08的作文修改小铺子

Chelsea_CCUID：2627394

为什么人们要旅游时要去博物馆  谢谢lz 作文很头疼

There are numbers of people always visit the museums when they travel to new places. It is not difficult to explain this pheromone. As a combination of history and culture as well as the place where many actors are exhibited, museums always have their attraction to people by gratify the visitor’s thirst for knowledge and great works.



People may know more about the history and culture about the country or the city they traveled by visiting the local museums. The Capital Museum of China will be good example. Its displays are well exhibited the culture, the custom and the history of China. For an ecdemic visitor who knows little about China, it is difficult to know China well by going everywhere. So in a limited time, visiting this museum will be a good way to let him know the characteristic of this country.

And some museums are also a place where many celebrated artworks are kept. The Louvre Palace in France, for instance, is a dream place for mounts of people who love act. There are many great works such as Venus sculpture and Mona Lisa painting give the museum a special affection. There is no doubt that people will visit this museum when they take a trip to Paris. They may have read of lots a books about these famous works of art and look forward to the chance to see them with their own eyes.


There also exists the reason that people visit museum because it is a museum. They heard about a museum before, and other people visited it when they came to this place. They curious about it so when they come here, it will be a good chance for them to know it, even though the museum is not the kind of place they really like. For an example, people visit the Great palace for different reasons. Many of them visit there because it is a well known place.

In conclude, the desire of knowledge about a place and chance to see great arts as well as the curious about the museum they heard is what I think people’s reason to visit museums when they travel to a new place.

Vicky_JUID：2660316

前两天写了一篇，第一次写，觉得问题很多，不晓得逻辑结构到底对不对，希望能多多指教啊！谢谢哦~~
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific examples to support your opinion.

With the significant development of technology, televisions, in the modern society, have slipped into everyone’s home noiselessly. While at the same time, problems raised by television are becoming more and more apparent. Many people believe television has enlarged the distance among friends and family. I am one of the people who highly agree with the opinion. Considering the problems from three aspects, conclusion can be drawn naturally.
From the perspective of children, it has become a common scene that children rush back to home, motivated by the desire of watching television, after a whole day class. Cartoon movies have a strong power for little children. However, a tremendous number of parents are worried about their children, because watching TV has been a main part for the children’s daily life, as a result, seldom of them are willing to go out of house participating games with their friend.
From the perspective of adults, the problem appears to be the same. Ending a day of busy work, all the adults are full of anxiety to have a good relax, getting away from the huge pressure and burden of living. Naturally, sitting in front of TV, focusing their eyes on the screen, is a vivid description of every family. What’s more, couples can be separated by TV. Only watching the program, couples have few opportunities to communicate with each other. All they remember is watching. No emotional talks, no funny jokes, no warm care, all the house can be heard only voice from TV. It is quite cool and horrible.
What’s more, no matter to the children or adults, watching TV waste an enormous amount of time. During the time, people would have the opportunities to go travelling, visit friends, join a ball, accompany relatives and spend a wonderful time together. However, as a real fact, people do nothing but watching television.
In conclusion, we can clearly understand how television destroys people’s relationships among family and friends. I highly suggest everyone spend less time on watching TV, more time on friends and family. Only in this way, can we make more friend, strengthen emotional relationship with our family, and make our life colorful.

cjluUID：2448066

jiangMM厉害厉害~支持工作^^

jiang08UID：2391146

为什么人们要旅游时要去博物馆  谢谢lz 作文很头疼

4 s, S: Y/ C( ^9 }4 r6 a) \# G
There are numbers （单数）of people (缺who，不然这句两个动词) always visit the museums when they travel to new places.这句话迂回了，简单的说就是：Museum is a must-see for many travellers. It is not difficult to explain this pheromone 拼写. As a combination of history and culture as well as the place where many actors are exhibited （？ 博物馆展览演员？。。）, museums always have their attraction to people by gratify（ing） the visitor’s thirst for knowledge and great works. 建议改写：Museums always attract visitors by gratifying their thirst for XXXXX.

