Argument115 by 海王泪

海王泪UID: 2673613

TOPIC: ARGUMENT115 - The following appeared in a clothing industry trade journal in the country of Sartoria.

"A popular fashion magazine recently conducted a survey of consumers' opinions about clothing prices, using prepaid mailing envelopes. Eighty-nine percent of the approximately 20,000 respondents reported that they were either "dissatisfied" or "very dissatisfied" with current clothing prices. The large number of responses indicates that the Sartorian clothing industry is at risk. Given the survey results, clothing manufacturers must find a way to reduce prices in order to keep their existing customers and maintain their businesses."

My plan:
SURVEY称价格过高àCM有危险，需及时挽留客户维持生意àCM需降价  
(CM=clothing manufacturers)

1 survey：收入阶层、覆盖地区
2 消费者不满意未必不买 态度与实际行动有区别
3 出口厂商有更大的世界市场
   品牌厂商质量取胜稳定市场


My argument:

The claim that Sartorian clothing industry should reduce prices in order to keep businesses seems like a good suggestion. According to the survey, we see readers who responded to the magazine have not been satisfied with the current clothing prices. However, the suggestion may only be properly applied to those who produce fashion clothes, or to those whose products are only sold locally. Moreover, we can hardly find direct evidence to prove that the consumers would really restrain their budget on dress even when they complained with the current prices.

Given about 20,000 respondents, It seems persuasive at first that the survey had a large and enough sample. But the popular fashion magazine which use prepaid mailing envelopes limited the respondents only to a group of people who bought their magazine for chasing trend. These respondents share specific characters that other residents in Sartoria haven’t: Request for high-quality clothes when they pay attention to what is in vogue, income is beyond the average but not very rich when they can afford and choose a mass magazine. We do not know if most of the clothing manufacturers in Sartorian earn money from such classes. What I believe is that some factories must mainly own their interests to low-income family. So the complaint cannot be true to all sectors of citizens in Sartorian and different level of clothing industry should determine their own price policy to different classes of the civilians.

What’s more, the survey hasn't told much about where the respondents live. The author should provide information about how broad the magazine reach and responding rate in different region. Otherwise, we do not know if the clothes factories in different areas should lower their price.

To consumers, "dissatisfied" and "very dissatisfied" are only attitude to the current clothing prices, but not the action of resistance to buy apparel. Attire is necessary products. People need it and they always change their dresses after certain period especially these responders are interested in fashion clothes. If the so-called "dissatisfied" price maintain for a long time and people are still willing to buy them, we see no need to change price for local manufacturers. It is reasonable that people complain about prices of products all the time. Everyone wants lower price when they are buyers. The author should provide statistics about the change and trend of local gear sale instead of consumers’ vague attitude.

Granted that the respondents can represent all classes and all areas of local people and they would really act to resist the dissatisfied price, the author fail to consider the Sartorian clothing exporters.  Those who depend mainly on customers abroad perhaps need not reduce their prices because local sale is only a small portion or even out of their interests. As the article was published on a clothing industry trade journal, I find the possibility that the local industry favor international trade. There is a world market which is much bigger for them. They may not be worried about the local sale at all and they will keep the price which is attractive enough to customers in other countries. It would be very interested if Sartorian depends heavily on clothes export as China does. Clothes like Nike, Adidas are very expensive to Chinese but factories in China still make profit.


I strongly recommend that the clothing industry trade journal should hold a more scientific investigation in details which include customers’ income, living area and which kind of products they are in favor. More importantly, we need to know whether the purchasers would really reduce their budget on attire if the prices are kept. And the market abroad should be considered too. What's more, not only price but quality also determines the sale of garments. It is unreasonable to insist on reducing price to every manufacturer in Sartorian when some factories sell high-quality clothes which indeed cost a lot. Local fans of such brands understand the design and material in fashion worth the price.

