第一次ISSUE51

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

我2月10号机考，最近一直忙期末考试，今天才猛然发现就剩不到一个月了，可是作文还基本上没看呢，就在开学初上了一个新东方的班，也没怎么认真学，现在真的有点慌了，今天第一次写了一篇作文，因为我不知道自己的水平，也不知道应该从何开始复习起，所以就先写了一篇，用了大概1个多小时，希望大家给我点建议，我现在到底在什么水平上？应该怎么复习啊？就剩20天了！我们18号期末才考完呢！
Statement:
"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

This statement assure that only in the way through specifically designed to individual needs and interests for everyone should we succeed in education. Undoubtedly, the topic seems plausibility at the first glance, especially we consider only in our nature sense, such as selfish desire. Unfortunately, if we take external factor, such as world wide contention into account, we could simply discovery the absurdness of this statement.

Before discuss the method that we should use to make the education effective, it is important to deeply and insightful understand the true meaning and purpose of education. United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization conclude the goal of education is learning to know, learning to do, learning to get together and learning to be. So, weighting the process with specifically designed to individual to education is actually effective or not, we need to prove that measure could achieve all the four aspects.

Firstly, learning to know and learning to do are similar and somewhat simply to make it whatever through which method. But we have to admit that the knowledge which students are strongly interest and desire to learn is especially easy to grasp. So, in this field, the statement is true and right.

Secondly, however, learning to get together is exactly right counter the point that education should focus on the individual. Nowadays, within the globalization development of economic and trade, more and more people are aware of the important of cooperation. Without the cooperation of every soldiers in the army, no country could win no matter how grandness of their leader. Without the cooperation of individual provided information, Google could get nothing except the information of its own. Without the cooperation of the industry chain, we almost could buy nothing even if how much money you have. In this aspect, the Student-centered education only focused on the individual needs and interests is far more not enough. In this opening and boom developed world, we not only need to know the knowledge that you really what to know, but also and somewhat more important to learn how to cooperation well and get along with each other. Unfortunately, this skill can not easily and simply master if you only lean your own interests knowledge.

Thirdly and the most pivotal, in my personal opinion, is learning to be. Although what you want to be is your own choice, but the basic point that you must to be a real person cannot deny in any circumstances. And a number of basic knowledge and skills, such as some simple mathematics, biological basis and the history of our world, are usually uninterested and somewhat hateful for great majority of students. In additional, in generally speaking, the whole system of knowledge is indivisible, if you only learn one or two areas in which you really interested in and ignore all the other fields, your education won't be truly effective no matter how diligent you are.

In sum up, education only focus on the individual needs and interests is not enough to be effective. On the one hand, we should learn how to collaborate with each other, for the reason that no one can be actually succeeded without others help. On the other hand, the vast wide body of knowledge in some extent cannot detach, we have to learn some basic knowledge to be a humans.

For my part, the truly effective method of education can be divided into two sections. The first phase is under 18 years old, when children's mind and moral are not form well, we need the traditional teacher-centered education ignores the individual needs and interests of each student to teach some basic and foundational knowledge. After 18 is the second phase when you actually become an inpendent humans and can decide and choice which field is your interest and dream, thus the education will be truly effective in student-centered involve individual students in the learning process.

wwwcccxxx007UID: 2699652

This statement assure that only in theway through specifically designed to individual needs and interests foreveryone（through 后面应该要加个名词吧。。这么一长串出来总觉得语法有点问题） should we succeed in education. Undoubtedly, the topic seemsplausibility（这是n. 这里要用adj.） at the first glance, especially we consider only in ournature sense（去了吧）, such as selfish desire. Unfortunately, if we takeexternal factor（复数？）, such as world wide contention into account, we couldsimply discovery（LZ语法啊。。。） the absurdness of this statement.（明确提出中心论点比较好）

Before discussing the method that we shoulduse to make the education effective, it is important to deeply andinsightfully understand the true meaning and purpose of education. UnitedNations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization conclude thegoal of education is learning to know, learning to do, learning to gettogether and learning to be. So, weighting the process withspecifically designed(paraphrase一下，别老用一个表述) to individual to education is actually effectiveor not（这句话不通。。。）, we need to prove that measure could achieve all the fouraspects.

Firstly, learning to know and learning todo are similar and somewhat simply to make it whatever through whichmethod(confused...). But we have to admit that the knowledge which students arestrongly interest and desire to learn is especially easy to grasp. So,in this field (没这说法吧……), the statement is true and right.

