Sazerac Argument4

nvligreUID: 2689384

[fly]
After comparing two real estate in many aspects ,the argument concludes that if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price ,you should choose Adams----one of two leading
real estate firms in our town. To support this conclusion the argument compares two firms from their scale to profits. Amad is seems to be more superior than Fithch. The argument seems logically sound at first glance :close scrutiny reveals ,however, that the evidences given above provide little credible support for the argument’s assertion.
Firstly, the number of agents working in any firm does not
show how good or bad that firm is. Moreover if Fitch has many part time employees only indicates that most of the workers there do not
like to work full time and this is not an indicator of the company's inferiority. Author could have mentioned the data about the number of customers which each company has and how much loaded each employee is.

Secondly, revenue of the company only indicates how much it earns from the customers but does not indicate how much customer is gaining. It might be the case that Adams Realty takes more processing fees from the clientele compared to the Fitch Realty. This argument could be strengthened if author would have given data about the amount of fees charged by each company for similar houses and other taxes which they levy on the customer.

Thirdly the author mentions the average sale amount of the each company. The type of houses which each company deals with are not given. It might have happened that Adams Realty deals only with Bungalows, Villas and row houses, and that Fitch only deals with the apartments. Author could have specified the data about the client portfolio of the each company to strengthen his argument.

Lastly, the author mentions about the relative time taken to sell his own house with Adams and Fitch. He mentions that sale from Adams took much less time when compared to the Fitch. Here the author fails to mention about the amount of sale for each house, the type of houses, the locality in which its located, the condition of the house and the time of the year in which the sales were made. If the author provided data about the each house and then his argument could have been strengthened.

Thus I would like to conclude by saying that author should provide more data and facts to support his stance.

nvligreUID: 2689384

忘了题目了汗死了"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams is clearly superior. 论据1Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, 论据2Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. 论据3Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. 结论：Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams."

草莓酱爆虾UID: 2673312

表达问题

逻辑问题

After comparing two real estate in many aspects ,the argument concludes that if you(不用第一第二人称，换成people/citizen等词，显得书面一点) want to sell your home quickly and at a good price ,you should choose Adams----one of two leading real estate firms in our town. To support this conclusion the argument compares two firms from their scale to profits(这里的范围有点含糊其辞)(这一句不如与开头after….合并，这样在一开始就明确了比较的要点，也避免语句冗赘重复). Amad is seems to be more superior than Fithch. The argument seems logically sound at first glance :close scrutiny reveals ,however, that the evidences given above provide little credible support for the argument’s assertion.

Firstly, the number of agents working in any firm does not show(最好把does not 换成may not, 留有余地) how good or bad that firm is. Moreover if Fitch has many part time employees only indicates that most of the workers there do not like to work full time and this is not an indicator of the company's inferiority.(题中员工人数与工时不能完全代表公司好坏，但这里给的他因仅仅指出F员工可能不喜欢全职，这个理由并没有指出工时和公司好坏的关系，只是反驳了F员工都为兼职这个点，与结论没有联系，提个参考，可以写员工人数和工时不决定公司好坏，关键看他们的工作能力和效率等，即使人多，如果办事拖沓，事倍功半，也是没有用的…大概就这意思) Author could have mentioned the data about the number of customers which each company has and how much loaded each employ yee is.

Secondly, revenue of the company only indicates how much it earns from the customers but does not indicate how much customer is gaining. It might be the case that Adams Realty takes more processing fees from the clientele compared to the Fitch Realty. This argument could be strengthened if author would have given data about the amount of fees charged by each company for similar houses and other taxes which they levy on the customer.
这段总体感觉还好，那个过程费用的他因我没有想过，不错哈，可能论述再充分一点，再举一些他因就更好了。

Thirdly the author mentions the average sale amount of the each company. The type of houses which each company deals with are not given. It might have happened that Adams Realty deals only with Bungalows, Villas and row houses, and that Fitch only deals with the apartments. Author could have specified the data about the client portfolio of the each company to strengthen his argument.
房子类型算一个挺好的他因，但是这段给出的是：两公司对应房子的类型可能不同，作者应当提供更具体的数据，全段没有一句话写这个可能的他因怎么与公司好坏这个主题联系起来，所以感觉有些跳跃了。

Lastly, the author mentions about the relative time taken to sell his own house with Adams and Fitch. He mentions that sale from Adams took much less time when compared to the Fitch. Here the author fails to mention(绿色部分过于重复，几句话可以合并) about the amount of sale for each house, the type of houses, the locality in which its located, the condition of the house and the time of the year in which the sales were made. If the author provided data about the each house and then his argument could have been strengthened.
这段忽略了一个重要的已知条件，作者通过F卖房是十年前，通过A卖房是去年，十年的时间足以发生很多变化：大的地产环境、市场需求、尤其是两公司的实力变化，十年前的公司和一年的前的公司不能同日而语。

Thus I would like to conclude by saying that author should provide more data and facts to support his stance.

总结：
1、语言表达要再修炼，有些简单句可以合并（这点我也很弱。。。）
2、他因的列举和叙述要尽量充分，每句都要与thesis和TS联系起来，偶尔有论述割裂的情况；每个点最好多举几个例子。
3、结尾有一点仓促。

Nvli写的挺流畅的，错误比较少，我自己水平有限哈，如有疑惑，咱们随时再讨论，nvli加油~~！