argument163 希望大家多提意见，先谢谢了

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

163The following is taken from the editorial section of the local newspaper in Rockingham.
"In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people who are employed by the town. In addition, it is very costly to heat the old hall in winter and cool it in summer. The new, larger building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. Furthermore, it would be possible to rent out some of the space in the new building, thereby generating income for the town of Rockingham."
提纲、
1，        重建town hall是一些人的建议，建议是否?他们经过调查了吗？一些人是否可以代替所有的意愿？Town hall有百年历史，也许是这个吸引了游人，拆掉会失去很多旅游收入
2，        town hal 是用来，如果只是部分代表聚集开会的地方那么就不用整个城市的从业人员都到那里，自然也就不用担心hall是否过小不能容纳这么多人
3，        没平方的冷热设备用的钱少了，但如果面积过大支出也会高很多。
4，        即使可以出租，但并不知道这个town hall本来是用来干吗的，如果本来就是商业性能赢利，那么租金可能还没有以前的收入高
正文
At first blush, the argument seems to be plausible in light of some premises(such as comparatively lower disbursment in installing heating and cooling facilities of the new hall, limited space for accommodating all the imployees in the town, increase of income in virtue of renting some space of the new hall and so forth) the argurer presents to back up his /her inference. Upon closer inspection, however, all the faults hidden in the author’s reasoning will be unveiled in that the arguer fails to take into comsideration other factors such as the old town hall’s historic value,the function of the hall per se,the total expense of reconstructing of the hall and so on.

Frist and foremost, razing of the old hall is just a proposal of some citizens who are, more often than not, not representative enough of the majority’s opinion of the town. In terms of this,there lies the liklihood that the rest people composing almost ninety percent of the town’s population except for the proposers prefer maintaining the old hall as opposed to establishing a new one in that the old town hall is of priceless historic worth and thus attracting a great deal of tourists to visite the city. Consequently, the income of tourism industry in the town will be consistently on the up. In this sense, the reconstruction of a new hall will be conducted at the expense of dilapidating a precious resort of interest which is inextricably an unadvisable action.

In addition, the developer fails to furnish us with any demonstration of the function of the town hall. Consider, if the hall is used as a meeting hall where delegates of each region in the town attend annually to discuss issues concerning the further development of the town, there’s no need to require a big hall to hold all the people employed in the city, let alone building another even more commodious one to meet the purpose.

What’s more, low cost for heating and cooling equipment per square meter in the new town hall is not an equivalence of low overall cost. On condition that the new hall covers much more space, it’s inevitably that the total disbursement will be, as a matter of fact, far surpasses the former cost used in constructing the original hall in that the final cost is the result of price per square multiplying acreage instead of the unit price alone. As a result, the town will have to bear the economic burden causing by construction fee hike.

Finally, even if the good quality of new hall guarentee a good rent price of it, the devoper never provides us with a shred of evidence to explain the former function of the hall, let’s make a hypothesis there, if the old hall has been adopted as a stock exchange market which turns in a great sum of money as tax to the government of the town. Then, it’s utterly impossible for the rent fee to outnumber the tax. Under such circumsance, the developer’s assumption of increasing the town’s income due to rent fee lends no support to strengthen the arguer’s eventual inference.

In sum, having viewed all the aspects above, we feel no difficult to draw the conclusion that the author fails to provide us with a well thought out reasoning as a means to validate his assumption. Rather, it would be highly recommendable that the arguer investigate the situation in a all-rounded perspective before reaching the final conclusion that the advantages of establishing a new hall outweight the advantages of century old hall at large.

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

我的这篇怎么没人改啊？？5555

superficialUID: 2151788

错了错了，sally。马上补上！

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

Originally posted by superficial at 2005-12-23 12:53
错了错了，sally。马上补上！

呵呵，superficial也不要哭了，:lol没关系的。谢谢拉
另外，上次在我的ＩＳＳＵＥ５１里面你问那种比喻的用法语法对不对，那是对的哈，有好比喻放心用那种格式就行了

[ Last edited by sallyxindu on 2005-12-23 at 12:58 ]

