1006G[redemption]备考贴 by tunicate

tunicateUID: 2722773

A 45 再发一遍，免得自己弄乱了。。
45The following appeared as an editorial in a wildlife journal.

"Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic region. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."


提纲：

1.Evidence reliability

=>Hunter's report != really decline

2.Relation: Global warming
     !-> locally warming
     !-> The reason for the decrease
     !-> deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns


By stating that the melting down of the sea ice caused by the global warming is the reason for the decline in arctic deer, for they cannot follow their old migration patterns, they author lists many evidences in order to support it, which include the reports from the hunters. However, the assumption and the evidences alone cannot make up a logical argument, in which the arguer fails to include a great many of other factors that may also influence the active pattern of the arctic deer. All in all, the argument suffers from 4 logical flaws at least.


First of all, the evidence itself that they author intends to support the argument is dubious. Is what the hunters said really count? The hunters may experience difficulties in finding and hunting deer, but can it lead directly to the conclusion that there's a decline in the deer's grosses? In fact the answer is not that true. For the hardship in observing deer may be caused by numerous other factors such as the increased canniness of the deer groups, the changed habitant of deer or the alternation of their life pattern.

Even if what the hunters observed is reliable, the conclusion is still hard to be drawn upon, for there're great number of fallacious relation and incomplete thought in the statement. First, admittedly there's a general tendency in the world environment of warming up, there's no evidence that it occurs in every region globally including Canada's arctic region. Actually, according to a statistics of UN, the global warming has so long caused a temperature decrease in various parts of the world. And Canada's arctic region may just be one of them. Further more, even the mentioned region really experiences a warming-up, it's not safe to arrive at the author's conclusion, for his/her recommendation depends on the assumption that no factor other than the rise of the temperature caused the decrease in the deer populations, which is certainly wrong. A myriad of other reasons may count for its population decrease, among which are the over-hunting, the unlimited expansion of human inhabitants and the decline in the grasslands as well as other their food resources. Notably I'd like to emphasize the over-hunting, which counts for the decline of many other species. In addition, even it is the warming-up process other than these factors that is responsible for the population decrease, the arguer's conclusion is yet suspicious. The increase in temperature caused the sea ice to melt indeed, but can't the deer find another path to go? Will they follow the old migration patterns that leading to death? Besides, as we know, some mosses that the deer depend for food is sensitive to climate change. It is as well that a lack of food forces the deer to death.

To sum up, as analyzed above, the author's argument is a poor-related one, for he/she fails to substantiate his claim by convincing evidences and misses many probable other factors. On the evidence side, he/she should cover other records other than hunters' to certify the trend of decrease and a clear temperature record locally should as well be included. One the logic side, without ruling out other factors, the author's conclusion can never be a cogent one. So he/she should realize the complexity of such issue and take all possible factors into concern. Only in this way can he conclude a well-organized and logical accepted argument.

bzr2915UID: 2612029

A 53
提纲：
1、melatonin与婴儿害羞间关系不充分
     1）melatonin作用（秋季可能其他因素也有作用）和作用对象不明（affect some brain functions——mother or children？）
     2）sensitive to stimulation！=shy(reflexbooted)

2、没有提供有关这些孩子在这十几年里的生活环境的资料，延续性证据不足。更何况25个婴儿不足以说明。

补充错误
1\the author simply equates mild distress with shyness.
2\a later life 指代时间区域不明

By studying a group of 25 infants and their later lives, the arguer intends to reveal the relationship between a child's shyness and a certain kind of hormone called melatonion and its constancy. He/She （这样写S/he会比较好~）found that infants who were sensitive to stimulation（表现不安和SENSITIVE是两个概念吧） were likely to be conceived in early autumn when the production of melatonion increased and 13 years later most of those subjects were shy person. The author then concluded that shyness during infancy dues to an increased level of melatonion, and it continues into later life. However, though （少主语）sounds logical, the statement is an unwarranted one （去掉）both in its assumptions and its evidences. （重述结论太长，这对文章意义不大，建议缩减，直接指出几个关键的逻辑谬误，引领下文）

First of all, the assumption fails to be a solid one （？solid何解）because it build up a fallacious relation between melatonin and infants' shyness. Though metalonin is known to affect some brain functions, the author fails to provide further information about it. What's its operating subject? Does it works on infants or their pregnant mothers? If it affects the mother, then the somatic condition of each mother should be taken into concern when conducting the study. What does the hormone associate with? Are there other hormones whose levels are also controlled by the change of season? If so, the melatonin may only serve as an additional sub-factor in determining one's shyness. Secondly, though the infants included in the study showed signs of mild distress to unfamiliar stimuli, there's no necessarily correlation between such action and shyness, for sensitiveness to stimulation can be considered a sign of boost reflex, indicating that the infants fit better to the outside ambiences. （这段驳论的不错~）

Furthermore, admitting that metalonin does affect infants' brain functions and may even leads to their shyness, it is still too hasty to arrive at the conclusion that this tendency is likely to continue into their later lives, for the study involved as supports lacks sufficient description of these infants surroundings in which they were brought up. It is possible that the ways infants are brought up also affects their characteristics. For instance, if the parents of the tested child were inferred of their baby's potential shyness, they may more or less dropped a hint on their child that he/she should be described as "shy" when he/she was raised up. Thus, even the original character of the child might be out-going, he/she was likely to develop into a shy person as what he/she had been expected. In addition, a child lacked of parents' love is likely to form the characteristic of introverted. So without an indispensable control of how the infants were raised, it is unwarranted to form such a conclusion of constancy. Besides, 25 infants is far too few to support an invulnerable study.（这里为啥25个太少了，点一下，证明一下呗~）

All in all, as was analyzed above, though the argument appears to be somewhat convincing at the first glance, there're several shortcomings that fails to substantiate this statement. The assumption that a rising level of melatonin leads to an infant's shyness is dubious because it fails to rule out other factors and is unable to certify the subject of this hormone. （具体一点呗~）The study conducted to substantiate the assumption is also suspicious due to its lack of control over the infants’ later lives as well as the sample grosses. Only when the arguer provides a clear statistics about melatonin, samples a sufficient number of infants of the same condition in the study, and tracts how they're brought up can he/she construct an insightful and logically accepted argument.

