issue241 and argument6

maylUID: 2162549

The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries.
------正文------
The speaker asserts that only following generations can decide the greatness of individuals. In my view, however, for the criterions for greatness in different areas differ greatly, although, in some areas giants can only be decided by those who live after them, the greatness of individuals in some other fields can be recognized by contemporaries.
In the fields of science, the criterion for greatness is whether the individual discovers the truth or makes any improvement. For example, Copernicus, put out the idea that the earth is not the center of the universe, it is the sun. Although we now know that even the sun is not the center of the cosmos either, we recognize Copernicus as a giant, for he destroyed the theory of geocentricism, which began the modern science. But his contemporaries did not agree with him, and even fired Bruno, a supporter of heliocentric theory.
Also, when it comes to art, the criterion is that the compositions can bring people spirit value or show something that can inspire people. And some time, the value of art can only be recognized by followings. The works of Fan Gogh, serves as an apt example to support this point. He sold only one paint all his life, and spent his life in poor. No one would consider that he is a great painter that time, but now the paints of his can be sold at the price of millions of dollars.
The greatness of these fields can not be recognized by contemporaries in largely part due to that their understanding talent and transcendent intelligence that surpass the cognition of common public and peers. So, their greatness can only be decided by the followings who know the values of their works through the examination of the history.
However, there are some areas that the greatness can be accepted by the public immediately. Insofar as to the area of business, the criterion for greatness is that if the one can win victory in business. When Ford introduced assembly line into the production of cars, whether he realized or not, he changed the lives of Americans greatly, for majority of people could afford to the price of cars. And this also brought Fort great victory in business. And people of that time all agreed that Fort is the greatness of individual. Another example aptly serves this point is that the success of Bill Gates, the starter of Microsoft. Maybe there will be some argue that the menology of Microsoft in the fields of software, however it is Gates that brought America from the doldrums of technology in 1970s and resorted America to the statues of the most powerful economy entity and the head of the technology, and the role of Gates is secured.
The same in medicine, the criterion of this area is that the medicine is effective the ailment. When Fleming discovered penicillin and saved the life of Winston Churchill, people all agreed with that he provided the way that we won the war with the bacteria.
In these areas, the greatness of individual can be realized immediately for the criterions is so clear that everybody can make that judgment quickly.
In sum, although in some circumstances the greatness is realized by the followings while in other areas is recognized by contemporaries,  only the behavior of individuals accords to the criterion, the greatness of the individuals will be recognized no matter by peers or by the followings.

The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
'A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money.'
------正文------
In this part of application, the developers assert that a jazz music club in Monroe would be profitable. To justify this conclusion, the arguers point out that the nearest jazz club now is 65 miles away and the people in Monroe like jazz very much. In addition, the arguers also provide information that in the nationwide, typical jazz fan spends much money per year on jazz entertainment. However, a careful examination of the application would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.
First of all, the arguers may confuse the cause and the effect. The fact that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away can not point out that a new nearer club will be profitable. The far away club may be the effect of the unprofitable of the near club, for far away clubs can attract people in other area where there may be more jazz fans. So the arguers can not point out that there will be a lot of customers to a nearer club.
Secondly, the number of the people participated in Monroe's jazz festival last summer can not lend strong support to the fact that there are a lot of people in Monroe who are interesting in jazz. It is most possible that majority of the attainders are people who live in other regions, and come to Monroe to take part in the festival. And the people in Monroe who attend the festival are very, very rare. Then there may be few people in Monroe like jazz, and the club will has few customers.
Finally, the nationwide study can not indicate that typical jazz fans in Monroe will certainly spend as much as the average of the nation on jazz entertainment.  There is a great chance that the economy of Monroe is the last compared to other area in the country, and the average income of this area per year is $800, which is lower than the average money that jazz fans spend on jazz entertainment. Then how the jazz fans in Monroe can will spend so much money on entertainment without the guarantee of food.
In sum, the arguer fails to convince us that the jazz club in Monroe will be profitable. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should provide direct evidence that there are a lot of jazz fans in and near Monroe. To better evaluate the application, the developer should also prove that the jazz fans in Monroe can and will spend a lot on the entertainment of the jazz.

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

首先，注意一下发贴格式，你不写提纲别人很难对你的思路有个清晰的认识．也就无法提更好的意见．
The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries.
------正文------
The speaker asserts that only following generations can decide the greatness of individuals. In my view, however, for the criterions for greatness in different areas differ greatly, although,这个词语有点多余吧，前后根本就不是转折关系啊，建议改为 for instance  in some areas giants can only be decided by those who live after them,这里加个while可以使句子更流畅 the greatness of individuals in some other fields can be recognized by contemporaries.
首段论述很清晰，但如果注意下词汇的多变就更好了，比如你的greatness就用了很多次了．首段是在说contemporaries and following generations,你下面是在从不同的领域论述，建议在第一段引一下后面，以使连贯性更强。

In the fields of science, the criterion for greatness is whether the individual discovers the truth or makes any improvement. For example, Copernicus, put out the idea that the earth is not the center of the universe, it is the sun. 这句话不地道也不很精练，建议改为earth is not the center of the universe but the sun.Although we now know that even the sun is not the center of the cosmos either, we recognize Copernicus as a giant, for he destroyed subverted更好，因为这里对象是抽象的 the theory of geocentricism, which began the modern science.这个从句再斟酌下吧，不好 But his contemporaries did not agree with him, and even fired Bruno, a supporter of heliocentric theory.这里突然提出了Bruno没有过度，太突兀了．而且每段完了总结下你这段表明的什么，比如这段你可以总结一句：in this case, the grandness of such a towering individual brought immense dissidence among his generation.
睡觉了，明天抽时间看后面的
Also, when it comes to art, the criterion is that the compositions can bring people spirit value or show something that can inspire people. And some time, the value of art can only be recognized by followings. The works of Fan Gogh, serves as an apt example to support this point. He sold only one paint all his life, and spent his life in poor. No one would consider that he is a great painter that time, but now the paints of his can be sold at the price of millions of dollars.
The greatness of these fields can not be recognized by contemporaries in largely part due to that their understanding talent and transcendent intelligence that surpass the cognition of common public and peers. So, their greatness can only be decided by the followings who know the values of their works through the examination of the history.
However, there are some areas that the greatness can be accepted by the public immediately. Insofar as to the area of business, the criterion for greatness is that if the one can win victory in business. When Ford introduced assembly line into the production of cars, whether he realized or not, he changed the lives of Americans greatly, for majority of people could afford to the price of cars. And this also brought Fort great victory in business. And people of that time all agreed that Fort is the greatness of individual. Another example aptly serves this point is that the success of Bill Gates, the starter of Microsoft. Maybe there will be some argue that the menology of Microsoft in the fields of software, however it is Gates that brought America from the doldrums of technology in 1970s and resorted America to the statues of the most powerful economy entity and the head of the technology, and the role of Gates is secured.
The same in medicine, the criterion of this area is that the medicine is effective the ailment. When Fleming discovered penicillin and saved the life of Winston Churchill, people all agreed with that he provided the way that we won the war with the bacteria.
In these areas, the greatness of individual can be realized immediately for the criterions is so clear that everybody can make that judgment quickly.
In sum, although in some circumstances the greatness is realized by the followings while in other areas is recognized by contemporaries,  only the behavior of individuals accords to the criterion, the greatness of the individuals will be recognized no matter by peers or by the followings.