请大家帮忙评下作文

意味UID: 2728274

最近写了些作文，由于刚开始练习，写得还很笨拙，但是苦于无人可以参谋，希望能在这里得到大家的一些指点，不胜感激！
这是新写的一篇ISSUE48，题目是：
"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."


下面是我写的：
I strongly agree with the speaker’s assertion that no singnificant events and trends in histoy could be accomplished only by the famous few, but the endeavor of groups of others who are generally ignored. I concede that an individual might also make some difference, but to raise huge waves in history, one’s power is far from enough, no matter how strong it is. I state my points of view on two aspects—great movements and invention-creations in history. As discussed below.
I admit that in any great movements a core leader is requisite. After all, it is him who put forward their appeal to public, then agitate them and strive for solidarity among members of the group. However, consider how a leader’s goal can be reached without anyone to follow him—this would drive all his or her endeavor in vain and inexorably prove his failure as a leader. Moreover, to realize the collective dream, a leader mustn’t neglect populace’s strength, or dream will go by contrary. Since if a leader stray off the original path for self profits or temptations, it is the members’ role to correct him or even impeach him. One example aptly illustrate this point is the failure of Taiping movement in China. This movement was a great success at first—it contributed casting down Feudalism Qing Dynasty. But later an internal conflict happened in its leading group, leaders turned to fight for their own selfish purpose, and soon leaded the ever brilliant movement into grave.
As a brilliant scientist in history, Newton once said, “If I have seen further than Descartes, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.” So I hold the view that even achievements of individuals cannot isolated from others’ assistance. Two examples aptly illustrate this view involve the fields of discovery on physics and artistic creation.
Consider how a physicist’s historic discovery is enhaced by not only other scientists on physics but also mathematicists and computer engineers. The fundamental knowledge a physicist learnt at early age is the discovery of predecessers, who also made the discovery on the basis of their predecessers, and so on. To solve complex calculations in research, formulars that mathematicists studied out would help. However, processing huge numbers of datas is nearly impossible to be accomplished by written calculation, so computer technology works. So it is, without the foregoing help, a physical discovery might hardly come out.
Artistic creations are also singnificantly and closely combined with other works. It is widly known that many famous paintings and sculpture are describing historical events and religious legends. Such as Leonardo da Vinci's The Last Supper and Michelangelo’s David. In modern society, artists should still study artifice from teachers before starting their own creative work.
In the final analysis, no matter great movements or indicidual’s invention-creations, singanificant events and trends in history cannot be accomplished only relying on the famous few, many more others’ contribution also counts. They shouldn’t be forgotten on our way to an advanced future.

草木也知愁UID: 2487572

让自己的作文被改主要有以下几种途径：
1、参与/组建互助小组，请参见下一个部分；
2、主动出击，到别人的习作中改别人的文章，然后留下连接请求回拍，绝大部分情况下版友都会很负责的回拍的；
3、斑竹定期会开习作修改铺，在里面占位置就可以让斑竹修改你的习作；
4、同主题写作时会规定参与的版友按照一定的回贴顺序进行互改；
5、坐等别人来拍，由于习作量很大，这种概率很小，所以效率也很低，建议不要采用。

123runfordreamUID: 2697608

I strongly agree with the speaker’s assertion that no singnificant （拼写错误）events and trends in histoy（拼写错误） could be accomplished only by the famous few, but the endeavor of groups of others who are generally ignored. I concede that an individual might also make some difference, but to raise huge waves in history, one’s power is far from enough, no matter how strong it is. I state my points of view on two aspects—great movements and invention-creations in history. As discussed below.
I admit that in any great movements a core leader is requisite. After all, it is him who put forward their appeal to public, then agitates them and strives for solidarity among members of the group. However, consider（词性！） how a leader’s goal can be reached without anyone to follow him—this would drive all his or her endeavor in vain and inexorably prove his failure as a leader（人称代词的使用注意！）. Moreover, to realize the collective dream, a leader mustn’t（？情态动词的否定形式使用要注意） neglect populace’s strength, or dream will go by contrary. Since if a leader stray （第三人称的错误也不少）off the original path for self profits or temptations, it is the members’ role to correct him or even impeach him. One example aptly illustrate this point is the failure of Taiping movement in China. This movement was a great success at first—it contributed casting down Feudalism Qing Dynasty. But later an internal conflict happened in its leading group, （这句话完了吗？和后面的话有联系？连词或者标点的使用！）leaders turned to fight for their own selfish purpose, and soon leaded the ever brilliant movement into grave.（我来试着分析下你这一段的观点吧。第一，你认为领导者如果没有群众的支持，他的努力就白费了。第二，为了实现共同的梦想，领导者不能忽视群众的力量。以太平天国的运动为例子。个人觉得这两点之间没有太大的区别，没有明确的本质区别。）As a brilliant scientist in history, Newton once said, “If I have seen further than Descartes, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.” So I hold the view that even achievements of individuals cannot isolated from others’ assistance. Two examples aptly illustrate this view involve the fields of discovery on physics and artistic creation.
Consider（！！！） how a physicist’s historic discovery is enhaced（拼写错误） by not only other scientists on physics but also mathematicists （拼写错误）and computer engineers. The fundamental knowledge a physicist learnt at early age is the discovery of predecessers（拼写错误）, who also made the discovery on the basis of their predecessers（拼写错误）, and so on. To solve complex calculations in research, formulars（拼写错误） that mathematicists（拼写错误） studied out would help. However, processing huge numbers of datas（data本身是datum的复数形式） is nearly impossible to be accomplished by written calculation, so computer technology works. So it is, without the foregoing help, a physical discovery might hardly come out.
Artistic creations are also singnificantly（拼写错误） and closely combined with other works. It is widly （拼写错误）known that many famous paintings and sculpture are describing historical events and religious legends. Such as Leonardo da Vinci's The Last Supper and Michelangelo’s David. In modern society, artists should still study artifice from teachers before starting their own creative work.
In the final analysis, no matter great movements or indicidual’s （拼写错误）invention-creations, singanificant（拼写错误）events and trends in history cannot be accomplished only relying on the famous few, many more others’ contribution also counts. They shouldn’t be forgotten on our way to an advanced future.

结构是比较清楚。但例子感觉空洞。牛顿的那个还可以。太平天国的是没写好。
基础问题还是早点解决。拼写==。呵呵，加油！

123runfordreamUID: 2697608

额~我错了。原来这篇作文很久以前的了。怪我放在document里一直没改。希望lz还没考。O(∩_∩)O哈哈~