Victorwzdf的作文贴

victorwzdfUID: 2696440

10.5  
第一次发帖，请多指教。

There occurs word “Graduation means unemployment” when we talk about the university students in China.Consequently it is proposed that students should be compellied to spend more time on studying,even eleven monthes a year.However,as one of the members who will face the pressure of seeking for job,I stand on the other side of this view.As I see it,if we turn more than two-month holidays into learning time,the new bother will arise in spite of the fading of old trouble.
  Firstly,we may regard the endless study as a cruel training.In the training,we are out of the awareness of the Satday,Sunday or other festivals.If we get stuck in those holidays,how can we study eleven monthes a year to ?Becides,it is too long to enjoy the wonderful life if we are pressed on the tedious term.No wonder that we send out the good memories of having party with friends,doing sports and taking activites,for time is eroded by curriculums.
  Secondly,It is a society praising for being effecient.To keep up with the high pace of the modern life,we try our best to do things fester.When more curricums are compelled to add,why not be more strict with those students so that they can make better use of their limited time?Then,they will get a better understanding of efficience,which supports more chances to survive for them in the acute competition in the society.
  Thirdly,not learning in the book but learning in practising is significant,especially combining theory with practise.If your major is finance,a part-time job in a bank or a insurance company will lead to an employment rather than ten books in this field;if you meet C++ every day,experiences in a computer company can point out that what you have learned may be out of use;you can not say that a high GPA of teaching theory is able to build a good teacher.But if the eleven-month plan is functioning, how can we talk about those above?
  All in all,spending extramely long time on studying is not a wise advice.If we study more efficiently and get the spirit of how to work before the interview in the last year is around the corner, the wonderful life in university will not be the obstcle of employment.

joyceliuUID: 2477232

Thereoccurs word “Graduation means unemployment” when we talk about theuniversity students in China.Consequently it is proposed that studentsshould be compellied（pushed） to spend more time on studying,even eleven monthesa year.However,as one of the members who will face the pressure ofseeking for job,I stand on the other side of this view.As I see it,ifwe turn more than two-month holidays into learning time,the new botherwill arise in spite of the fading of old trouble.' ~# o) U" o* m" R
  Firstly,we may regard the endless study as a cruel training.In thetraining,we are out of the awareness of the Satday（Saterday）,Sunday or otherfestivals.If we get stuck in those holidays,how can we study elevenmonthes a year to ?Becides,it is too long to enjoy the wonderful lifeif we are pressed on the tedious term.No wonder that we send out thegood memories of having party with friends,doing sports and takingactivites,for time is eroded by curriculums.
; f+ j# r. A8 r; S5 w  Secondly,Itis a society praising for being effecient.To keep up with the high paceof the modern life,we try our best to do things fester（faster）.When morecurricums are compelled to add,why not be more strict with thosestudents so that they can make better use of their limitedtime?Then,they will get a better understanding of efficience,whichsupports more chances to survive for them in the acute（drastic) competition inthe society.
( @! Y  P  U3 f, s  Thirdly,notlearning in the book but learning in practising(working) issignificant,especially combining theory with practise.If your major isfinance,a part-time job in a bank or a insurance company will lead toan employment rather than ten books in this field;if you meet C++ everyday,experiences in a computer company can point out that what you havelearned may be out of use;you can not say that a high GPA of teachingtheory is able to build a good teacher.But if the eleven-month plan isfunctioning, how can we talk about those above?1 U2 V8 G2 K% g( o
  All in all,spending extramely long time on studying is not a wiseadvice.If we study more efficiently and get the spirit of how to workbefore the interview in the last year is around the corner, thewonderful life in university will not be the obstcle of employment.

joyceliuUID: 2477232

第一次写成这样已经很不错了，论证逻辑很清晰，例子也不错。要注意每段开头点明主题，第二论证段缺了这一点。再注意一下用词吧

daisy840228UID: 2684617

There occurs word “Graduation means unemployment” when we talk about the university students in China.Consequently it is proposed that students should be compellied(compelled) to spend more time on studying,even eleven monthes a year.However,as one of the members who will face the pressure of seeking for job（a job）,I stand on the other side of this view.As I see it,if we turn more than two-month holidays into learning time,the new bother will arise in spite of the fading of old trouble.% ]# [( R- C2 x; c2 j/ V  L  M
  Firstly,we may regard the endless study as a cruel training.In the training,we are out of the awareness of the Satday,Sunday or other festivals.If we get stuck in those holidays,how can we study eleven monthes a year to ?Becides,it is too long to enjoy the wonderful life if we are pressed on the tedious term.No wonder that we send out the good memories of having party with friends,doing sports and taking activites,for time iseroded by curriculums.

