求独立修改的作文~

carriexuUID: 2559756

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Does advice given by older people more valuable than from people your age.
In our daily life,we often need advice from other people to help ourselves solve some problems.When asked about who you will turn to if you are trapped in problems.The overwhelming majority of people will answer that they will asked friends their age for help rather than older people.However,I view a bit differently.Sometimes,older people's advice is essential to solve problems we are involved in.
When I was twelve years old,I decided to prepare a dinner for my parents, giving them a big surprise.I choosed to make dumplings,their favourite food,But I had no idea about how to make dumplings.I asked my friends who often cooked.They were very patient to me,but to be honest,I thought they were confused,either.I was a little worried about wheather I can make dumplings successfully.At the moment,I remembered the tasty dumplings given by my grand mother. I called her for advice..When she learned my problems.She taught me steps in detail .I followed these steps,such as rolling wrappers,mixing souce ,wrapping and so on.She was really an expert in cooking.She had a lot of secreats of making delicious dumplings.Without her help,I wouldn't have known wheather I could give my parents a wonderful dinner.So from my prospective,older people have more experience in life.They may be skilled in some areas,cooking,gardening,reparing and so on.Therefore,I think we should value their advice.We can learn a lot of knowledge and wisdom from them.
Furthermore,when we have some problems in study or at work.Our teachers and senior employees may be the best advisers rather than classmates or co-workers as old as we are.Because they may have students or colleagues who once had the same problems before,it is much easier for them to give a quick solutions.When I was in high school.I had a math problem.I asked some friends who were good at math.However,they had no idea about it as I .At last,I turned to my teacher.She told me there were always students who had problem with this question when she taught this chapter.Then she told me a very easy way to solve the problem.From my own experience,I believe that sometimes we just feel embrassed to ask help from older people.We always want to be valued by them.However,ignoring their wisdom,we must waste a lot of time finding solutions.
As we known,people at the same age have a lot in common.They understand each other better.However,older people have more experiences.Their knowledge and wisdom are valueless.
实在很抱歉我怎么修改字的大小都有问题~~谢谢修改！

mpromanusUID: 2565872

In our daily life,we often need advice from other people to help ourselves solve some problems.When asked about who you will turn to if you are trapped in problems, the overwhelming majority of people will answer that they will asked friends their age for help rather than older people.However, I view this a bit differently. Sometimes, older people's advice is essential to solve problems we are involved in. (The question is whether you agree or disagree that older people's advice is more valuable, not to discuss when older people's advice is essential. You need to state your agreement clearly. The gist of this question is your stand, and a comparison of value, not an absolute description of the value of older people's advice.)

When I was twelve years old, I decided to prepare a dinner for my parents, giving them a big surprise. I choosed to make dumplings, their favourite food, but I had no idea about how to make dumplings. I asked my friends who often cooked. They were very patient to with me, but to be honest, I thought they were confused, either. I was a little worried about wheather I can make dumplings successfully. At the moment,I remembered the tasty dumplings given made by my grandmother. I called her for advice. When she learned my problems, she taught me the steps in detail. I followed these steps, such as rolling the wrappers, mixing souces, wrapping and so on. She was really an expert in cooking dumplings?. She had a lot of secreats of making delicious dumplings. Without her help, I wouldn't have known wheather I could give my parents a wonderful dinner. So from my prospective, older people have more experience in life. They may be skilled in some areas, like cooking, gardening, repairing and so on. Therefore, I think we should value their advice. We can learn a lot of knowledge and wisdom from them. (The conclusion you should make is whether their advice is more valuable than your friends, not what you should do about it.)

(Plus, this example's not really strong because your grandmother and friends may not be comparable at all in this case - your grandma makes excellent dumplings, yes, but you didn't say whether your friends were able to make good dumplings. If someone is able to offer good advice because he/she possesses a skill that others don't have, then the ability to offer good advice has nothing to do with this person's age - in your example's case, you could have asked a friend who makes excellent dumplings instead of asking friends who apparently cannot make dumplings. I'm not saying that this example is not good. It's a nice example but has room for improvement. You should keep the stress on the fact that the decisive factor in your dumpling-making is that your grandma offers more valuable advice - her secrets of dumpling-making and all - not just that she seems to be the only person around you who can make good dumplings. That would make the example really strong.)

Furthermore, when we have some problems in study or at work, our teachers and senior employees may be the best advisers rather than classmates or co-workers who are as old as we are. Because they may have students or colleagues who once had the same problems before, it is much easier for them to give a quick solutions (The topic is about advice, not necessarily 'solutions'.). When I was in high school, I had a math problem. I asked some friends who were good at math. However,they had no idea about it as I do. At last,I turned to my teacher. She told me there were always students who had problem with this question when she taught this chapter. Then she told me a very easy way to solve the problem. From my own experience, I believe that sometimes we just feel embrassed to ask help from older people. We always want to be valued by them. However, ignoring their wisdom, we must would waste a lot of time finding solutions. (The value of advice has nothing to do whether you should ask for it, or your feelings about asking for advice from older people. Again, the conclusion should be on the question, not something else that's not relevant.)

(This is a better example because you stressed that your friends are good with maths but still unable to help you due to lack of previous experience, and only an elder person with this experience can advise you.)

As we known, people at the same age have a lot in common. They understand each other better. However, older people have more experiences. Their knowledge and wisdom are valueless (Although in Chinese we do say 无价，but 'valueless' does mean 'without any value'. The equivalent of 无价 would be 'invaluable'.).

(Once again, the question is an agree/disagree question, and is asking whether older people's advice is MORE valuable, not whether older people's advice is valuable, so your conclusion should be oriented in the way the question is expressed as well.)

总结：

词汇和语法方面问题不大，主要是请注意你的断句。。有很多明明不是句尾的地方用了句号。另外请注意标点符号之后要空格。。=.= 还有就是多用连接词，你写例子的时候基本上是一句一句地往外蹦没有上下联系这样。

逻辑方面就是说要注意题目的格式，题目问你同意不同意，你的开头结尾就应该说同意或者不同意。另外题目是个比较性的，你的结论也就要是比较式的。当然你的例子和论证都是合适的，但是结论不能停留在‘所以老人的经验很有价值’上，要回到题目的‘老人的经验是不是比同龄人的更有价值’上面去。