ISSUE103-历史价值在日常，求拍~

fancywwUID：2583671

今年写的第一篇，没计时，加上修改大概用了2小时。大家各抒己见，欢迎猛拍。
Apple的例子是从今天的comment文章中借来的，不知用得好不好。

有需要的留下链接，fancy一定回拍。
words count:616

TOPIC: ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."


It cannot be doubted that the study of history has significant values. If we define "daily life" as the mundane chores in our everyday routines, the history does have little pragmatic use. However, people do not only live with secular concerns. When considering the big picture of the future and the motivation to carry on, the study of history shows much more important values.

To begin with, I concede that the study of history should serve to make our daily life more meaningful and pleasant. The reasons are twofold. On one hand, based on the account of historic study, historic TV series, drama, and plays bring people some basic knowledge of historic events as well as amusement, for example, The Tudors on Showtime. On the other hand, history can provide elevate our everyday chores to rich, interesting, and enjoyable experience. For example, reading the biographies of famous people in history, people seem to find some similar quandaries which also used to bother these great minds. And how our predecessors reacted gives people reference.

However, the study of history has far more important values to both individuals and the society beyond benefiting daily lives. Admittedly, what happened in the past will not repeat exactly in the future. However, just as Mark Twain once said,
"history doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme". The "rhyme" here means the experience we can learn from history. For example, Apple may learn something from its marketing failure of personal computer. Back in the 1980s, Apple leapt way ahead in the PC market when it released the i-mac. At that time, Apple had the market all to itself. However, Apple refused to let other companies license its software. Later, Windows took over the world and now holds more than 90 percent market share. Now Apple's i-phone seems to have taken the leading place in the market. However, other mobile phone manufacturers are working together on Android, new type of cell phone similar to i-phone but with more diversity and lower prices. So will it be the déjà vu of i-mac all over again, or will Apple can learn from the past and take measures to avoid losing its dominant position? I believe Steven Jobs can learn a lot from the history of the technology development and make wise decisions.

More often history may not simply provide us with accurate answers or guidance in dilemmas, but more importantly, it support us with spirit, motivation, and strength. To individuals the spirits of the preeminent figures in history can give them thoughtful enlightenment and strength to achieve their goals. Reading the biography of great individuals has far more values than simply find counterpart of our daily life from history. To a community, its history is the foundation where its people find their common faith, consolation, and cultural identity. Confucius, the greatest Chinese thinker and philosophers, once put that,"it is history that teaches us to hope". I believe it means that the more you know about the past, the better you are prepared for the future. Consider why Chinese people cherish their history so much. The great achievements made by their ancestors are so distant and even irrelevant from their daily life, but their history furnish them with pride, perseverance, and faith to revive their nation at present time.

Thus, I believe that history is the witness of the past, the example and instructor of the present, and monitor to the future. The study of history not only adds colors to our daily life and help solving the current problems, but also sheds light on the development of an individual, a state, or even the whole world, inspiring and enlightening us to build a promising future.      

豆腐店的86UID：2512956

TOPIC: ISSUE103 - "The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."


It cannot be doubted that the study of history has significant values. If we define "daily life" as the mundane chores in our everyday routines, the history does have little pragmatic use. However, people do not only live with secular concerns. When considering the big picture（这么好一段语言, 这个big略显突兀，但是我也不知道要怎么改好··） of the future and the motivation to carry on, the study of history shows much more important values.

To begin with, I concede that the study of history should serve to make our daily life more meaningful and pleasant. The reasons are twofold. On one hand, based on the account of historic study, historic（应该是historical，historic是指历史上有重要意义的） TV series, drama, and plays bring people some basic knowledge of historic events as well as amusement, for example, The Tudors on Showtime. On the other hand, history can provide elevate（两个动词？） our everyday chores to rich, interesting, and enjoyable experience. For example, reading the biographies of famous people in history, people seem to find some similar quandaries which also used to bother these great minds. And how our predecessors reacted gives people（这里是不是应该用us会更好？） reference.