开头和结尾罗嗦了，细节论述翔实一点，文章很更加丰满，关于语法我是菜鸟（长句子结构对不对，分析不出来...)下次稍微用点短的... 逻辑错误找的很棒，段落论述也不错。

bzr2915UID: 2612029

A 51
TOPIC: ARGUMENT51 - The following appeared in a medical newsletter.

"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."
WORDS: 522
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010/1/31 12:19:00

提纲：
   1.No Reliable Presupposition
     =>Are the examinee suffering from second infection?
     =>what's the effect of the antibiotics?
   2.less rigorous study
     =>No data provided about the testees—Are they in the same condition?
     =>Doctors' different skill
     =>sugar pills != placebo

提纲列的很全 不错

改着改着脑子乱了，休息明天再战~


By studying two groups of patients who were suffered by muscle injuries and accepted treatment by two different doctors with different treating method and observing a quicker recovery in the group that accepted antibiotics, the author draw a hasty conclusion that secondary infection is one obstacle that prevents the patients from recovering and suggests all patients with muscle strain take antibiotics as part of their treatment.（一个冗长的句子概括了结论)

The assumption, though sounds logical at the first sight, are in fact an unfound one. For not only the evidence provided is suspicious, the presupposition itself is dubious to some degree. It is supposed in the argument that all the patients included in the experiment suffered from a secondary infection, while this might not be the case. Secondary infection might occur on some of whom involved in the study, but the exact number and its distribution remained unknown. It is well possible that a great number of patients involved in the second group experienced secondary infection while only a small amount of those in the first group suffered.On this condition, the conclusion is not so safely to be arrived at. Additionally, the effect of the antibiotics used in the study is also suspicious. How can the mayor justify that it did help in reducing the secondary infection? Further evidences and supports will be needed if the author hope to strengthen his/her argument.

Even if we admit the precondition, the study, in itself, is not sufficient to substantiate the argument.
By studying patients in two groups, the arguer had hoped to analyze the issue in a dialectical way. However, no evidence demonstrated that the patients treated are in the same condition. If the first group contained those professional athletes that were stronger to those in Group Two, it may due to their own recovery abilities that they experienced a quicker recovery. The difference in doctors, on the other hand, played a vital role in his patients’ recovery, too. While the first group was treated by a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, there's no doubt that their recovery were easier for the doctor known exactly what a patient suffered from muscle strain needed.
The second group, however, receive their treatment from a general physician, who might lack the necessary background of specialized treatment on people with sport-related injury.
Besides, the sugar pills which the second group of patients accepted were also dubious. There's no trustable support to show that the pills, though supposed to be placebos, didn't have other side-effects on the patients.

All in all, as discussed above, the statement omits some substantial concerns that should have been addressed. To further develop the analysis, the mayor had better certify his/her presupposition that the patients being treated are indeed suffered from a secondary infection. In addition, the perspective performance of the antibiotics should be included as well. To make the study involved more persuading, it' better for the arguer to select patients of the same condition as well as receive treatment from the same doctor. Therefore, if the argument included the assumed factors listed above, it would have been a more insightful and logical acceptable one.

tunicateUID: 2722773

TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 477
TIME: 00:28:59
DATE: 2010/2/6 11:04:02

By comparing the employment rate of Mira Visa College and a nearby college, which offers more business courses and more job counselors, the author intends to claim that in order to improve the employment condition of Mira Visa College, this college, too, should increase the business courses they offer and hire additional job counselors. He further strengthen【strengthens】 his argument by a group of statistics that indicates more graduates of the nearghbouring【neighboring】 College get jobs after graduation. This argument, though seems logical and well-balanced at the first glance, is in fact a poor-related one.【插入语不是很熟悉，这里语法对么？】 For the acclaim of author is setting on an unstable assumption as well as supported by dubious evidence, which I'll discuss as follows.

First of all, the statement fails to be an invulnerable because the assumption itself is suspicious. Has Green Mountain College done better in letting their graduates employed? Maybe not. For the statistics quoted in the passage is quite vague. Did the 90 percent of graduates that was offered the job get what the position they wanted? Maybe the high employment rate was due to the lower threshold of what the graduates were willing to do. Were they do part-time or full-time jobs? It is as well possible that more than half of these people were doing part-time jobs while only a small number of them worked full time. Then, it was Mire Visa College that had done better in the last year.

Secondly, addimiting【admitting】 that Green Mountain College has indeed done better. It's still hard to draw the conclusion that more business courses and job counselors are needed. The arguer, obvious regards the two colleges to be the same, fails to account the deversity【diversity】 between universities. Does Mira Visa College emphasize the same major as Green Mountain Univirsity【university】? If the Green Mountain College is a business college while the Mira visa is a technical one, then the comparison is meaningless and there is no need to increase business courses. In addition, the author also fails to rule out other possible factors, such as the communication skills and the specialized technologies that are equally important in finding a job. If graduates in Green Mountain College do better than students of Mira Visa College in various grounds, then it will be of no use adding more counselors.

