argument53 同主题写作限时，留链回拍

xmbjowlUID：2182375

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 512          TIME: 上午 12:28:23          DATE: 2006-7-20

In this argument, the author asserts that the so-called shyness during infancy is due to levels of melatonin before birth, and the shyness would continue to exist in a child's later life. To support his assertion, a study covers a span of thirteen years is mentioned in the argument, through which the arguer intends to establish some interrelationship between the melatonin and the expression of shyness. Unfortunately, the conclusion drawn from the evidence mentioned above is not convincing enough for us to accept.

To begin with, the study conducted thirteen years ago is statistically unreliable as it stands. Firstly, no evidence is provided that the chosen group of 25 infants is basically the same in some other important characters, such as the gender, the age, etc. Also, whether the subject is representative enough is dubious, since 25 constitutes such a little portion that it could lend little credence to the subsequent deduction. In view of these statistical unreliability, it is unreasonable to draw any conclusion based on statistics of only 25 infants.

Even assuming that the study is substantiated enough, the causality established between the shyness and the chemical secretion of melatonin is unverified. On the one hand, no evidence indicates that the mild distress is the symptom of the shyness. Perhaps this distress is due to the physical discomfort rather than shyness. On the other hand, the arguer fails to provide scientific evidence demonstrating the cause-and –effect relationship between the shyness of infants and the melatonin. Perhaps the melatonin could work only to the mother, rather than the infant, since it is the mother who creates the melatonin. Besides, as for infants, other possibilities could be responsible for the shyness as well, such as the family environment, the inherent characteristic, etc. Thus, without precluding all the alternatives, the facts in the argument alone amounts to scant evidence of the claimed cause-and-effect relationship.

Given that the shyness during infancy is related the melatonin, whether the correlation would continue into their later life is open to doubt. The teenagers’ subjective feelings cannot serve as the sound evidence indicating the existence of shyness. Perhaps the children make up the fact which misleads the judge of the researchers. Or perhaps the children say so in order to be accord with others. If so, maybe our researchers should resort to some scientific equipment to measure the existence of the so-called shyness accurately and effectively. Also, there is no evidence that the melatonin continues to be responsible for the shyness. As infants grow up, other external factors would work. For example, the growth environment, includes the family relationship, friends they make, the interests they gravitate to, etc. It seems that many external factors could better explain the shyness. Again, without ruling out these above-mentioned possibilities, the causality is open to doubt.

In conclusion, the suggestion in the argument is unsound as it stands, for several logical fallacies. To strengthen the arguer’s assertion, more detailed information concerning the sample characters, the efficacy of measurement of the shyness should be provided. Also, other potential reasons should be further investigated.

expire7UID：2160574

1.开头结尾不要重复原文。请查看imong的关于如何A开头的文章。
2.逻辑没有什么问题，模版基本也掌握了。
3.问题就是模版化太严重，一定要按照自己的话写。感觉看你文章，很多都不需要看。一眼就知道是凑的模版。这个要改掉。最好是自己写。
4.论证的不错，句式也多变，加油。

xmbjowlUID：2182375

哈哈，谢谢斑竹！我也觉得范文的痕迹太重，我去参考一下牛牛们的～

xmbjowlUID：2182375

修改稿～
TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 512 (424)         TIME: 上午 12:28:23          DATE: 2006-7-20

While the author establishes his conclusion on the basis of a study spanning thirteen years, the argument, however, to me seems a wholly ramshackle one needs to be further scrutinized.

To begin with, the study conducted years ago is statistically unreliable as it stands. On the one hand, the author fails to render the evidence indicating that the chosen group of 25 infants is basically the same in some other important characters, such as the gender, the age, etc. If these critical characters vary between the two groups, the comparison can only be unfair.  Also, whether the subject is representative of the overall group is dubious, since 25 constitutes such a little portion that it could lend little credence to the subsequent deduction. In view of these statistical unreliability, it is unreasonable to draw any conclusion based on the 25 chosen infants.

Even assuming that the study is substantiated enough, the causality established between the shyness and the chemical secretion of melatonin is unverified, in that the mild distress is probably the symptom of some other feelings, such as dread, or discomfort, rather than the shyness. Besides, due to lack of valid scientific evidence, we cannot preclude the possibility that the melatonin could only work to the mother who created this secretion, while it works little to the infants. Thus, without ruling out all the alternatives, the facts in the argument alone amounts to scant evidence supporting the claimed causality.

