[clover] Argument2 习作 by Misir

misirUID: 2684938

TOPIC: ARGUMENT2 - The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.

"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting."
WORDS: 350   TIME: 01:05:32   DATE: 2010/2/3 17:33:16

       The author made several mistakes to gain the conclusion that Deerhaven Acres should also adopt a set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting.
       First, although Brookville community made their community's yards landscaped and the exterior color of their home changed, it may not be the only reason that their average property values increased. For instance, the environment of the town became better so that many retired people chose Brookville as their second hometown*; or the industries in Brookville developed fast during these years, so the workers made much more money compared to those in Deerhaven Acres.
       Even assuming that the restrictions adopted by Brookville community are the primary reason that made the values tripled, the author can not assert that Deerhaven Acres should follow the same way. There is no evidence showing that people here prefer limited colors of their homes. It is possible that the special colors of their homes attract many tourists to come for sightseeing. Or the various colors in Deerhaven Acres made the homes and the circumstances perfectly harmonious, even like an oil painting. And the limit of colors may destroy the balance, not to mention to raise the property values. As for landscaping, Deerhaven Acres may have different or totally different environment, so the successful landscaping in Brookville may be a failure in Deerhaven Acres. In a result, the author must make a comprehensive thought and provide enough information about the current situation about Deerhaven Acres.
        Even assuming that Deerhaven Acres should follow Brookville's strategy, the author can not predicate that this restriction can raise the property values. It is possible that after Deerhaven Acres carries out the restrictions, Brookville community then changes the strategy too. And this strategy is more effective and makes a even bigger success. At the same time, the Deerhaven Acres seems out of date as well as loosing its own characteristics.
      To make the conclusion more convincing, the author must conduct a survey to take the residents' voice in account, and discuss the situation with the think tank, and do more researches of the differences between Brookville and Deerhaven Acres.

a08805436UID: 2725634

TOPIC: ARGUMENT2 - The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.
"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting."
WORDS: 350   TIME: 01:05:32   DATE: 2010/2/3 17:33:16
       The author made several mistakes to gain the conclusion that Deerhaven Acres should also adopt a set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting.
       First, although Brookville community made their community's yards landscaped and the exterior color of their home changed, it may not be the only reason that their average property values increased. For instance, the environment of the town became better so that many retired people chose Brookville as their second hometown*; or the industries in Brookville developed fast during these years, so the workers made much more money compared to those in Deerhaven Acres.（这两个原因蛮好）
       Even assuming that the restrictions adopted by Brookville community are the primary reason that made the values tripled, the author can not assert that Deerhaven Acres should follow the same way. There is no evidence showing that people here prefer limited colors of their homes. It is possible that the special colors of their homes attract many tourists to come for sightseeing. Or the various colors in Deerhaven Acres made the homes and the circumstances perfectly harmonious, even like an oil painting. And the limit of colors may destroy the balance, not to mention to raise the property values. As for landscaping, Deerhaven Acres may have different or totally different environment, so the successful landscaping in Brookville may be a failure in Deerhaven Acres. In a result, the author must make a comprehensive thought and provide enough information about the current situation about Deerhaven Acres.
        Even assuming that Deerhaven Acres should follow Brookville's strategy, the author can not predicate that this restriction can raise the property values. It is possible that after Deerhaven Acres carries out the restrictions, Brookville community then changes the strategy too. And this strategy is more effective and makes a even bigger success. At the same time, the Deerhaven Acres seems out of date as well as loosing its own characteristics.
      To make the conclusion more convincing, the author must conduct a survey to take the residents' voice in account, and discuss the situation with the think tank, and do more researches of the differences between Brookville and Deerhaven Acres.

