作文

追风骑士UID: 2742719

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Physical exercise is more important for older people than younger people


There is a general discussion nowadays about whether physical exercise is more important for older people than younger people. Those who support this view argue that older people should take more physical exercise than younger people to keep their physical fitness because their health becomes worse with the increase of age. However, as for me, I inclined to support the idea that physical exercise is more important for younger people than older people.


One of main reason is that younger people also need physical fitness to support their work and study. In the modern society, younger people must face more stresses from society and family. It is very important for them to take some physical exercise to keep healthy and to ease the stress. For instance, younger people can take some exercises, such as football, basketball, tennis and the like. Although older people also need physical exercise to get a well-liking physical, they would not to face stress, which come from work and social, because the majority of them have retired form their position. In the respects, it is more important for younger people to make physical exercise to keep healthy.

Additionally, younger people may get more opportunities to make friends as well as to develop interpersonal skills. What’s more, those skills contribute directly to enhancing their job opportunities and promotion opportunities. To take an example, Xiangli, one of my brothers, sometimes go to play golf with his boss because his boss very likes the sport. Thus, he has more opportunities to connect with his boss, and he often talks some thoughts about the development of their company and put forward some useful advises. Because of this, comparing with his co-workers, he has more opportunities to perform his talent and skills to his boss and to get promotion. Nowadays, he already is the manager of this company. Obviously, physical exercise also benefits younger people’s career. Therefore, physical exercise is more important for younger people.

From what have been discussed above, the most striking conclusion is self-evident. Physical exercise not only helps younger people to keep their physical fitness and ease their stresses, but also provides more opportunities to develop their interpersonal skills and make friends.

mpromanusUID: 2565872

There is a general discussion nowadays about whether physical exercise is more important for older people than younger people. Those who support this view argue that older people should take more physical exercise than younger people to keep their physical fitness ('Keep fit' would be a better and shorter alternative. 'Keep fitness' doesn't really mean anything because fitness can be kept low or high.) because their health becomes worse with the increase of age. However, as for me, I am inclined to support the idea that physical exercise is more important for younger people than older people.

One of main reasons is that younger people also (Why 'also'?) need physical fitness to support their work and study. In the modern society, younger people must face more stresses from society and family. It is very important for them to take some physical exercise to keep healthy and to ease the stress. For instance, younger people can take some forms of exercises, such as football, basketball, tennis and the like. (What does this sentence intend to illustrate? You're stating a fact, a piece of information - younger people can take exercise - but what does it really IMPLY in this discussion's context? Think further into what you're trying to express.) Although older people also need physical exercise to get a well-liking physical?, they would not to face stress, which come from work and social ('Social' is generally not a noun. Use 'social activities'.), because the majority of them have retired form their position. (The logic is downright too absolute. Does stress only come from work and social activities? Does retiring mean no work, no social activities, and no stress at all? Be careful about absolute statements. Your reasoning would in fact be perfect if you just said 'they would face much LESS stress'.) In this respects, it is more important for younger people to make take physical exercise to keep healthy.

Additionally, younger people may get more opportunities to make friends as well as to develop interpersonal skills (through exercising? Don't lose the question in your course of discussion.). What’s more, those skills contribute directly to enhancing their job opportunities and promotion opportunities. To take an example, Xiangli, one of my brothers, sometimes goes to play golf with his boss because his boss very likes the sport very much (I doubt if you're aware that what you've originally written was a direct translation of 非常喜欢. Stay alert. Don't let old habits creep in.). Thus, he has more opportunities to connect with his boss, and he often talks some thoughts about the development of their company and put forward some useful advises. Because of this, comparing with his co-workers, he has more opportunities to perform show his talent and skills to his boss and to get promotion. Nowadays, he already is the manager of this company. Obviously, physical exercise also benefits younger people’s career. (Classic example of wrong fact in deduction: your brother exercised with his boss and got promotion, so what is the exact reason that he got a promotion? Will he still get the same promotion if he played golf with, say, a stranger? Is 'exercise' the ACTUAL reason that he got his promotion? Such is the kind of short-sightedness that makes people unable to see clearly through the mist of logical reasoning. Your starting topic for this paragraph is fine, but your example's conclusion is jumping over the middle section in the chain of exercise -> networking opportunities -> career benefits.) Therefore, physical exercise is more important for younger people. (I would expect some kind of comparison here, like how this kind of effect is not important for older people because they usually don't need to advance their careers already. That'll help to complete the reasoning. The question has the keyword MORE, therefore you need to keep the comparison in your discussion.)

From what have been discussed above, the most striking conclusion is self-evident. Physical exercise not only helps younger people to keep their physical fitness and ease their stresses, but also provides more opportunities to develop their interpersonal skills and make friends (There, according to this summary, this should be your 2nd point of argument. The conclusion you're putting down in the previous paragraph - 'exercise is good for career' - is not the same as this one.)

总结：

语法和词汇还有些失误，尤其是中式词组的倾向请注意。

逻辑方面，一个是要注意不要在没有足够论据支持的情况下写出极端的结论，很容易引起反驳情绪的，另外一个是注意逻辑的正确，思维要灵活也要严谨，多想想你的逻辑可能会怎么被质疑，想想自己如果是读者，能不能被自己的论证说服。不要想当然地以为自己想的是正确的，说出来的就也是正确的。

追风骑士UID: 2742719

文章的第二段如果要论证的话！可以从哪个方面下手呢！能不能指导一哈！举个例子！！！

追风骑士UID: 2742719

是第二点！！！！！

mpromanusUID: 2565872

第一，在以前的回复中我记得已经说过了，不提供提纲。第二，这位同学我想你应该更加仔细地看一看我给你的评论到底是什么。。我并不是批评你的论点不对，而是你展开论述的过程有问题，你的论证跳过了 运动 和 职业发展机会 中间的那个 人脉 的部分，直接从 运动 推出 运动对职业发展有好处，这是一个不正确的论证，但运动对职业发展有好处，依然是一个合理的论点，你只是不能把这个论点正确地解释明白而已。另外一个就是你没有比较年轻人和老年人，这个我已经给了一个例句了。

似乎你总是只关心 论证该从哪个方面下手，但是怎么论证才能做到圆满、严谨、有力，和论证从哪个方面下手同等重要。同样一个事情，可以有很多种说法，你的任务是挑一种最适合表现你想表达的观点的说法，而不是一直去想什么事情什么方面可以最好地说明你想表达的观点。所以思路要打开不只是说要想从哪些方面论证（what），也要想想怎么论证这些方面（how）。以上。希望能帮你澄清这之间的区别。