[clover] Iusse243 习作by Misir

misirUID: 2684938

TOPIC: ISSUE243 - "The true value of a civilization is reflected in its artistic creations rather than in its scientific accomplishments."
WORDS: 515
TIME: 02:00:00
DATE: 2010/2/3 17:33:16

       Both of the artistic creation and the scientific accomplishments can reflect the true value of a civilization.
       As we know that civilization, beyond its primary elements like agriculture, industry, contains many second elements like astronomy, mathematics, architectures, art and so on. So civilization has a wide definition, which is accepted by most of the people. When it comes to the true value of a civilization, there are many uncertain things to discuss. First, every ethnic group has its own, unique civilization. For the ancient Greece, or the Maya civilization, they may focus on different aspects of civilization, but the true value of which lied in both art and science. If they had not made artistic creations as well as scientific accomplishments, they would never had such glorious civilization, which made more and more people devoted themselves to better understand it. Secondly, the situations in different period of time maybe different. In the ancient times, the science was immature and undeveloped, so people expressed their notion mainly by the methods of art, for instance, cave-drawing or dancing or singing, which, in terms of archeology, reflected the true value of the very civilization. However, things may be different in modern times. Today, with the science and technology developing faster and faster, we have various ways to make our voice heard, and the society can also choose from a lot of means to transmit the value of a civilization (maybe it is not always a true value, as a matter of fact.). In some conditions, what scientific accomplishments to artistic creations are like what protein on the surface of a cell to the subject transmitted to entry into the cell. That is to say, without scientific accomplishments, the ways that the artistic creations explored is limited.
       And this assert can be discussed from the version of education, too. In formal education, the primary and higher schools always teach the students both art and science. The courses, no matter art or science, are compiled by the government or society with the purpose to present students with the true value of the civilization. So art and science are required for a person to be physically and mentally whole. Maybe Einstein is a typical example in reality, while Holmes in detective fictions. To some extent, people with whole personality can make the civilization go further and better. Thus, it is a circle that can benefit to the people and the civilization at the same time.
It is also obvious that without one of the them, the civilization will be ill, not to mention the true value of civilization. Science needs art to make a more intelligent horizon, while art needs science to provide more conveniences. They are *** that together reflect the true value of a civilization.
       Maybe artistic creations are thought to be expressing the deeper ideas or thoughts which are illusive and mystical, while the scientific accomplishments are real to touch, which gives people a false image that the true value of a civilization is reflected in its artistic creations rather than in its scientific accomplishments, but it is wrong, as a matter of fact.

a08805436UID: 2725634

       Both of the artistic creation and the scientific accomplishments can reflect the true value of a civilization.
       As we know that civilization, beyond its primary elements like agriculture, industry, contains many second elements like astronomy, mathematics, architectures, art and so on. So civilization has a wide definition, which is accepted by most of the people. When it comes to the true value of a civilization, there are many uncertain things to discuss. First, every ethnic group has its own, unique civilization.(谈到文明价值因种族不同而不同，又是大题小作，好) For ，the ancient Greece, or the Maya civilization, they may focus on different aspects of civilization, but the true value of which lied in both art and science. If they had not made artistic creations as well as scientific accomplishments, they would never had such glorious civilization, which made more and more people devoted themselves to better understand it. Secondly, the situations in different period of time maybe different. （因时间的不同而不同）In the ancient times, the science was immature and undeveloped, so people expressed their notion mainly by the methods of art, for instance, cave-drawing or dancing or singing, which, in terms of archeology, reflected the true value of the very civilization. However, things may be different in modern times. Today, with the science and technology developing faster and faster, we have various ways to make our voice heard, and the society can also choose from a lot of means to transmit the value of a civilization (maybe it is not always a true value, as a matter of fact.). In some conditions, what scientific accomplishments to artistic creations are like what protein on the surface of a cell to the subject transmitted to entry into the cell（word报错了，但是真不会改）. That is to say, without scientific accomplishments, the ways that the artistic creations explored is（are） limited.
       And this assert（这个词我没有查出有名词的意思） can be discussed from the version of education, too. In formal education, the primary and higher schools always teach the students both art and science. The courses, no matter art or science, are compiled by the government or society with the purpose to present students with the true value of the civilization. So art and science are required for a person to be physically and mentally whole. Maybe Einstein is a typical example in reality, while Holmes in detective fictions. To some extent, people with whole personality can make the civilization go further and better. Thus, it is a circle that can benefit to the people and the civilization at the same time.
It is also obvious that without one of the（删掉？） them, the civilization will be ill, not to mention the true value of civilization. Science needs art to make a more intelligent horizon, while art needs science to provide more conveniences. They are *** that together reflect the true value of a civilization.
       Maybe artistic creations are thought to be expressing the deeper ideas or thoughts which are illusive and mystical, while the scientific accomplishments are real to touch, which gives people a false image that the true value of a civilization is reflected in its artistic creations rather than in its scientific accomplishments（这句话我不同意，在这里illusive and mystical是偏贬义而real to touch明显是褒义，所以要有false image也应该是scientific accomplishments》artistic creations）, but it is wrong, as a matter of fact.


