ISSUE50球拍

hudu464UID: 2512268

ISSUE50

"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."

I agreed partially with the assertion because experiences and empirical knowledge of the faculty is significant to the quality of instruction. While working in relevant profession can consolidate their conceptual framework and bridge the gap between theory and its application, it might not be the most efficient way which should be imposed to improve the quality of instruction irrespective of disciplines.
Practice of higher education is not conducted in a vacuum though it enjoys a certain level of academic freedom and autonomy. Instead, economic development exerts great influences over higher education. Vocationalism at college and university is thriving, leading to an obvious correlation between discipline and profession indicates the increasing importance of experiences: medical school students are expected to become doctors; law school students are future attorneys. It is legitimate for students from these professions to demand an experienced doctor or lawyer as their professors. Lecturing theories alone would not constitute a qualified college class. A conceptual framework consolidated by first hand experience can be well presented and accepted by the students. To explain various model of cognitive development, for example, one seasoned psychology professor illustrates each model with a specific child he had observed in a counseling center, which makes much easier for us to understand and memorize. What's more, the narrowed gap between theory and its application enables students to be aware of the potentiality and limitation of their familiar theory in life scenario. Thus they could be better prepared to embark on their profession.
Admittedly, the faculty can gain experience through working in relevant professions and benefit their students. Making it as a compulsory policy for all faculty across disciplines can be unrealistic considering the limited energy of professors and discipline characteristics. We are all familiar with the long existing debate about whether research or teaching should be prioritized. Professors are already pressured to excel in academic research, which requires immense amount of time and energy to produce. Also, they have to be careful that students would not accuse them of overlooking classroom teaching. Therefore, it would augment the already heavy burden of the faculty, especially those prominent professors, causing resistance and reluctance that can decrease the morale and even to the detriment of their academic excellence and quality of instruction. Again not all faculties should be required to work in relevant profession because some disciplines are less demanding in terms of first hand experience. Unlike vocation-oriented disciplines like medication and law, disciplines like philosophy and literature put less emphasis in terms of experiences and empirical knowledge. Plus, a relevant profession of philosophy is not so easily identified. The profession of philosophers is very likely to be read, observe, think and write or like Socrates, converse. Even if we assume there is a profession highly relevant with philosophy, the experiences and empirical knowledge from it might not be explicit and transferable. To conclude, working in a relevant profession is not the universal solution to every faculty regardless of their discipline and workload.
Higher education attaches great importance to experience outside academic world since its positive effects in enhancing teaching quality. Rather than obligating a relevant profession for all faculties, however, there are alternative ways to improve the quality of instruction being overlooked in this assertion. Giving students chances to explore and gain first-hand experience might work with higher efficiency and the quality of instruction will be accordingly improved.

plukaUID: 2721764

ISSUE50
"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."

I agreed partially with the assertion because experiences and empirical knowledge of the faculty is significant to the quality of instruction（单从这句的内容看不出为啥是partially而不是wholly, 应该是这句跟下一句加在一起才是partially的原因吧）. While working in relevant profession can consolidate their conceptual framework and bridge the gap between theory and its application, it might not be the most efficient way which （最高级most后面要用that引导）should be imposed to improve the quality of instruction irrespective of disciplines. 