However, the study of history has far more important values to both individuals and the society beyond benefiting daily lives. Admittedly, what happened in the past will not repeat exactly in the future. However, just as Mark Twain once said,"history doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme".（学习了） The "rhyme" here means the experience we can learn from history.（MT这句话意思是历史不会重复，但它的确会重演。所以这个rhyme在这里要怎么解，最好还要斟酌一下。） For example, Apple（用不用加个Inc.？） may learn something from its marketing failure of personal computer. Back in the 1980s, Apple leapt way ahead（学习了） in the PC market when it released the i-mac. At that time, Apple had the market all to itself（不知道这样会不会好些：holded a lion share）. However, Apple refused to let other companies license its software.（这句话所表达的意思内涵是什么？感觉话只说了一半。至少我觉得，如果我独占市场，那么我就要让我的操作系统只能在我的电脑上用，绑定销售，顾客别无选择。我知道你的意思大概想说与微软相比，苹果限制了与同行的合作，最后失败。但是这里这一句话，力度不够） Later, Windows took over the world and now holds more than 90 percent market share.（然后这句话的意思我就更不明白了，首先apple 和 windows从你要做比的角度来说，是不可比的。Apple 做硬件+软件，而微软只做软件。当年微软打垮苹果是靠与IBM合作，利用创新的更具亲和力的窗口化操作系统打入PC市场，最终成功。） Now Apple's i-phone seems to have taken the leading place in the market.However, other mobile phone manufacturers are working together on Android, new type of cell phone similar to i-phone but with more diversity and lower prices. So will it be the déjà vu of i-mac all over again, or will Apple can learn from the past and take measures to avoid losing its dominant position? I believe Steven Jobs can learn a lot from the history of the technology development and make wise decisions.（看完我明白了，你是想用苹果过去在PC市场的失败和现在手机市场来对比，这是可以的，但是我觉得对比效果不够好、语言力度不够强烈，或者说，说服力不强。建议可以这样：苹果的机器当年与其他操作系统不兼容，最终失败；而现在的苹果机器在保证了出色的硬件配备和公司原厂的mac os 操作系统之外，同时与主流的windows兼容，而这是的苹果的机器受到全世界越来越多消费者的追捧。这样，同样是在PC市场，对比点就在是否共享操作软件使得用户可以在选择优质的苹果机器的同时选择自己喜欢的操作系统。这个对比好就好在，两个事件几乎一样，只改变了一条错失，然后结果是现在看得见的。而不是像你最后说的iphone那样，不知道会不会悲剧。btw,如果留下一个悬念是你的写作风格，那么我说的这一堆你就无视好了）

More often history may not simply provide us with accurate answers or guidance in dilemmas, but more importantly,it support us with spirit, motivation, and strength. To individuals the spirits of the preeminent figures in history can give them thoughtful enlightenment and strength to achieve their goals. Reading the biography of great individuals has far more values than simply find counterpart of our daily life from history. To a community, its history is the foundation where its people find their common faith, consolation, and cultural identity. Confucius, the greatest Chinese thinker and philosophers, once put that,"it is history that teaches us to hope". I believe it means that the more you know about the past, the better you are prepared for the future. Consider why Chinese people cherish their history so much. The great achievements made by their ancestors are so distant and even irrelevant from their daily life, but their history furnish them with pride, perseverance, and faith to revive their nation at present time.（我觉得这一段逻辑有点点小乱，先是说individuals,然后是community, 然后是 confucius. 从这几点的排列我看不出到底是怎么support的。如果是我我可能会把confucius放在最前面，然后具体说一种individuals和一种community结合着这句名言来讲。比如，因破产而绝望的人应该看到KFC老公公一大把胡子也破产了，最终还是重振KFC；然后一个经历过灾难的名族或者区域，会因为其比平凡的经历而对后人有无限的精神支持--犹太名族。这样讲起来就能够体会到论点中 support的感觉）

Thus, I believe that history is the witness of the past, the example and instructor of the present, and monitor to the future. The study of history not only adds colors（有点怪） to our daily life and help solving the current problems, but also sheds light(学习了！) on the development of an individual, a state, or even the whole world, inspiring and enlightening us to build a promising future.      


文章语言相当值得我学习，用词以及句式搭配有很不错，可能在讲逻辑性较强的事例的时候，适当运用长句会更好，因为在看的过程中，过多的短句有点影响逻辑衔接。
文章主要的问题我觉得就是说服力不强，主要体现在举例分析上。选择的例子都很不错（要我写我是想不到），只是在内容安排，和分析上做的不够，作为读者，有种看了觉得好像是那么个道理，但是文章没有讲清楚，只是暗示了那么点意思，先得逻辑性不强，最终使得整体感觉说服力不足。

完全是个人意见，若有偏颇，实在抱歉。^^

豆腐店的86UID：2512956

粗体字只是方便我找主题句和论点，没有别的意思····

根据上次草草那个评分标准，我觉得4分应该差不多吧

plukaUID：2721764

It cannot be doubted that the study of history has significant values. If we define "daily life" as the mundane chores in our everyday routines, the history does have little pragmatic use. However, people do not only live with secular concerns. When considering the big picture of the future and the motivation to carry on, the study of history shows much more important values.（私以为首句与后文不是很搭，在全段里略显突兀，不如先不要讲value的事，毕竟在最后一句已经指出有more important values了）

