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[活动] 12月1日综合写作作业 进军美利坚 By lanyouno2 [复制链接]

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楼主
发表于 2009-12-2 11:02:55 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
第一次综合写作,万事开头难,希望和大家一起进步!

From the reading passage we can know that a group of people joining in a group has more advantages than individual does .However, the lecturer introduce a investigation made by a company that disagrees with the arguments in the reading passage.

First, although a team has wider rang of skills, expertise and more creative solutions to some problems, its members more likely to get the free ride and don’t take the responsibilities for the team work , He takes a new project for an example, if the benefits members got more than the team got , everyone in the group perform well to work together ,and provide a lot of inside to the project.

Secondly, there are a lot of meetings which take much members’ time to make agreement instead of having more creative solutions. As a result, it prolong the time of accomplishment of the project .what’s more ,some of members intend to influence others or someone is ignored by others always not good for the solutions of problems.

Finally, according to the reading, it says that a team more likely to makes some risky decisions than individual does, the lecturer concludes that because of these reasons that if the new project fails, all the members would be blamed.
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happyfaith2008 + 1 刚改完了,累死我了。。。 加油加油哦!

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彼此的意见彼此只做参考,有理改之,无则加勉。
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沙发
发表于 2009-12-3 17:21:14 |只看该作者
不好意思,批得有点狠!下次你也对我狠点,我不介意。嘿嘿!

From the reading passage we can know that a group of people joining in a group has (have) more advantages than individual does .However, the lecturer introduce (introduces) a(an) investigation made by a company that disagrees with the arguments in the reading passage(如果我没有记错的话,定语从句中,先行词不能充当从句的主语。).5 r* U2 O  `% t9 y9 ^

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First, although a team has wider rang of skills, expertise and more creative solutions to some problems, its members more likely to get the free ride请问这个短语是什么意思?听力中我也听到了,但是没听明白。我还以为是free right呢!:L )and don’t take the responsibilities for the team work , He takes a new project for an example, if the benefits members got more than the team got , everyone in the group perform well to work together ,and provide a lot of inside (请教一下inside是什么意思呢?)to the project 时态有点乱哦!意思也不太明白,到底这个例子是说Teamwork好呢,还是不好?.0 B1 E/ @: f9 M4 F$ v- S时态有点乱哦

Secondly前面既然用了First,后面就用Second吧!), there are a lot of meetings which take much members’ time to make agreement instead of having more creative solutions. As a result, it prolong the time of accomplishment of the project .what’s more ,some of members intend to influence others or someone is ignored by others这么长个句子不能直接做后面的主语吧!后面也没看见动词。。。always not good for the solutions of problems(什么叫做对问题的解决方案不好?这个老外会看不懂吧可以改为not good for solving the problems.

]6 @8 P. B5 A. f9 ~) c
Finally, according to the reading, it says that a team more likely to makes some risky decisions than individual does, the lecturer concludes that because of these reasons that if the new project fails, all the members would be blamed.

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lanyouno2 + 1 欢迎大斧。呵呵

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板凳
发表于 2009-12-3 17:24:59 |只看该作者
2# happyfaith2008

再补充两句,文章信息点都说了,综合写作写到这样就差不多有4分了。
只是语法错误多了点。虽然综合写作不怎么看语法,但是老外要是看不懂就不行啦!

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地板
发表于 2009-12-4 12:51:56 |只看该作者
From the reading passage we can know that a group of people joining in a group (表达的重复,改为people joining a group) have more advantages than working by (加)individual does. (我认为这么说顺一点)However, the lecturer introduce a investigation made by a company that disagrees with the arguments in the reading passage.

First, although a team has wider rang of skills, expertise and more creative solutions to some problems, its members are(加) more likely to get the free ride and don’t take the responsibilities for the team work. He takes a new project for an example, if the benefits members got more than the team got (什么意思,没理解呵), everyone in the group perform well to work together ,and provide a lot of inside to the project.

Secondly, there are a lot of meetings which take much of the(你那么写应该不错,我自己感觉这样好点儿,仅供参考) members’ time to make agreement instead of having more creative solutions. As a result, it prolong the time of accomplishment of the project .what’s more ,some of members intend to influence others or someone is ignored by others always not good for the solutions of problems.(句式混杂,可以改为The fact that some of members intend to influence others or someone is ignored by others will harm the solution of the problems.)

Finally, according to the reading, it says that(都写according to the reading 了,这个删掉) a team is(加) more likely to makessome risky decisions than individual does, then(加) the lecturer concludes that because of these reasons that if the new project fails, all the members would be blamed.
整体感觉还好,注意到了句式变换和词的替代,但是作者的最大问题是句式杂糅现象严重,建议楼主注意语法,不要在句式上出现问题。
还有意思是否准确我也说不准,综合作文我感觉主要还是听的部分,有些内容我可能没听到,不能说到底谁听的准确。
继续加油,共同进步~
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lanyouno2 + 1

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RE: 12月1日综合写作作业 进军美利坚 By lanyouno2 [修改]

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12月1日综合写作作业 进军美利坚 By lanyouno2
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