这篇文章在句型，例子的深度，和错误量上都失去了上一篇issue的神奇表现~
当然楼主的文章还是比我那篇稀烂文强上许多~
总体评分：4分                                        个人意见，仅供参考                     
                                                                               by a08805436

misirUID: 2684938

这篇是在两小时内写完的，途中未查资料，唯一的删改就是最后把拼写错误改了下。。。上一篇是边查资料边写的，写了3.5小时，当然是不一样的啦。。。我会继续努力的~ 2# a08805436

misirUID: 2684938

Both of the artistic creations and the scientific accomplishments can reflect the true value of a civilization.

As we know that civilization, beyond its primary elements like agriculture, industry, contains many second elements like astronomy, mathematics, architectures, art and so on. So civilization has a wide definition, which is accepted by most of the people. When it comes to the true value of a civilization, there are many uncertain things to discuss. First, every ethnic group has its own, unique civilization. For the ancient Greece, or the Maya civilization, they may focus on different aspects of civilization, but the true value of which lies in both art and science. If they had not made artistic creations as well as scientific accomplishments, they would never had such glorious civilization, which made more and more people devoted themselves to better understand. Secondly, the situations in different period of time maybe different. In the ancient times, science was immature and undeveloped, so people expressed their notion mainly by the methods of art, for instance, cave-drawing or dancing or singing, which, in terms of archeology, reflected the true value of the very civilization. However, things may be different in modern times. Today, with the science and technology developing faster and faster, we have various ways to make our voice heard, and the society can also choose from a lot of means to transmit the value of a civilization (maybe it is not always a true value, as a matter of fact.). In some conditions, what scientific accomplishments to artistic creations are what protein on the surface of a cell to the subject transmitted to entry into the cell. That is to say, without scientific accomplishments, the ways that the artistic creations explored are limited.

And this assertion can be discussed from the version of education, too. In formal education, the primary and higher schools always teach the students both art and science. The courses, no matter art or science, are compiled by the government or society with the purpose to present students with the true value of the civilization. So art and science are required for a person to be physically and mentally whole. Maybe Einstein is a typical example in reality, while Holmes in detective fictions. To some extent, people with whole personality can make the civilization go further and better. Thus, it is a circle that can benefit to the people and the civilization at the same time.
It is also obvious that without one of them, the civilization will be ill, not to mention the true value of civilization. Science needs art to make a more intelligent horizon, while art needs science to provide more conveniences. They work together to reflect the true value of a civilization.
Maybe artistic creations are thought to be expressing the deeper ideas or thoughts which are abstract and mystical, while the scientific accomplishments are real to touch, which gives people a false image that the true value of a civilization is reflected in its artistic creations rather than in its scientific accomplishments, but it is wrong, as a matter of fact.

