12.4独立作文

hulinlin24UID：2731389

12.4 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from travelling in their own country than travelling in a foreign country.

In the 21st century, it is easy to access to any place all over the world due to good transportation. With the interaction between countries more closely, an increasing number of people travel to a foreign country. Travelling to a foreign country gives us an opportunity to experience another culture and broaden our horizons. We can learn a great deal about the world and ourselves through travelling.

First of all, seeing important sights would help me better understand the culture and history. Poland is the hometown of Chopin, as I am a piano artist, this is especially relevant to me. When I visit the places where Chopin grew up, I could undertand better the meaning of his music.

Secondly, this is the rapid economic development of era, I could learn a lot from the advances of the modern cities. Cities such as New York and London are the finance center of the world. I would like to travel to Wall Street to feel the modern and growing fast city.

Thirdly, foreign countries offer great natual beauty to the visitor. There are difference of climates and topography from our country. I would like to see the beautiful mountains and coast, as well as the deserts and great grassland that can not be found in my own country.

In conclusion, I believe that a forerign country offers a great deal to offer a visitor. It has both cultural and historical relics as well as modern cities. I would enjoy seeing not only the historical sights, but also the way of life in the rapidly changing country. Therefore, we can get more benefits from travelling a foreign country.

直接贴过来的。。。辛苦同学了。。。。请狠狠的拍。。谢谢

还我用户名UID：2733880

12.4 Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit morefrom travelling in their own country than travelling in a foreigncountry.! O. N, K7 A, v9 k" c

In the 21st century, it is easy to access to any place all over the worlddue to good transportation. With the interaction between countries moreclosely, an increasing number of people travel to a foreign country.Travelling to a foreign country gives us an opportunity to experienceanother culture and broaden our horizons. We can learn a great dealabout the world and ourselves through travelling.【建议：观点不是很明确.究竟你是觉得在国内旅游更好，还是国外旅游更好，或者两者各有各的好处？题目的实质是国内和国外旅行的对比，但是你的观点没有体现这个对比。】

Firstof all, seeing important sights would help me better understand theculture and history. Poland is the hometown of Chopin, as I am a pianoartist, this is especially relevant to me. When I visit the placeswhere Chopin grew up, I could undertand better the meaning of hismusic. 【建议：论述少了一点。后面几段都存在这种问题。我想这段可以这么写：我是学钢琴的，去波兰让我更多了解钢琴文化和钢琴曲目的真正含义。所以在国外的旅行可以让我们感知到国内不能接触到的文化氛围，利于我们更好的理解这个某一个领域，或者理解世界和各个地方的文化，也扩充了我们的知识，扩展了眼界。】

Secondly,this is the rapid economic development of era, I could learn a lot fromthe advances of the modern cities. Cities such as New York and Londonare the finance【应为 financial】 center of the world. I would like to travel to WallStreet to feel the modern and growing fast city.【延伸得还不够。可以继续写下去。光是感受华尔街的现代和快速发展不足以支撑你的TS，可以再详细一些，比如华尔街的一些financial rules, communication skills between companies等等。还要总结一下，说，光在国内旅行或许看不到我国的问题，出国旅行可以让我们对比两国的差距，让我们更好的理解自己的国家，改善自己的国家。】4 l. k4 |$ d8 p% l! x/ v. L
% }0 L, p; O" d# y' k
Thirdly, foreign countriesoffer great natual beauty to the visitor. There are difference ofclimates and topography from our country. I would like to see thebeautiful mountains and coast, as well as the deserts and greatgrassland that can not be found in my own country.【TS没有切题，本段第二句应该成为TS。因为第二句里面才有“为什么国外比国内好”的信息。】

In conclusion, I believethat a forerign country offers a great deal to offer a visitor. It hasboth cultural and historical relics as well as modern cities. I wouldenjoy seeing not only the historical sights, but also the way of lifein the rapidly changing country. Therefore, we can get more benefitsfrom travelling a foreign country.【最后一段还是没有很好的体现国内和国外的对比。我们国家也有文化遗产啊，也有美好的风景，也有快速发展的城市啊。为什么你要选择国外旅行呢？】



个人意见，仅供参考。拍得不好还请见谅。$ f) t5 Z/ ]6 ^% D

happyfaith2008UID：2709856

In the 21st (作文中不要用阿拉伯数字)century, it is easy to access to any place all over the world due to good transportation. With the interaction between countries more closely, an increasing number of people travel to a foreign country. Travelling to a foreign country gives us an opportunity to experience another culture and broaden our horizons. We can learn a great deal about the world and ourselves through travelling.$ F) w. I( c: ?0

b
正如黛二所言，缺少论证。例子还是很好的。加油啊！
* _9 Q  y6 ]. X% Q
First of all, seeing important sights would help me better understand the culture and history. Poland is the hometown of Chopin, as I am a piano artist, this is especially relevant to me. When I visit the places where Chopin grew up, I could undertand better the meaning of his music.