So in a conclusion, though involving many logical assumptions, the argument is still an imperfect one. Firstly, the evidences provided fails to substantiate that arguer's assumption that Green Mountain College does better than Mir Visa College. Secondly, he/she fail to rule out the differences between the two colleges and thus is unable to support his/her suggestion that more business courses and counselors are in need. Without providing more additional evidences as well as ruling out other possible factors, the author can never safely arrive at his conclusion and organize the argument in a more critical way.

tunicateUID: 2722773

TOPIC: ARGUMENT203 - The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."
WORDS: 416
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010/2/6 14:04:35



提纲  1)better quality(lack of absolut number):
     =>average patient stay;curerate——What kind of illness?
       Have they full recovered?
     =>more employees per patient;Few complaints——How many patients?
       Spend more money -> higher anticipation
           
            2)More economical---therapeutic outcome?



By comparison of a small, nonprofit hospital and a large, profit-driven one, the arguer arrive at a conclusion that the smaller one not only proves to be more economical, but is also with higher quality. To substantiate his argument, the mayor uses data like the average stay time, the cure rate, the number of employees per person, and the complaint grosses of the two hospitals as supports. The statement, though sounded logical at the first glance, actually fails to be an logically invulnerable one. The arguer uses one-sided evidences and fails to provide necessary details. All in all, the argument suffers from at least 3 flaws.

First of all, the author neglects the difference between big hospitals and small ones. Those chose to go the bigger hospital may have more serious illness, thus a longer time of stay in hospital is inevitable, while in small clinces【clinics】, the most common patients are with cold or other slight sympton【symptoms】 of diseases, which don't need to stay in hospital at all. The cure rate can also attribute to this reason. Those with serious disease such as cancer and heart diseases are more likely to seek help from bigger hospitals and those kinds of diseases can hardly be cured. In addition, the bigger hospital is constructed to accept more patients. With the grosses of patients far more than which of the smaller one, the number of complaints and the average employees per person are also lack of persuasive power to stregthen【strengthen】 the argument.

Furthermore, so long as the hospital is an none-profit one, the lack of funds may be one reason for patients' short stay in the hospital. If the hospital is so poor that it cannot accept more patients unless it asks those already in hospital to get out earlier. Thus, without certifying that all patients were fully recovered when get out of the hospital, it is meaningless to quote the data of patients' average stay time. Beside, if the patients come out without fully recovering, they will have to pay more for the following treatment as well as recovery process, the assumption that the smaller hospital is a saving barget【budget】 can also be a suspicious one.

So in a conclusion, they argument, though seems to be logical acceptable, indeed calls for more consideration. Without providing a detail statistics of the number of patients in each hospital and the diseases they have, as well as their recovery conditions after coming out, the mayor's assumption can always be a dubious one.

tunicateUID: 2722773

TOPIC: ARGUMENT37 - Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been unique to the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could only have crossed it by boat, but there is no evidence that the Paleans had boats. And boats capable of carrying groups of people and cargo were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared. Moreover, Paleans would have had no need to cross the river-the woods around Palea are full of nuts, berries, and small game. It follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea.
WORDS: 420
TIME: 00:25:11
DATE: 2010/2/4 23:39:48

   提纲：
   The baskets may not be brought to Lithos by human(current, wind)
   The river may be a little creek prehistory
   People may not use boat.
   Prehistorical condition?
   And they may cross the river just by chance or for advanture
   Only after further study concerning the total environment of P in prehistorical era can we ....


Concluding that the so-called Palean baskets belonged not only to Palean, the author uses a recent discovery of similar baskets in Lithos as evidence. He cites that ancient men were unable to cross Brim River that lied between the two village【villages，单复数】 and besides, they had no motivation of crossing it. However, the assumption, as well as the evidences, though sounded somewhat convincing, is in fact a fallacious one. The arguer undermines some important facters【factors】 that may offset the assumption, which I will discuss later.

First of all, the author seems to forget the time gap between ancient Palean people and us. Though the Brim River is too deep and broad to cross by habitants in Palean at this time, it is especially doubtful whether it was the same in prehistoric era. If the river was only a small creek thousands years ago and thus easy to cross, what the arguer suggests may in fact be a fallacious one. In addition, if at that time, there were few nuts, berries, and small games in Palean, which differed from our era,
the motivation to cross the river may indeed existed.

Even if the environment remains unchanged during the period of time, which may seem rediculous【ridiculous】, the assumption suggested by the author is also suspicious. Though people at that time was unable to build up a boat, is there any other means that can bring a basket to the opposite bank of the river【小小改下：河对岸the far bank of the river/the other bank of the river/across the river——opposite太中式了。。】 besides human forces? Of cause! If one day a basket was dropped into the river, the current itself can carry it accross【across】 the river, and if one guy lived in the Lithos Village happened to pick it up, there's no doubt that the same kind of basket be digged【dug】 up opposite the river. Furthermore, so long as the people were not capable of making a boat, can they utilize other things instead? Maybe a piece of wood or others? After all, what the lives of the ancient men were like was far beyond our imagination.

