第一篇130

小猫2007UID: 2728803

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
孩子融入社会的能力决定了社会的命运。遗憾的是，我们还不知道怎样培养孩子使他们对社会有益
提纲
1，对孩子的塑造一定意义上影像社会未来的意识
2，
过分谴责教师和家长的责任 忽略社会及教育体制的弊端
3，
应该从根本改革教育体制 加强对教师及家长的鼓励 对教育事业加大投资力度
注释：由于匆忙  末段的改革建议未写呵呵 应该是提纲的第三点  本文是第一次的习作 好多抄袭之处，并且语法错误 词汇量等等毛病 严重制约了写作  希望严肃改正
The Speaker concludes that how children are socialized today is the determination of the destiny of society，and so far we have not yet learn how to raise children well enough who can help build a better society。If to find a good answer of this issue ，we need a further detection on the point of the dialogue：
I agree with the idea that children are the future of our society and
the society’s destiny is seriously associated to the means that how children are socialized 。however，the assertion is far more simplified the issue that we failed to learn how to educate our children。So there is a necessity to make a deep argument。
First and foremost，I am fully accord with the former statement ，admittedly we every child is a unique one in society and has his own character，so our actions are truly have a large influence on our around，and these sorts of pieces make up the whole society’s action too ，if without correct or proper educated by people mostly parents and teachers that around them，then children
are possibly form
bad habits ，like self-centered，a lack of awareness of the importance of cooperation and the like，even more seriously to contribute to an unhealthy development of society
and on the contrary is surely can give society a big gift ，the illustration of my idea is reasonable as a typical instance comes into my mind，as we all know the greatest philosopher of ancient china who is called 孟子，and the story of 孟母三迁（应该是要具体内容，不过，是在编不出来）。
But to the second one ， I disagree with the conclusion that we failed to learn how to raise children ,because the speaker fails to consider two respects :first is the true meaning of socialization ,in my view ,it means the learning of its own culture and the ability of communication with others and how to build an excellent character , secondly and the most importantly ,do teachers and parents wrong in educating children or the society and education system’s neglection of the
instruction
of a child in what he has inside him,we should acknowledge that teachers and parents do make a vital role in children’s growing up and yet we have to have a awareness of the facts distinctly that do they not want their children to be equiped with much
louche and more abilities?
While if anyone want a criterion of right or wrong ,clearly it is not that we have not learn how to socialized children, it is the society and education system that fail to do so. Obciously today’s education system certainly has its drawback ,fortunately our teachers are becoming innovators ，they are more conscience than the system ，so if they really don’t know how to socialized our children to be useful persons ,whenever the ancient times and temporary
times，how can we share the propersity our society has today?

firhadayUID: 2287086

我建议，你在别人改你的文章前，自己好好的改几遍；
匆忙不是一个写出来不好作文的借口，你应该是一个小组里面的吧，和他们打个招呼，先自己好好的改改自己的文章吧，
扫了一眼，就发现了基础的主谓一致错误，冠词错误，还有就是逻辑连接词混乱
我希望在论坛这个交流的地方，每个人都能有提高
因此，希望你自己好好改自己的文章先，然后别人看了，改了，才会对你有更大的帮助~

语气重了点，希望你能谅解

加油~勉之

Lisa-yuanUID: 2748489

小猫，是版主给你修改的作文，版主的评价严厉了点，但是我个人觉得这个评价是客观的。希望小猫加油～