Thirdly, conceding the shyness during infancy is related the melatonin, whether the correlation would continue into their later life is open to doubt. The teenagers’ subjective feelings cannot serve as the justifiable evidence tesifying the actual existence of shyness. Perhaps the children make up the fact which misleads the judge of the researchers. Or perhaps the children say so in order to be accord with others. If so, maybe some scientific equipment may be employed in order to measure the existence of the so-called shyness accurately and effectively. Also, there is no evidence that the melatonin continues to be responsible for the shyness. As infants grow up, other external factors would work. For example, the growth environment, includes the family relationship, friends they make, the interests they gravitate to, etc. It seems that many external factors could better explain the shyness than the melatonin does.

In conclusion, the suggestion in the argument is fallacious due to lack of valid evidence and justifiable deduction. To enhance the assertion, more detailed information concerning the sample characters, the efficacy of measurement of the shyness should be provided.

ddloveyyUID：2225606

In this argument, the author asserts that the so-called shyness during infancy is due to levels of melatonin before birth, and the shyness would continue to exist in a child's later life. To support his assertion, a study covers a span of thirteen years is mentioned in the argument, through which the arguer intends to establish some interrelationship between the melatonin and the expression of shyness. Unfortunately, the conclusion drawn from the evidence mentioned above is not convincing enough for us to accept. (开头太多太八股，而最后一句貌似TS的话流于形式)

To begin with, the study conducted thirteen years ago is statistically unreliable as it stands. Firstly, no evidence is provided that the chosen group of 25 infants is basically the same in some other important characters, such as the gender, the age (gender相同就没有代表性了，age都是13年前早秋附近生的，相同), etc. Also, whether the subject is representative enough is dubious, since 25 constitutes such a little portion that it could lend little credence to the subsequent deduction. In view of these statistical unreliability, it is unreasonable to draw any conclusion based on statistics of only 25 infants.

Even assuming that the study is substantiated enough, the causality established between the shyness and the chemical secretion of melatonin is unverified. On the one hand, no evidence indicates that the mild distress is the symptom of the shyness. Perhaps this distress is due to the physical discomfort rather than shyness. On the other hand, the arguer fails to provide scientific evidence demonstrating the cause-and –effect relationship between the shyness of infants and the melatonin. Perhaps the melatonin could work only to the mother, rather than the infant, since it is the mother who creates the melatonin. Besides, as for infants, other possibilities could be responsible for the shyness as well, such as the family environment, the inherent characteristic, etc. Thus, without precluding all the alternatives, the facts in the argument alone amounts to scant evidence of the claimed cause-and-effect relationship.（展开不透彻，略似罗列）

Given that the shyness during infancy is related the melatonin, whether the correlation would continue into their later life is open to doubt. The teenagers’ subjective feelings cannot serve as the sound evidence indicating the existence of shyness. Perhaps the children make up the fact which misleads the judge judgement of the researchers. Or perhaps the children say so in order to be accord with others. （这句话写得像汉语） If so, maybe our researchers should resort to some scientific equipment to measure the existence of the so-called shyness accurately and effectively. Also, there is no evidence that the melatonin continues to be responsible for the shyness. As infants grow up, other external factors would work. For example, the growth environment, includes the family relationship, friends they make, the interests they gravitate to, etc. It seems that many external factors could better explain the shyness. Again, without ruling out these above-mentioned possibilities, the causality is open to doubt （和段首完全一样，换换）.

In conclusion, the suggestion in the argument is unsound as it stands (这个前文也用过), for several logical fallacies. To strengthen the arguer’s assertion, more detailed information concerning the sample characters, the efficacy of measurement of the shyness should be provided. Also, other potential reasons should be further investigated.

总体讲错误都找出来了，我感觉这篇阿狗的特点就是一个错误中含若干分错，因此每段的小错误展开略显仓促。语言方面可再求变化，而且不要死套模板。

我的文，限时不能，来拍。共同进步。
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=509314&highlight=

jallineUID：2192970

这位g友真有意思, 7.25的帖子也翻出来拍了, 呵呵
恐怕lz已经考完了

bestobtainUID：2190441

新老帖子无所谓，只要有闪光点可以借鉴就好

huasiyuanUID：2675420

修改过后实为好文！