So to sum up, that the statement fails to be an invulnerable one firstly dues to the author's ignorance of the geographical diversity between prehistorical【prehistoric】 age and our age. He/she also neglects other factors that may help the basket to get across the Brim River. So in my opinion, without involving a detailed description of the geographical condition in ancient age as well as ruling out other possible means that enable people in Palean to cross the river, the conclusion will always be too hasty to arrive at.


呼~这周的作业终于发完了，小鸟你什么时候把需要改的告诉我？？？

bzr2915UID: 2612029

TOPIC: ARGUMENT37 - Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been unique to the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could only have crossed it by boat, but there is no evidence that the Paleans had boats. And boats capable of carrying groups of people and cargo were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared. Moreover, Paleans would have had no need to cross the river-the woods around Palea are full of nuts, berries, and small game. It follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea.
WORDS: 420
TIME: 00:25:11
DATE: 2010/2/4 23:39:48

   提纲：
   The baskets may not be brought to Lithos by human(current, wind)
   The river may be a little creek prehistory
   People may not use boat.
   Prehistorical condition?
   And they may cross the river just by chance or for advanture
   Only after further study concerning the total environment of P in prehistorical era can we ....


Concluding that the so-called Palean baskets belonged not only to Palean(语法有问题，belong没有用被动的吧？）, the author uses a recent discovery of similar baskets in Lithos as evidence. He cites that ancient men were unable to cross Brim River that lied between the two village【villages，单复数】 and besides, they had no motivation of （to?)crossing it. However, the assumption, as well as the evidences, though sounded somewhat convincing, is in fact a fallacious one(前面几句话感觉语法有问题）. The arguer undermines some important facters【factors】 that may offset the assumption, which I will discuss later.

First of all, the author seems to forget the time gap between ancient Palean people and us. Though the Brim River is too deep and broad to cross by habitants in Palean at this time, it is especially doubtful whether it was the same in prehistoric era.（这句话感觉没表达清楚，什么是一样的，it指代不明） If the river was only a small creek thousands years ago and thus easy to cross, what the arguer suggests may in fact be a fallacious one. In addition, if at that time, there were few nuts, berries, and small games in Palean, which differed from our era,
the motivation to cross the river may indeed existed.（这句话太别扭了）

Even if the environment remains unchanged during the period of time, which may seem rediculous【ridiculous】（ridiculous这个词太重了！）, the assumption （假设的具体内容是什么？）suggested by the author is also suspicious. Though people at that time was unable to build up a boat, is there any other means that can bring a basket to the opposite bank of the river【小小改下：河对岸the far bank of the river/the other bank of the river/across the river——opposite太中式了。。】 besides human forces? Of cause! If one day a basket was dropped into the river, the current itself can carry it accross【across】 the river, and if one guy lived in the Lithos Village happened to pick it up, there's no doubt （太过肯定）that the same kind of basket be digged【dug】 up opposite the river. Furthermore, so long as the people were not capable of making a boat, can they utilize other things instead? Maybe a piece of wood or others? After all, what the lives of the ancient men were like was far beyond our imagination. （句子说的都太中式了，自己再读读）

So （加个SO干嘛）to sum up, that the statement fails to be an invulnerable one firstly （这是什么表达？）dues to the author's ignorance（这个词也太重了！） of the geographical diversity between prehistorical【prehistoric】 age and our age.（语法错，主语从句完了，主句哪去了，如果不是主语从句前面加个that干嘛？） He/she（S/HE) also neglects other factors that may help the basket to get across the Brim River. So(又一个） in my opinion, without involving a detailed description of the geographical condition in ancient age as well as ruling out other possible means that enable people in Palean to cross the river, the conclusion will always be too hasty to arrive at.（这么用看的比较少）

写的太仓促，很多句子表达有问题，逻辑错误找的再好表达不出来也不行啊。 文章的语气也不对，你应该是给他提建议如何完善整篇ARGUMENT，而不是用一种嘲弄的语气斥责作者。

bzr2915UID: 2612029

TOPIC: ARGUMENT203 - The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."
WORDS: 416
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010/2/6 14:04:35



提纲  1)better quality(lack of absolut number):
     =>average patient stay;curerate——What kind of illness?
       Have they full recovered?
     =>more employees per patient;Few complaints——How many patients?
       Spend more money -> higher anticipation
           
            2)More economical---therapeutic outcome?



By comparison of a small, nonprofit hospital and a large, profit-driven one, the arguer arrive at a conclusion that the smaller one not only proves to be more economical, but is also with higher quality. To substantiate his argument, the mayor uses data like the average stay time, the cure rate, the number of employees per person, and the complaint grosses of the two hospitals as supports. The statement, though sounded logical at the first glance, actually fails to be an logically invulnerable one. The arguer uses one-sided evidences and fails to provide necessary details（这句话没说完）. All in all, the argument suffers from at least 3 flaws.