建议加个Firstly之类的，这样条理比较清晰。People may know more about the history and culture about the country or the city they traveled （缺介词） by visiting （the） local museums. The Capital Museum of China will be （缺a）good example. Its displays are well exhibited ？the culture, the custom and the history of China. For an ecdemic （如果是我会用foreign） visitor who knows little about China, it is difficult to know China （用此注意不要重复太多，第二个China可以换成the country） well by going everywhere. So in a limited time（time 不可数）, visiting this museum will be a good way to let him know the characteristic of this country. 这个例子等于没说，首都博物馆好在哪里呢？有怎样的展品/特色呢？老外如何能短时间了解中国的characteristic呢？尤其是考虑到无法去很多地方旅行，该博物馆怎样弥补了这一缺憾。这些都写出来就有血有肉了。

And some museums are also a place where many celebrated artworks are kept. The Louvre Palace in France, for instance, is a dream place for mounts of people （未见过此搭配。。many即可）who love act （终于明白了你是把art都写成了act。。？）. There are many great works such as Venus sculpture and Mona Lisa painting （没有这样并置的，改：and the painting Mona Lisa） （缺which，不然句子两个动词）give the museum a special affection （给博物馆爱这个说法比较汗。。建议： which put the museum in public spotlight）. There is no doubt that people will visit this museum when they take a trip to Paris. They may have read of lots a books about these famous works of art and look forward to the chance to see them with their own eyes. 这段论证不错。

There also exists the reason that people visit museum because it is a museum. They heard about a museum before, and other people visited it when they came to this place. They curious about it so when they come here, it will be a good chance for them to know it, even though the museum is not the kind of place they really like. For an example, people visit the Great palace for different reasons. Many of them visit there because it is a well known place. 这个论点的关键词sight-seeing没有写出来，或者说visting museum is part of the travel experience for some people，to complement shopping, dining, etc.

In conclude （In conclusion或者To conclude）, the desire of knowledge about （改：to know）a place and chance to see great arts as well as the curious （curiosity） about the museum they heard （三个名词性词组并列，A，B，and C XXXX）is what I think people’s reason (这个表达方法很拗口) to visit museums when they travel to a new place 这后半句太绕口了，建议：XXXX explain why travellers enjoy museums to a great deal.
Chelsea_CC 发表于 2009-7-4 08:50

语言上有个比较大的问题就是过度使用定语从句，凭白地把简单的句子变得很复杂，这不是T作文的得分点。比如“The Louvre Palace in France, for instance, is a dream place for mounts of people who love act ” =“The Louvre Palace in France, for instance, is a dream place for art-lovers.” 另外句子不太顺畅，虽然不是Chinglish，但是语感还不太够，句子写出来以后可以在心里默念，有时候自己能察觉别扭，另外多听多念范文或者其它任何原版英文材料都能帮助培养语感。语法方面要注意一个句子只能有一个动词。

论证方面，建议在每一段分论点前面加上个连接词，这样文章看起来比较清晰。

winnemashiUID：201335

谢谢lz!
topic:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

There is a public controversy nowadays over the issues that whether teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. From my personal angle alone, I hardly agree with the opinion.

There are many factors that can influence student’s learning, and the teacher is not the determining one. Such elements as a student’s psychological condition, the school policy, parent influence, the community and environment also impact the degree to which a student learns. The traditional Chinese idiom, three moves of Mencius' mother, provides a typical instance of the importance of a proper environment for the proper upbringing of children. Mencius' mother moved their house three times—from beside a cemetery to beside a marketplace , to finally beside a school—before finding a location that she felt was suitable for his upbringing, which exerted a considerable influence on Mencius who then became a renowned Chinese philosopher and sage, and one of the principal interpreters of Confucianism.

There also would be a great negative effect if teachers are paid based on how much their students learn. The teachers are likely to place the students under an unrelenting pressure so as to improve their financial situations. In order to impose large stress to make students pay more attention to study, teachers will demand that only good students can have suitable seats in the classroom, like the second or third row in the middle of the class that is never too close or too far from the blackboard. Besides, they will have a GPA rank after each test, and the students who fail in the tests have to take extra courses. With all the pressure a student may suffer, he or she may be sick of study, sick of teacher and sick of school.

