ISSUE153~请求大家指点~有拍必回

小灵易碎UID: 2733622

“Students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study.They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively”



For decades,the majority of students have long been used to accepting an educational course from elementry school to senior school,high school,then college or further study.Nearly no one has been suspectable about what students study,instead,students take the systematical educational curriculums for granted,even always regard it as an approach to success.Undoubtedly,what students learn from school hepls students accumulate sufficient scientific knowledges and usually does a favor in the vacation of students'future.However,some opponents,myself included,are skeptical about what students are taught in nowadays teaching classes.once students entering in school,without considering the different teaching languages,they are set to learn fixed curriculums including math,geography,chemistry,etc.When it comes to concrete knowledges,what students study today makes no differences with that of decades before.Gauss would always be honored as a unsuperable mathmetician in mathmetics class,while Wignar and his floating continents theory must be mentioned as seemly a permernent truth in geography textbook.Lagging and slowly-developed information are pushing students back to an old-fashioned mind style,which is out of step with high-speed growing society and practical reality.What is worse,whether what students study suits to their individual needs is certainly questionable.



Generaly speaking,what students learn from textbooks can be definitied as knowledges concluded by great thinkers in specific fields and ultimately identified or proved right in history.Therefore,being awed with predecessors'achievements,students would rather natrually consider what they are taught are definitely proper and accept the existing knowledges than keep skeptism on them.As time goes on,what students get can gradually shape the outlines of their knowledge system and dicide the way they deal with affairs.But harsh reality has indicated that what nowadays students passively study are far behind times.For example,in the1990s,the Moore's Law,which could be accounted as a unfallible law in college teaching,is verified by the success of Amazon.com and eBay.In the light of the e-Bussiness,Jeff Bezos created the first online bookshop and expanding his business in an unpredicted speed in such short time.on the other hand,by the development of network technology,Pierre Emidyar is making eBay from a second-hand goods e-shop into insofar the biggest internet transaction platform.Enormous profits surged from electronic commercial companies,which caused an illusion:the more advanced computer technologies are,the more lucrative e-Business is.What was the result?Students who accepted what they had learned blindly flooded into the Silicon Valley and set up their companies with their unfinished commercial plans and senseless passion.It is obvious that such a situation would bring intense competetion and finally make a large scale of bankruptcy.Cruel reality taught the unexperienced youth a painful lesson:what is thought of being reasonable in the textbooks is doubtful in practical condition,students who ignore the point will pay a heavy price.



Maybe someone would refute that it is largely what Jeff Bezos acquired from Princeton University makes him be proficient of marketing reasearch and accouting work.Yet comparetively,I would like to owe his achievement to his own sensitive commercial insight and business skills,which is often more useful in practical situation,but lacking on college circumstances.



Furthermore,individual potential capability should be explored but not be ruined by fixed teaching way.Bill Gates,for instance,dropped out from Harvard and got away from tedious existing classes.following his own intrest and personal talent now makes Gates a pace-setter in IT industry.Imagining that if Bill Gates continued to finish his fixed learning in the university passively,he would be like many other common undergraduate students,instead of being great.Namely,to a great extent,students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they,for passive-accepted knowledges may sometimes debacle the great expectation,compared with making the most suitable choice.



Failing to recognize the importance of nowadays systematic education and fixed knowledges is unwise,while keeping a skeptical attitude to what students study is equally necessary.For existing fixed knowledges can not catch up with the high pace of modern society,meanwhile,systematic education may be in the way of individuls.Keeping a balance between the two aspects is advisible,after all,the purpose of education is both imparting knowledges and constantly improving it by questioning what students study.

plukaUID: 2721764

“Students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they study.They should question what they are taught instead of accepting it passively”


For decades,the majority of students have long been used to accepting an educational course from elementry school to senior school,high school,then college or further study.（这句很闲扯，学生不接受教育性课程接受啥？没看出想说明什么问题。改成被动性的？或者其他的？）Nearly no one has been suspectable（suspectable做定语指可疑的，此处用动词suspect即可） about what students study,instead,students take the systematical educational curriculums for granted（难道系统性教育性的课程不好吗= =囧，要明确是僵化或者被动性的云云啊，用贬义，再不济也不能用看上去挺褒的表达吧）,even always regard it as an approach to success.Undoubtedly,what students learn from school hepls students accumulate sufficient scientific knowledges and usually does a favor in the vacation of students'future.However,some opponents,myself included,are skeptical about what students are taught in nowadays teaching classes.once students entering in school,without considering the different teaching languages,they are set to learn fixed curriculums including math,geography,chemistry,etc.When it comes to concrete knowledges,what students study today makes no differences with that of decades before（这个观点待推敲，有些真理确实是始终如一的，比如万有引力，难道过了几十年就成错的、需要更新了吗？学校传授一些不变的知识也是应该的）.Gauss would always be honored as a unsuperable mathmetician in mathmetics class（这例子不相干）,while Wignar and his floating continents theory must be mentioned as seemly a permernent truth in geography textbook.Lagging and slowly-developed information are pushing students back to an old-fashioned mind style,which is out of step with high-speed growing society and practical reality.What is worse,whether what students study suits to their individual needs is certainly questionable.
（主题句是however句否？作者欲展开这个开头，但展开得不太令人满意。首先，我不知道你skeptical about的具体是啥——或者我知道，是知识不更新，与时代脱节...但是，这与这个ISSUE题目有啥关系？题目说的是学生要主动怀疑而非被动接受，这里扯一堆知识太老套——这算啥事......）