First of all, the author neglects the difference between big hospitals and small ones. Those chose to go the bigger hospital may have more serious illness, thus a longer time of stay in hospital is inevitable, while in small clinces（诊所和医院两个概念）【clinics】, the most common patients are with cold or other slight sympton【symptoms】 of diseases, which don't need to stay in hospital at all（太绝对！）. The cure rate can also attribute to this reason. Those with serious disease（是不是该用复数？） such as cancer and heart diseases are more likely to seek help from bigger hospitals and those kinds of diseases can hardly be cured. In addition, the bigger hospital is constructed to accept more patients. With the grosses of patients far more than which（those) of the smaller one, the number of complaints and the average employees per person are also lack of persuasive power to stregthen【strengthen】 the argument. (论证不充分，即便医院大病人多，雇员-病人率及投诉多少与此也没有直接关系，不点破它，怎叫人信服？）

Furthermore, so（so一般用在否定句里吧） long as the hospital is an none-profit one, the lack of funds may be one reason for patients' short stay in the hospital.（也太过绝对，只要...必然...，非盈利性医院就一定资金短缺？） If the hospital is so poor that it cannot accept more patients unless it asks those already in hospital to get out earlier. Thus, without certifying that all patients were fully recovered when get out of the hospital, it is meaningless to quote the data of patients' average stay time. Beside, if the patients come out without fully recovering, they will have to pay more for the following treatment as well as recovery process, the assumption that the smaller hospital is a saving barget【budget】 can also be a suspicious one.（为什么值得商榷没有论证，is a saving budget 感觉表达有问题。）

So in a conclusion, they argument, though seems to be logical acceptable, indeed calls for more consideration. Without providing a detail statistics of the number of patients in each hospital and the diseases they have, as well as their recovery conditions after coming out（出院表达不对）, the mayor's assumption（这个地方就一个假设？不如换成conclusion） can always be a dubious one.


文章语言、语气方面有较大问题，有一个主要谬论没有讨论：该地医院不能推广至所有。 而在文中多处出现笼统的大医院小医院论述，A中讨论的医院仅限于某一特定地点，如此讨论是不是不妥？

bzr2915UID: 2612029

TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 477
TIME: 00:28:59
DATE: 2010/2/6 11:04:02

By comparing the employment rate of Mira Visa College and a nearby college, which offers more business courses and more job counselors, the author intends to （这个词组放这儿怎么讲？）claim that in order to improve the employment condition（就业条件与就业率两个概念） of Mira Visa College, this college, too, should increase（有这用法？） the business courses they offer and hire additional job counselors. He further strengthen【strengthens】 his argument by a group of statistics that indicates more graduates of the nearghbouring【neighboring】 College get jobs after graduation. This argument, though seems logical and well-balanced at the first glance, is in fact a poor-related one.【插入语不是很熟悉，这里语法对么？】（对） For the acclaim of author is setting on an unstable assumption as well as supported by dubious evidence（可数名词单数不能单独出现）, which I'll discuss as follows.

First of all, the statement fails to be an invulnerable（an+adj.?) because the assumption itself is suspicious. Has Green Mountain College done better in letting their graduates employed? Maybe not. For the statistics quoted in the passage is quite vague. Did the 90 percent of graduates that was offered the job get what the position they wanted? Maybe the high employment rate was due to the lower threshold of what the graduates were willing to do. Were they do part-time or full-time jobs? It is as well possible that more than half of these people were doing part-time jobs while only a small number of them worked full time. Then, it was Mire Visa College that had done better in the last year.(这个结论怎么就能这么肯定的说出来？！）

Secondly, addimiting【admitting】 that Green Mountain College has indeed done better. （语法错，少成分，根本不是一个句子，admit用的也不对）It's still hard to draw the conclusion that more business courses and job counselors are needed. The arguer, obvious regards the two colleges to be （as）the same, fails to account the deversity【diversity】 （复数）between universities. Does Mira Visa College emphasize the same major as Green Mountain Univirsity【university】? If the Green Mountain College is a business college while the Mira visa is a technical one, then the comparison is meaningless and there is no need to increase business courses.（一半话，为甚麽学理工的就不用学商务了？为甚么理工类大学就没必要学商务了？） In addition, the author also fails to rule out other possible factors, such as the communication skills and the specialized technologies ，that are equally important in finding a job. If graduates in Green Mountain College do better than students of Mira Visa College in various grounds, then it will be of no use adding more counselors.（主观臆断，没有根据）

So in a conclusion, though involving（这个词用得不好） many logical assumptions, the argument is still an imperfect one. Firstly, the evidences provided fails to substantiate that arguer's assumption that Green Mountain College does better than Mir Visa College（少谓语，语法错）. Secondly, he/she fail to rule out the differences between the two colleges and thus is unable to support his/her suggestion that more business courses and counselors are in need. Without providing more additional evidences as well as ruling out other possible factors, the author can never（这种词应该少用） safely arrive at his conclusion and organize the argument in a more critical way.（这里是并列结构，前后能这么说？）

改完这三篇，发现问题很多，不要贪图数量不重质量，论证要充分，细节要翔实。错误大家找的都差不多就看你怎么论证它，不能几句话带过就完了。一些词不是中文意思对就行还要看语境。写的时候一定要注意语气，太绝对的词不用，太主观的观点不用，你是在提意见如何改善A的而不是指着作者的鼻子骂他的逻辑太乱。

tunicateUID: 2722773

A 37
有点不懂和需改正的都在后面注了下~有几个地方还要麻烦问下~

第一段的确还需改变，陈述太多了，新写的A里我会注意的。

另外Chinglish怎么看呢？别人的Chinglish很容易辨别，自己读自己的就觉得很对，比如2和3段的末尾。。。。

Concluding that the so-called Palean baskets belonged not only to Palean(语法有问题，belong没有用被动的吧？---这里不是被动，是过去式）, the author uses a recent discovery of similar baskets in Lithos as evidence. He cites that ancient men were unable to cross Brim River that lied between the two village【villages，单复数】 and besides, they had no motivation of （to?---的确是to do，我一直记错了)crossing it. However, the assumption, as well as the evidences, though sounded somewhat convincing, is in fact a fallacious one(前面几句话感觉语法有问题---应该是though seems to be，是一句话，后来我改了）. The arguer undermines some important facters【factors】 that may offset the assumption, which I will discuss later.