Secondly, this is （指代不明确）the rapid economic development of era, I could learn a lot from the advances of the modern cities.（两个句子不能直接并列了，可以加and） Cities such as New York and London are the finance center(既然是中心，不能写两个吧) of the world. I would like to travel to Wall Street to feel the modern and growing fast city （只有例子缺少论证可不行哟）。.# g3 P' ?0 S$

E' @) i
  [3 x/ a' B- l; }; Q
Thirdly, foreign countries offer great natual beauty to the visitor. There are difference of climates and topography from our country. I would like to see the beautiful mountains and coast, as well as the deserts and great grassland that can not be found in my own country.* z' W- t/ `  V9 F( P

In conclusion, I believe that a forerign country offers a great deal to offer a visitor（有点怪哦！）. It has both cultural and historical relics as well as modern cities. I would enjoy seeing not only the historical sights, but also the way of life in the rapidly changing country. Therefore, we can get more benefits from travelling a foreign country

半夏之北UID：2517498

12.4 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from travelling in their own country than travelling in a foreign country.* }9 h) g" ~! [+ Z7 J7 E/ O' `7 U
: J- ~& O  x! [4 k! X
In the 21st century, it is easy to access to any place all over the world due to good transportation. With the （more closely）interaction between countries more closely, an increasing number of people travel to a foreign country. Travelling to a foreign country gives us an opportunity to experience another culture and broaden our horizons. We can learn a great deal about the world and ourselves through travelling." }: S. j3 d1 V$ a
  H$ h/ g5 Q. z, ~- {7 k
First of all, seeing important sights would help me better understand the culture and history. Poland is the hometown of Chopin, as I am a piano artist, this is especially relevant to me. When I visit the places where Chopin grew up, I could undertand better the meaning of his music.
k7 M. _) Y
Secondly, this is the rapid economic development of era, I could learn a lot from the advances of the modern cities. Cities such as New York and London are the finance center of the world. I would like to travel to Wall Street to feel the modern and growing fast city.+ a1 H0 _4 p% n  h' F: T$ E- D
Thirdly, foreign countries offer great natual beauty to the visitor. There are difference of climates and topography from our country. I would like to see the beautiful mountains and coast, as well as the deserts and great grassland that can not be found in my own country.: |& y2 x2 X" ~2 Y+ R( c# Y2 H
这三段说的是一个观点
In conclusion, I believe that a forerign country offers a great deal to offer a visitor. It has both cultural and historical relics as well as modern cities. I would enjoy seeing not only the historical sights, but also the way of life in the rapidly changing country. Therefore, we can get more benefits from travelling a foreign country.

结构很清晰，用词也蛮好的没什么错误。内容有点少，另外这个主体段基本上说的是一个意思，需要再找观点来支持主题。每一个总的论点下面需要有分论点然后是例子，你没有写到分论点

hulinlin24UID：2731389

12.7 Agree or disagree, in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

In our university, recently, there is a survey about how to become a successful peole. One student response that I want to be a rich man like Bill Gates. Another student’s answer is that his dream is to reward the Nobel Prize as Einstein did. Over all, most of the students think that in order to succeed, they should be more like others who have succeeded. I strongly agree on that it is much easier to succeed through follow the successful person.

The primary reason is that we can learn more useful experiences from the successful person. Following the successful person is helpful for us to avoid detour. A vivid example can be found in Jun Tang, a famous person, he used to   work for Microsoft Company. During his working in Microsoft, he learn from Bill Gates that how to run a company and how to achieve the target. Finally, Jun Tang came back to China to hold an online-games company. In order to successed, we should get more valuabe experiences from others.

Another reason is that the famous people will inspire us. The path to succeed is aways rugged. The famous people is our role model to motive us. When I was young, after practising my piano for again and again, I feel tidous. Then, my mother told me the story of beethoven and said that Beethoven insisted to study music although he was a deaf, why do not you insist? Beethoven is my idol, he inspire me to trend to music, as well as to win the first prize in the piano competition.

Finally, succeed can be copy. Creativity is improtant for us, but we are too young to face to problems. We lack of experience. Learning from the successful person and concluding a suitable way for us is much more important than staying alone to create.