superficialUID: 2151788

163The following is taken from the editorial section of the local newspaper in Rockingham.
"In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people who are employed by the town. In addition, it is very costly to heat the old hall in winter and cool it in summer. (why) The new, larger building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. Furthermore, it would be possible to rent out some of the space in the new building, thereby
generating income for the town of Rockingham."
提纲、
1，        重建town hall是一些人的建议，建议是否?他们经过调查了吗？一些人是否可以代替所有的意愿？Town hall有百年历史，也许是这个吸引了游人，拆掉会失去很多旅游收入
2，        town hal 是用来，如果只是部分代表聚集开会的地方那么就不用整个城市的从业人员都到那里，自然也就不用担心hall是否过小不能容纳这么多人
3，        没平方的冷热设备用的钱少了，但如果面积过大支出也会高很多。
4，        即使可以出租，但并不知道这个town hall本来是用来干吗的，如果本来就是商业性能赢利，那么租金可能还没有以前的收入高
正文
At first blush, the argument seems to be plausible in light of some premises(such as comparatively lower disbursment[disbursement] in installing heating and cooling facilities of the new hall, limited space for accommodating all the imployees in the town, increase of income in virtue of renting some space of the new hall and so forth) [括号里的内容太长了，还是将它作为从句的好] the argurer presents to back up his /her inference.[个人认为这句话的结构很好！赞] Upon closer inspection, however, all the faults hidden in the author’s reasoning will be unveiled in that the arguer fails to take into comsideration[consideration] other factors such as the old town hall’s historic value, the function of the hall per se[终于查明白了这个词的意思，寒一个],the total expense of reconstructing of the hall and so on.[这个第一段的结构真好，我要好好学习一下，嘿嘿]

Frist and foremost, razing of the old hall[好] is just a proposal of some citizens who are, more often than not, not representative enough of the majority’s opinion of the town. In terms of this,there lies the liklihood that the rest people composing almost ninety percent of the town’s population except for the proposers prefer maintaining the old hall as opposed to[这里句式复杂看了好几遍才看懂] establishing a new one in that the old town hall is of priceless historic worth and thus attracting a great deal of tourists to visite the city. Consequently, the income of tourism industry in the town will be consistently on the up[没查到这个短语，却查到几个相关的，不知道这么用对不对？请sally再确认一下]. In this sense, the reconstruction of a new hall will be conducted[这里reconstruction和conducted有点重复，建议去掉后面的] at the expense of dilapidating a precious resort of interest which is inextricably an unadvisable action.[这里怎么也看不懂啊，请指教！]

In addition, the developer fails to furnish us with any demonstration of the function of the town hall. Consider, if the hall is used as a meeting hall where delegates of each region in the town attend annually to discuss issues concerning the further development of the town, there’s no need to require[no requirement of可以吗？觉得need和require也是重复的呢] a big hall to hold all the people employed in the city, let alone building another even more commodious one to meet the purpose.

What’s more, low cost for heating and cooling equipment per square meter in the new town hall is not an equivalence of low overall cost. On condition that the new hall covers much more space, it’s inevitably that the total disbursement will be, as a matter of fact, far surpasses[surpass] the former cost used in constructing the original hall in that the final cost is the result of price per square multiplying acreage instead of the unit price alone. As a result, the town will have to bear the economic burden causing by construction fee hike.

Finally, even if the good quality of new hall guarentee a good rent price of it, the devoper[developer] never provides us with a shred of[好词] evidence to explain the former function of the hall, let’s make a hypothesis there[that], if the old hall has been adopted as a stock exchange market which turns in a great sum of money as tax to the government of the town. Then, it’s utterly impossible[这样说也太绝对了噢] for the rent fee to outnumber the tax. Under such circumsance, the developer’s assumption of increasing the town’s income due to rent fee lends no support to strengthen the arguer’s eventual inference.

In sum, having viewed all the aspects above, we feel no difficult to draw the conclusion that the author fails to provide us with a well thought out reasoning as a means to validate his assumption. Rather, it would be highly recommendable that the arguer investigate the situation in a all-rounded perspective before reaching the final conclusion that the advantages of establishing a new hall outweight the advantages of century old hall at large.[结尾段很中规中矩]
[改sally的文章太难了，那么多单词第一次见不说好多句子句式之复杂以至于我要看好多遍才能搞懂，这篇argu我觉得开头两段论证的很精彩，可是到了后面就有些单薄了，不如前面的用词和句式复杂。是不是大家写作文的时候经常会遇到这种情况，就是写前几段的时候思考得太多，以至于到写后面的时候都累得没什么好的想法了呢？反正我是经常会遇到这种情况了，哈哈。我觉得还是要多练。]

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

谢谢superficial的修改和建议，有几处的确是显得重复罗嗦了点．呵呵．下次注意了

望天UID: 2106455

the majority’s opinion of the town


这个东西好像合适吗？？
majority做opinion的定语，那么of the town修饰谁那？？


说错了，别砍我啊～～

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

Originally posted by 望天 at 2005-12-23 16:14
the majority’s opinion of the town


这个东西好像合适吗？？
majority做opinion的定语，那么of the town修饰谁那？？


说错了，别砍我啊～～

呵呵，不砍不砍，我觉得majority的意思就是大多数人啊
这个意思就是这个城市大多数人的意见，也不清楚这种表达常规不？？