Secondly,It is a society praising for being effecient.To keep up with the high pace of the modern life,we try our best to do things fester.When more curricums are compelled to add,why not be more strict with those students so that they can make better use of their limited time?Then,they will get a better understanding of efficience,which supports more chances to survive for them in the acute competition in the society.

Thirdly,not learning in the book but learning in practising is significant,especially combining theory with practise.If your major is finance,a part-time job in a bank or a insurance company will lead to an employment rather than ten books in this field;if you meet C++ every day,experiences in a computer company can point out that what you have learned may be out of use;you can not say that a high GPA of teaching theory is able to build a good teacher.But if the eleven-month plan is functioning, how can we talk about those above?

All in all,spending extramely long time on studying is not a wise advice.If we study more efficiently and get the spirit of how to work before the interview in the last year is around the corner, the wonderful life in university will not be the obstcle of employment.

最大的一个问题，不把主题句放在第一句，所以我看得云里雾里的。太多长句了，长短句搭配！错字不算太多，恩，继续加油，没有我第一次写又不检查的多。

victorwzdfUID: 2696440

10.6 Government should pay more attention on health care issues than on environmental issues

  After the finance crisis,more attention is drawn to the environment.As many enterprisers see,green means the new chance to profit,after a hard time fulled with umployment and deficit.When it comes to the whole society,However,it is always complained by the common people for the high price of the medical treatment.No matter how much money they have,The hospital will burn a hole in their pockets.In my mind,the view I side with is that we should pay more attention on the health care.
  No doubt that we should be aware of the significance of the environment and nurse it as soon as possile,to make a bright future for the nature,what is more urgent to deal with is the health care,though.The impression that hospital will let you disbuse a handsome price for the patients to cure has gone deep into common people's minds.News that the a poor family need the kindhearted men to chip in for they is everywhere.To build a society with harmony,how can we ignore them,who are plunged into dire suffering?
  What is more,there is a high risk to be attacked by a disease like H1N1 for The world recently.Government should be well-prepered to fight with those emergency at anytime,and the health issues should be at the government's finger tips all the time.Consequently,more attention should be drawn to this significant issue.
  Besides the viewpoint above,the protection of the environment will be truly put into practice under the basis of the health of the citizens.Everyone ought to shoulder the responsibility to paint the world green,but how devote themselves to this when they are in bad conditions and under the pressure from the hospital and the families?How can we see the bright future without health?
  All in all,not only the protection for the environment but also the health care ought to be taken seriously by the government,but the issue for life is more significant.According to this,the health issue should be set higher place than the environment issue.

victorwzdfUID: 2696440

4# daisy840228
谢谢，我也觉得长句子太多了，6号写的也是。

victorwzdfUID: 2696440

10.7
The lack of creation of children nowadays,which leads to a widespread concern,has been paid more attention to.When we ask them a question,they can only have one answer.Some people think the technology should be to blame for this phinomenon,others do not hold the same view.As I see it,I side with the former viewpoint.
  When we are children,not only ectronic toys but also computers did not exist for us to play,so we should open up our creations to enterain ourselves and others.We can set a battle with friends only by two pens and a piece of paper,and do the simple gun to shoot. But when those modern toys,especially computer games,take the place of those old ones,children get fun without thinking.All they need is to prepare two or four batteries,or simply press the switch.Will they find several ways to open the computer?Technology makes the life easier,but it also leads to the luziness. Children has little passion to create,for they do not need to think over for their entertainment.
  What is worse,when we are children,real world is relatively far away.We regard truck drivers as our best choice to choose when we are young because they are seems to be full of attraction in our eyes.We can say is it spring when melts away.Fool as it is,we do not lose our creation.How about children recently?They say in a martue tone and repeat the buzz words again and again,even they can not understand deeply.Once I heard is that a child wants to be a corrupt officer to earn money!What a deep effect of redundant information brocasted by technology!
  Besides views above,technology is not the only determination in our life.We can devote to make it more creative.Unfortunitely,technology is broadcasted more important than creation.It may lays a wrong impression that creation is of no use to care about on those children.  
  All in all,we do not deny the significance of technology,but we should draw more attention to creation,which is understimated.  
匆忙完成，需要多研究一下怎么把它写好了