What’s more, there is no assessment to measure the depth of learning of students. Frequently, grades are used to measure the students’ knowledge and use of subject matter. However, a close inspection of this measurement would reveal how flimsy it is. A recent survey conducted by China University Alumni Association reveals that none of the very best who achieved the top score in the National Higher Education Examination has obtained a remarkable achievement in their later studies. It is obvious to see that subject marks cannot judge the how much students learn.

From what has been discussed above, I strongly oppose any position arguing that teachers have all responsibility for students learning, for it is not only the dominant factor which can influence the performance of students, but will cause terrible harm to them. Moreover, there is no precise assessment at all.

xiwartsUID：2606033

01
University, as one of necessities in people’s life, provides plenty of advantages. People choose to go to universities to have further education, for career preparation and new experiences.
In universities, there is access to the specific knowledge in a certain field. It is much easier to expand ones knowledge and horizon. And the university libraries can offer enormous books in all kinds. People can find the information needed and knowledge they are interested in without much effort. It is a key factor for people choose to have further education in universities.
What’s more, universities study renders a stage for future career. Specific skills are taught in universities, by teachers and professors who are experts in the field. They could give professional guidance,both theoretically and practically. During four years’ concentrate study in the field, students may gain most of capabilities the future career requires.
In addition, new and colorful experiences could be acquired in campus life. There are often a wide range of activities in universities, focusing on various goals. For instance, some activities aimed at improve students’ ability of tackling problems in personal relationships. The precious experience obtained during these campus activities could develop people’s ability dealing with real problems in personal relationships in real society. And during university time, people get to know different people from various backgrounds. Building relationships with them may help in the future path.
People go to universities for various reasons and the advantages of having campus life are far more than mentioned above. In short, people may get better prepared in the future in universities than without university study.

谢谢楼主~

jiang08UID：2391146

前两天写了一篇，第一次写，觉得问题很多，不晓得逻辑结构到底对不对，希望能多多指教啊！谢谢哦~~
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific examples to support your opinion.

With the significant development of technology, televisions, in the modern society, have slipped into everyone’s home noiselessly (silently). While at the same time, problems raised (brought by；raise question一般用在人身上，提问) by television are becoming more and more apparent. Many people believe television has enlarged the distance among friends and family. I am one of the people who highly agree with the opinion.（这句话比较别扭，下一句比较罗嗦，合并成 I am in total favor of the statement for the following reasions 即可） Considering the problems from three aspects, conclusion can be drawn naturally.

From the perspective of children, it has become a common scene （搭配不太常见，it has become natural） that children rush back to home, motivated by the desire of watching （desire后面跟to do）television, after a whole day （day‘s） class （这个句子有两个状态：一是小孩放学冲回家，二是开始看电视，所以“上了一天课”这个词组直接跟在冲回家后面意思上比较连贯）. Cartoon movies have a strong power for （deeply attract） little children. However, a tremendous number of parents are worried about their children, because watching TV has been a main part for the children’s daily life, 句号。as a result, seldom （few）of them are willing to go out （of house） participating games with theithe（这里发生了什么事……句子咋合并了） perspective of adults, the problem appears to be the same. Ending a day of busy work, all the adulr （？） friend. 这段论证有待加强，如果你尝试总结分论点，就会发现是“人们花了太多时间在电视机前，没有时间和朋友分享了”，完全=总论点，所以必须把论证写的更细，主要是首先要确定分论点，再加上个人感受，例子什么的。

From ts are full of anxiety（？） to have a good relax （relax是动词）, getting away from the huge pressure and burden of living. Naturally, sitting in front of TV, focusing their eyes on the screen, is a vivid description of every family. 这句话是在说电视能缓解压力，和你反对电视的立场是相反的，需要一个转折性的连接词把这个论点转过来，尤其是你后面用了“另外”，表明两个观点应该是在同一立场上的。 What’s more, couples can be separated by TV. Only watching the program （Chinglish）, couples have few opportunities to communicate with each other. All they remember is watching. No emotional talks, no funny jokes, no warm care, all the house can be heard only voice from TV. It is quite cool （用cold，cool现在好像大多是褒义） and horrible. Again，首先确定这个分论点，再继续写，假设这段的论点是破坏夫妻关系。你的论证跳过了一个环节，就显得很单薄了。压力大--〉回家看电视--〉缺失的环节--〉夫妻不再说话。这个环节多半是看电视看得太多，比如晚饭的时候dinner talk is replaced by watching TV without mutual communication.

