[ineffable] Issue207- by xiaxiaobing

xiaxiaobing919UID: 2606450

170"The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people."



Is the general welfare of people the surest indicator to a great nation, instead of the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, as the speaker asserts? I concede that the general welfare can manifest the overall strength of the country. However, since our nation is an organic combination, the indication of a great nation should comprehensively consider many other factors.

To begin with, the public welfare is generalized from the comprehensive strength of a country. If the population are suffering from starvation or become homeless caused by poverty and wars, there is no way to believe the country are strong. Dating back to the Qing Dynasty in China, when we were undergoing the aggression of western countries, the general residents invariably live miserable lives, because the government put nothing but heavy tax burden to them, not to mention the welfare, and necessarily induce the corruption of that government. Therefore, in order to identify a great nation, the general welfare will necessarily be taken into consideration.

However, the political situation and social format are also indispensable to evaluate a nation. For example, before the civil war, the American was still holding a slave system, where the majority of black people have been deprived of the basic civil rights. However, with endless endeavor of Abraham Lincoln, a very famous president that leads the civil war, the slave system finally had been removed. It is obvious that the general welfare has not got any improvement during the period of war, but the America do make a great promotion because of the achievements of Licoln to eliminate the slave system.

Moreover, artistic achievement enriches our spirit, without which we can only live a vain but abundant life. This point can find its appropriate support from the example of Human Comedy, which is composed by a famous critical realistic French writer Balzac. It cannot help but provide a humorous aspect for us to analyze the French society in nineteen century, as well as enhancing our awareness of who we are and how we can live a more meaningful life. In this case, the achievements of artists do exert great impacts in human society, and therefore are necessary for a great country.

Furthermore, as lived in a technology-driving society, we should never neglect the function of science to afford us a more prosperous society, as well as more comfortable and convenient lives. The computer and telephone have connected the people all over the world, which provide us more approaches to access to information, and the advances in transportation has tremendously expanded our personal experience and view. Without scientists, the society will never become its current appearance. Thus, it is necessary to consider the achievements of scientists when evaluating a nation.

In conclusion, without any doubts that the general welfare is very important for us to evaluate the greatness of a nation. However, since our nation is an organic combination of many other factors, we should comprehensively consider other factors that are important to a nation, such as the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientists.

karen_06UID: 2728072

Is the general welfare of people the surest indicator to a great nation, instead of the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, as the speaker asserts?（觉得paraphrase一下更好，如替换surest, general welfare等） I concede that the general welfare can manifest the overall strength of the country. However, since our nation is an organic combination, the indication of a great nation should comprehensively consider many other factors.

To begin with, the public welfare is generalized from the comprehensive strength of a country. If the population are（我觉得population在此指整体更好些，is） suffering from starvation or become (enduring) homeless caused by poverty and wars, there is no way to believe the country are strong. Dating back to the Qing Dynasty in China, when we were undergoing the aggression of western countries, the general residents invariably live（lived） miserable lives, because the government put nothing but heavy tax burden to(on?) them, not to mention the welfare, and necessarily induce(啥意思？reducing?) the corruption of that government. Therefore, in order to identify a great nation, the general welfare will necessarily be taken into consideration.

However, the political situation and social format are also indispensable to evaluate a nation. For example, before the civil war, the American was still holding a slave system, where the majority of black people have been deprived of the basic civil rights. However, with endless endeavor of Abraham Lincoln, a very famous president that leads the civil war, the slave system finally had been removed（remove强调有形的东西？制度的废除用abolish好点？）. It is obvious that the general welfare has not got any improvement during the period of war, but the America do make a great promotion because of the achievements of Licoln to eliminate the slave system.(该段是想表达政治形势也影响民族福利，还是说政治形势是民族强大的指标之一？如果是前者，我觉得该段首句应该再完善一下)

Moreover, artistic achievement enriches our spirit, without which we can only live a vain but abundant life（abundant but vain?）. This point can find its appropriate support from the example of Human Comedy, which is composed by a famous critical realistic French writer Balzac. It cannot help but provide a humorous aspect for us to analyze the French society in (the) nineteen century, as well as enhancing (enhance) our awareness of who we are and how we can live a more meaningful life. In this case, the achievements of artists do exert great impacts in human society, and therefore are necessary for a great country.

Furthermore, as lived in a technology-driving society, we should never neglect the function of science to afford us a more prosperous society, as well as more comfortable and convenient lives. The computer and telephone have connected the people all over the world, which provide (provides) us more approaches to access to information, and the advances in transportation has tremendously expanded our personal experience and view. Without scientists, the society will never become its current appearance(acquire today’s prosperity?). Thus, it is necessary to consider the achievements of scientists when evaluating a nation.

In conclusion, without any doubts that the general welfare is very important for us to evaluate the greatness of a nation. However, since our nation is an organic combination of many other factors, we should comprehensively consider other factors that are important to a nation, such as the achievements of its rulers, artists or scientists.
总的来说，结构清晰，我感觉你的侧重点是：判断国家是否强大主要取决于个人成就，所以建议将第一段的最后一句修改完善一下，让观点有所明确；或者在第一段和下文之间插入体现观点的话。
个人建议，也不知合不合适，希望有所帮助了。