ISSUE147

hudu464UID: 2512268

Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them.

Choices are made between historical buildings and new skyscrapers, controversies over how Internet and parents are competing for youngsters' attention and debates about whether knowledge or skills should be the priority of school curriculum. These real life scenarios echoed with the assertion that tradition and modernization are incompatible and we did have to make choice. Like many dichotomies, however, this one is an oversimplification. Out of discrepancy and contradictions, their underlying alignments and complementariness enable us to come up with a balanced solution rather than a false dilemma.

Alignment between tradition and modernization arises from the nature of social development. Social development, as well as human development, is an upward spiral, historically interconnected. By modernization, we do not mean an isolated and clear-cut stage of development. Rather, it constitutes one period in the continuum of history, connecting with other point along the line. One particular previous point is what known as tradition. Beneath the changing face of modernization, adherence to at least certain essentialities of tradition can be identified in real life scenario. Education, for example, is one arena where the older generation transfers what they want to preserve to the younger generation. In terms of curriculum, there is remarkable uniformity across time and countries: Language, mathematics, philosophy, art, music and physical education are a variant of classic subjects when Ancient Greek first invented formal education.
Education is being modernized through assorted ways and trends like privitation and vocationalism are causing continuous debates between essentialists and progressive educators. It did not have a telling effect in curriculum that is taught in classroom. Tradition always has one way or another to perpetuate its beliefs, customs and practices in the progressive movement of modernization.

Even being aware the nature alignment, conservatives and liberals are unlikely to end their debates, where conservatives accuse modernization of degenerating valued tradition; liberals blame tradition for bonding creativity. Admittedly, both sides gain their ground with factual events and reasonable predictions. Nevertheless, these differences are not necessarily to be identified as conflict. Perceived complementariness, I propose, would allow space for negotiation to alleviate controversial issues. Powerful technologies can help preserve and promote tradition while traditional value system can keep the development of modernization in check. In recent years, there appears increasing dispute between the sweeping effect of globalization, which is a critical component of modernization, and developed its byproduct culture hegemony. Indigenous culture is reported as gradually fading when they want to involve themselves in the global community. If we look another side of the story, we might find how we even firstly are aware of a different culture is through the benefits of modernization. In this sense, any information technology can be a tool for different tradition keeper to preserve and promote their unique tradition. Channels like Discovery documented and broadcasted numerous exotic cultures which we may never get to know. On another side, the expansion of modernization sometimes can be scary if we do not take long-valued morality into consideration. Cutting-edge technologies like stem-cell research, nuclear weapon and human cloning could lead to unwanted even catastrophic consequences. As a result, a traditional and widely-shared value system can help people minimize the negative side-effects when we enjoy the convenience and prosperity brought by modernization.

The pendulum between tradition and modernization will never stop swing. It did not mean, however, that we always have to make a choice between them. As discussed above, their complementariness enables us to have a balanced solution towards particular problem. Hopefully, with this optimistic perception in mind, we could have more programs like "Technology for humanity" to satisfy both conservatives and liberals.

plukaUID: 2721764

Choices are made between historical buildings and new skyscrapers, controversies over how Internet and parents are competing for youngsters' attention and debates about whether knowledge or skills should be the priority of school curriculum.(用同一个between带三个宾语似乎有些不自然，比如choices are made between controversies这个between改成among会不会更好） These real life scenarios echoed with the assertion that tradition and modernization are incompatible and we did(do) have to make choice. Like many dichotomies, however, this one(这里直接用idea之类的名词会比用指代清楚） is an oversimplification. Out of discrepancy and contradictions, their underlying alignments and complementariness(complementarity) enable us to come up with a balanced solution rather than a false dilemma.
（M-W查的alignment：1 : the act of aligning or state of being aligned;  especially   : the proper positioning or state of adjustment of parts (as of a mechanical or electronic device) in relation to each other 2 a : a forming in line  b : the line thus formed 3 : the ground plan (as of a railroad or highway) in distinction from the profile 4 : an arrangement of groups or forces in relation to one another  *new alignments within the political party*  偏重阵列之类的意思，要表示在同一战线用alliance可能好点~）

Alignment between tradition and modernization arises from the nature of social development. Social development, as well as human development, is an upward spiral, historically interconnected. By modernization, we do not mean an isolated and clear-cut stage of development. Rather, it constitutes one period in the continuum of history, connecting with other point along the line. One particular previous point is what known as tradition. Beneath the changing face of modernization, adherence to at least certain essentialities of tradition can be identified in real life scenario. Education, for example, is one arena where the older generation transfers what they want to preserve to the younger generation. In terms of curriculum, there is remarkable uniformity across time and countries: Language, mathematics, philosophy, art, music and physical education are (a) variants of classic subjects（哪些古典课程，可列出以对比增加说服力） when Ancient Greek first invented formal education.Education is being modernized through assorted ways and trends like privitation(privatization) and vocationalism are causing continuous debates between essentialists and progressive educators. It did not have a telling effect in curriculum that is taught in classroom. Tradition always has one way or another to perpetuate its beliefs, customs and practices in the progressive movement of modernization. 
本段首句：现代化与传统的同盟是建立在社会发展的本质上的。接着指出现代化的表面之下传统的精髓仍保留下来了。例子是教育。私以为除了提出课程的相似性，可以强调一下教育的精神和目的比如发展个人贡献社会什么的，这个内在本质是一脉相承的，只是由于古今环境不同所以表现不同。鉴于观点是强调“日常生活中仍保留着传统的精髓”，举例最好能点出这些精髓是什么。仅止于讨论课程的话，后面的essentialist和progressive educators的部分啥的显得有些散漫。
那个描述螺旋上升的社会发展好熟悉^^ 马哲学得好啊~