共分5段，简洁明晰，一气呵成。让步式体系结构堪称经典。
唯一的缺点：例子的陈述方面略显不做，望改进。
总体评分：4分                                        个人意见，仅供参考
                                                                  by a08805436

misirUID: 2684938

The author made several mistakes to gain the conclusion that Deerhaven Acres should also adopt a set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting.
First, although Brookville community made their community's yards landscaped and the exterior color of their home changed, it may not be the only reason that their average property values increased. For instance, the environment of the town became better so that many retired people chose Brookville as their second hometown*; or the industries in Brookville developed fast during these years, so it attract a flux of people to come here to apply a job, comparing to Deerhaven Acres.
Even assuming that the restrictions adopted by Brookville community are the primary reason that made the values tripled, the author can not assert that Deerhaven Acres should follow the same way. There is no evidence showing that people here prefer limited colors of their homes. It is possible that the special colors of their homes attract many tourists to come for sightseeing. Or the various colors in Deerhaven Acres made the homes and the circumstances perfectly harmonious, even like an oil painting. And the limit of colors may destroy the balance, not to mention to raise the property values. As for landscaping, Deerhaven Acres may have different or totally different environment, so the successful landscaping in Brookville may be a failure in Deerhaven Acres. In a result, the author must make a comprehensive thought and provide enough information about the current situation about Deerhaven Acres.
Even assuming that Deerhaven Acres should follow Brookville's strategy, the author can not predicate that this restriction can raise the property values. It is possible that after Deerhaven Acres carries out the restrictions, Brookville community then changes the strategy too. And this strategy is more effective and makes an even bigger success. At the same time, the Deerhaven Acres seems out of date as well as loosing its own characteristics.
To make the conclusion more convincing, the author must conduct a survey to take the residents' voice in account, and discuss the situation with the think tank, and do more researches of the differences between Brookville and Deerhaven Acres.

JulymayUID: 2645085

不好意思~~~迟了一点~抱歉抱歉~


The author made several mistakes to gain the conclusion that Deerhaven Acres should also adopt a set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting.（开头简单明确~66之前讲的开头不要重复题目内容，可能就是这样子吧~我也一直想试试看，但是一直抓不到要领。）
       First, although Brookville community made their community's yards landscaped and the exterior color of their home changed, it may not be the only reason that their average property values increased. For instance, the environment of the town became better so that many retired people chose Brookville as their second hometown*; or the industries in Brookville developed fast during these years, so the workers made much more money compared to those in Deerhaven Acres.（这段的论述没有问题，清晰明确。但是希望能在结尾看到结论性的句子：比如，作者这样说是没有道理的，等等之类的论述。因为这是一篇驳论文，要攻击作者的逻辑才是重点。）
       Even assuming that the restrictions adopted by Brookville community are the primary reason that made the values tripled（这两段连接得非常好~赞下……）, the author can not assert that Deerhaven Acres should follow the same way. There is no evidence showing that people here prefer limited colors of their homes. It is possible that the special colors of their homes attract many tourists to come for sightseeing. Or the various colors in Deerhaven Acres made the homes and the circumstances perfectly harmonious, even like an oil painting. And the limit of colors may destroy the balance, not to mention to raise the property values. As for landscaping, Deerhaven Acres may have different or totally different environment, so the successful landscaping in Brookville may be a failure in Deerhaven Acres. In a result, the author must make a comprehensive thought and provide enough information about the current situation about Deerhaven Acres.（这段没什么问题~整体很好，论述了两个方面，有理有据~）
        Even assuming that Deerhaven Acres should follow Brookville's strategy, the author cannot predicate that this restriction can raise the property values.（这个攻击点很好） It is possible that after Deerhaven Acres carries out the restrictions, Brookville community then changes the strategy too. And this strategy is more effective and makes a even bigger success. At the same time, the Deerhaven Acres seems out of date as well as loosing its own characteristics.
      To make the conclusion more convincing, the author must conduct a survey to take the residents' voice in account, and discuss the situation with the think tank, and do more researches of the differences between Brookville and Deerhaven Acres.（这些改善措施最好提得与前文的对应更加明确一点~）