According to what is demenstrated above, I feel it obvious that in order to succeed, we should be more like others. Though the advantages to be different from everyone else are considerable, they can not compete with the benefits that to be more like others. Considering all of these advantages, I deem that in order to succeed, based on copying others to add more creativities.
请狠批。。。谢谢大家的指点。。。熟练很多了。。O(∩_∩)O哈哈~

还我用户名UID：2733880

In our university, recently, there is a survey about how to become a successful peole. One student response that “I want to be a rich man like Bill Gates.”Another student’s answer is that his dream is to reward the Nobel Prizeas Einstein did.（这个细节没有编好，你们学校的调查是关于“如何成为一个成功的人”，学生们的回答却是“我要成为怎么样的人”，有点不搭调吧？其实这种调查一看就是假的，实际上对你的论证是起到负面的效果，新东方的史禺老师建议我们可以这么写，A survey ,conducted by the Chinese Social Science Central institution, after polling thousands of Chiese teenagers, found that three quaters of them insists that， imitating successful perpon is the most important factor to be success. 当然这个机构是假的，不过一个外国人看了之后就觉得真实可信，因为你写了细节进去，只要有细节，谎言也能成事实。） Over all, most of the students think that in order tosucceed, they should be more like others who have succeeded. I stronglyagree on that it is much easier to succeed through follow thesuccessful person.

The primary reason is that we can learn more useful experiences fromthe successful person. Following the successful person is helpful forus to avoid detour. A vivid example can be found in Jun Tang(可以简单的说A vivid example is Jun Tang), a famous person(a famous professional executive in China), he used to   work for Microsoft Company. During his working in Microsoft, he learned fromBill Gates that how to run a company and how to achieve the target.Finally, Jun Tang came back to China to hold an online-games company.In order to successed(secceed), we should get more valuabe experiences from others.

Another reason is that the famous people will inspire us. The path to succeed is always rugged. The famous people is our role model to motive(motivate) us. When I was young, after practising my piano for again and again, I feel tidous(tedious). Then, my mother told me the story of Beethovenand said that Beethoven insisted to study music although he was a deaf,why do not you insist? Beethoven is my idol, he inspires me to trend to(这个词不适合用在这里，可以用keen on) music, as well as to win the first prize in the piano competition. (本段例子太长，论述太少。一定要多论述，别光叙述。)

Finally, succeed(success) can becopy. Creativity is improtant for us, but we are too young to face toproblems. We lack of experience. Learning from the successful personand concluding a suitable way for us is much more important thanstaying alone to create.

According to what is demenstrated above(is应改为are，demenstrated应为demonstrate, 但是这句话感觉有点别扭...可以就说For the reasons listed abouve), I feel it obvious that(这句话很中国思维，可以就说It's obvious that) in order to succeed,we should be more like others. Though the advantages to be differentfrom everyone else are considerable, they can not compete with thebenefits that to be more like others. Considering all of theseadvantages, I deem that in order to succeed(这儿又来一个in order to succeed不太好，可以换种说法), based on copying others to add more creativities(后面这个分句有点问题，我改写了你的最后一句话，你看这么写行不行：Considering all of these advantages, Ideem that succeess relys more on imitating great people, that is to sayto be like others rather than be different with everyone else.）

     首先，我感觉楼主的这篇文章写得有点偏，或者也是因为我理解这个题目不够透彻。个人认为本文主要是要求我们对比“从众”和“与众不同”，让我们论证哪一个更能让人成功，楼主将“趋同”"others（即大众）"理解为“趋同于成功人士”我觉得有点偷换概念。这个问题有点在我判断能力之外，真想知道一个老外是怎么解释这个题目的。
    第二，楼主应多注意词语的词性，motive是形容词,motivate才是动词；succeed是动词，success才是名词。这些看似小的问题，在native speaker的眼睛里是很扎眼的，会让他觉得是个大问题。还有一些小错误，比如it obvious, he inspireme等等，要注意。
     第三，感觉这篇文章的例证和论述还是薄弱了一点，总觉得把mainidea撑不起来...不能很好的体现作者的逻辑思维和论证的能力。语言上重复比较多，可以多看范文积累多种多样的说法，当然这个也是需要我自己努力的地方。建议作者在写作之前先考虑文章的框架，main idea,subpoints,development等等。想好再下笔，多这么练几篇，应该会收到很好的效果。
      个人浅见，如有不妥，还请见谅。