What’s more, no matter to the (for) children or adults, watching TV waste (主谓不一致) an enormous amount of time. During the time, people would have the opportunities to go travelling, visit friends, join a ball, accompany relatives and spend a wonderful time together. However, as a real fact（as a matter of fact）, people do nothing but watching (watch) television. 旅行和看电视并不是矛盾到不能共存的，这个分论点的前提是watch excessive TV，最好写出来。另外时刻注意topic，是说破坏人际关系，那么最好写一下旅行等helps to build up close relationships between people.

In conclusion, we can clearly understand how television destroys people’s relationships among family and friends. I highly suggest everyone spend less time （on） watching TV, more time on friends and family. Only in this way, can we make more friend（s）, strengthen emotional relationship with our family, and make our life colorful.


Vicky_J 发表于 2009-7-4 09:46

能意识到自己逻辑结构不对还是很好D。你也看到了每一段的论证看似在说些什么，其实只是把总论点（topic）翻来覆去的说而已。建议看看这个帖子：https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-977599-1-1.html “作文概念训练”，T作文虽不像G那么要求逻辑，但是论点清晰是必不可少的。另外每一段的开头最好先表明分论点，这样也有助于你自己找到郑确定逻辑。
语言还有待加强，Chinglish痕迹比较重，多看看好的阅读材料，有喜欢的句子试试看能不能背下来。

jiang08UID：2391146

谢谢lz!
topic:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

/ ?, ~6 L% I$ C5 b
There is a public controversy nowadays over the issues （单数，特指这一个问题）that whether teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. From my personal angle alone （alone没啥必要）, I hardly agree with the opinion.

There are many factors that can influence student’s learning, and the teacher is not the determining one. Such elements as a student’s psychological condition, the school policy, parent influence, the community and environment also impact the degree to which a student learns. The traditional Chinese idiom, three moves of Mencius' mother, provides a typical instance of the importance of a proper environment for the proper upbringing of children. Mencius' mother moved their house three times—from beside a cemetery to beside a marketplace , to finally beside a school—before finding a location that she felt was suitable for his upbringing, which exerted a considerable influence on Mencius who then became a renowned Chinese philosopher and sage, and one of the principal interpreters of Confucianism. 这个例子很好，如果能在段末再点题说一下，A case like this illustrates that teachers are far from the determining factor of students' achievement. Therefore, it is unwise to pay teachers based on their students' performance.

There also would be a great negative effect if teachers are paid based on how much their students learn. The teachers are likely to place the students under an unrelenting (=relentless) pressure (表达有点别扭，建议：to pressure students relentlessly) so as to improve their financial situations. In order to impose large stress (搭配不当，再则：施加压力不是教师的目的，不适合用in order to) to make students pay more attention to study, teachers will demand that only good students can have suitable seats in the classroom, like the second or third row in the middle of the class that is never too close or too far from the blackboard. Besides, they will have a GPA rank after each test, and the students who fail in the tests have to take extra courses. With all the pressure a student may suffer, he or she may be sick of study, sick of teacher and sick of school.

What’s more, there is no assessment to measure the depth of learning of students. Frequently, grades are used to measure the students’ knowledge and use of subject matter. However, a close inspection of this measurement would reveal how flimsy it is. A recent survey conducted by China University Alumni Association reveals that none of the very best who achieved the top score in the National Higher Education Examination has obtained a remarkable achievement in their later studies. 这个数据可信么。。？ 另外什么是remarkable, later studies，必须下一个定义。关于IBT作文里的捏造型证据，我觉得用personal experience is a lot better than statistics. 这里完全可以用一个你认识的什么隔壁邻居的小孩的例子来说，就不用严密的考虑编造数据的逻辑了。 It is obvious to see that subject marks cannot judge the how much students learn.( `6 _4 @. o- Y