JulymayUID: 2645085

Both of the artistic creation and the scientific accomplishments can reflect the true value of a civilization.
       As we know that civilization, beyond its primary elements like agriculture, industry, contains many second elements like astronomy, mathematics, architectures, art and so on. So civilization has a wide definition, which is accepted by most of the people. When it comes to the true value of a civilization, there are many uncertain things to discuss. First, every ethnic（种族的） group has its own, unique civilization. For the ancient Greece, or the Maya civilization, they may focus on different aspects of civilization, but the true value of which lied in both art and science. If they had not made artistic creations as well as scientific accomplishments, they would never had such glorious civilization, which made more and more people devoted themselves to better understand it. Secondly,（前面是first,后面是secondly哦，可能要改一个） the situations in different period of time maybe different. In the ancient times, the science was immature and undeveloped, so people expressed their notion mainly by the methods of art, for instance, cave-drawing or dancing or singing, which, in terms of archeology, reflected the true value of the very civilization. However, things may be different in modern times. Today, with the science and technology developing faster and faster, we have various ways to make our voice heard, and the society can also choose from a lot of means to transmit the value of a civilization (maybe it is not always a true value, as a matter of fact（事实上~学习了）.). In some conditions, what scientific accomplishments to artistic creations are like what protein on the surface of a cell to the subject transmitted to entry into the cell.
（这句比喻用得很漂亮~赞一个）That is to say, without scientific accomplishments, the ways that the artistic creations explored is limited.（这一段是在阐述文化在不同情况下的不同定义。分了地理上和时间上两种情况，阐述清晰~）
       And this assert can be discussed from the version of education, too. In formal education, the primary and higher schools always teach the students both art and science. The courses, no matter art or science, are compiled by the government or society with the purpose to present students with the true value of the civilization. So art and science are required for a person to be physically and mentally whole. Maybe Einstein is a typical example in reality, while Holmes in detective fictions. To some extent, people with whole personality can make the civilization go further and better. Thus, it is a circle that can benefit to the people and the civilization at the same time.
It is also obvious that without one of the them, the civilization will be ill, not to mention the true value of civilization. Science needs art to make a more intelligent horizon, while art needs science to provide more conveniences. They are *** that together reflect the true value of a civilization.（这一段阐述了艺术和科学的不可分割性。我觉得还可以详细一点，作为整篇文章的重点）
       Maybe artistic creations are thought to be expressing the deeper ideas or thoughts which are illusive and mystical, while the scientific accomplishments are real to touch, which gives people a false image that the true value of a civilization is reflected in its artistic creations rather than in its scientific accomplishments, but it is wrong, as a matter of fact.



总体很棒~看完misir的我都自惭形秽了~misir加油~

tracywlzUID: 2522388

TOPIC: ISSUE243 - "The true value of a civilization is reflected in its artistic creations rather than in its scientific accomplishments."
Both of the artistic creations and the scientific accomplishments can reflect the true value of a civilization.