First of all, the author seems to forget the time gap between ancient Palean people and us. Though the Brim River is too deep and broad to cross by habitants in Palean at this time, it is especially doubtful whether it was the same in prehistoric era.（这句话感觉没表达清楚，什么是一样的，it指代不明---但如果写两遍BRiver更奇怪。。） If the river was only a small creek thousands years ago and thus easy to cross, what the arguer suggests may in fact be a fallacious one. In addition, if at that time, there were few nuts, berries, and small games in Palean, which differed from our era,
the motivation to cross the river may indeed existed.（这句话太别扭了）

Even if the environment remains unchanged during the period of time, which may seem rediculous【ridiculous】（ridiculous这个词太重了---改成which may be inconsistent with common sense 可以么？？）, the assumption （假设的具体内容是什么？---明白，下回会在段首写清的）suggested by the author is also suspicious. Though people at that time was unable to build up a boat, is there any other means that can bring a basket to the opposite bank of the river【小小改下：河对岸the far bank of the river/the other bank of the river/across the river——opposite太中式了。。】 besides human forces? Of cause! If one day a basket was dropped into the river, the current itself can carry it accross【across】 the river, and if one guy lived in the Lithos Village happened to pick it up, there's no doubt （太过肯定—想说的是“那么在河对岸发现就是很正常的现象了”，应该怎么说呢？）that the same kind of basket be digged【dug】 up opposite the river. Furthermore, so long as the people were not capable of making a boat, can they utilize other things instead? Maybe a piece of wood or others? After all, what the lives of the ancient men were like was far beyond our imagination. （句子说的都太中式了，自己再读读----TT，我读不出啊。。是那几个没谓语的问句么？我有看过这种用法的。。。。）

So
（加个SO干嘛----这样念着顺，汗了，口语用法吧）to sum up, that the statement fails to be an invulnerable one firstly （这是什么表达？）dues to the author's ignorance（这个词也太重了！---那neglect呢，我想表达的是“无视”的意思）
of the geographical diversity between prehistorical【prehistoric】 age and our age.（语法错，主语从句完了，主句哪去了，如果不是主语从句前面加个that干嘛？---主语从句的谓语是fail，主句谓语当成due了，一直以为是动词，改成is due吧。。。） He/she（S/HE) also neglects other factors that may help the basket to get across the Brim River. So(又一个） in my opinion, without involving a detailed description of the geographical condition in ancient age as well as ruling out other possible means that enable people in Palean to cross the river, the conclusion will always be too hasty to arrive at.（这么用看的比较少---可能without或only if的确有点强硬，那该用什么呢?...would be a better one?）


TOPIC: ARGUMENT238 - The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
WORDS: 477
TIME: 00:28:59
DATE: 2010/2/6 11:04:02

By comparing the employment rate of Mira Visa College and a nearby college, which offers more business courses and more job counselors, the author intends to
（这个词组放这儿怎么讲？）claim that in order to improve the employment condition（就业条件与就业率两个概念---就业的状况）
of Mira Visa College, this college, too, should increase（有这用法？--我见过这种用法，再查一下） the business courses they offer and hire additional job counselors. He further strengthen【strengthens】 his argument by a group of statistics that indicates more graduates of the nearghbouring【neighboring】 College get jobs after graduation. This argument, though seems logical and well-balanced at the first glance, is in fact a poor-related one.【插入语不是很熟悉，这里语法对么？】（对） For the acclaim of author is setting on an unstable assumption as well as supported by dubious evidence（可数名词单数不能单独出现）, which I'll discuss as follows.

First of all, the statement fails to be an invulnerable（an+adj.?)one
because the assumption itself is suspicious. Has Green Mountain College done better in letting their graduates employed? Maybe not. For the statistics quoted in the passage is quite vague. Did the 90 percent of graduates that was offered the job get what the position they wanted? Maybe the high employment rate was due to the lower threshold of what the graduates were willing to do. Were they do part-time or full-time jobs? It is as well possible that more than half of these people were doing part-time jobs while only a small number of them worked full time. Then, it was Mire Visa College that had done better in the last year.(这个结论怎么就能这么肯定的说出来？！--改成it might be MVC that…）

Secondly, addimiting【admitting】 that Green Mountain College has indeed done better.
（语法错，少成分，根本不是一个句子，admit用的也不对---就是不想用even if，也不清楚该用什么，除了even if we conceded the fact…还有别的相同含义的么？？）It's still hard to draw the conclusion that more business courses and job counselors are needed. The arguer, obvious regards the two colleges to be
（as）the same, fails to account the deversity【diversity】 （复数）between universities. Does Mira Visa College emphasize the same major as Green Mountain Univirsity【university】? If the Green Mountain College is a business college while the Mira visa is a technical one, then the comparison is meaningless and there is no need to increase business courses.（一半话，为甚麽学理工的就不用学商务了？为甚么理工类大学就没必要学商务了？---发现了我有的地方有点想当然） In addition, the author also fails to rule out other possible factors, such as the communication skills and the specialized technologies ，that are equally important in finding a job. If graduates in Green Mountain College do better than students of Mira Visa College in various grounds, then it will be of no use adding more counselors.（主观臆断，没有根据---如果综合水平不够咨询再多对就业帮助也不大，想表达这个意思，用“May not improve significantly ”么？）