From what has been discussed above, I strongly oppose any position arguing （the argument）that teachers have all responsibility for students learning, for it is not only the dominant factor which can influence the performance of students, but will cause terrible harm to them. Moreover, there is no precise assessment at all.
winnemashi 发表于 2009-7-4 14:53

总结：语言相当好，三个论点也都很充分，嗯。个别词组搭配有点问题，不过是小case啦。

daney68UID：2582640

:L 对不起回复慢了……现在必须去改你LS的作文了:dizzy: 不然那个同学恐怕要生气……
回答问题：
记住好的句子的时候，多读两遍，最好念出声，自己听到会对记忆很有帮助。1开始写作文的时候会隐约记得句子的形状 ...
jiang08 发表于 2009-7-3 12:08

不好意思，没有注意到这一点

walalaUID：2603375

LZ果然是高手啊~针对你上次改的问题做了改进，不知道有没有进步~辛苦啦o(∩_∩)o...
Is daily homework necessary for students?
   Nowadays, more and more students feel stressful about their academic courses; large amount of homework, more strict requirements and countless exams have filled their lives. Some people start to doubt that whether daily homework is necessary or. As far as I'm concerned, it's imperative for students to have suitable amount of daily assignments, and my reasons are as follows.
   To begin with, daily homework is a very good feedback from students and can improve their study efficiency. Teachers arrange daily homework at the aim of checking how much knowledge their students absorb and find the students’ weaknesses by collecting the mistakes. In the teaching -learning process, doing homework is an indispensable step since homework can be one of the most reliable sources for teachers to make out their teaching plans. Meanwhile, students can also have better insights to the courses. Students will encounter questions or troubles when doing homework and after consulting teachers, they can have a better understanding of what they have learned.
   Moreover, finishing homework timely and independently shapes students' personalities in some way. Students are required to do their homework everyday by themselves, which not only help them develop a good habit of finishing tasks on time, but also teach them to be responsible. A good student should try his best to do his homework before playing outside with his friends or watching TV. He ought to keep in mind that he has daily assignment to finish and it's his duty. Through doing homework, students start to form the concept of responsibility and independence.
   Nevertheless, homework will be a great helper only when it’s at reasonable amount. Too much homework will make students lose interests in study and feel overstressed. While, suitable amount of homework can arise students' passion in further thinking. Furthermore, different subjects should have different types of homework. It's quite effective to learn Chinese by residing important passages while it's quite boring to memorize the math equations.
   As the reasons stated above, it's not difficult to draw a conclusion that homework should and can play a vital role in students' learning.

xiwartsUID：2606033

21楼的topic：Why people attend college?
People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

不好意思啊~~再次谢lz

xiwartsUID：2606033

topic：It has been said， “Not everything that is learned is contained in books.” Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion， which source is more important? Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

We are educated to learn as long as we live since young. We learn from different kinds of materials, such as books, people and the life itself. It is a complex question to figure out which is more important, for we cannot make a living without any of them. However, knowledge from books is more significant, seen from my point.
We learn from the experiences since we were born. Infants cry for things they wanted, because they know from the past experiences the signal of crying could draw others’ attention and meet their own demands. Much more advanced knowledge is obtained with age. We learn from past experiences to tackle things, such as basic living skills, dealing a problem the same as past. Knowledge gained from experiences is often vivid and practical, it would drop a deep impression in mind and so it’s often unforgettable.
However, knowledge from books is always theoretical. We read the conclusions drawn by authors,  which renders a shortcut for practical things. We need not to do all things practically to get the conclusions, books provide accesses to them. For instance, we know from the book that human cannot fly with the help of any tools, instead of from the past experiences of falling down from a tree. Books save us a lot of time and energy to reach the conclusion, and besides, they could give guidance to practical deeds. That’s why people go to school for compulsory education or even higher education and then have jobs. For another instance, we learn from the books which kind of material is suitable to make ”wings” , how to produce them and finally we succeed to fly.
Although without practical experiences, theoretical book-knowledge would not come out and be proved, the latter one presents a higher stage of perspective for study and is needed fundamentally.  


