【草莓酱拌饭组】2 ARGUMENT 112 by Gary

gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

Argument 112
The following proposal was raised at a meeting of the Franklin City Council.
"Franklin Airport, which is on a bay, is notorious for flight delays. The airport management wants to build new runways to increase capacity but can only do so by filling in 900 acres of the bay. The Bay Coalition organization objects that filling in the bay will disrupt tidal patterns and harm wildlife. But the airport says that if it is permitted to build its new runways, it will fund the restoration of 1,000 acres of wetlands in areas of the bay that have previously been damaged by industrialization. This plan should be adopted, for it is necessary to reduce the flight delays, and the wetlands restoration part of the plan ensures that the bay's environment will actually be helped rather than hurt."

The argument presents the problem of flight delays is necessary to be solved. However, the conclusion that the bay's environment will be improved is premature. The side effects of filling the bay are difficult to determine.

Firstly, the causes of the flight delays are unclear. There are no evidences that it was the problem of runways should be blamed. As we know, the runways are used to set up and land, which don't need too much time. Given that there are too many airplanes and the runways are crowed. Better arrangement should solve this problem. So it is less likely that the runways cause the flight delay. The weather is an important aspect that should be taken into account. The airport is on a bay, the climate of the sea changes unpredictably, maybe regional weather is influenced by the sea and always with bad weather that unsuitable for the flight to set up, so the flight delays happens frequently. Some other reasons such as the low efficient dispatch system also can be a significant reason. Thus, the airport should analyze the causes of delays cautiously and then make a decision more carefully about how to deal with it.

Secondly, the airport promises that it will fund to restore the polluted wetlands by 1000 acres which is 100 acres more than it filled the bay. It seems that there are more benefits than hurt to the environment. Actually, filling the bay will disrupt tidal patterns and harm wildlife and restoring the wetlands maybe benefit to the plant life and animal life there. We cannot decide which one is better than another. Basically, to impair one area's environment while restoring another is not a wise choice.

Also, it seems that the airport makes an assumption that the Bay Coalition organization can not afford to restore the polluted wetlands. If so, the coalition organization may be granted by other institutions or individuals who really want to protect environment. And the local goverment is probably going to restore the wetlands. The protection of environment should not do as a form of business. So it is risky for the organization to adopt such a uncertain plan.

In sum, the grounds are weak to persuade the Bay Coalition organization to accept the requirement. The airport should do more research to make the reasons of delays clearly. If it needs to fill the bay, the airport should come out a solution to the damage of the environment.
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gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

自改改后的习作！


前提：delays were caused by lacking of capacity in the airport.



Holding that lacking of capacity in runways is directly relate to flight delay, promising to finance to restoration polluted wetlands, and combining with an hypotheses that the organization could not restore the wetlands by itself, the airport try to persuade the Bay Coalition organization to permit them to build new runways via the way of filling in the bay which is thought to be a certainly helped plan. However, the argument is weak in cogency and somewhat illogically.

Firstly, the causes of the flight delays are unclear. It was probably not the problem of runways that should be blamed. Generally, the runways are used to departure and land, which don't need too much time. Given that there are too many airplanes and the runways are crowed, and the chaos conditions lead to delays, better arrangement could, and indeed should solve this problem. So it is less likely that the runways lead to flight delay. Similarly, the weather is an important aspect that should be taken into account. The airport is on a bay, as we know, the climate of the sea changes unpredictably, maybe the local weather is influenced by the sea and always with bad weather that unsuitable for the flight to set up, so the flight delays happens frequently. Some other reasons such as the low efficient dispatch system also can be a significant reason. Thus, the airport should analyze the causes of delays cautiously and then make a decision more carefully about how to deal with it.

Secondly, the airport promises that they would fund to restore the polluted wetlands by 1000 acres which is 100 acres more than it filled the bay. It seems that, just in data, there are more benefits than damages to the environment. Actually, filling the bay will disrupt tidal patterns and harm wildlife, meanwhile restoring the wetlands maybe benefit to the plant life and animal life there. We cannot decide which one is better than another. Logically, to impair one area's environment while at the sacrifice of another is not a wise choice.

