12.3独立写作

SilentScorpiusUID: 2686998

12.3 那些保持房间整洁有秩序的学生会更成功。



One factor seemingly indirect to students’ success is whether their rooms are neat and clear or not. On the contrary, this condition directly relates to their academic success. Those students who can maintain their room clean mean they have a excellent environment, and well self-discipline.
    If one can keeps his or her room tidy and organized, then he or she can have a good studying place, this can lead to efficient study and wonderful performance in school. I have a friend Jason, he wipes his living room regularly, and keeps everything in good order. It is this neat place that anyone will be enjoyable to stay always. Everything is so organized that if he wants to find his textbook, he can fetch it without looking for it high and low. So he can concentrate on studying. Therefore he always get high scores in many courses.
    Students who keep room clean show their perfect self-discipline and self-discipline directly relate to diligence, persistence which are significant to their academic success. One who lacks of these qualities usually cannot focus on learning for long time. For example, in my class there is at student named William, whose room is a real mess all the time. He nearly does not want to deal with it. Therefore he seldom stays in his room for a hour. Usually once he partly finishes his homework, he just comes out to play xbox with other people. Thus he fails some courses that need concentration, such as math and physics.
    Someone would argue that keeping the room tidy would cost a lot of time and it’s not economical for students who need plenty of time for learning. In my opinion, however, if one can maintain his or her room’s cleanliness all the time, it will just take a few minutes everyday to keep it. Compared to these little time, the long time benefits of keeping room clean are considerable.
    To sum up, students who keep their rooms tidy and organized usually can be successful. They have better habits that can lead to high performance in school life.

shiwei83UID: 2680950

One factor seemingly indirect to students’ success is whether their rooms are neat and clear （or not删除）. On the contrary, this condition directly relates to their academic success. Those students who can maintain their room clean mean they（may) have a excellent environment, and well self-discipline.
    If one can keeps his or her room tidy and organized, then he or she can have a good studying place, this(which) can lead to efficient study and wonderful performance in school. I have a friend Jason, he wipes(不如用clean) his living room regularly, and keeps everything in good order. It is this neat place that anyone will be enjoyable to stay( always删除). Everything is so organized that if he wants to find his textbook, he can fetch it without looking for it high and low. So he can concentrate on studying. Therefore he always get high scores in many courses.（似乎论证不够充分，可以加一句写保持东西有条理可以节约时间之类的。。。）
    Students who keep room clean show their perfect self-discipline and self-discipline directly relate to diligence, persistence which are significant to their academic success. One who lacks of these qualities usually cannot focus on learning for （a）long time. For example, in my class there is at(a) student named William, whose room is a real mess all the time. He nearly does not want to deal with it. Therefore he seldom stays in his room for a hour. Usually once he partly finishes his homework, he just comes out to play xbox with other people. Thus he fails some courses that need concentration, such as math and physics.
    Someone would argue that keeping the room tidy would cost a lot of time and it’s not economical for students who need plenty of time for learning. In my opinion, however, if one can maintain his or her room’s cleanliness all the time, it will just take a few minutes everyday to keep it. Compared to these little time, the long time benefits of keeping room clean are considerable.

    To sum up, students who keep their rooms tidy and organized usually can be successful. They have better habits that can lead to high performance in school life.
结构清楚，论证也比较有条理，注意部分用词。另外，感觉第二段和第四段的论证还没有充分展开，可以再适当扩充一些。

cavadorisUID: 2646574

不好意思昂 刚知道我的分组。。。
One factor seemingly indirect to students’ success is whether their rooms are neat and clear or not. On the contrary, this condition directly relates to their academic success. Those students who can maintain their room clean mean they have a(n) excellent environment, and well self-discipline.: C5 T3 K" x- W9 m8 R! e
    If one can keeps his or her room tidy and organized, then he or she can have a good studying place, this can lead to efficient study and wonderful performance in school. I have a friend Jason, he wipes his living room regularly, and keeps everything in good order. It is this neat place that anyone will be enjoyable to stay always. Everything is so organized that if he wants to find his textbook, he can fetch it without looking for it high and low. So he can concentrate on studying. Therefore he always get high scores in many courses.% B2 @9 v( F) ]# Z+ Z, l: ~5 G(感觉这段论证的有些不太充分)
    Students who keep room clean show their perfect self-discipline and self-discipline directly relate to diligence, persistence which are significant to their academic success. One who lacks(one lacking 是不是更舒服呢) of these qualities usually cannot focus on learning for long time. For example, in my class there is at student named William, whose room is a real mess all the time. He nearly does not want to deal with it. Therefore he seldom stays in his room for a hour. Usually once he partly finishes his homework, he just comes out to play xbox with other people. Thus he fails some courses that need concentration, such as math and physics.9 J: }  [+ L4 U3 \
    Someone would argue that keeping the room tidy would cost a lot of time and it’s not economical for students who need plenty of time for learning. In my opinion, however, if one can maintain his or her room’s cleanliness all the time, it will just take a few minutes everyday to keep it. Compared to these little time（short time吧？而且不应该是these貌似）, the long time benefits of keeping room clean are considerable（两个谓语）.- ?1 T4 U, n8 V& E# A& n. B
    To sum up, students who keep their rooms tidy and organized usually can be successful. They have better habits that can lead to high performance in school life.! C1 ?4 c* u+ D7

总体来讲还好，和题目联系比较紧密，表达也可以，多一些亮点就更好了。ps童鞋你friends还尊多 得向你学习 多写一些生活的细节 ~

SilentScorpiusUID: 2686998

To shiwei83:
我也注意到了论证的问题，个人认为2.4的论证的确不充分，不太复合线性思维原则。。。

To cavadoris：
都是编的。。。细节上还得琢磨琢磨

谢谢大家的意见！