Even being aware the nature alignment, conservatives and liberals are unlikely to end their debates, where conservatives accuse modernization of degenerating valued tradition; （分号隔开完整的句子，但这里where还没完吧，不如改用逗号加连词）liberals blame tradition for bonding creativity. Admittedly, both sides gain their ground with factual events and reasonable predictions. Nevertheless, these differences are not necessarily to be identified as conflict. Perceived complementariness(complementarity), I propose, would allow space for negotiation to alleviate(觉得这个词接ISSUE有些不自然，或者直接接controversies?M-W解释，供参考。alleviate: : RELIEVE, LESSEN: as  a : to make (as suffering) more bearable  *her sympathy alleviated his distress*  b : to partially remove or correct  *measures taken to alleviate a labor shortage*synonyms see RELIEVE)controversial issues. Powerful technologies can help preserve and promote tradition while traditional value system can keep the development of modernization in check. In recent years, there appears increasing dispute between the sweeping effect of globalization, which is a critical component of modernization（, ）and（逗号+and的结构分隔两个完整的句子，不完整的部分不要逗号只要连词） developed its byproduct culture hegemony. Indigenous culture is reported as gradually fading when they want to involve themselves in the global community.（前文写全球化带来文化fading，后文讲cultural benefits，中间需转折连词） If we look (at) another side of the story, we might find how we even firstly are aware of a different culture is through the benefits of modernization. In this sense, any information technology can be a tool for different tradition keeper to preserve and promote their unique tradition（这个推论有些勉强，前句说的是接触不同的文化，后句结论为有助于保持自己的独特文化，为什么呢）. Channels like Discovery documented and broadcasted numerous exotic cultures which we may never get to know. On another side, the expansion of modernization sometimes can be scary if we do not take long-valued morality into consideration. Cutting-edge technologies like stem-cell research, nuclear weapon and human cloning could lead to unwanted even catastrophic consequences. （额，干细胞研究是有好处的呀= =|||有了干细胞，就直接培育组织不用克隆人了），As a result(however), a traditional and widely-shared value system can help people minimize the negative side-effects when we enjoy the convenience and prosperity brought by modernization（哪些widely-shared value）. 

本段论述现代化与传统并不全然违背，也能互利，也就是主题句提到的complementarity。
开头用了有让步含义的even，个人觉得用转折词比较好。全文主题是M与T一致并且互补，上一段论述的是M与T暗地里牵小手，这里讲M和T的两家人否认他们牵小手，三个部分之间好像让步关系不明显。
in recent years以后的内容是发展和举例，论述对象是全球化和文化。其实这里我有个小小的疑惑，tradition和culture是什么关系，modernization和globalization之间是什么关系，相互混着用准确么，modernization不止globalization吧？突然想到，尚未求解~

The pendulum between tradition and modernization will never stop swinging. It did not mean, however, that we always have to make a choice between them. As discussed above, their complementariness enables us to have a balanced solution towards particular problem. Hopefully, with this optimistic perception in mind, we could have more programs like "Technology for humanity" to satisfy both conservatives and liberals.

全文内容按照主旨alignment和complementarity的指引展开啦，然而主题句中这个东西--come up with a balanced solution，貌似没有在文中讨论过（互补的那部分，归到互补里面去，俺觉得就solution来说是没讨论。篇幅也不用太多，提几句就好了吧，或者直接上例子，就像结尾那个 "Technology for humanity"。额，我觉得结尾就是结尾，已经不属于论述段，里面出现过不能说是讨论过）。
当然，限时的原因嘛，上面那个solution也不是特别紧要，但还是在此建议下。
主题句的指引作用、内容的衔接和联系都体现出来了，好~ 例子还可以继续发展，specific到揪出具体的物品名词都行。
不过，今天又看了两篇范文，很是纠结。观点还行，语言普通，例子浅显平易，感觉有些缺乏整体性，那是篇五分~因为读起来跟六分酣畅清晰差别有些大，我还纠结了一阵子，想，那就是五分的水平么……后来发现主要差别在于语言。语言差一点的读起来当然没那么舒服。阅卷人也评了，还有段落连接。但抛开这些“让它没能达到6分”的缺点，来看优点……额……说实话，私以为并不是很突出啊！只是有一点，举例讲得很明白。例子本身取材就很平易好理解（这个是不是要学习，存疑），举例部分的语言也很平易（虽然算不上漂亮）。然后看了之后信心大涨。
所以要有信心呀~