第一篇issue 求拍！随便拍！！！

coco1103UID: 2479195

Issue 88 Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics.

Can technolgy influence and moreover ,determine the social customs and ethics as well?The speaker asserts that the modern social technology not merely influence and ,but also determine the social customs and ethics. I disagree with the speaker. I contend that technology ,which is growing to increasingly advance over the span of human history, can influence but not determine the social customs and ethics .
I turn first to my agreement of the statement.Techonology can influence the universal and commen sense of our traditional cultures . Since the technological revolution have swept the whole world, both our lifestyle, such as dressing,feeding,sheltering and driving,and work environment as well as mores have been almost changed .Consider the female workers as an example in our recent society. That they are completely admitted by the society and can work outside the home ,which might be a dream for previous women over the past time . The widespread of mobilephone and computer have an irreversible and radical change in facilitating the communication . Such analogical change also lies primarily in the vehicle , which make possible the two distant people meet in a quick time .
The second agreement of the statement is technology can also influence the moral principles. As the basic survival condition have been growing even better over the twentieth century , biology scientists on the part of whole world ,even in the third--world countries, through advanced technological tools and means,move on to the researches of various certain epidemic illnesses—severe acute respiratory ,HINI flu .and so forth. The result of such researches manifast that indeed people can be prevented from these deseases by well—designed moral principles issued by local government ,sush as do not throw rubish and at random . Technology make us aware that nomal moral mores and principles ,which are always overlooked during our common lives,might play a pressing significant role in a special period . If pose an unparalleled emphysis on them , we may far more better eschew these illnesses to keep ourselves healthy.
Admittedly ,technology may influence the social customs and ethics , however ,technology must not determine them. With the accumulation and fast development of the scientic knowledge, certain marvelous convenients –transportation ,communication household appliance and so forth ,have rooed in our social lives. Nevertheless, the problems such as the war,hunger homelessness, ethnic discrimination, cultural gap are ever little eliminated through the technological development and even becomes more complex than before. Because these problems are cretainly springed from our basic human nature-- selfish ,greedy ,distant ,mistrust and fear people who are different from us, and so forth . True and profound societal problems are stemmed from our humanity ,technology is only regarded as the primary ways to solve the very outward problems in the social.Only if tolerance and appreciation to the largest scale,can we global world grow into the hamony paradise.
In sum, I concede that ever-updating technology of our modern society,in some
extent,can influence the
customs and ethics .However , in spite of how the technology having advanced , even if the rocketors can do almost everything for us ,our social customs and ethics can be purely determined by our own humanity,traditional culture as well as spiritual belief ,technology is just chief means to facilitate our common life.
麻烦大家帮忙看下吧 多谢了

justbegunUID: 2746795

Issue 88 Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics.

Can technolgy influence and moreover ,determine the social customs and ethics as well?
The speaker asserts that the modern social technology not merely influence and ,but（and 不用加了） also determine the social customs and ethics.（对原题的改写仅仅替换了only一个词感觉和没有改写一样 可以把determine之类的也换了）
I disagree with the speaker. （这句很干脆 但句子前后都缺少联系 可以和前句并未一句 ）
I contend that technology ,which is growing to increasingly advance over the span of human history, can influence but not determine the social customs and ethics .
I turn first to my agreement of the statement.


Techonology can influence the universal and commen sense of our traditional cultures .
Since the technological revolution have swept the whole world, both our lifestyle, such as dressing,feeding,sheltering and driving,and（第二个and应该是不需要的 有点混乱）work environment as well as mores have been almost changed .
Consider the female workers as an example in our recent society. That they are completely admitted by the society and can work outside the home ,which might be a dream for previous women over the past time .
（这个例子非常莫名其妙 仅仅是说科技进步了 所以所有女性能完全被社会接受而工作 可是为什么呢？科技进步和女性有什么关系呢？即使读者潜意识理解这层含义 用completely也太过于绝对。 更何况这其中也并非完全是科技的原因）
The widespread of mobilephone and computer have an irreversible and radical change in facilitating the communication . Such analogical(两个词意思重复) change also lies primarily in the vehicle , which make possible the（改为for） two distant people meet in a quick time .（这个表达也有问题）
（两个例子都没有怎么说明观点 而且太表面）

The second agreement of the statement is technology can also influence the moral principles. （有哪些moral principle呢？改变了哪些看法？为什么不是决定的？感觉科技真正触及到的一些moral principle下面这段没有提到）

As the basic survival condition have been growing even better over the twentieth century , biology scientists on the part of whole world ,even in the third--world countries, through advanced technological tools and means,move on to the researches of various certain epidemic illnesses—severe acute respiratory ,HINI flu .and so forth.
The result of such researches manifast that indeed people can be prevented from these deseases by well—designed moral principles issued by local government ,sush as do not throw rubish and at random . （不扔垃圾就不会生病？）
Technology make(makes) us aware that nomal moral mores and principles ,which are always overlooked during our common lives,might play a pressing significant role in a special period .（这是因为科技我们才意识到的吗？就算上面的成立 也是为了健康而意识到的 ）
If pose an unparalleled emphysis on them , we may far more better eschew these illnesses to keep ourselves healthy.

Admittedly ,technology may influence the social customs and ethics , however ,technology must not determine them.
With the accumulation and fast development of the scientic knowledge, certain marvelous convenients –transportation ,communication household appliance and so forth ,have rooed in our social lives.
Nevertheless, the problems such as the war,hunger homelessness, ethnic discrimination, cultural gap are ever little eliminated through the technological development and even becomes more complex than before.
Because these problems are cretainly springed from our basic human nature-- selfish ,greedy ,distant ,mistrust and fear people who are different from us, and so forth .
True and profound societal problems are stemmed from our humanity ,technology is only regarded as the primary ways to solve the very outward problems in the social.
Only if tolerance and appreciation to the largest scale,can we global world grow into the hamony paradise.(感觉像从中文翻过来的？这段更加空虚了)


In sum, I concede that ever-updating technology of our modern society,in some extent,can influence the customs and ethics .
However , in spite of how the technology having advanced , even if the rocketors can do almost everything for us ,our social customs and ethics can be purely determined by our own humanity,traditional culture as well as spiritual belief ,technology is just chief means to facilitate our common life. （结尾段最后一句有点小偏的感觉~）


随便拍了下下 请不要在意呀~~~~~~~~~
LZ写文章前应该仔细想一下
文章很空洞的感觉恩~

coco1103UID: 2479195

2# justbegun
哎 我也感觉写失败了 一边想表达 一边想观点。。。
脑子转不过来了。。。
弱弱的问一下 怎么叫写的不空洞啊。。。例子？说理？
请赐教啊！

justbegunUID: 2746795

水平高的牛人只用说理 不举例子也不空洞

我们达不到那高度的话就结合例子+适当的分析吧~

这样的话 例子最好能具体

比如这篇文中的例子 其实也是可以合理应用下的
如果说女性的工作和科技的关系 那么LZ可以去看一些相关的材料 究竟发生了怎样的变化 把这个变化写进去 同时最重要的是体现和科技的关系