To begin with, I concede that the study of history should serve to make our daily life more meaningful and pleasant. The reasons are twofold. On （the）one hand, based on the account of historic study, historic TV series, drama, and plays bring people some basic knowledge of historic events as well as amusement, for example, The Tudors on Showtime. On the other hand, history can provide（删去） elevate our everyday chores to rich, interesting, and enjoyable experience. For example, reading the biographies of famous people in history, people seem to find some similar quandaries which also used to bother these great minds. And how our predecessors reacted gives people reference.（注意，这个例子跟观点没有对上。观点是历史让日常生活变得有趣，而例子是从历史中获得借鉴——脱节了。让日常变得有趣，这个例子确实不好想……但是也决不能这么脱节啊）（回头看TS，pleasant这个点被amusement差不多对上了吧，meaningful没有。）（另外，题目的意思是不是“只有与日常相关的历史才有价值”？那么，本段论述的其实是“历史（无论是何种历史）给日常带来的价值”。那个“只有与日常相关的”没有着落。不知是否有离题之虞。——我也被人指出这个毛病，纠结中。）

However, the study of history has far more important values to both individuals and the society beyond benefiting daily lives. Admittedly, what happened in the past will not repeat exactly in the future. However, just as Mark Twain once said,
"history doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme". The "rhyme" here means the experience we can learn from history. （纠结一下，马克吐温说的rhyme是个动词，而你跟进解释中的rhyme却变成名词词性。觉得有些不妥。rhyme像是一种现象，从中我们可以归纳出experience，但直接说rhyme=experience个人觉得不太妥当。）For example, Apple may learn something from its marketing failure of personal computer. Back in the 1980s, Apple leapt way ahead in the PC market when it released the i-mac. At that time, Apple had the market all to itself. However, Apple refused to let other companies license its software. Later, Windows took over the world and now holds more than 90 percent market share. Now Apple's i-phone seems to have taken the leading place in the market. However, other mobile phone manufacturers are working together on Android, new type of cell phone similar to i-phone but with more diversity and lower prices. So will it be the déjà vu （这是乱码？）of i-mac all over again, or will Apple can learn from the past and take measures to avoid losing its dominant position? I believe Steven Jobs can learn a lot from the history of the technology development and make wise decisions.（私以为这种观点的例子最好取一个有结果的。如果这个例子是：A因为充老大在软件业被拉下马，后来A在手机业学习过去的经验，不自负了，灵活了，成功了。若是这样的例子，那么很完整，能够说过去的经验确实提供了借鉴。而目前这个例子的情况是：A因为充老大在软件业被拉下马，A在手机业可能被围攻。因为没有提到结果，所以感觉难以说过去的经验会带来啥用处。）（如果说，这个例子并不是想说明历史的作用，只是为了证明历史会出现相似的境况，那么我觉得也选的不太贴切。A的这种“重复"似乎更像是特例，套用argument的思路，没办法从个体推到整体。）（再说一点，主题句的both individuals and society好像没有对上）

More often history may not simply provide us with accurate answers or guidance in dilemmas, but more importantly, it support us with spirit, motivation, and strength. To individuals the spirits of the preeminent figures in history can give them thoughtful enlightenment and strength to achieve their goals. Reading the biography of great individuals has far more values than simply find counterpart of our daily life from history. To a community, its history is the foundation where its people find their common faith, consolation, and cultural identity. Confucius, the greatest Chinese thinker and philosophers, once put that,"it is history that teaches us to hope". I believe it means that the more you know about the past, the better you are prepared for the future. Consider why Chinese people cherish their history so much.（这句话是啥意思？） The great achievements made by their ancestors are so distant and even irrelevant from their daily life, but their history furnish them with pride, perseverance, and faith to revive their nation at present time.（中规中矩吧这一段）

Thus, I believe that history is the witness of the past, the example and instructor of the present, and monitor to the future. The study of history not only adds colors to our daily life and help solving the current problems, but also sheds light on the development of an individual, a state, or even the whole world, inspiring and enlightening us to build a promising future.      
总体感觉是观点还需要进一步明确，例子也可以再考虑一下。加油啦~

fancywwUID：2583671

TO 豆腐：
big pictures 该是一个固定的说法吧。
rhyme是“押韵”的意思，所以我理解的是“虽然不会完全重复，但是某些地方会有相似点（就像押韵的韵脚一样）”
对我第三点的修改很有道理。
谢谢啦。

fancywwUID：2583671

TO pluka:
B1的确有一句话没有写出来，即应该接在首句后面的：I concede that the study of history should serve to make our daily life more meaningful and pleasant，but the value of history does not only limit to serve the daily life.
B2中的rhyme是我大意了哈，从“押韵”直接想到“韵脚”去了，虽然都是一个词。
déjà vu 是法语“似曾相识”的意思，记得Beyonce的那首歌不。
Apple的例子是因为看了今天的comment文章，感觉能用上呵呵，果然有点牵强了。
谢谢pluka