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主题帖

Lisa-yuanUID: 2748489

In this argument, the speaker concludes that Professor Thomas deserves the 10000-dollar raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson. In order to support this conclusion, the speaker cites several examples to demonstrate Professor Thomas’s teaching and research ability. Additionally, the speaker highlights the need of the promotion, without which the professor will leave for another college.（总结得不错）

First of all, based on the scale of classes and the grant she has brought to the university, the speaker highly praised Professor Thomas’s teaching and research abilities. In the aspect of teaching ability, it is absurd to claim that this professor is good only through evaluating the class scale. If Professor Thomas engaged in compulsory lessons and students have no choice but passively attend this boring class, a fact which is totally irrelevant with the popularity of the class. Furthermore, there is not a standard to evaluate the class scale, and it can mean the size of the classroom or the attendance at the same time. There is another assumption that this class is favorable according to the university administrators because it can help to attracts more financial support from government such as in the fields of astronomy or biochemistry which is unpopular for most of the time.

In addition to class scale, without regard to comparing the grant other people has brought to this university, there is no need to draw the conclusion in a hurry that the money professor Thomas has brought is massive. In this way, the one whose salary is 10000-dollar one year but bring 30000-dollar grant is more worth salary raise promotion than Professor Thomas who earn 25000-dollar one year and bring same amount of grant. What’s more important is that research ability has nothing to do with the grant a professor can bring to the university which only demonstrates her negotiation skills and a well-connected relationship network.

There is a crucial defection in this argument that the fact that the grant one can bring to the university can lead to the conclusion that she deserves a promotion. It is consistent with human logic that salary raise and promotion should based on scientific performance, such as the quantity and quality of the essays one has published in the past year, or the innovations in certain field such as man-made stem cells, but never been evaluated by something hard to assess.

The last but not the least, there seems no need to worry that professor Thomas will leave for another university if the raise of salary and promotion can not be achieved. As we know, this professor has been in Elm University for over seventeen years, among which can be a period of unchangeable salaries and non-promotions. If Professor Thomas wouldn’t leave Elm for the past seventeen years without salary raise and promotion, why would she leave at this time? Senior professors tend to stay at the university where she has got accustomed to and take a unfavorable attitude toward changes and challenges. Most people want at this age is a peaceful life if only they can only be self-contained.(这段显得比较牵强，如果读者认为Professor Thomas 感觉到自己这么多年来在Elm City University不受重视，那难免会到别的学校去哦)

In sum, there are four reasoning defection in this argument in general. We can not conclude that the class is popular by viewing its scale, or that the professor is prestigious because the grant she can bring to the university is massive. For stronger argument, the speaker should directly provide evidence that there are more sound reasons to convince others besides the unpredictable leave of Professor Thomas.
总评：
句式变化较多，基本没有语法错误。但是文章的结构有点乱，尤其是第二段，第三段和第四段，可能你是想把研究经费及受欢迎程度先一起概况地写一段，然后再分别陈述。但是当读者视觉感到疲惫的时候，会觉得有点乱。为什么第二段讲了受欢迎程度和研究经费，第三段和第四段还要再讲。如果将这2点逻辑错误，写成2段的话，会不会更好一点呢～
能在45分钟内写到这么多字，而且句法和词汇很丰富，有很好的基础，结构上再精简一点，会更出色，是篇不错的文章。