Secondly, however, learning to gettogether is exactly right counter the point that education should focuson the individual. Nowadays, within the globalization development ofeconomic and trade, more and more people are aware of the important ofcooperation. Without the cooperation of every soldiers in the army, nocountry could win no matter how grandness of their leader is. Without thecooperation of individual provided information, Google could getnothing except the information of its own. Without the cooperation ofthe industry chain, we almost could buy nothing even if how much moneyyou have. In this aspect, the Student-centered education only focusedon the individual needs and interests is far more not enough （可说far behind enough....）. In thisopening and boom developed world（这个表述。。。没见过。。。）, we not only need to know theknowledge that you really what to know, but also and somewhat moreimportant（插入语？加点逗号吧。。。） to learn how to cooperation well and get along with eachother. Unfortunately, this skill can not easily and simply master ifyou only lean your own interests knowledge（learn the knowledge of your own...）.（这段的point是说明学习要求合作，而单独教育不能提供。所以不必花那么多篇幅例证合作有多好，多花点力气论证单独教育如何缺少合作应该在逻辑上更有说服力吧？个人意见恩~）

Thirdly and the most pivotal, in mypersonal opinion（苛刻一点来说，这句话太罗嗦了。。）, is learning to be. Although what you want to be isyour own choice, but the basic point that you must to be a real person（what is real person? need to explain...）cannot deny in any circumstances. And a number of basic knowledge andskills, such as some simple mathematics, biological basis and thehistory of our world, are usually uninterested and somewhat hateful forgreat majority of students. In additional, in generally speaking, thewhole system of knowledge is indivisible？, if you only learn one or twoareas in which you really interested in and ignore all the otherfields, your education won't be truly effective no matter how diligentyou are.

In sum up, education only focus on theindividual needs and interests is not enough to be effective. On theone hand, we should learn how to collaborate with each other, for thereason that no one can be actually succeeded without others help. Onthe other hand, the vast wide body of knowledge in some extent cannotdetach, we have to learn some basic knowledge to be a humans.

For my part, the truly effective methodof education can be divided into two sections. The first phase is under18 years old, when children's mind and moral are not form well, we needthe traditional teacher-centered education ignores the individual needsand interests of each student to teach some basic and foundationalknowledge. After 18 is the second phase when you actually become aninpendent humans and can decide and choice which field is your interestand dream, thus the education will be truly effective instudent-centered involve individual students in the learning process.


看完了，楼主语法要注意啊！！第一篇一个多小时就出了LZ很厉害呢！！
个人建议，整篇文章想要说清很多问题（楼主应该借鉴了同主题的分析吧？），但结果其实什么都没有说清楚，论证不够充分，例子也不是很多哦
不知楼主目标分数是多少，不过还有几十天要好好加油了哦！！

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

2# wwwcccxxx007
太感谢了！真的太激动了~第一次写的就有人看了~
我的语法是特别烂的~好多问题，因为不注意，基本上是想到什么就写什么
语言上更是贫乏，也没看模板也没看词汇
不过你说的很对，我是看了提纲才写的，要不真的是毫无头绪
例子我实在是想不出来啊~之前啥也没准备呢~

现在再看我写的~自己都快看不懂了。。。。。。
那个例子确实是跑题了，我竟然去证明合作怎么好~哎~看来还是要想清楚了再下笔啊~

我只有20天的时间了~真的来得及么？

对了~能得4分就成~这要求不算高吧？

justbegunUID: 2746795

偶和LZ差不多时间考呢~ 一起加油哟~~~~~~~~~
前面的已经被很详细改了
偶看了下最后这一部分
因为首先看文的时候就觉得最后这部分出现的很突然（以为前面已经SUM~文章完了~）
然后又出现了这部分 貌似湿LZ提出的建议？（可以和前段合并……不必用两段）

For my part, the truly effective method of education can be divided into two sections.

The first phase is under18 years old, when children's mind and moral are not form well, we need the traditional teacher-centered education ignores（which ingores?) the individual needs and interests of each student (很绕口）to teach some basic and foundational knowledge.


After 18 is the second phase when you（用you指代不是很好 而且前面用children 可以用一个对应的词） actually become an inpendent humans（这个表达感觉很罗嗦而且语法也有问题 问题就在说18岁人变成成人本来就是一句没有意义的话） and can decide and choice which field is your interest and dream(dream未必是要那么晚才确立的), thus the education will be truly effective in student-centered involve individual students in the learning process.

这一段要表达的想法其实挺好的   分成两个阶段来讨论

我觉得可以不用18岁这个界限，因为成熟的标志 也并非这个年龄界限 LZ可以模糊这个概念直接用children youngsters adults这种词语 这样也可以避免一些对18岁的定义解释
在语法方面 LZ可以用些短句来表达 因为觉得有点点绕口~其实挺简单的意思但是读起来不是很舒服

……………………………………………………………………
这些我也是随便说的……
自己写一篇文章很慢还很烂……

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

4# justbegun
其实我也觉得最后这一段有点多余~可是没办法， 字数不到，其实是我最后生想出来用来凑字数的
我也想过跟in sum这段合并，可又觉得结尾太长了，所以就单分了一段
我写作文还是用中文的思路，就是想到哪儿就写哪儿，想起来断句才断，没有点句号这个意识= =|
用18岁本来我后面是想说Fortunately, our education system is formed well and in some degree mature. For the reason that we should attend nine years obligation education until graduated from high school. And then, choice the future orientation, wether go on study and choose the  student's interest sepecialized subject of the college and university or persuit into job market.
结果写完发现字数够了，就没再说。。。。。。
后来也没改，要不加上这段？可是就700多字了，是不是太长了？

justbegunUID: 2746795

九年制义务教育估计老美不一定理解~倒不是字数长（字数当然多多益善啦~单是凑字数反而是不必的）
原来最后那段的意思偶觉得是可以的 如果可以写的精简些应该可以起到升华文章的作用

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

6# justbegun
嗯嗯嗯~那我再好好改改最后一段~嘿嘿~