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[活动] 【11.28】搬还是不搬 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-11-28 17:57:08 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 line126 于 2009-11-28 18:06 编辑

If asked which would you prefer to, live in the city or country, answers could vary. The cities are vigorous and challenging while the counties are peaceful and tranquil. However, no matter what answer it is, living in the place your favored for a life time is better than moving to another place.




First, the most convenient place is always where you live for the longest time. The familiarity of that place provides people with comfort and the sense of safety. Imaging that you are in an unknown city alone, you will feel nervous and uncertain, and even finding a restaurant could be difficult. Further more, the language used as well as the costumes, manners are different in the city or country even in the same nation. The sprite of city emphasizes on adventure and striving while country emphasizes on nature and leisure. Since the differences between them, moving to a new place would bring quite a lot troubles to someone who is already used to a certain place.




Some people may argue that migrating could offers a series of advantages, like meeting someone new or experiencing a different life. However, we can reach that goal by travelling, which is also costless and riskless than migrating. It does happen that city people find their daily life stressful and overloaded, leading to the desire to move to the country while it happens much more often that after a short period of novelty; they are soon tired of the boring and monotonous of the country, regretting their former decisions.




In addition, moving to another place wastes time and money. It costs a large amount of time to get to know new neighbors, the position of supermarkets, post offices and so on. Besides, the urge of saling the former house and furniture usually brings a discount in price, causing the money lost. And migrating always means a job quit, which could cause a decreased salary or lower position or even may means you should restart from the very beginning.




As a result, I opposed the idea that moving from place to place for that it harm the sense of safety and income. It is without doubt for me that living in an accustomed house with possibilities to meet families and old friends is much better than opening eyes and find the surroundings just unknown and strange.

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发表于 2009-11-29 00:02:05 |显示全部楼层
首先审题上,题目本身不太明确。就我个人的理解,似乎没有要比较living in city和living in country的意思。

结构上,第三段有点让步的意思。如果把文章结构调整一下,变成:先集中说明两个staying in one place for a long time的优点,再让步,会不会好一点?

开头段第一句似乎有问题,if从句缺主语。并且这个问题并不是文章要讨论的问题。文章要讨论是定居好还是搬到另一个地方好,而不是住city还是country。

语法:Some people may argue that migrating could offers a series of advantages, like meeting someone new or experiencing a different life. 用such as好一些

发现别的再补充。
骨灰级新兵。。。

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发表于 2009-11-29 19:09:47 |显示全部楼层
If you are本从句主语和主句不一致,所以好像不能省略。)asked which would you prefer to, live in the city or country(the country 是乡村,country是国家), answers could vary. The cities are vigorous and challenging while the counties are peaceful and tranquil. However, no matter what answer it is, living in the place your favored for a life time is better than moving to another place.

First, the most convenient place is always where you live(have lived) for the longest time. The familiarity of that place provides people with comfort and the sense of safety. Imaging that you are in an unknown city alone, you will feel nervous and uncertain, and even finding a restaurant could be difficult. Further more, the language used as well as the costumes, manners are different in the city(different cities) or country even in the same nation. The sprite of city emphasizes on adventure and striving while country emphasizes on nature and leisure.(这句好像和主题联系不大) Since the differences between them, moving to a new place would bring quite a lot troubles to someone who is already used to a certain place.

Some people may argue that migrating could offers a series of advantages, like meeting someone new or experiencing a different life. However, we can reach that goal by travelling(traveling), which is also (more) costless and riskless than migrating. (这里前后是不同的意思,也许加一句连接句可以让结构更清晰:on the other hand, moving to a new place dose not always bring people a happiness.)It does happen that city people find their daily life stressful and overloaded, leading to the desire to move to the country(.nonetheless) while it happens much more often that after a short period of novelty; they are soon tired of the boring and monotonous of the country, regretting their former decisions.

In addition, moving to another place wastes (both) time and money. It costs a large amount of time to get to know new neighbors, the position of supermarkets, post offices and so on. Besides, the urge(urgency) of saling (selling)the former house and furniture usually brings a discount in price, causing the money lost. And migrating always means a job quit, which could(might) cause a decreased salary or lower position or even may means you should restart from the very beginning.

As a result, I opposed the idea that moving from place to place for that it harms the sense of safety and income. It is without doubt for me that living in an accustomed house with possibilities to meet families and old friends is much better than opening eyes and find the surroundings just unknown and strange.

立意清晰,行文流畅。就是语法错误多了些。
还有就是建议让步段放在第4段,以免读者有思维跳跃的感觉。

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RE: 【11.28】搬还是不搬 [修改]

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