issue22G-89-互助社-8.15日同主题写作

fairy115UID：200324

22"Many people believe that a few individuals or small groups (family, friends, teachers, celebrities, for example) have caused them to think and behave in the way they do. Yet it is always society as a whole that defines us and our attitudes, not a few individuals."
Does an individual affected by small groups, such as family, friends, or celebrities, or the society as a whole gives us more shock?  In my point of view, each individual is just like a share of salad, the ingredients, say, fruits, vegetables, and ham give us direct shock of tasting, while the sauce is the base flavor no matter what kind of ingredient is in the salad. We grown up in the background of the whole society, but some small groups bring us the most direct impact.

In the first place, each society, just like a big furnace, gives every individual in it a distinct mark from other societies. For example, when you think about the English, the typical image comes to our mind is a gentleman with tailcoat and a pipe in his hand, but when it comes to the American, jeans and cigarettes may be the general choice. Different culture, history, and value judgment endow us with different qualities, which defines our group and is always hard to change. Take religious as another case in point, if you grown up in some Arab countries, you can hardly have choices to join some other religious group rather than Moslem you have the brand named Moslem so you think and behave like a Moslem.

Although the society always defines us and our attitudes, small groups are also essential ingredient in the recipe for a rounded individual. People in the same society always have different faces, characters, and achievements, so there must be some other factors, besides the society as a whole, play an important role to give us these different qualities. The most distinguish element is our parents, they brought us to the society and gave us enlighten education, which so important that almost decide the character of each child. As a wise saying goes, education commences at the mother's knee, and every word spoken within the hearsay of children tends towards the formation of character.  Take the case of Sharapova in point, when she wined her final game and got the Grand Slam Tennis, the first thing she do is to find her father on the auditoria and then they hug and cried together. Her father accompanied with her to play tennis when she was four years old, and watched every game she played. Just as Sharapova said, father is the most important people in my life.  In this sense, we can never miss such crucial impact from father, or the family to every individual.

Both the impact from small groups and the social shock are essential elements for every individual, but the more important and direct shock comes from small groups. Because that these groups knew what is the children needs best, and they can give individuals directly help. When we meet trouble with our study, teachers are always the best consultants; when we face some difficulties with some daily life, family members always gave us the help in time; when we consider some problems about the future or ideal way of living, some celebrities may serve as good example. Under these circumstances, the society may be a too indirect and vague help to us. Compared with the whole society, small groups are always can be touched, perceived easily by us, and often, they are more available for our certain needs.

Therefore, just like a share of delicious salad not only calls for good-taste ingredients, which serves for the main flavor, but also needs sauce to add piquancy or zest.  The and the impacts the impact from small groups and the social shock are not mutually exclusive, but rather, they reinforce one another: one acts as the direct and strong elements to define us, and the other plays the role of serving background for our growing environment.

polymathUID：179557

自己帮自己顶。。。

huangdaoUID：190018

在之前 提纲啊 虽然结构很清晰 但最好还是先把提纲列在前面 :L

Does an individual affected by small groups, such as family, friends, or celebrities, or the society as a whole gives us more shock?  In my point of view, each individual is just like a share of salad, the ingredients, say, fruits, vegetables, and ham give us direct shock of tasting, while the sauce is the base flavor no matter what kind of ingredient is in the salad. We grown up in the background of the whole society, but some small groups bring us the most direct impact.

In the first place, each society, just like a big furnace, gives every individual in it a distinct mark from other societies. For example, when you think about the English, the typical image comes to our mind is a gentleman with tailcoat and a pipe in his hand, but when it comes to the American, jeans and cigarettes ??不一定吧may be the general choice. Different culture, history, and value judgment endow us with different qualities, which defines our group and is always hard to change. Take religious as another case in point, if you grown up in some Arab countries, you can hardly have choices to join some other religious group rather than Moslem you have the brand named Moslem so you think and behave like a Moslem.这一句用语感觉有点重复了 精简一下可能好些

这一段是说社会对个人的影响  后半段突然提到culture, history, and value judgment 是不是说明一下与社会的关系 同时后面说的又是宗教 是不是应该也在前面提一下？

Although the society always defines us and our attitudes, small groups are also essential ingredients in the recipe for a rounded individual. People in the same society always have different faces, characters, and achievements, so there must be some other factors, besides the society as a whole, play an important role to give us these different qualities.这句单复数有问题 The most distinguish 可以这样用吗？ element is our parents, they brought us to the society and gave us enlighten education, which so important that almost decide the character of each child. As a wise saying goes, education commences at the mother's knee, and every word spoken within the hearsay of children tends towards the formation of character.  Take the case of Sharapova in point, when she wined her final game and got the Grand Slam Tennis, the first thing she do is to find her father on the auditoria and then they hug and cried together. Her father accompanied with her to play tennis when she was four years old, and watched every game she played. Just as Sharapova said, father is the most important people in my？ her life.  In this sense, we can never miss such crucial impact from father, or the family to every individual.

这一段只说了parents的影响 而其他的都没谈 虽然下段有涉及 不过这部分的论述是不是有点片面？

Both the impact from small groups and the social shock are essential elements for every individual, but the more important and direct shock comes from small groups. Because that these groups knew what is the children needs best, and they can give individuals directly help. When we meet trouble with our study, teachers are always the best consultants; when we face some difficulties with some daily life, family members always gave us the help in time; when we consider some problems about the future or ideal way of living, some celebrities may serve as good example这好像不对. Under these circumstances, the society may be a too indirect and vague help to us. Compared with the whole society, small groups are always can be touched, perceived easily by us, and often, they are more available for our certain needs.

Therefore, just like a share of delicious salad not only calls for good-taste ingredients, which serves for the main flavor, but also needs sauce to add piquancy or zest.  The and the impacts the impact from small groups and the social shock are not mutually exclusive, but rather, they reinforce one another: one acts as the direct and strong elements to define us, and the other plays the role of serving background for our growing environment.

语言流畅 结构清晰 不过有点语法小问题
一家之言 看看别人的意见吧

我今天写的 有空就拍拍吧
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=319434

[ Last edited by huangdao on 2005-8-15 at 16:55 ]

fairy115UID：200324

恩~~挺有道理~~
when we consider some problems about the future or ideal way of living, some celebrities may serve as good example这好像不对.
我也觉得：P所以加了一个may,你觉得celebrities 对个人的作用最典型的是什么啊？

huangdaoUID：190018

确实不好说 名人对于个人的影响有的是生活态度 学术态度 民族精神 一类的
你说的那个也有道理 但感觉不是主要的 有点偏

fairy115UID：200324

呵呵！有道理！谢了~~~