Generaly speaking,what students learn from textbooks can be definitied as knowledges concluded by great thinkers in specific fields and ultimately identified or proved right in history.Therefore（这个因果关系不明显，无需therefore）,being awed with predecessors'achievements,students would rather natrually consider what they are taught are definitely proper and accept the existing knowledges than keep skeptism on them.As time goes on,what students get can gradually shape the outlines of their knowledge system and dicide the way they deal with affairs.But harsh reality has indicated that what nowadays students passively study are far behind times（语法貌似有问题，定语从句没出来）.For example,in the1990s,the Moore's Law,which could be accounted as a unfallible law in college teaching,is verified by the success of Amazon.com and eBay.In the light of the e-Bussiness,Jeff Bezos created the first online bookshop and expanding his business in an unpredicted speed in such short time.on the other hand,by the development of network technology,Pierre Emidyar is making eBay from a second-hand goods e-shop into insofar the biggest internet transaction platform.Enormous profits surged from electronic commercial companies,which caused an illusion:the more advanced computer technologies are,the more lucrative e-Business is.What was the result?Students who accepted what they had learned blindly flooded into the Silicon Valley and set up their companies with their unfinished commercial plans and senseless passion.It is obvious that such a situation would bring intense competetion and finally make a large scale of bankruptcy.Cruel reality taught the unexperienced youth a painful lesson:what is thought of being reasonable in the textbooks is doubtful in practical condition,students who ignore the point will pay a heavy price.（这段的例子交叉重叠，有些乱。个人理解是这里有两个例子。第一个是教科书没能正确估量摩尔理论（因为亚马逊靠这个成功了嘛），第二个是学生盲目效仿亚马逊他们的成功。第一个例子想证明教科书的错误，算达到目的。第二个就不知道想证明啥（盲从吗，那倒是可以）——问题是本段的结尾总结又写着textbooks is doubtful...从第二个例子里俺怎么也没看到textbooks的影子……还有，本段的中心论点到底是啥！开头写学生被吓住，后面写教科书不可信，虽然可以看出一点联系，但看得不爽，不清晰！）

Maybe someone would refute that it is largely what Jeff Bezos acquired from Princeton University makes him be proficient of marketing reasearch and accouting work.Yet comparetively,I would like to owe his achievement to his own sensitive commercial insight and business skills,which is often more useful in practical situation,but lacking on college circumstances.（不知道要证明啥，证明学校教育没用？这个题目论述的是学生的思辨能力，不是要把学校教育给推倒啊）

Furthermore,individual potential capability should be explored but not be ruined by fixed teaching way.Bill Gates,for instance,dropped out from Harvard and got away from tedious existing classes.following his own intrest and personal talent now makes Gates a pace-setter in IT industry.Imagining that if Bill Gates continued to finish his fixed learning in the university passively（注意这个词，没错，就是passively，这是关键。本文迄今论述的好像都是学校教育不好哇不好，有一杆子打死之嫌，偏偏就没有写到要打死它的理由是因为它passively！）,he would be like many other common undergraduate students,instead of being great（这种设想俺做不来，= =）.Namely,to a great extent,students should bring a certain skepticism to whatever they,for passive-accepted knowledges may sometimes debacle the great expectation,compared with making the most suitable choice.

Failing to recognize the importance of nowadays systematic education and fixed knowledges is unwise,while keeping a skeptical attitude to what students study is equally necessary.For existing fixed knowledges can not catch up with the high pace of modern society,meanwhile,systematic education may be in the way of individuls.Keeping a balance between the two aspects is advisible,after all,the purpose of education is both imparting knowledges and constantly improving it by questioning what students study.(结尾没看）

没太多的说，建议再好好看清题目，挖掘到底要说啥。每段的主题句和目的搞清楚，不能忽略掉关键词。逻辑这个东西第一就是要有目的性！
另，hudu已经考完了，我是顺手过来改一下...拍得直接了勿怒。

暖羊羊UID: 2738218

it is largely what Jeff Bezos acquired from Princeton University 【that】makes him be proficient of marketing reasearch and accouting work.

个人意见：如果用强调句，请一定注意少没少that or who。

暖羊羊UID: 2738218

强调结构的标志就是it is/was +... that/who；
如果省略的话，可以省略that/who以及后面的部分，如
—Who is making so much noise in the garden?