daisy840228UID: 2684617

The lack of creation of children nowadays,which leads to a widespread concern,has been paid more attention to（跟谁比较有个比较级more）.When we ask them（指代不明，最好写上children） a question,they can only have one answer.Some people think the technology should be to blame for this phinomenon,others do not hold the same view.As I see it,I side with the former viewpoint.
When we are children,not only ectronic toys but also computers did not exist（其实exist的，最好还是available） for us to play,so we should open up our creations to enterain（entertain） ourselves and others.We can set a battle with friends only by two pens and a piece of paper,and do the simple gun to shoot. But when those modern toys,especially computer games,take the place of those old ones,children get fun without thinking.All they need is to prepare two or four batteries,or simply press the switch.Will they find several ways to open the computer?Technology makes the life easier,but it also leads to the luziness（laziness. Children has little passion to create,for they do not need to think over for their entertainment.  Q% Y& U5 p4 A6 J- l1 k- p; {+ `
  What is worse,when we are children,real world is relatively far away.We regard truck drivers as our best choice to choose when we are young because they are seems to be full of attraction in our eyes.We can say is it spring when melts away（不太懂）.Fool as it is,we do not lose our creation.How about children recently?They say in a martue tone and repeat the buzz words again and again,even they can not understand deeply.Once I heard is that a child wants to be a corrupt officer to earn money!What a deep effect of redundant（这个词用的好）information brocasted by technology!" L  u+ t9 O9 C$ _
  Besides views above,technology is not the only determination in our life.We can devote to make it more creative.Unfortuniately,technology is broadcasted more important than creation.It may lays a wrong impression that creation is of no use to care about on those children.  
$ q8 \+ Z# y( Z' L  All in all,we do not deny the significance of technology,but we should draw more attention to creation（点明to children）,which is understimated.  
还是主题句放在开头会比较好些，至少我会看得更明白些。篇章结构挺好，有例子支撑，详细具体，错别字，恩

victorwzdfUID: 2696440

10.8
看在我绞尽脑汁的份儿上，我确实没有再自己修改以下的冲动了。

  There is a widespread discussion that telephone and television,which one can provide more effects.Both of the two splendid creations,as we all know,have changed our daily life completely,and I guess you will agree that there will be nothing to take the place of them in recent years.But in my mind,it is telephone that means more than television.
   No doubt that telephone contributes so much to make the world flat.We used to get up with being mad for waiting an ureget letter.Even worse,we doubts whether the letter was lost if it is too long.Still, there will be no worry about it,a simple message can get rid of this madness now.Where there is a telephone,there is a communication.It is the telephone that turns the massive world into a little country.
   Following the tendency of the development of the telephone,a mass of functions,which makes telephone all-round in our daily life,are armed in this machine.It can transform to a camera while playing music,and a computer which can be taken in your pocket.You can regard it as a GPS to locate yourself and tell others where you are as a phone.And there is still a possibility that television will be only a function of the telephone.
   Apart from those advantages above,when you are in emergency outside,telephone will be the only stuff that you can rely on.You can entertain yourself by either of them,but can you get out of danger by using television?When you get lost in the dessert and no help to turn for,maybe there is no alternative but to call 112.Or if you fell into a deep hole and your shout made no sense,the urgent call is the only choice.
  To sum up,you can use the television to entertain yourself and get the news at the first hand,but both will be concluded as two merits of the telephone.That why I think telephone provides more effects.

zhangyzzzUID: 2615373

9# victorwzdf

There is a widespread discussion that telephone and television,which one can provide more effects(在telephone前面再加一个逗号，作为插入语，否则句子成分不全).Both of the two splendid（good） creations,as we all know,have changed our daily life（lives我不知道这两个那个更好，标出来） completely,and I guess you will agree that there will be nothing to take the place of them in recent years.But in my mind,it is telephone that means more than television.(主题句提的有些突然)
. A) F: P& C' ?, H  q* d% W   (It is)No doubt that telephone contributes so much to make the world flat(不加it is成分不完整).We used to get up with being mad for waiting an ureget（urgent 这句不错充满细节） letter.Even worse,we doubts(doubted) whether the letter was lost if it is(taken) too long.Still(以前没见过,学习一下), there will be no worry about it,a simple message can get rid of this madness now.Where there is a telephone,there is a communication（这句好，但是好象没有a communication的用法，要不改成a conversation）.It is the telephone that turns the massive world into a little country.（这段不错）
8 g4 i& D7 o' Q* E% ~. J   Following the tendency of the development of the telephone,a mass of functions,which makes telephone all-round in our daily life,are armed in this machine(这句差点把我绕晕了).It can transform to a camera while playing music,and a computer which can be taken in your pocket.You can regard it as a GPS to locate yourself and tell others where you are as a phone.And there is still a possibility that television will be only a function of the telephone（这句不太理解）.! A. ~  \" b' {1 t" N; W$ ?# v
   Apart from those advantages above,when you are in emergency outside,telephone will be the only stuff that you can rely on（好像有点牵强）.You can entertain yourself by either of them,but can you get out of danger by using television?When you get lost in the dessert and no help to turn for,maybe there is no alternative but to call 112（会让人思考，是不是有信号呢。。。）.Or if you fell into a deep hole and your shout made no sense,the urgent call is the only choice.
  K- Z& A7 [! z  To sum up,you can use the television to entertain yourself and get the news at the first hand(这些文章前面没提到),but both will be concluded as two merits of the telephone.That why I think telephone provides more effects.
1.开头提出主题句太突然，最好能现引出比较，然后在说自己的观点。
2.第一个论证段落很好。
3.后面两段明显是想要与电视做个比较，但是说的都不透彻。其实后两段说的基本是一个意思，就是电话有很多其他的用途。可以考虑留一段写写电视的好处，然后有的放矢的说电话比电视对人生活影响更大。
4.结尾最好不要出现新的东西，总结为主。