Practice of higher education is not conducted in a vacuum though it enjoys a certain level of academic freedom and autonomy. Instead, economic development（虽然知道作者的意思，但表达还是有些别扭。建议改成pragmatism之类） exerts great influences over higher education. Vocationalism at college and university is thriving, leading to an obvious correlation between discipline and profession indicates（indicating) the increasing importance of experiences: medical school students are expected to become doctors; law school students are future attorneys(这两个是例子么？并未跟experiences联系起来啊）. It is legitimate（合法的？） for students from these professions to demand an experienced doctor or lawyer as their professors. （看到这一句才知道上句的experiences是什么意思，是说需要老师传授他的经验么？然而单看上句真有些模糊，还以为要开始谈论学生如何实习，结果却开始讲需要好老师了。不妨将前一句医学生和法律生的例子改成...importance of experiences in fields such as medicine and jurisprudence，比较容易接上下面的内容）Lecturing theories alone would not constitute a qualified college class. A conceptual framework consolidated by first hand experience can be well presented and accepted by the students. （医学和法律的例子还没有讲透，就开始转新例子了，不佳。建议加上几句具体细节阐释为何有经验的老师会对医学和法律生有帮助比如解决疑难杂症处理复杂案例之类）To explain various model of cognitive development, for example, one seasoned psychology professor illustrates each model with a specific child he had observed in a counseling center, which makes much easier for us to understand and memorize. What's more, the narrowed gap between theory and its application enables students to be aware of the potentiality and limitation of their familiar theory in life scenario. Thus they could be better prepared to embark on their profession.
本段论述高等教育并非是纯学术，而是与职业相联系的。建议在句首就明白地说清楚“因为与职业相联系所以需要老师有相关职业经验以更好地指导学生”，随后再进一步论述（可以像现在一样分领域）。本段这一观点到了段落中部才揭露，有些姗姗来迟。另外，例子举了三个，不可谓不多，遗憾的是没能讲的很透。心理学生的那一个尚可，医学和法律的则显得匆忙仿佛过场。举例也可以更清晰一点，比如提到了三个领域，不妨就直接点明“许多领域都需要老师的经验”，然后再分别给出例子。这样会条理清晰一些。

Admittedly, the faculty can gain experience through working in relevant professions and benefit their students. （与admittedly的让步对应，加转折词如however) Making it as a compulsory policy for all faculty across disciplines can be unrealistic considering the limited energy of professors and discipline characteristics.（引导下文） We are all familiar with the long existing debate about whether research or teaching should be prioritized（下文论述的重点是教授们又要教学又要科研已经很累，没空再从事相关职业，而并不是讨论科研跟教学的关系。在这里出现debate、prioritized等可能让人觉得作者下文想开始讨论二者关系，引起不必要的误解。建议直接说清科研跟教学占据了大部分时间即可，或可把本句删去）. Professors are already pressured to excel in academic research, which requires immense amount of time and energy to produce. Also, they have to be careful that students would not accuse them of overlooking classroom teaching. Therefore, it （这个it指代的是第二句的compulsory policy？距离太远，有些指代不清）would augment the already heavy burden of the faculty, especially those prominent professors, causing resistance and reluctance that can decrease the morale and even to the detriment of their academic excellence and quality of instruction. Again not all faculties should be required to work in relevant profession because some disciplines are less demanding in terms of first hand experience. Unlike vocation-oriented disciplines like medication and law, disciplines like philosophy and literature put less emphasis in terms of experiences and empirical knowledge. Plus, a relevant profession of philosophy is not so easily identified. The profession of philosophers is very likely to be read, observe, think and write or like Socrates, converse（语法，+名词）. Even if we assume there is a profession highly relevant with philosophy, the experiences and empirical knowledge from it might not be explicit and transferable. To conclude, working in a relevant profession is not the universal solution to every faculty regardless of their discipline and workload. 
本段论述强求所有教员从事相关职业是不合宜的。理由有三：1、教员忙于科研与教学已经很累没空工作；2、对于有些科目，很难说哪些是相关工作；3、有些科目的工作经验是难以言传明示的，老师有相关职业也没用。其中第一个理由可商榷：科研就不是相关工作么？事实上对于不少理工科教授，他们的工作就是搞研究，无论是国家项目还是厂家委派啊。第三个理由在文中其实是以哲学为例暗含的，建议直接指出来。

Higher education attaches great importance to experience outside academic world since (since+句子。for) its positive effects in enhancing teaching quality. Rather than obligating a relevant profession for all faculties, however, there are alternative ways to improve the quality of instruction being overlooked in this assertion. Giving students chances to explore and gain first-hand experience might work with higher efficiency and the quality of instruction will be accordingly improved.