Also, it seems that the airport makes an assumption that the Bay Coalition organization could only be able to restore the wetland via the fund of the airport. Nevertheless, the coalition organization may be supported by other institutions or individuals who really want to protect environment. The protection of environment should not do as a form of business but an action of responsibility within one’s ability. So it is unnecessary for the organization to adopt such a somewhat selfish and gainful plan.

In sum, the grounds are weak to persuade the Bay Coalition organization to accept the requirement. The airport should do more research to make the reasons of delays clearly. If it really needs to fill the bay, the airport should come out a better solution to its side effects to the environment.

Maci.UID: 2731643

先改句子语法错误或者用词吧。

Maci.UID: 2731643

Holding that lacking [lack本身就可以是用作名词] of capacity in runways is directly relate to flight delay, promising to finance to [finance是及物动词，后面可以直接跟名词的-- *finance a new house （打星号的都表示我引自韦氏）] restoration [少了介词 of -- 语法错误] polluted wetlands, and combining with [查了下，这里用这个词组貌似不是很贴切，建议修改下] an hypotheses that the organization could not restore the wetlands by itself, the airport try to persuade the Bay Coalition organization to permit them to build new runways via [ *by way/means of] the way of[去掉] filling in the bay which is thought to be a certainly helped plan [这个which的内容实在是太长了，有点指代不明的嫌疑]. However, the argument is weak in cogency and somewhat illogically [前面竟然是用的be weak in这里不如也用名词形式，阅读起来也通顺的].

不得不说，头重脚轻。第一句话实在是太长了。
像这样的从句，不建议你这么使用。
倒不如分成短句，一点一点的都分别说清楚了。
一些单词，用之前如果不是很有把握的话，到不如用些熟悉的。
之后再修改时，可以去仔细查询一下想使用的词。

holding that, promising to, combining with的主语都是the airport吧？
这句怎么读都觉得快要断气了，你写的句子比我还长。

Maci.UID: 2731643

90，你整个开头就是在restate....
就是说，你只是换了个表达方式，来说题目里的内容。
虽然第二句说，weak in cogency and logic，但是这就是句空话，我看不到你的TS。
没有前面的第一句话，第二句话随便摆在什么文章里都可以，就像是模板。
没有你自己的想法，或者说是，看不到你的想法。
要稍微深入点，例如说在首段说最主要的逻辑错误，但只是略述。
不过，具体的怎么深入，我也不知道怎么做好，或许可以大家一起琢磨。

Maci.UID: 2731643

Firstly, the causes of the flight delays are unclear. It was probably not the problem of runways that should be blamed. Generally, the runways are used to departure and land, which don't need too much time. Given that there are too many airplanes and the runways are crowed, and the chaos conditions lead to delays, better arrangement could, and indeed should solve this problem. So it is less likely that the runways lead to flight delay. Similarly, the weather is an important aspect that should be taken into account. The airport is on a bay, as we know, the climate of the sea changes unpredictably, maybe the local weather is influenced by the sea and always with bad weather that unsuitable for the flight to set up, so the flight delays happens frequently. Some other reasons such as the low efficient dispatch system also can be a significant reason. Thus, the airport should analyze the causes of delays cautiously and then make a decision more carefully about how to deal with it.

先站一个位子

gongyuxiang1990UID: 2697832

6# Maci.
第一段纯属模仿666的，看来模仿极不成功，偶还觉得体现出逻辑链了~
“Grounding on the study in East Meria, supposing that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds, and then synthesizing the two hypothesizes and another factor that colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, the author accordingly suggests that the daily use of Ichthaid is a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. However …
”
the lack of和lacking of ，偶写的时候查了~~~
恩，我会再改的，嘿嘿，你先改完~

NaperyUID: 2710990

啊啊啊啊啊啊 我就觉得开始很像是复述
换汤不换药的感觉~~~

dairymanUID: 2683905

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2010-1-23 12:30:39 上传

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改了一下