—It is the children. (=It is the children that are making so much noise in the garden. )

暖羊羊UID: 2738218

时间有限，我看了一下第一段，顺便提一点意见：

第一段：

elementry school——拼写错；

senior school, high school——你想说的是senior high school么？

Nearly no one这个句子，前面用了educational curriculums（注意此单词是复数），后面指代的时候用it，显然是互相矛盾的；

Hepls——拼写错；

Knowledges——这个词作复数用的时候，指的不是知识，而是学科，并且是个古老的用法；

does a favor in the vacation of students' future——chinglish+词不达意；

nowadays teaching classes——chinglish+词不达意

once students entering in school——这句的语法有问题，你可以说Once students enter …, they …或者Once entering school…, students…

When it comes to concrete knowledges——knowledge第二次以复数形式出现，makes no differences是错的，这里的difference应该用单数，而且这个短语用在这里是不恰当的，可以考虑直接用is no different from，decades before是错的，应该用decades ago；

a unsuperable mathmetician——拼写错+词不达意；

Wignar——正确拼写是Alfred Lothar Wegener；

Seemly——用在这里合适么？

Permernent——拼写错；

Lagging and slowly-developed这句，information作主语，谓语动词应该是单数的，mind style不合适，我猜你想用的是mind-set；

high-speed growing society and practical reality.——chinglish；

suits to their individual needs——suit在这里可以做及物动词；

暖羊羊UID: 2738218

关于格式和拼写：
请在把作文粘贴上来之前调整一下单词之间的距离；
请在word里做一下自查。

关于语言使用：
拼写错超过三处就需要引起注意；
文中引用的人名（如魏格纳）和专有名词请慎重处理；
部分语法点需要复习，如主谓一致；
认识的单词！=会用的单词，所以在不确定某个用法是否正确的情况下，用最有把握那个；
在阅读中积累准确and地道的表达。

hugeseaUID: 190158

5# 暖羊羊  
that不可以省略吗？
Bela1229 发表于 2010-1-12 18:50

强调句的标识词啊，当然不能省， 又不是定语从句的先行词

暖羊羊UID: 2738218

But harsh reality has indicated that what nowadays students passively study are far behind times（语法貌似有问题，定语从句没出来）.

至于小螃蟹说的定语从句没出来，其实不是这样的。
这句的问题在于主谓一致。
But harsh reality has indicated that （what nowadays students passively study） are far behind times.

把are改为is就对了。

小灵易碎UID: 2733622

哇~大家都好热心啊~！谢谢大家~~我一定回拍~

最好能给小灵个回拍的链接，不然我满世界找到各位朋友的文完了还不是你想让我拍的那篇不抓瞎了吗？O(∩_∩)O哈哈~

小灵易碎UID: 2733622

For decades,the majority of students have long been used to accepting an educational course from elementry school to senior school,high school,then college or further study.（这句很闲扯，学生不接受教育性课程接受啥？没看出想说明什么问题。改成被动性的？或者其他的？）
=================
嗯，有道理，我在想用compulsory之类的词语表示强制性的、被动的会不会好一点？


students take the systematical educational curriculums for granted（难道系统性教育性的课程不好吗= =囧，要明确是僵化或者被动性的云云啊，用贬义，再不济也不能用看上去挺褒的表达吧）
================
the content of  educational curriculums如何？

小灵易碎UID: 2733622

关于格式和拼写：
请在把作文粘贴上来之前调整一下单词之间的距离；
请在word里做一下自查。

关于语言使用：
拼写错超过三处就需要引起注意；
文中引用的人名（如魏格纳）和专有名词请慎重处理；
部分语法点需要复习，如主谓一致；
认识的单词！=会用的单词，所以在不确定某个用法是否正确的情况下，用最有把握那个；
在阅读中积累准确and地道的表达。
====================
羊羊我只能说你太用心了，都是硬伤，都是硬伤……（摸摸伤口）~我会好好上药的~

放在word里没有红绿波浪线，就匆匆放上来了，还有两个月考试，到现在还是要用两倍的时间……=。=

我看我就是10G再战的主儿了~o(╯□╰)o

plukaUID: 2721764

For decades,the majority of students have long been used to accepting an educational course from elementry school to senior school,high school,then college or further study.（这句很闲扯，学生不接受教育 ...
小灵易碎 发表于 2010-1-12 21:22

compulsory好一些，但除了指出一个显而易见的事实之外也不能说明太多问题。是想暗示compulsory不好吗？义务教育还是compulsory呢，能说它因为是compulsory所以就不好吗？与其强调教育体制的强制性不如指出教育内容的僵化脱节消极，或者，内容的强制性。

另一个改成contents of educational curriculum也好一些。

小灵易碎UID: 2733622

嗯，小螃蟹说的在理，还有那个亚马逊和ebay的例子，我想把ebay的去掉是不是能简洁一点~同时想扩充甚至修改比尔盖茨那个例子~那个有点单薄的样子，我写的时候也有点犹豫来着……

以后多交流哈~能从你那里学到不少呢~^^

hugeseaUID: 190158

大致看了下~pluka标红色的suspect我觉得改成doubt比较好
doubt是指认为某物不正确（ to lack confidence in），与suspect是有区别的
Bela1229 发表于 2010-1-12 18:39

何必呢？直接用question或者challenge啊，或者challenge and question一起用啊