霁月难逢UID: 2718354

大致浏览了一遍

文章处于入门阶段 上课好好听过了 不过离可以拿去考试还有很长一段路要走滴

好好看一下effective writing 同时强化一下自己的文字驾驭能力吧

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

ls怎么那么像狐狸呢？。。。
还用草木的老头像，还没看文章先雷死了
顺赞lz的头像，我也爱死神~~~

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

My plan:
SURVEY称价格过高àCM有危险，需及时挽留客户维持生意àCM需降价  
(CM=clothing manufacturers)

逻辑有不连贯之处。SURVEY称价格过高--顾客不满意--CM有危险--要解决问题CM需降价（我个人偏向按这个顺序一点点批）
这个argument逻辑链比较清晰，属于较易把握的题型，只要按逻辑顺序批驳即可

1 survey：收入阶层、覆盖地区（这里批survey，需要不止这一个可能性来说明survey不能代表消费者倾向，而非批驳survey可信度，要记住重点在于找出各种有力的反驳原因，而不是诡辩地批驳survey如何开展--这点只需一笔带过。）
2 消费者不满意未必不买 态度与实际行动有区别
3 出口厂商有更大的世界市场
   品牌厂商质量取胜稳定市场（这里应该说批降价不一定能解决问题，也不是解决问题的唯一方法之类吧）

这个提纲构思太散乱，对成文缺少帮助

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

先大致看了一遍，觉得对于argu来说，行文有点随意了。还是要树立这样的观念，issue和argument的风格属于两个不同的范畴。在issue里，你可以想到什么说什么，虽然也需要内在逻辑的联系，但不同小点之间的逻辑联系可以自己确立；但在argu里，必须按照题目给的逻辑顺序来，前后颠倒或者随机批驳就会显得逻辑混乱，这点可以想象编程的步步为营。
因此，你这个argu虽然语言还可以--（考虑到你已经改过多次，还用了不少红宝词orz），但是逻辑不行，文章布局也不行。大量篇幅用来批survey，粗粗看去就好像三四大段说survey，这个绝对是一硬伤，而且在批survey的同时中间还夹了一段后面的错误，这个逻辑顺序实在太悲剧了。。。
还有一个大问题，就是每段首句表意相当不明确，要多加注意。
首段就是想到什么说什么的典型，有些问题明明该在后面展开批驳的，先浮光掠影的说了，后文反而下大力气在survey上，本末倒置
不要为了自由行文而邯郸学步，即使自由行文也要带着镣铐跳舞，更别说真正自由的行文都是高手才能使用，要做到形散而神不散，疏散而充实，显然得先经过大量规整的训练，形成严密的逻辑体系之后才能游刃有余，不能乱学。建议起步阶段还不如写的中规中矩些，好好把题目逻辑吃透再说
这篇文逻辑算简单的，都这样混乱，和语言水平着实不般配，还得多多读题思考
语言方面我也不是很行，不过还是建议有的长句要慎用，比如首句，读着别扭，不知有没有句式杂糅的嫌疑。

irvine666UID: 2575525

我都忘记argument怎么写的了...悲剧

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

我都忘记argument怎么写的了...悲剧
irvine666 发表于 2009-11-2 15:16

您老不是改过成吨的argu吗。。。。。。。悲剧

NaperyUID: 2710990

7# sakuraanne

Sasa前辈，ls那个就是你说的那个66风？

irvine666UID: 2575525

她真得这么说我的？
什么叫66风...

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

怎么了，66风格而已
你跳什么跳

NaperyUID: 2710990

9# irvine666


恩啊，说的是66风。。。

NaperyUID: 2710990

10# sakuraanne

Sasa前辈，我刚刚特地搜了下66风的帖子。。。

貌似有点明白了。。。。汗一下。。。

xueyiUID: 2647060

围观

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

11# Napery
窘，我说的是叫66不要跳，不是说你

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

12# Napery
哈哈，大笑一声