cavadorisUID：2646574

In our university, recently, there is a survey about how to become a successful peole. One student response（s） that（用引号） I want to be a rich man like Bill Gates. Another student’s answer is that his dream is to reward the Nobel Prize as Einstein did. Over all, most of the students think that in order to succeed, they should be more like others who have succeeded. I strongly agree on that it is much easier to succeed through follow（ing） the successful person.
% H% Q  U5 ]# s  P" g
& i  o0 C+ X0 F5 C3 g4 [3 JThe primary reason is that we can learn more useful experiences from the successful person. Following the successful person is helpful for us to avoid detour. A vivid example can be found in Jun Tang, a famous person, he used to   work for Microsoft Company. During his working in Microsoft, he learn from Bill Gates that how to run a company and how to achieve the target. Finally, Jun Tang came back to China to hold an online-games company. In order to successed, we should get more valuabe experiences from others.（从别人那里得到经验不代表就要像别人 这层关系最好点明）
' N4 C+ a" H, e
7 z6 I9 d' C  \0 l: KAnother reason is that the famous people will inspire us. The path to succeed is aways rugged. The famous people is our role model to motive us. When I was young, after practising my piano for again and again, I feel tidous. Then, my mother told me the story of beethoven and said that Beethoven insisted to study music although he was a deaf, why do not you insist? Beethoven is my idol, he inspire me to trend to music, as well as to win the first prize in the piano competition.（同样 和相似性的关系不明确）
# K& N4 k2 Z# Z
, _3 J# _2 C9 Q4 w* h3 yFinally, succeed can be copy. Creativity is improtant for us, but we are too young to face to problems. We lack of experience. Learning from the successful person and concluding a suitable way for us is much more important than staying alone to create.9 f6 e; E! A+ s6 V（这个分论点有些牵强）
5 ^' _3 {  [; f3 h7 A! z
According to what is demenstrated above, I feel it obvious that in order to succeed, we should be more like others. Though the advantages to be different from everyone else are considerable, they can not compete with the benefits that to be more like others. Considering all of these advantages, I deem that in order to succeed, based on copying others to add more creativities.
2 M. j! u: t, V8 x; j- R
lz细节描写的不错，遣词造句也比较舒服，但是这篇文章貌似没有把成功和相似与否联系起来，lz说的向成功人士学习其实可以作为论证的一个方面，但是需要把中间的关系点明，把桥梁架起来，这样就会显得有力多了。还有一些语法上的小瑕疵，注意下就可以啦。一己之见，仅供参考。一起加油！！

hulinlin24UID：2731389

12.8 printed book have had greater effects on society than television has？

Confucius, the greatest and most famous philosopher and educator of ancient China, commented, “a good book is a good friend”. According to a local media, recently, there is a research about whether printed book have had greater effects on society than television has been posed among people. Those people who oppose this argument argue that with fast-pace development of modern world, people would like to watching TV to get the latest informatins. However, I strongly agree with the claim of Confucius.

First of all, great literature works, such as A Life Of Chopan, can arouse reader’s emotion in such a powerful and enduring way that no programe on the TV can match. Lang Lang, the famous piano artist in China, is a case in point. In the interview, he said that when he is 7-year-old, he first read the book, he is motivated and decided to be a artist person like Chopan. The printed book like a brighten lamp, inspire us in our whole life.

Futhermore, we can read the printed books anywhere in anytime while others should have a TV set and stay in front to watch programs. When we in our trip on the plane or in the train, it is much convinient for us to take a book in our bag. A survey, conducted by the Chinese Social Science Central institution, after polling thousands of Chinese people, found that three quarters of them insists that, they perfer to take printed books in their bags in all day.

Last but not the least, a printed book cost less than 20 yuan and once you purchase it, it will be your to enjoy for a lifetime. In contrast, a TV set to a cheapest one can be sell for 1000 yuan. As you know, China is a developing country, a huge amount of people who live in the small village cannot afford a TV set. However, people can ackownledge from printed books.

All in all, printed books have greater impact on scociety than televions. People all over the world own a printed book and read it anywhere in anytime, as well as can be inspired for a lifetime.

happyfaith2008UID：2709856

12.8 printed book have had greater effects on society than television has？

^( f" U& I  [
Confucius, the greatest and most famous philosopher and educator of ancient China, commented, “a good book is a good friend”. According to a local media, recently, there is a research about whether printed book have(has) had greater effects on society than television has been posed among people. Those people who oppose this argument argue that with fast-pace development of modern world, people would like to watching TV to get the latest informatins. However, I strongly agree with the claim of Confucius.


