argument4(sally组）

48778UID: 209221

TOPIC：ARGUMENT 4 - The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site.

"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town-Adams Realty and Fitch Realty-Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams."
WORDS：400         TIME：0:29:45          DATE：2005-12-16

In this article the author concludes that if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams. To justify it the author cites some basis conditions of the Adams and make a contrast with another estate agents. However careful scrutiny reveals various logical problems which make the recommendation unconvincing.

To begin with, based on the fact that Adams has 40 real estate agents, yet Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time the author infers that the Adams will sell better than the Fitch. However this is not necessarily this case. Perhaps the workers in Fitch have a perfect social relationship because they work in different careers, so they can get more information about the market. In this way the firm can sell better than the Adams. In short without accounting for such possibility the author can not convince us.

Another point worth considering is that the condition of the selling of the Adams is scant evidence that the firm will achieve its goal as ten years ago or work as the last year. It is possible that the revenue of the Adams is increased by improving the price gotten from the people who plan to sell their houses. In this way even if people who sell houses get a high sale price it is possible that they have not gotten more money. In the meanwhile the reputation of the firm is damaged, so they can not get some many clients as ten years ago. So the author can not make his recommendation sound without ruling out the alternative explanation.

As for the fact that one of his house is sold by the Adams in one month and the other house is sold by Fitch in four month, it is possible that the house which is sold by Adams is located in a better place, or the house is in a better condition. So people are willing to purchase it. Without providing the accurate information of the two houses and make a contrast the conclusion is unjustified.

In sum, the assertion that the Adams is your best choice is untenable in light of a variety of alternative explanation. To strengthen it the author must provide whether the Adams run his business in a proper way. To better evaluate the argument we would need more information about the Fitch and whether his two houses’ condition is similar.

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

TOPIC：ARGUMENT 4 - The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site.

"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town-Adams Realty and Fitch Realty-Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams."
WORDS：400         TIME：0:29:45          DATE：2005-12-16

In this article the author concludes that if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams. To justify it the author cites some basis conditions of the Adams and make a contrast with another estate agents. However careful scrutiny reveals various logical problems which make the recommendation unconvincing.

To begin with, based on the fact that Adams has 40 real estate agents, yet Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time the author infers that the Adams will sell better than the Fitch. However this is not necessarily this case. Perhaps the workers in Fitch have a perfect social relationship because they work in different careers, so they can get more information about the market. In this way the firm can sell better than the Adams. In short, without accounting for such possibility the author can not convince us.
除了F公司成员的社会关系以外觉得还该再提提别的，比如他们的专业知识，敬业精神等等，否则一个优势没有什么说服力
Another point worth considering有名词就最好不要用动名词了，所以这里最好用consideration is that the condition of the selling of the 去掉Adams is scant evidence that the firm will achieve its goal as ten years ago or work as the last year.不太明白你这里的意思 It is possible that the revenue of the Adams is increased by improving the price gotten from the people who plan to sell their houses. In this way even if people who sell houses get a high sale price it is possible that they have not gotten more money. In the meanwhile the reputation of the firm is damaged, so they can not get some many clients as ten years ago. So the author can not make his recommendation sound without ruling out the alternative explanation.
首先注意公司名前面不要加管词，其次，注意句试多变，比如结论性句子不要全部用so,consequently, as a result等等都是较好的替代

As for the fact that one of his house is sold by the Adams in one month and the other house is sold by Fitch in four month, it is possible that the house which is sold by Adams is located in a better place, or the house is in a better condition. So people are willing to purchase it. Without providing the accurate information of the two houses and 前面是否定，这里用or连 makeing a contrast the conclusion is unjustified.

In sum, the assertion that the Adams is your best choice is untenable in light of a variety of alternative explanation. To strengthen it the author must provide whether the Adams run his business in a proper way. To better evaluate the argument we would need more information about the Fitch and whether his two houses’ condition is similar.
逻辑分析建议再深入点，感觉作者是列出了原因，但分析太少了。句子和用词可以再漂亮点，增添文彩，另外，对于一篇分数颇高的作文，这样的字数明显是不够的

48778UID: 209221

谢谢组长的分析,我自己也感觉每一个论据分析的都不是很透彻,对于字数尽量吧,因为我打字水平不是很好.  今后的练习将从你建议的那你方面做起.