【草莓酱拌饭组】1ARGUMENT7 by Gary

gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

ARGUMENT 7
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Clearview newspaper.
"In the next mayoral election, residents of Clearview should vote for Ann Green, who is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, rather than for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, because the current members are not protecting our environment. For example, during the past year the number of factories in Clearview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illnesses. If we elect Ann Green, the environmental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved."
字数：418
提纲：
对作者的论证做出总体评述。
作者的证据不足，无法说明GEC比CTC更关注环保。
作者提供的数据无法说明其连锁反应，即 工厂*2→空气污染加重→患呼吸道疾病的人*1.25。
评选市长应该考虑多方面因素。
综述结论作者根据不足，提出市长的职能。

分析思路：
结论： 应该选AG作为下一任市长。
论据：
1.
AG是GEC的成员，其竞争对手FB是CTC的成员，CTC的成员近些日子没有保护环境。
攻击点：①GEC保护环境了吗？其成效如何？
②CTC的其他成员不能代表FB，没有对FB作出任何介绍。
③当选市长一定要以环保为前提吗？即使AG比FB更环保，那其他方面的成绩呢，比如经济增长，教育水平等等。

2.
过去一年中，工厂数量翻倍，空气污染程度增加，医院治疗的呼吸道疾病患者增多。
攻击点：①保护环境与工厂增加必然矛盾吗？工厂一定会污染环境吗？
②空气污染一定是工厂造成的吗？还有其他成因吗？
③病人一定当地人吗？短期数据有说服力吗？

3.
AG当选后Clearview的环境问题一定能解决。
给我个理由先，既没有AG的情况也没用关于他和FB的任何比较，如何得出结论？


The author assert that if Ann Green, rather than Frank Brown, is elected to be the next mayoral of Clearview, the environmental problems will certainly be solved. This notion is too subjective. The author must have paid much attention to the local environment, for all the grounds are based on the environment and pollution.

Obviously, there are no more information about Frank in the argument, what he has done and how about his leadership quality, planning and organization ability are all important aspects to evaluate a effective leader. And also, we only know Ann about which system he is in. It seems that Good Earth Coalition is environment friendly at a glance; however we cannot merely judge an organization through its name. It also mentioned that the members of Clearview town council recently did nothing to protect the environment, but it does not meaning that Frank don’t do anything to improve the environment quality if he will be the mayoral.

There are no evidences that it was the factories caused the air pollution. Probably the government inducts many new energy powered factories in so a short time, which are environmental friendly. As we know, the air is moving all the time, maybe the polluted air was coming from nearby cities. And the air pollution can be transformed from other kinds of pollution, such as the evaporation of dirty water, the burning of rubbish. And the patients with respiratory illness may not local citizens. Perhaps the medical facilities of this city’s hospitals are excellent and attracted many neighbor inhabits come to take a treatment. In another aspect, with increasing factories, more workers are needed. Amount of labors might come from other places and some of them had got a respiratory illness. The statics about the illness only conclude two years situation, however to draw a trendline of an illness, a long term tendency should be more reliable.

Given that Frank cares little about environment and Ann is more competent than FB, we still cannot hastily draw the conclusion that AG is the best choice for the next mayor. Generally, protecting environment is not the main principle of elect a mayoral. There are other factors such as economic, education, public security, welfare maybe more significant.

In sum, the author should provide more information about the candidates, and compare them in every aspect. Environment is only a part of the city, to be an effective leader, the ability of making everything function well and moving forward stably is much more important.

gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

附上ARGUMENT处女作的感想：
这次作文比起ISSUE处女作来耗时程度相当，都是历经3个小时完成。写这篇ARGUMENT或许是因为事先看过一些分析提纲，自己分析破题还是比较顺利的，根据AWINTRO中要求的该写什么，不该写什么把提纲列了出来。可是，关键问题是字数上不去，经过几次修改增补才上400词，相对而言ISSUE由于要举例子，字数还是容易上去的。

在构造文章的时候遇到一些困难，就是不知道开头如何写，看范文有的很长有的简短，根据一些精华贴的叙述，开头宜开门见山直奔主题，所以最终采用这种方法。

在中间段部分，好像没有像ISSUE那样每段明确提出主题，都是直接上来就分析，看了一些前辈们写的文章，有的可以找到主题，有的也没用明确提出。再看范文，好像能找到主题句，范文大概谈论的方面不多，往往围绕一点能谈好多东西，但是新手习作与范文的毕竟差别很大吧，我基本就是把分析出来的攻击点都写进去了，有些部分写的像流水账，因为实在没有更多的话要说。组长推荐的草木前辈的帖子里有涉及到字数问题的，我还没有看，这篇文章完了对症下药好好阅读。发现组长让读的帖子还是侧重ISSUE的比较多，关于ARGUMENT的真的很有限。

在结尾的时候有踌躇了，不知道该写什么，做总结还是提出自己的一些建议，或者是没有结尾，看了一些文章，每种写法都有，这个比较困惑！总的来说，最大的问题就是构造文章！

完成这篇ARGUMENT参考的一些资料：
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-989214-1-2.html这个就是组长提供的参考喽~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1018846-1-1.html这是备考过程中发现的前新东方教师李笑来写的“AWA简明教程”，完全是根据AWAINTRO进行分析的，个人认为很好就发上来了。
再有就是几篇前辈的文章及官方范文了。

dairymanUID: 2683905

分析思路：
结论： 应该选AG作为下一任市长。
论据：
1.
AG是GEC的成员，其竞争对手FB是CTC的成员，CTC的成员近些日子没有保护环境。
攻击点：①GEC保护环境了吗？其成效如何？
②CTC的其他成员不能代表FB，没有对FB作出任何介绍。
③当选市长一定要以环保为前提吗？即使AG比FB更环保，那其他方面的成绩呢，比如经济增长，教育水平等等。

2.
过去一年中，工厂数量翻倍，空气污染程度增加，医院治疗的呼吸道疾病患者增多。
攻击点：①保护环境与工厂增加必然矛盾吗？工厂一定会污染环境吗？
②空气污染一定是工厂造成的吗？还有其他成因吗？
③病人一定当地人吗？短期数据有说服力吗？

3.
AG当选后Clearview的环境问题一定能解决。
给我个理由先，既没有AG的情况也没用关于他和FB的任何比较，如何得出结论？

思路极其没有问题，看了以后感觉不错，不过还不知道九零后怎么组织的语言，毕竟从三个论据里面找茬好找，但是拿出疑点来自己论述，就需要自己再想一个论述顺序。我经常出现这么一种问题，按作者思路反驳的时候出现反驳第二条的原因和反驳第一条原因相仿，比如说，第三条中，【没有ag和f的比较，无法得出结论】，其实在第一条中的反驳中也出现了，【不能只看环境问题，别的也要看】。这个很要命，有相互重复的问题，一定要自己另想顺序哦~

gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

3# dairyman
恩……感谢奶叔指导，等大家改出来我好好研究研究！

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

文字质量比较糟。

另：不熟悉的语法结构表乱用，露怯不说，还影响表达~

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

这就是典型的中式思维引导的英文句子~

dairymanUID: 2683905

6# cinderella1016
我光看了中文，行文方面的问题其实相比思路来说，还是小问题而已

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

我从来不觉得行文是小问题~~

这个不是写不好文章的借口~

gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

8# cinderella1016
额~这可如何是好？俺这个行文一直问题灰常灰常大！语法也一窍不通~求救啊！

gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

7# dairyman
奶叔啊！这个行文问题一直是我幼小心灵上不可抚平的伤痛啊！我也觉得是个大问题！唉~给点儿意见~