issue33

linlilyUID: 134340

修改之后的

Issue 33: Creating an appealing image has become more important in contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind image.

In the age of pursuing efficiency and rapidity, most people believe that creating an appealing image is important. However, Is image more important than reality or truth, as the speaker asserts? I dot not agree with the speaker thoroughly. In my opinion, image and reality are concern equally.

Usually people are more gladly to contact with those whose appearance is attractive by instinct. So when someone has an appealing image, one often has more opportunity to show one's ability because he gives others impressive effect at first glance and inspires other's interest in farther contacting with him. On the contrary, if one person go for an interview with dingy appearance, he is in danger that he will lose the job that is his perfect, even without given a chance to reveal his capability. One of my friends lost an occasion to get an important position in a known company because he went for interview with informal dress. The executive told him that he considered people who took liberties with their images would not do their best in their job. Then, creating an appealing is important when you begin your affiliate with others or seeking for a better job.

On the other hand, without the reality or truth behind image, an appealing image mounts little more than gives others a showy effect. People who do not have capability cannot success even though they have attractive appearance that brings him more opportunities. If people cannot complete their work successfully, they will become unwelcome and then lose the job. Once I was told a story about my old brother’s colleague who is very handsome. At the beginning of his entering the company, every one was likely to chat with him, and manager told him he would be promoted soon if he could complete his first task successfully. But after frequently failure in work, he alienated by his colleagues and thought of as talentless. At last, he fired by manager. You see, the reality or truth, rather than image is the key to success.

Simply put, people can get farther chance in work or esteem in society life only when they have sublime faculty. Have you heard others talking about famous scientist, enterpriser or politician? Every one of them has excellent talent. Have you heard laudable accomplishment about someone who only has an appealing image but without any abilities? So haven't we. An attractive appearance has no significance without the reality behind that image, because the latter is the headwater of the former. As the time goes on, charming image will change and cannot always make you more ascendant than others, but the capacity is the most important fortune of your lifetime.

To sum up, with an appealing image, people become luckier to get more opportunities. With reality or truth behind image, people are more likely to success. Thus, in contemporary society, image and reality are also important.

linlilyUID: 134340

我自己看了一下，大的问题有二：
1. 第三段论证有点混乱，其实可以分两段来写，把思路理清楚表达清楚
2. 没什么实例
  另外字数还是太少
  我改一下之后再贴上来可以么？麻烦大家多提意见，谢谢！

paisleyUID: 64183

其实可以自己改过之后，把原文进行编辑，粘贴最新的“版本”就好咯。

一定会有斑竹给你批的。也希望你多多参与每天的讨论哦：）

linlilyUID: 134340

修改完毕，请大家帮提意见，谢谢！

linlilyUID: 134340

......好几天了都没人帮我批改，恳请大家帮我看看吧，
提出您的宝贵意见，谢谢了~~

paisleyUID: 64183

Issue 33: Creating an appealing image has become more important in contemporary society than is the reality or truth behind image.

In the age of pursuing efficiency and rapidity, most people believe that creating an appealing image is important. However, Is image more important than reality or truth, as the speaker asserts? I dot not agree with the speaker thoroughly（最好用at all。Thoroughly不太用在否定句中）. In my opinion, image and reality are concern（？？什么意思呢？） equally.

Usually people are more gladly（应是glad，但该词用在这里不适合，用prone to或者inclined to比较好吧） to contact with those whose appearance is attractive by instinct. So when someone has an appealing image, one（这里应用his或者her） often has more opportunity to show one's（这里应用his或者her） ability because he gives others impressive effect（此词不妥） at first glance and inspires other's interest in farther（用further比较好） contacting with him. On the contrary, if one person go（应是goes） for an interview with dingy appearance, he is in danger that he will lose the job that is his perfect（直接说his favorite job就可以了。或者that is suitable for him）, even without （without后面应该是名词性结构，应加being）given a chance to reveal（show比较好） his capability. One of my friends lost an occasion（不妥，应是opportunity） to get an important position in a known company because he went for interview with informal dress（这是裙子。男生不会穿裙子吧？）. The executive told him that he considered（regarded比较好） people who took liberties with their images would not do their best in their job. Then, creating an appealing is important when you begin your affiliate（your后面怎么能跟动词呢） with others or seeking for a better job.