joyceliuUID: 2477232

There is a widespread discussion that telephone and television,whichone can provide more effects.Both of the two splendid creations,as weall know,have changed our daily life completely,and I guess you willagree that there will be nothing to take the place of them in recentyears.But in my mind,it is telephone that means more than television.. b$ u3 {5 H. a( P% B) G
   No doubt that telephone contributes so much to make the worldflat.(表述不清）We used to get up with being mad for waiting an ureget letter.( In the past, we all had such an experience that to get up early in the morning just waiting for an ungent latter)Evenworse,we doubts whether the letter was lost if it is too long( it traveled fro a long distance).Still,there will be no worry about it,a simple message can get rid of thismadness now.Where there is a telephone,there is a communication.It isthe telephone that turns the massive world into a little (samll)country.
- f1 t+ `8 s4 f2 w! y8 Q% j  Following the tendency of the development of the telephone,a mass offunctions,which makes telephone all-round in our daily life,are armedin this machine.It can transform to a camera while playing music,and acomputer which can be taken in your pocket.You can regard it as a GPSto locate yourself and tell others where you are as a phone.And thereis still a possibility that television will be only a function of thetelephone.(这段重写吧）
; m8 d- V2 w3 C. l- P: h2 N! X1 o9 ]  Apart from those advantages above,when you are in emergencyoutside,telephone will be the only stuff that you can rely on.You canentertain yourself by either of them(both the television and telephone),but can you get out of danger byusing( under the help of television)television?When you get lost in the dessert and no help to turnfor(without anyone else to ask help for),maybe there is no alternative but to call 112.Or if you fell into adeep hole and your shout made no sense,the urgent call is the onlychoice.. c/ q- L) C2 F+ x- {
  To sum up,you can use the television to entertain yourself and getthe news at the first hand,but both will be concluded as two merits ofthe telephone.That why I think telephone provides more effects.

victorwzdfUID: 2696440

10.9
  I guess you can hear the argue that the people around become less friendly than the past every now and then.But others who against it may say that the development of the technology will offer more chances for us to communicate.When it comes to me, I agree with the former one,The resaons for this unavoideable phenomenon is as follows.
  The first reason is the pressure of work.To keep up with the high pace of the modern life or simply make a living,we get up early and force ourselves to work hard.After a the long-time work,we finally say goodbye to the endless tasks for a while.When returning home,tired and hungry,we do not have the enough energy to make ourselves conscious,not to mention being friendly to others.All we need is sleeping.So there will not be even a friendly smile on our faces.
  Another reason that leads to the lack of friendliness is the regular moving-home.With the development of the siciety ,citizens are able to afford a new and bigger house.Consequently there is an increasing tendency for home-moving.It is not practical to make a life-long neighbor like the past time.The elderly often miss the old time when they are in a small country,they show friendiness to the neighbors and all in the countryside are in harmony with each other. Not only the elderly but also many people long for this atomosphere, still is hard to reappear.
  A sulter reason,but perhaps just as serious,is the complete change of the sense of worth.We used to regard friendliness as a basis of being a moral man.But look around the society nowadays,all in the people's mind is money,money,money.When talking about friendliness,they may evaluate whether friendliness can be selt at a high price.   
If not,this precious character will be thrown into garbage can.
  To sum up,we are losing  friendliness,the valuable character gradually.It is time for us to recall it.

