issue 70 快急死了 请大家帮帮忙

niyinanUID: 2693578

准备了一个月了，可是还是的一个小时才能写完一篇，而且感觉写起来很困难。一些想法表达不出来。这篇也是憋了一个小时，大家很拍啊。。。。


70"In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership."

The speaker claims that revitalizing those in power is the surest path to success for any enterprise, however, I disagree with the speaker as he ignores the different characters of different professions, and his statement is not correct in certain respects, nevertheless, I do not expect no revitalization of the leadership.

When we exam this argument the connection between revitalization and success for an enterprise, a fruitful place is to consider the necessity of revitalization of leadership.
In my view, the necessity of revitalization comes from the needs of keeping a fresh view of specific realm and avoiding excessive concentrate of power that may pose obstacle on the way to success, thus it is the character of the specific profession that determines the need of revitalization of leadership.

In the realm of politics, proper revitalization is necessary. As we all know, the long-term leadership of politics would pose a great threat to the democracy of the nation, since without worrying about being replaced by other politicians, those in power may become blind to the voice of the public and abuse power for the interests of themselves or particular groups at the expense of the common people. And this why we never expect people in iraq could enjoy the freedom and human right and iraq would make certain achievement in democracy progress under the autocracy of saddam. Proper revitalization in politics force the leaders to pay attention to the interests of the public and listen to them, in order to achieve in the next election, those in power would make policies that benefit the people which indeed contribute to the progress of democracy and the increasing level of the common people. Thus, revitalization is truly urgent in political realm.

When it comes to business, revitalization of leadership can’t help the leaders keep a novel and accurate view of the present and the future of the company, at the same time excessive power do not exert a negative impact on the profit maximization which is generally defined as the ultimate goal of business. One illusion involves in Gates and his Microsoft, although Gate has kept being the capital of the Microsoft since it was set many decades ago, the operating systems designed and produced by his company still keep dominating the software markets and it seems that there is still no software company could challenge its dominating position. Similarly, ma has been managing its alibaba since its foundation many years ago, while alibaba has been gaining more and more profit year by year through providing online business plat.
Therefore, revitalization of leadership has little to do with the success in business.

Finally, it must be noted that revitalization of leadership is only the measure taken to keep those in power are ones who have a broader and deeper horizon of the problems they are faced with and the opportunities and challenges they may confront in the future. Ignoring the basic and necessary ability of leaders and overrating the importance of revitalization, by no means could a group achieve success in the profession.

From has been discussed, we may safely draw the conclusion that the speaker, obviously, mistakes the measure as the ultimate goal, instead of revitalization of the leadership, the surest path to success is the correctly discovery of the character of the profession and keeping a changing and acute view and carrying the most efficient and effective plan.

berninaUID: 2503038

LZ, 想要文章被拍到最好是建立小组，其次是发互改贴，先改一篇别人的，然后留下连接，让他拍你的。

太晚了，就看了一段，挺好，不过我认为 先说不能没有领导更新换代，再说但是有些岗位经常替换是不合适的。这样的顺序比较好一些，个人意见，LZ参考

还有，我认为这个题目说的是两个问题，首先 should or not, 其次，whether the surest way....is revitalization through new leadership

LZ,再拿不准题目的时候 不妨翻一翻版里的精华帖，相信你会受益匪浅。

niyinanUID: 2693578

谢谢版主指点 知道该怎么做了 2# bernina

hudu464UID: 2512268

70"In any profession—business, politics, education, government—those in power should step down after five years. The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership."

The speaker claims that revitalizing those in power is the surest path to success for any enterprise, however, I disagree with the speaker as he ignores the different characters of different professions, and his statement is not correct in certain respects, nevertheless, I do not expect no revitalization of the leadership（复杂性体现的很好，但是好像把这么多转折柔在一个句子有点纠结，建议把让步和表明自己观点分开）.

When we exam this argument the connection between revitalization and success for an enterprise, a fruitful place is to consider the necessity of revitalization of leadership.
In my view, the necessity of revitalization comes from the needs of keeping a fresh view of specific realm and avoiding excessive concentrate(concentration?)of power that may pose obstacle on the way to success, thus it is the character of the specific profession that determines the need of revitalization of leadership(这个因果关系不是很好理解，上一句并没有提及specific profession，thus后突然出现。）

In the realm of politics, proper revitalization is necessary. As we all know, the long-term leadership of politics would pose a great threat to the democracy of the nation, since without worrying about being replaced by other politicians, those in power may become blind to the voice of the public and abuse power for the interests of themselves or particular groups at the expense of the common people. And this why we never expect people in iraq could enjoy the freedom and human right and iraq would make certain achievement in democracy progress under the autocracy of saddam. Proper revitalization in politics force the leaders to pay attention to the interests of the public and listen to them, in order to achieve in the next election, those in power would make policies that benefit the people which indeed contribute to the progress of democracy and the increasing level of the common people（正面也举个例子吧，这样论证更饱满）. Thus, revitalization is truly urgent in political realm.

When it comes to business, revitalization of leadership can’t help the leaders keep a novel(为什么不能保证一个创新的眼光呢?) and accurate view of the present and the future of the company, at the same time excessive power do not exert a negative impact on the profit maximization which is generally defined as the ultimate goal of business. One illusion involves in Gates and his Microsoft, although Gate has kept being the capital of the Microsoft since it was set many decades ago, the operating systems designed and produced by his company still keep dominating the software markets and it seems that there is still no software company could challenge its dominating position. Similarly, ma has been managing its alibaba since its foundation many years ago, while alibaba has been gaining more and more profit year by year through providing online business plat.
Therefore, revitalization of leadership has little to do with the success in business（没有分析例证，只是摆了两个事实。如果可以具体说明GATES和MA的管理方法或者决策力什么，让公司一直保持在一个高水平上。比如政策的连续性什么的。更能切合你在首句提出的观点）.

Finally, it must be noted that revitalization of leadership is only the measure taken to keep those in power are ones who have a broader and deeper horizon of the problems they are faced with and the opportunities and challenges they may confront in the future. Ignoring the basic and necessary ability of leaders and overrating the importance of revitalization, by no means could a group achieve success in the profession（补充的很好。观点显得全面）.

From has been discussed, we may safely draw the conclusion that the speaker, obviously, mistakes the measure as the ultimate goal, instead of revitalization of the leadership, the surest path to success is the correctly discovery of the character of the profession and keeping a changing and acute view and carrying the most efficient and effective plan.

全文从政治和商业两个角度出发分别论述。结构还是很清晰的。语言也很流畅。
但是我貌似没有很好的理解到全文的主题句。主题句没有起到引导全文的作用。我是看完后面的才知道你要怎么展开论述的。
另外。政治方面的论证相比商业方面来的完整和立体。用了分析和对比。建议作者也考虑用同种方法对待商业方面。。
（我也经常这样。因为限时的关系，写到第二个观点的论证为了赶时间就根本不管了。唉。。纠结。真不知道真正考试的时候怎么写的完）。。

niyinanUID: 2693578

确实是忽视了主题句，有好多地方不严谨， 回去修改，再次感谢hudu。 4# hudu464