So in a conclusion, though involving（这个词用得不好—为什么？？） many logical assumptions, the argument is still an imperfect one. Firstly, the evidences provided fails to substantiate that arguer's assumption that Green Mountain College does better than Mir Visa College（少谓语，语法错---这里是同位语从句，没有少谓语）. Secondly, he/she fail to rule out the differences between the two colleges and thus is unable to support his/her suggestion that more business courses and counselors are in need. Without providing more additional evidences as well as ruling out other possible factors, the author can never（这种词应该少用） safely arrive at his conclusion and organize the argument in a more critical way.（这里是并列结构，前后能这么说？）



TOPIC: ARGUMENT203 - The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."
WORDS: 416
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2010/2/6 14:04:35



提纲  1)better quality(lack of absolut number):
     =>average patient stay;curerate——What kind of illness?
       Have they full recovered?
     =>more employees per patient;Few complaints——How many patients?
       Spend more money -> higher anticipation


            2)More economical---therapeutic outcome?



By comparison of a small, nonprofit hospital and a large, profit-driven one, the arguer arrive at a conclusion that the smaller one not only proves to be more economical, but is also with higher quality. To substantiate his argument, the mayor uses data like the average stay time, the cure rate, the number of employees per person, and the complaint grosses of the two hospitals as supports. The statement, though sounded logical at the first glance, actually fails to be an logically invulnerable one. The arguer uses one-sided evidences and fails to provide necessary details（这句话没说完---要说出details是什么么？？）. All in all, the argument suffers from at least 3 flaws.

First of all, the author neglects the difference between big hospitals and small ones. Those chose to go the bigger hospital may have more serious illness, thus a longer time of stay in hospital is inevitable, while in small clinces（诊所和医院两个概念）【clinics】, the most common patients are with cold or other slight sympton【symptoms】 of diseases, which don't need to stay in hospital at all（太绝对！---还好吧，大多数病就是完全不用住院，这里应该不涉及太绝对的问题）. The cure rate can also attribute to this reason. Those with serious disease（是不是该用复数？） such as cancer and heart diseases are more likely to seek help from bigger hospitals and those kinds of diseases can hardly be cured. In addition, the bigger hospital is constructed to accept more patients. With the grosses of patients far more than which（those) of the smaller one, the number of complaints and the average employees per person are also lack of persuasive power to stregthen【strengthen】 the argument. (论证不充分，即便医院大病人多，雇员-病人率及投诉多少与此也没有直接关系，不点破它，怎叫人信服？---也就是我要说even the number id high, the rate may be low是么？）

Furthermore, so（so一般用在否定句里吧） long as the hospital is an none-profit one, the lack of funds may be one reason for patients' short stay in the hospital.（也太过绝对，只要...必然...，非盈利性医院就一定资金短缺？---后半句有may，只要。。。这种原因就有可能实现） If the hospital is so poor that it cannot accept more patients unless it asks those already in hospital to get out earlier. Thus, without certifying that all patients were fully recovered when get out of the hospital, it is meaningless to quote the data of patients' average stay time. Beside, if the patients come out without fully recovering, they will have to pay more for the following treatment as well as recovery process, the assumption that the smaller hospital is a saving barget【budget】 can also be a suspicious one.（为什么值得商榷没有论证，is a saving budget 感觉表达有问题。---一边注意语言多样一边又要严谨就这点麻烦呐。。。）

So in a conclusion, they argument, though seems to be logical acceptable, indeed calls for more consideration. Without providing a detail statistics of the number of patients in each hospital and the diseases they have, as well as their recovery conditions after coming out（出院表达不对---是什么呢？Come out from hospital 不行么？）, the mayor's assumption（这个地方就一个假设？不如换成conclusion—的确Conclusion更好，收到！！） can always be a dubious one.

tunicateUID: 2722773

虽然也是前天写的，稍微修改了下，应该有TS了吧。。。看完那贴我都晕了，究竟该怎么写A呢？
虽然逻辑错误都找了。。。

TOPIC: ARGUMENT169 - The following appeared in a letter from a department chairperson to the president of Pierce University.

"Some studies conducted by Bronston College, which is also located in a small town, reveal that both male and female professors are happier living in small towns when their spouses are also employed in the same geographic area. Therefore, in the interest of attracting the most gifted teachers and researchers to our faculty and improving the morale of our entire staff, we at Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member we hire. Although we cannot expect all offers to be accepted or to be viewed as an ideal job offer, the money invested in this effort will clearly be well spent because, if their spouses have a chance of employment, new professors will be more likely to accept our offers."
WORDS: 456
TIME: 00:30:12
DATE: 2010/2/7 20:58:18

169 Evidence:
    =>B: exclude the discription of the professors employed—— Are they the gifted ones?
    =>What suits B may not suits P(geographic differences exist )
    Assumption:
    =>living happier is not the only standard for a faculty to choose job.
     (everage teaching level; facilities and other additional equipments; academic environment; salary)
    =>Evaluate cost with revenues: not all
     (1.not all the new professors are talented ones 2.cost higher in comparison)


The author suggests that in order to attract more talented professor, Pierce University should offer jobs to their spouses, for studies conducted by Bronston College revealed that professors were happier in small town with their spouses working in the same area. The suggestion, though seems to have a logic basis, lies in fact on a dubious assumption. For the studies cited lack of reliability and the arguer fails include numerous other factors. A fallacious comparison is also included. All in all, the argument suffers from 4 mistakes at least.【这次开头有注意一些。。。有TS了么？？】

First of all, there's no reliable details about the studies. What we know is that they were conducted by a college in a small town. How many professors did they include? How old are they? Are they among the most talented ones? As we know, elder people are more likely to prefer quiet environment in small town. And if the studies cover only ordinary professors rather than the talented ones, there's no reason for Pierce University to provide jobs for their spouses, for it serves no use in attracting gifted professors as the according to the author's wish. Secondly, even the studies are worthy of our trust, they still fail to gauge the statement for what fits Bronston College may not fits Pierce University. The difference in location as well as people's tastes may affect their choice. If the ambience is far more beautiful in Bronston than in Pierce, the situation may entirely different.