First of all, great literature works, such as A Life Of Chopan, can arouse reader’s (readers')emotion in such a powerful and enduring way that no programe on the TV can match. Lang Lang, the famous piano artist in China, is a case in point. In the interview, he said that when he is 7-year-old, he first read the book,(这句话有歧义哦！是他第一个看这本书，还是他第一次看书？可以改成when he read kooks for the first time) he is(was) motivated and decided to be a artist person(去掉) like Chopan. The printed book like（likes） a brighten lamp, inspire(inspires) us in our whole life.' ~& R5 i, i  a4

`+ D; `+ r
" ~, u( f# C3 v
Futhermore, we can read the printed books anywhere in anytime while others should have a TV set and stay in front to watch programs. When we in our trip on the plane or in the train, it is much convinient(convenient) for us to take a book in our bag. A survey, conducted by the Chinese Social Science Central institution, after polling thousands of Chinese people, found that three quarters of them insists that, they perfer to take printed books in their bags in all day.

Last but not the least(这句话口语的感觉太重哦！尽量避免不要用。), a printed book cost（costs） less than 20 yuan and once you purchase it, it will be your to enjoy for a lifetime.(这句话好怪哦！看看这样说行不？it will be yours and you can enjoy reading it for a lifetime) In contrast, a TV set to a cheapest one can be sell（sold） for 1000 yuan. As you know, China is a developing country, a huge amount (这个通常用来形容不可数名词的，可以用number)of people who live in the small village cannot afford a TV set(出现了两组动词哦！live 可以换成living). However, people can ackownledge from printed books.(这一句和前一句没有太大的逻辑关系吧！可以在这句之前加一句，说明那里的人们买得起书。)

All in all, printed books have greater impact （因为影响是多方面的，建议用impacts）on scociety than televions. People all over the world own a printed book (全世界人民拥有一本，太恐怖了吧？)and read it anywhere in anytime（这个也说不通哦！何时何地都读书，貌似没有那么刻苦。。。。。。）, as well as can be inspired for a lifetime.

不好意思，被我批得血淋淋的。
不过已经进步很大了哦！
思路很清晰，只是在表达上再多斟酌一些。建议如果考试不着急的话先不要做限时练习。
另外注意以下时态语态和名词的数的问题。这个仔细一点就能克服的。:)
加油！

林霄麟UID：2645553

Confucius, the greatest and most famous philosopher and educator of ancient China, commented, “a good book is a good friend”. According to a local media, recently, there is a research about whether printed book have had greater effects on society than television has been posed among people. Those people who oppose this argument argue that with fast-pace development of modern world, people would like to watching TV to get the latest informatins. [个人觉得这句话不够突出中心的说，我想应该体现出比较，比如：不少反对书更有影响力的人们认为人们更热衷于电视。] However, I strongly agree with the claim of Confucius.

First of all, great literature works, such as A Life Of Chopan, can arouse reader’s emotion in such a powerful and enduring way that no programe on the TV can match. Lang Lang, the famous piano artist in China, is a case in point. In the interview, he said that when he is 7-year-old, he first read the book, he is motivated and decided to be a artist person like Chopan. The printed book like a brighten lamp, inspire us in our whole life. [例子很好，我觉得应该再来两句解释就更好了]
Futhermore, we can read the printed books anywhere in anytime while others should have a TV set and stay in front to watch programs. [这个点很好，很重要捏~插一嘴：当初我也想到了这个点，但是后来觉得还是电视更好写就放弃了，呵呵]When we in our trip on the plane or in the train, it is much convinient for us to take a book in our bag. A survey, conducted by the Chinese Social Science Central institution, after polling thousands of Chinese people, found that three quarters of them insists that, they perfer to take printed books in their bags in all day.

Last but not the least, a printed book cost less than 20 yuan and once you purchase it, it will be your to enjoy for a lifetime. [这句嘛，我觉得这个和第一段有点重了，就从钱很少但是用处够我们受用一生这一点来说] In contrast, a TV set to a cheapest one can be sell for 1000 yuan. As you know, China is a developing country, a huge amount of people who live in the small village cannot afford a TV set. However, people can ackownledge from printed books.

All in all, printed books have greater impact on scociety than televions. People all over the world own a printed book and read it anywhere in anytime, as well as can be inspired for a lifetime.

我主要强调结构和逻辑了，没怎么为你修改表达和语法上的问题，因为happy同学已经改的很详细了。另外就是，我觉得第三个点其实是第一个点的延伸，可以上提，这样会更logical的。如果可能再把几个段落充实充实。加油~！