求改 1/26 又要承受了..

wuqian0801UID: 2637709

Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think daily homework is necessary for students?

Education is now being attached importance by our nation and people in a growing number concern more about it. It’s no exception for school which is a place for cultivating talents. These days, it is a general debate on whether teacher should assign homework to students every day. My view is that it is no need to assign daily tasks for students. And my main reasons are listed as follows.

In the first place, as far as the students are concerned, the every day assignments are a burden for them, the burden that is so big that they cannot have extra time to do exercises, to play with their friends, to do the things which they are interested in. What is more, the every day homework will do harm to students’ health, like it may cause the problem of vision decreased or the ailment of neck, even may have the problem of headache. While from another perspective, the homework assigned aptly will benefit to students, which can provide them much time to think, not just to do some tasks. It shows once again that homework shouldn’t be assigned every day when taken students’ fitness into account.

In the second place, considering the workload of teachers, it, nevertheless, is unnecessary to assign homework every day to students. Teachers would spend more time on their instructing method, such as how to motivate students’ interest in learning, or how to make their lecture more appealing, rather than assign homework every day like doing a routine, and correct those assignments day by day. These cited above clearly indicate that the every day assignment is not essential.

Finally, what the merits for teacher to assign homework every day are students can pay more attention on their study, and master the knowledge well through those assignments. Furthermore, teachers also can find students weakness in knowledge immediately.

To sum up, although the advantages of every day homework that teacher assigned are considerable, it still cannot equate with the merits that appropriate homework that teacher assigned gives us. And students’ physical condition and teachers’ primary task can be the sound reasons for supporting my viewpoint.

PS:
1.作文字数要多少合适啊? 字数多能代表分数高 或者是论述完整?--XDF老师曰
2.我发现我不用模板之后写的作文 字数骤然下降...
3.我一直很模糊所谓的example亦或是detail到底是要描述到何种地步才够分量?  

谢谢啦...

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Education is now being attached given importance by our nation, and people in a growing number concern more about it (Be careful of the layers in meaning. Readers scan a sentence from left to right, and they'll intepret words in clusters that make the most possible sense at any moment during reading, without consideration of what is to come. In this sentence, without the comma I added, the sentence will be intepreted as 'education...importance..by our nation and people.' by the time your reader hits 'by our nation and people', and they'll think this part, up to '...and people', is a complete sentence. Then they will read '..in a growing number concern..'. This doesn't make any sense, and readers will be confused. They'll have to read the sentence again to see that 'and people' doesn't belong to '..by our nation', and '..and people...concern...' is in fact another sentence. Therefore it's of utter most importance that you yourself must read your own essay assuming no prior knowledge of it to see whether the language you used is clear enough.). It’s no exception for a school, which is a place for cultivating talents. These days, it there is a general debate on whether teacher should assign homework to students every day. My view is that it there is no need to assign daily tasks for students.(If you don't intend to use a clause, don't use 'it' in this manner.) And my main reasons are listed as follows.

In the first place, as far as the students are concerned, the everyday ('every day' is a noun phrase. 'everyday' is an adjective.) assignments are is a burden for them, the a burden that is so big (The original form is gramartically wrong, and makes the sentence a run-on.) that they cannot have extra time to do exercises, to play with their friends, to do the things which that they are interested in. What is more, the everyday homework will do harm to students’ health, like for example, ('like' is normally used with noun phrases, as in 'I enjoy sweet things like chocolate and ice-cream'. If you intend to attached a full sentence, use 'for example'.) it may cause the problem of vision to decreased ('vision' doesn't just 'decrease'. It 'deteriorates'. or the ailment of neck problems, even may have the problem of headache. While from another perspective, the homework assigned aptly will benefit to students, which (Naturally, readers associate such words with the nearest noun they can find, but here this 'which' clearly doesn't refer to 'students' at all. As readers read, their minds will shift from 'homework' to 'students', and they'll naturally expect the next sentence to relate to 'students' unless something clearly signals them that it's otherwise. Therefore, avoid ambibuity. Read your own writing and think about whether it's clear enough.) can provide them much time to think, not just to do some tasks. It  (What?) shows once again that homework shouldn’t be assigned every day when taking students’ fitness into account. (You've actually presented two points here: fitness, and free time. Which point exactly are you trying to conclude with a sentence like 'it shows...when taking fitness into account' ? Do not mix arguments. Be simple but clear about the exact point you're focusing on.)(Plus, the question is asking whether this is necessary, not whether it should or shouldn't be done.)

In the second place, considering the workload of teachers, it, nevertheless, is unnecessary to assign homework every day to students. Teachers would spend more time on their instructing methods, such as how to motivate students’ interest in learning, or how to make their lectures more appealing, rather than on assigning homework every day like doing a routine, and correcting those assignments day by day. These cited above clearly indicate that the every day assignment is not essential.

Finally, what the merits for teacher to assign homework every day are include that students can pay more attention on their study, and master the knowledge well through those assignments. Furthermore, teachers also can find students' weakness in knowledge immediately. (Why do you suddenly turn around to say the 'merits' of assigning homework everyday? You never show how do these merits relate to the question. They are irrelevant.)

To sum up, although the advantages of everyday homework that teacher assigns are considerable, it still cannot equate with the merits that appropriate homework that teacher assigns gives us. And students’ physical conditions and teachers’ primary task can be (This is not affirmative. Just say they are good reasons because they are indeed the reasons you have, are they not?) the sound reasons for supporting my viewpoint. (So, your view is that the advantages of daily homework < the merits of appropriate homework? That doesn't sound like what the question is asking for. The question is asking whether daily homework is NECESSARY, not how good or how bad it is.)

总结：

语法 - 你的复句句法还是有待提高。似乎你很喜欢用名词分句, what xxx is that xxx 这种，但你又写不出语法正确的用法，所以我建议你宁愿还是用最简单的主谓宾式，把句子写对。名词分句写不好非常拗口又不讨好。。

词汇  - 这方面主要是长句的表意层次不清晰。写完作文后请注意检查，以一个对题目和内容一无所知的读者的眼光再去读你的文字，看看自己有多少地方看不懂。。

逻辑 - 你其实是能够做到合理的逻辑发展的，但是你没有坚持扣紧题目，尤其是finally那段，突然转方向去写你不同意的东西的好处，又不解释为什么这样做，也没有清晰的论点，这不叫思考全面，这恰恰反映了你的思考不全面 - 如果你的思考够全面，表现出来的是你能描述反方的论点，又能合理地反驳并且利用反方来强调自己的论点。。

托福的要求似乎是作文250字以上，一般来说300-350字是比较合理的篇幅。

写例子的细节需要多少由你想用例子表达什么观点决定。你想表达什么样的观点，就着重表述例子里能够表达这个观点的细节，其他的细节都可以忽略。