In addition, even if professors in Pierce are also happier with their spouses working in their surroundings, the conclusion can also be suspicious. For living happily
or not is just one factor that affect one's choice. When searching for jobs, a professor may pay attention to a great deal of things, such as the total academic environment, the reputation of a school, the access to other facilities, and the salary a university can offer. To attract these potential employees, a university must consider these factors in a role instead of simply offering jobs to their spouses. Furthermore, as the arguer has mentioned, offering job may cost a lot, and the job may not suit these spouses. If such money is to be spend on other programs (e.g.to raise salary or to build new teaching buildings), it may be more efficient.

So all in all, the argument fails to be a vulnerable one basicly【basically】 owe【owing，owe是动词。。。】 to its fallacious comparison and intrustable【untrusted】 evidence. To further strengthen his/her argument, the author had better add more details about the studies and ruling out other differences between the two districts. Also, he/she had better evaluate all the factors that may contribute to a gifted professor’s choice and only in this way can he/she truly make a wiser decision.【最后小问题。。。除了had better 还有什么类似说法么？】


另外一天都在买年货和收拾屋忙死了，I还在准备。
A 56 提纲如下

56 1)No proof that molds of head and hands were used to create status(Maybe practicing works)
     How about other parts?
   2)Difference between miniature and life-size ones may due to their different usages.(sacrificing//enjoying)
   3)Few tools——haven't been discovered or discomposed.
   4)?->decrease value(people do not like molds based ones? )

tunicateUID: 2722773

TOPIC: ARGUMENT56 - Collectors prize the ancient life-size clay statues of human figures made on Kali Island but have long wondered how the Kalinese artists were able to depict bodies with such realistic precision. Since archeologists have recently discovered molds of human heads and hands on Kali, we can now conclude that the ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies, not sculpting tools and techniques, to create these statues. This discovery explains why Kalinese miniature statues were abstract and entirely different in style: molds could only be used for life-size sculptures. It also explains why few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found. In light of this development, collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease in value and the miniatures to increase in value.
WORDS: 532
TIME: 00:37:26
DATE: 2010/2/10 16:43:51

Based on the assumption that the life-size sculptures are made by molds, the arguer suggests a decrease in the value of them and an increase in the value of the miniatures. This suggestion, though seems to have a logical basis, is in fact a dubious one for its assumption lacks sufficient evidences and there are some reasonless correlation between the evidences provided and the arguer's assumption. All in all, the argument suffers from 4 logical mistakes at least.

First of all, the writer use as recent discovery of molds as supports for his assumption that ancient Kaliense artists used molds to make the life-size sculptures. However, the evidence itself is not sufficient to gauge this statement, for the molds discovered contains only human heads and hand. How about other parts? Without molds of the other parts of the body, the ancient Kaliense artists could not make these life-size sculptures. It is as well possible that these heads and hands are only their practice works, thus it may not support the author's assumption that these artists used molds to make their piece. Another evidence the mayor quoted is that few tools have been found. But these one is not enough to evaluate the assumption, too. There are various explaination【explanations】 for the lack of tools. Maybe they haven't been dug up yet, or maybe those tools, probably made of bones or other materials, became roten thus is unable to be found now.

Furthermore, the arguer's suggestion that the difference between miniatures status and life-size ones is caused by the different technic【technical】 used in making them is also suspicious. There's maybe many reasons that count for that, notably the diversified usage. The life-sized sculptures, which is realistic, might be used for sacrifying【sacrificing】 or pleasing their God, while the miniatures, which are more abstract, might be the free work of the ancient artists and used just for fun and entertainment. In this way, the difference cannot count as the evidence that supports the author's assumption.

In addition, even if the author's assumption that these life-size sculptures are made by molds is indeed reliable, the argument still fails to be an invulnerable one, for the mayor builds a fallacious relation before people's taste and the method of making the status. There's no evidence that if the life-size sculptures are made by molds, collectors will stop gathering them. their value lie not only on the method to fabrite【fabricate】 them, but also theirs sizes and ages. So long as these sculptures are life-size and thus might be hard to fabrite【fabricate】, their value may stay stable even ancient Kalinese used molds to make it. And even its value indeed decrease, there's no causal relation that it may cause the rise in value of the miniatures status.

To sum up, the author rest his conclusion on a suspicious assumption, which is supported by dubious evidences. That's the main flaw that leads to the imperfecty【imperfect本身就是名词】 of this argument. To further strengthen his statement, the writer had better include more details about the usage of each kind of sculptures. He should also follow the new science discovery to find whether there's more molds dug out of other parts of a body and avoid some false correlation.


我想说的是
1.Assumption：Use molds to make错
   因为3个Evidence不全面
2.Use molds -> decrease value,无理假设
3.Decrease value of life-size sculpture -> Increase value of small one 无理假设
就是表达不出来。。。