顺便再发一篇昨天写的~才开始写作文，感觉逻辑不清楚而且结构不清晰，用词太简单了。
再扣首谢楼主~

jiang08UID：2391146

Is daily homework necessary for students?

Nowadays, more and more students feel stressful about their academic courses; large amount(s) of homework, more strict requirements and countless exams have filled their lives. Some people start to doubt that whether daily homework is necessary or （缺not）. As far as I'm concerned, it's imperative for students to have suitable amount of daily assignments, and my reasons are as follows.

To begin with, daily homework is a very good feedback from students and can improve their study efficiency. Teachers arrange daily homework at the aim of checking （in order to check）how much knowledge their students absorb (用have done时态比较好，检查作业和写作业时先后发生的事情) and find the students’ weaknesses by collecting （correcting？） the mistakes. In the teaching -learning process, doing homework is an indispensable step since homework can be one of the most reliable sources for teachers to make out their teaching plans. 这是另一个论点还是同一个论点？比较模糊。Meanwhile, students can also have better insights to the courses. Students will encounter questions or troubles when doing homework and after consulting teachers, they can have a better understanding of what they have learned. 能学的更好应该是分论点吧，后面展开的讨论有些看上去像是和分论点平行的，不太清晰。

Moreover, finishing homework timely and independently shapes students' personalities in some way. Students are required to do their homework everyday （分开） by themselves, which not only help them develop a good habit of finishing tasks on time, but also teach them to be responsible. A good student should try his best to do his homework before playing outside with his friends or watching TV. He ought to keep in mind that he has daily assignment to finish and it's his duty. Through doing homework, students start to form the concept of responsibility and independence.

Nevertheless, homework will be a great helper only when it’s at reasonable amount. Too much homework will make students lose interests in study and feel overstressed. While, suitable amount of homework can arise students' passion in further thinking. Furthermore, different subjects should have different types of homework. It's quite effective to learn Chinese by residing important passages while it's quite boring to memorize the math equations.. h* k* p% J/ N) c8 @  q* {

As the reasons stated above, it's not difficult to draw a conclusion that homework should and can play a vital role in students' learning.
walala 发表于 2009-7-5 17:03

和你上次的作文相比有很多进步啦，语言流畅了不少，就是第一个论点还是有点模糊，要控制好总-分的关系。另外上次说的赘肉的事情也没有了，表扬表扬！

daney68UID：2582640

楼主，看看我的这篇文章是否写得时候审题有问题，谢谢。

Do you agree or disagree with the follow statement? In university,students should take the history courses no matter what field they study in.


There is thorny debate on whether students should take history courses whatever field they study in.Although some people argue that it is not necessary in that the additional course will  increase the burden of students' study work.However,they fail to see that history have a positive impact on their study as well as their whole life.I am probably wilI always be, one of those who believe that  history not just reflect culture of one country but also be considered as precious experience for us solving problems.

learning history could spire students to comprehand all- round the culture of one country.Great Wall,the symbol of Chinese culture, it is not just one of Eight Wonders in the world people appreciate and go sight-seeing,what is more important,it is astonished and impressed by the fact that the Great Wall is the production of tens of thousands of industrious Chinese commoners.It is Great Wall that symbol of the bravery and wisdom of Chinese people. Not only could we foster nation pride by learning history,but also we tend to appreciate the distinct alien cultures and value.For example,when it come to Statue of Liberty,it could easily associate with American Revolution,which American colonies struggle for civic liberty leading to the foundation of a new nation.

It is fairly precious experience that learn from history when people deal with complex problems .Since human beings had been punished by neglecting the envrionment pollution during economic development,more and more cournties begin to focus on pollution and take efficient measures to protect the envrionment.For instance,Great Smog,a notable event of air pollution,cause the death of at least 4,000 Londoners and compel the governments to make regulations restricting the use of dirty fuels in industry and banning black smoke.Only when people really realize the improtantance of history experience and lessons can people better solve complex problems efficiently.

In conclusion, students would be benifitial to learning history with profound understanding the culture of one country as well as obtaining abuntant expericence for their problems-solving more efficient.

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