As we know that civilization, beyond its primary elements like agriculture, industry, contains many second elements like astronomy, mathematics, architectures, art and so on. So civilization has a wide definition, which is accepted by most of the people. When it comes to the true value of a civilization, there are many uncertain things to discuss（这里最好具体指出是哪些方面的uncertain things。而且，这里表明接下来要写什么是true value of a civilization，于是后面的每个分论点开始都要指出所假设的条件下的true value）. First, every ethnic group has its own, unique civilization. （这里从类别上来写）For the ancient Greece（应为Hellenic）, or the Maya civilization, they may focus on different aspects of civilization, but the true value of which lies in both art and science（这里好像不能对那个uncertain things解释。）. If they had not made artistic creations as well as scientific accomplishments(那么这里是想说对于Hellenic和Maya，他们的civilization是依靠于both art and science。但是你这段始终没有说明是哪些uncertain things 导致了civilization 被art and science同时反映。)they would never had such glorious civilization, which made more and more people devoted themselves to better understand. Secondly, the situations in different period of time maybe different. （这里从时间上来写）In the ancient times, science was immature and undeveloped, so people expressed their notion mainly by the methods of art, for instance, cave-drawing or dancing or singing, which, in terms of archeology（有点不伦不类的感觉）, reflected the true value of the very civilization. However, things may be different in modern times. Today, with the science and technology developing faster and faster, we have various ways to make our voice heard, and the society can also choose from a lot of means to transmit the value of a civilization (maybe it is not always a true value, as a matter of fact.).[从这里看，value表现为expressed their notion,和make our voice heard，这里最好谈到value] in some conditions, what scientific accomplishments to artistic creations are what protein on the surface of a cell to the subject transmitted to entry into the cell.（此句从何而来？）That is to say, without scientific accomplishments, the ways that the artistic creations explored are limited.（第二个分论点）
这段的主要逻辑是，因为有uncertain things所以Both of the artistic creations and the scientific accomplishments can reflect the true value of a civilization,但是看完这段还是不知道是哪些uncertain things. 感觉这段写得有点乱。

And this assertion can be discussed from the version of education, too. In formal education, the primary and higher schools always teach the students both art and science. The courses, no matter art or science, are compiled by the government or society with the purpose to present students with the true value of the civilization. So art and science are required for a person to be physically and mentally whole. Maybe Einstein is a typical example in reality, while Holmes in detective fictions（这个比喻很好，但是前面必须说明什么是reality, 什么是fictions，同时与civilization value有什么关系，否则给别人的感觉是跳跃太大。）. To some extent, people with whole personality can make the civilization go further and better.(为什么？这里需要详细说明，难道reality和fctions的人就是不完全的personality吗?) Thus, it is a circle (circle是一种in return的感觉，但是这里我没看到)that can benefit to the people and the civilization at the same time.
看不出这一段与上一段有什么联系。感觉只是举出一个education的例子来说Both of the artistic creations and the scientific accomplishments can reflect the true value of a civilization. 那么完全和上段独立了，像是两个人写的不同文章中截取的。

It is also obvious that without one of them, the civilization will be ill, not to mention the true value of civilization. Science needs art to make a more intelligent horizon, while art needs science to provide more conveniences. They work together to reflect the true value of a civilization.
这一段给人的感觉是有点在凑字数，和结论有点重复。值得仔细想想。

Maybe artistic creations are thought to be expressing the deeper ideas or thoughts which are abstract and mystical, while the scientific accomplishments are real to touch, which gives people a false image that the true value of a civilization is reflected in its artistic creations rather than in its scientific accomplishments,（这里写得很好，但是最好在总结上，通过上面的几点论述（分别写出），所以这个观点是错误的。）but it is wrong, as a matter of fact.

misirUID: 2684938

Hellenic:of or relating to Greece, its people, or its language specifically : of or relating to ancient Greek history, culture, or art before the Hellenistic period

misirUID: 2684938

archaeologically,从考古学的角度

tracywlzUID: 2522388

In the ancient times, science was immature and undeveloped, so people expressed their notion mainly by the methods of art, for instance, cave-drawing or dancing or singing, which, in terms of archeology, reflected the true value of the very civilization. 这里和考古学有什么关系呢？ 你只是说cave-drawing等是反应了文明的真正价值。为啥要在考古学角度来说呢。

tracywlzUID: 2522388

我查了下一般说古希腊文明的时候都是用Hellenic，而不是直接用Greece.

misirUID: 2684938

我当初的想法是，因为这是反映古代文明的，所以脑子里就蹦出“从考古学的角度”了。。。被你一问，觉得好像是没什么必要。。。古希腊的那个词我原来米有看到过，是临场想到的~经你一指正，才恍然大悟~