On the other hand, without the reality or truth behind image, an appealing image mounts little more than gives（than后面也应该跟名词性短语，应是giving） others a showy effect（effect不能give）. People who do not have capability（没有能力的人最好说incapable people）cannot success（应是succeed） even though they have attractive appearance that brings him（前面是they，后面是him了？） more opportunities. If people cannot complete（应用accomplish或者achieve） their work successfully, they will become unwelcome and then lose the job. Once I was told a story about my old brother’s colleague who is（应是was） very handsome. At the beginning of his entering the company（太罗嗦了，直接说At the beginning即可）, every one was likely（be likely是可能的意思，应用liked，表示“喜欢”） to chat with him, and （少the）manager told him he would be promoted soon if he could complete his first task successfully. But after frequently（应是frequent） failure（应用复数） in work, he （少got或者became）alienated by his colleagues and （少was）thought of as talentless. At last, he（少was） fired by manager. You see, the reality or truth, rather than image is the key to success.
人的才能是不是就一定可以叫做the truth？你需要花点笔墨交代。
Simply put, people can get farther chance in work or esteem in society life（应是social life） only when they have sublime faculty（faculty给人第一印象是“学校职员”，总觉得改一个比较好）. Have you heard others talking about famous scientist, enterpriser or politician（都应是复数）? Every one（应合起来） of them has excellent talent. Have you heard laudable accomplishment about someone who only has an appealing image but without any abilities? So（应是neither have we） haven't we. An attractive appearance has no significance without the reality behind that image, because the latter is the headwater of the former. As the time goes on, charming image will change and cannot always make you more ascendant than others, but the capacity is the most important fortune of your lifetime.

To sum up, with an appealing image, people become luckier to get more opportunities. With reality or truth behind image, people are more likely to success（同上）. Thus, in contemporary society, image and reality are also important（不可以这么说。 Both important还差不多）.


语法错误仍然很多。有些比较低级的错误，不应该。

给人感觉文章思维太浅。实际上image 指的未必是人的外表，也可以指事物的表层。创造一个花哨的、耸人听闻的表面的东西等等。这样你的论述可以更深入一点。

SMMUID: 106624

斑竹可能太忙了。我确无意show什么，也没有什么其它的想法。其实，今天，看到以前一个实验室的在berkeley变得更胖乎了，我羞愧得无地自容。我深知自己深爱的是什么，可是自己现在无力很好地去实现它。知道每一个准备考G的人也都不容易，因此不及羞愧提点自己的看法（我的315成绩很不好），也不知对不对，还是请自己多多斟酌。

总体来说
1. 你把image仅理解为一个人的相貌似乎有些太狭窄了。image可以指一个人在公众面前的形象，如正直、诚实、虚伪、道貌岸然、技艺高超、办事公正等等。这样对这个issue的讨论是不是更透彻一些？

2. 你也注意到了，你的例子都是你的story，这未尝不可。可是，是否有些弱呢？确实，对这样“空洞、抽象”的话题一时可能想不起那么多事例，不过，你还得深入一些。

3. 语言是思想的载体，在考场上我们不能给ETS画图说明，而用你自己能懂、而英语母语使用者莫名其妙的英语，效果也该不会太好。我觉得有时我们没有那么多表达方法，思想就比较难表现出来，翻来覆去就循环论证，更何况思想还是那么苍白和贫弱，再加上考场那种时间紧张状态？也许我们都得尽可能多地储备一些各种常用的表达方法。这对以后也有用。比如一些词汇、词组、短句、修辞等等。自己的工具箱里的东西多了，用起来也会顺手些。

不一定正确，请再考虑。祝好。

SMMUID: 106624

写的时候还没看见paisley的帖子，多嘴了。好好看看paisley的帖子应该很有帮助的。

linlilyUID: 134340

谢谢两位的答复，两位的意见让我能够清楚的了解自己的
不足之处，以后准备起来也更有针对性。
  其实我很佩服大家这么年轻就能清楚地设计未来之路，并
努力去实现它。而我，想起来的时候已经嫌晚，但也不能成为
放弃的理由。
  祝各位都能实现自己的飞跃梦想！

paisleyUID: 64183

SMM太谦虚了。其实你评论得很好呢！