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

I guess you can hear the argue that the people around become less friendly than the past every now and then.But others who against it may say that the development of--developed the technology will offers more chances for us to communicate.When it comes to me, I agree with the former one,The resaons for this unavoideable phenomenon is as follows.

The first reason is the pressure of work.To keep up with the high pace of the modern life or simply make a living,we get up early and force ourselves to work hard.After a the...? long-time work,we finally say goodbye to the endless tasks for a while.When returning home,(due to)tired and hungry,we do not have the enough energy to make ourselves conscious,not to mention being friendly to others.All we need is sleeping.So there will not be even a friendly smile on our faces.

Another reason that leads to the lack of friendliness is the regular moving-home.With the development of the siciety..拼写 ,citizens are able to afford a new and bigger house我买不起.Consequently there is an increasing tendency for home-moving.It is not practical to make a life-long neighbor like the past time--people did in the past.The elderly often miss the old time when they are时态 in a small country,they show时态 friendiness to the neighbors and all in the countryside are时态 in harmony with each other. Not only the elderly but also many people long for this atomosphere, still is hard to reappear.

A sulter...?? reason,but perhaps just as serious,is the complete change of the sense of worth.We used to regard friendliness as a basis of being a moral man.But look around the society nowadays,all in the people's mind is money,money,money.When talking about friendliness,they may evaluate whether friendliness can be selt at a high price--can benefit them or not. f not,this precious character will be thrown into garbage can.

To sum up,we are losing  friendliness,the valuable character gradually.It is time for us to recall it.个别表达中式,结构不很清楚的, 意思还好都表达了

karen_0315UID: 2590040

I guess you can hear the argue that the people around become less friendly than the past every now and then. But others who are against it may say that the development of the technology will offer more chances for us to communicate. When it comes to me, I agree with the former one, The resaons for this unavoideable phenomenon is as follows.
  The first reason is the pressure of work. To keep up with the high pace of the modern life or simply make a living, we get up early and force ourselves to work hard. After a the(删一个) long-time work,we finally say goodbye to the endless tasks for a while. When returning home, tired and hungry, we do not have the enough energy to make ourselves conscious, not to mention being friendly to others. All we need is sleeping. So there will not be even a friendly smile on our faces.
  Another reason that leads to the lack of friendliness is the regular moving-home. With the development of the siciety ,citizens are able to afford a new and bigger house. Consequently there is an increasing tendency for home-moving. It is not practical to make a life-long neighbor like the past time(in the past).The elderly often miss the old time when they are in a small country, they show friendiness to the neighbors and all in the countryside are in harmony with each other.（什么叫all in the country side,是”however, in the countryside”?） Not only the elderly but also many people long for this atomosphere, still is hard to reappear(what is hard to reappear).
  A sulter reason, but(为什么用but？) perhaps just as serious, is the complete change of the sense of worth. We used to regard friendliness as a basis of being a moral man. But look around the society nowadays, all in the people's mind is money,money,money. When talking about friendliness, they may evaluate whether friendliness can be selt at a high price.  
If not, this precious character will be thrown into garbage can.
  To sum up, we are losing  friendliness, the valuable character gradually. It is time for us to recall（用的不恰当） it.
语言比较有问题，都是简单句适当写写长句。颜色都没有出来~

victorwzdfUID: 2696440

10.11
昨天有事没有完成作业，先把今天的完成了
  There is a widespread discussion over the issue whether we should stay in the same place all life or not.It is chosen to citizens who locate themselves without leaving a city or country by many people.In their mind,the city or country,which they call mothertown,means all in their life. they want to accompany with it every day and pick up every little change in the surroundings.Still, I will not vote for this idea.
    The first feature of my opinion is  to avoid getting tired.A mass of people may have the same experiences to choose an unchanged route beteween home and the company.On a large part of them can hardly get fund of the surroundings,for these are too familiar for them.Endless Repetitions may lead them,especially those young men,to be weary of it.Consequently another place to live will be an incredible choice.
    Another beauty of moving home is to broaden your horizon.If you only be in the same place,you will get a loss of the golden opportunity to see the world in a diffrent way.When you get use of spicy food,try taste some dishes with sweet sauce.If you fit in with the plain,a mountainous district deserves your selection.After experiencihng that,your life will be more colorful.
   Following the views above,living in another place for a period of time will still fresh your mind about your mothertown.When coming back after a long-time leave,complete changes in your hometown will greet you,and make you a big surprise.You will amaze the high pace of the city construction,taking new photographs to compare with the olds for the same scene.You may fail the game to find your old home without any help.
   To sum up,life-long living in a permanent city or country is not a good idea. Making some changes for your home is valuable.