全文思路是：主题句（要求所有教员就职并非上策）——>论证段1（（让步）有经验的老师能给学生带来好处）——>论证段2（转折。强求所有教员从事相关职业不合理）——>结论。
布局很平衡。论证段1的观点与全文主题是不同的，建议把admittedly让步放到该段，而非下一段的段首去。

克莱茵蓝UID: 2562571

ISSUE50
"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
I agreed partially with the assertion because experiences and empirical knowledge of the faculty is significant to the quality of instruction. While working in relevant profession can consolidate their conceptual framework and bridge the gap between theory and its application, it might not be the most efficient way which should be imposed to improve the quality of instruction irrespective of disciplines. (在这里做了转折，但是缺少了一个转折连词。在我看来，明确的连接词还是很重要的，起码可以把逻辑关系体现的更明显。)
Practice of higher education is not conducted in a vacuum though it enjoys a certain level of academic freedom and autonomy. Instead, economic development exerts great influences over higher education. Vocationalism at college and university is thriving, leading to an obvious correlation between discipline and profession indicates the increasing importance of experiences(这一句话里貌似出现了两个谓语): medical school students are expected to become doctors; law school students are future attorneys. (这里冒号的含义应该是说明之后跟的内容是前面内容的进一步解释，但是其后面的内容并没有体现出经验的重要性)It is legitimate for students from these professions to demand an experienced doctor or lawyer as their professors. Lecturing theories alone would not constitute a qualified college class. A conceptual framework consolidated by first hand experience can be well presented and accepted by the students. To explain various model of cognitive development, for example, one seasoned psychology professor illustrates each model with a specific child he had observed in a counseling center, which makes much easier for us to understand and memorize(这里的从句用得很好，起到了分析例证的作用，同时也强化了例证与分论点之间的联系). What's more, the narrowed gap between theory and its application enables students to be aware of the potentiality and limitation of their familiar theory in life scenario. Thus they could be better prepared to embark on their profession.
这一段的逻辑并不是很清晰，我觉得问题可能是出在分论点的设立上。全段第一句说明，高等教育并不是空洞得实施着。在下面的论述中，如果把what’s more看成是划分段落的依据，之前的内容在说出于对未来职业的考虑，与实践相结合的教学很重要，后面的内容在说，与实际结合的教学可以帮助学生对自己的专业有更深的理解。这两者跟分论点的联系都要通过揣摩才能得出，所以我建议能把分论点设立的更加直白，就是实践相关的教学很重要。
另外，instead后面连接的内容应该也能算是分论点内容之一，但是下面的论述却没有提到经济的作用。
Admittedly, the faculty can gain experience through working in relevant professions and benefit their students. Making it as a compulsory policy for all faculty across disciplines can be unrealistic considering the limited energy of professors and discipline characteristics. We are all familiar with the long existing debate about whether research or teaching should be prioritized. Professors are already pressured to excel in academic research, which requires immense amount of time and energy to produce. Also, they have to be careful that students would not accuse them of overlooking classroom teaching. Therefore, it would augment the already heavy burden of the faculty, especially those prominent professors, causing resistance and reluctance that can decrease the morale and even to the detriment of their academic excellence and quality of instruction.(这一句的表述貌似有问题吧) Again(看不明白在这里的作用) not all faculties should be required to work in relevant profession because some disciplines are less demanding in terms of first hand experience. Unlike vocation-oriented disciplines like medication and law, disciplines like philosophy and literature put less emphasis in terms of experiences and empirical knowledge. Plus(这里的逻辑连接做得很好~), a relevant profession of philosophy is not so easily identified. The profession of philosophers is very likely to be read, observe, think and write or like Socrates, converse. Even if we assume there is a profession highly relevant with philosophy, the experiences and empirical knowledge from it might not be explicit and transferable. (这一段内容的让步做得很好，但是整个在全段中充当的成分不是很明显。建议把这一段关于philosophy的论述变为例子。)To conclude, working in a relevant profession is not the universal solution to every faculty regardless of their discipline and workload.
相比来说，这一段的逻辑关系清晰了很多，但还是要注意连词的使用。

Higher education attaches great importance to experience outside academic world since (for, because of) its positive effects in enhancing teaching quality. Rather than obligating a relevant profession for all faculties, however, there are alternative ways to improve the quality of instruction being overlooked in this assertion. Giving students chances to explore and gain first-hand experience might work with higher efficiency and the quality of instruction will be accordingly improved.
结尾段的内容应该对全文作出回顾和总结，但貌似没做到吧……而且，你的论述感觉像是平衡观点，结尾段却没有这样的感觉

我也是新手呢，个人意见仅供参考……