the environment。] For example, alone[应该是along吧？] with the extending[expanding] areas[areas有点儿多余] of cities and more and more factories and companies were build, in order to provide more space for people's living and make high profits.[这个句子的结构好像是错的吧，而且逻辑有点乱噢] Some people, arbitrarily, cut [down]more[没有比较，这里不能用more] forests, kill more animals and lead more contamination and deforestation[这句话应改为and the a large scale of deforestation and contamination brought by humans extinct the animals which inhabits there.]They do not worry about the environment and [the] extinguishment of species, [and] in their eyes, money and profits are more crucial than any thing[anything else]. Because of these contamination, people suffer from many disasters such as acid rain, flood, hurricane etc which make momentous[considerable] tragedies and losses. Although the technology is developping fleetly [has been developped rapidly], the environment, at the same time, are[is] demolished severely.

In the second place, On the other hand[on the other hand多余], technology is important to help is solve the problems of environment. [句子结构有问题，改为technology is both important and helpful for the dispose of environmental problems.]With these advanced technologies, we can, accurately, find out whether the environment are[is] destoryed in some areas and what the extent of these destoryed environment [后半局后像是个病句，改为if it is,then to what extent] ; with these advanced technologies, we can have more scientific methods to resolve these problems more [more多余]faster and better; with these advanced technologies, we can repair[restore] some[the] environment which was devastated before timely and effectively. So we may utilize the advanced technology [to]offset and restore destoryed environment.[去掉and restore destoryed environment,改为the negative effect it brought to the environment.]

In the third place, in order to solve the environmental problems drastically[thouroughly],it [the society] will not only depend on the development of technology, but also rely on the efforts of people[the public] and government; rely on the restriction of laws and moral principles; rely on the education of people about protecting environment.[去掉三个rely on,把分号改为逗号] As long as we stick together to emphasize the question[importance] of environment and protect it by our actual activities[ of actual environmental protection], the environmental problems must be solved ideally[satisfactorily]. And finally, we can see a new world as before and we can breath fresh atmosphere[air] everyday and have a good mood. We can believe the situation must be changed and tomorrow will be a new day.

In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that the environmental problems is important and [there is no time for any delay]not time to delay, we should make great efforts to protect it [by both]through advanced technology and other methods, meantime, we must constrain [our behaviors which would be harmful to the environment] ourselves not to destroy the environment.


总评：虽然限了时，但是文章的语法句法错误太多，而且有的很严重。
     最重要的是文章的例证太概括了，且不太切题。
楼主多多加油啊！
以上是在下一些不太成熟的看法，当众不当或谬误之处还望海涵。

[ Last edited by jasonwilliams on 2005-8-9 at 09:43 ]

jason0926UID：200697

谢谢了,我在仔细看看

jasonwilliamsUID：2125642