求拍，ISSUE235 各位大大帮忙找一找语法错误，自己不知道怎么改

二战英雄UID: 2686845

写完了感觉自己实在是词汇贫乏，翻来覆去就是那几个词，麻烦大家指点一下都应该换成那些词和句式不显得那么白……
还有结构上，第一段however后的部分到底应该写一段还是两段？如果想要支持作者观点，应该怎样写however的前和后？谢谢大家

TOPIC: ISSUE235 - "Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty-whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution-is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."
WORDS: 508          TIME: 00:40:31          DATE: 2009-8-25 21:17:05

Is loyalty is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force? Admitedly, sometime, to protect the interest of their friends, school, or place of employment, or any institution, people might do something harmful so that hurt others. However, when it comes to protect their country or their family, loyalty is a practious virtue and a strong force to whom against.

First and foremost, there is no denying the fact that people who is loyal to his/her organize is willing to do anything for the interest of it, and sometimes, this loyalty will turns into a destructive force. For example, when competion happened between two companies, the employees of each company will be eager to protect the figure of his/her own company in the mass, and at the same time they will say some nagative thing about the other company, even make some dad thing which that company even did not do it. This action which seems like the employees are loyal to their company and if didn't tell the truth, the costomers will believe this and look down the competitor, however, this action isn't a virtue at all, they are loyal to their company by cheating. And when the costomers find out the truth, the figure in the mass of this compamy which is cheating will be even worse.

Despite the merits of the speaker's claim, however, I disagree with the statement loyalty is all too often a destructive. When it comes to protect the interests of the country and their family, loyalty will be a real virtue and strong positive force to the enemy. For example, the soilders of our army, they will fight for our country for the sake of loyalty, even sacrifice their own lives. And when the citizens of our country heard the dismiss from others, we will protect the dignity of our home without any hesitation. When the family member refuse the induce of other to give up better jobs and higher salarys just for stay with his/her family, we are all move by the loyalty of his family.

Finally, we should be loyal to where we belongs to in some certain case, and that will be really a positive force and at the same time we should prevent the abuse of the loyalty so that there will be no body hurt by this loyalty. Everyone should be loyal to his/her own country, protect her from the damage from other country and make effort to make his/her country more and more strong ,and every family member should be loyal to his/her family to make sure everyone in this family happy and healthy. And on the other hand, we must be clean-minded that is the loyalty wise and adapt to the moral and ethical standrds.

From the analysis made above, I commit to the optimal approach that we need seel a balance and take an all-sided consideration. Without the loyalty, the country will not be strong, the family will not tuanjie, and if these loyalty is abused, the result will not worth.

二战英雄UID: 2686845

自己顶一下，大侠快来啊！