Argument238----求大哥大姐给改下

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238: The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."

The author concludes that the lower rate of employment in Mira Vista College is due to lack of the business courses and job counselors compared to Green Mountain College. In order to prove this, he or she provides some evidence that those of Mira Vista College who had found full-time jobs within three months are fewer and half of them only were employed in their major field of study. Based on those above, the president thought the college should supply more business courses and computer technology as well as hiring job counselors. However the evidence can't convince me with some patent flaws.
First, I want to ask some questions about the quality of education in different college. The author can't provide the evidence to prove that both colleges own the same source of education. Actually, due to the different situations of education, for instance, maybe Green Mountain College has better teachers and methods to students, Mira Vista College couldn’t have the advantage to compete with Green Mountain College. In this sense, the president should promote the quality of education or adopt some better tactics to educate students. If the author can't prove it, I would still keep my doubt.
Moreover, I doubt the survey on the employment rate. Actually, the president only provided the concrete data about the employment of Mira Vista College. Maybe only 70 percent of the seniors offer their data and the others don't. Thereby we can't say the employment situation of Green Mountain College is better. Or maybe some other students of Mira Vista College had found part-time jobs, and the survey of Green Mountain College just contained this part of graduating seniors. Moreover, there is no time limit on the survey of Green Mountain College resulting in the unfair result of Mira Vista College. If the author can't provide these above, I would still have my questions.
In sum, the author can't give enough evidence to prove his conclusion. To strengthen his or her results, the author should find more convincing evidence especially keep the equity of the comparison.