carrie的独立作文2.4

carriexuUID: 2559756

写跑题啦。。。:mad:   
Over a huge span of time,from the industrial revolution to the information era,achievements of human in science and technology creat profound changes on our life.It is widely believed that advanced technology makes people’s lives simpler than before.However,some people argue that ,in addition to the convenience brought by the technology, nowadays,technology is making our life more complicated.For my part,we shouldn’t blame the technology for the problems we meet today.

First,in my point of view,we should be thankful to the technology ,which improve our life significantly.For instance,with the development of the Internet,it becomes more convenient for us to contact each other all over the world. As another example,replacing the horses and carriages ,automobiles become the most efficient transportation in the world.This increadible invention help us save a huge amount of labor and time.Now,imagine that if we were put in a city without automobiles,Internet,or cellphones.Obviously,it is miserable for us to tolerate this condition.
However,some people ascribe the deforestation,air pollution,energy crisis and Internet crime to the technology.For example,in their opinions ,the Internet is eroding the young people’mind more and more severely, making more crimes,mental problems and addiction to Internet.In my opinion,considering the way we use the Internet,we should be shameful to blame the Internet.The invention of the Internet aims to impart knowledge at a high speed and help people increase the work efficiency.Becides,the use of Internet is at the mercy of human. It is a tool at our fingers that can be used for both good and bad.Unfortunately,it is our abuse of the Internet that result in a series of problems,which make our life more complex.



To sum up,from certain pespective,it is definitely that technology may make our life a little complicated.But from the broader perspective of life,we must adimit that technology advancement is vital part for our society.What’s more, we should be responsible for our behaviors,applying the technology in positive aspects.
这篇文章字数才300哪位同志能加几句有用的话是最好的了。

oracletanUID: 2759589

Over a huge span of time,from the industrial revolution to the information era,achievements of human in science and technology creat profound changes on our life.It is widely believed that advanced technology makes people’s lives simpler than before.However,some people argue that ,in addition to the convenience brought by the technology, nowadays,technology is making our life more complicated.For my part,we shouldn’t blame the technology for the problems we meet today. (I individually consider that the topic is a "agree or disagree" type,thus,I suggested that you lodge a definite and close-relating thesis concern agree or disagree with"makes life simpler in turn to make life complicated.)    First,(old,I think other words like "to begin with,the main reason is that,ect.)in my point of view,we should be thankful to the technology ,which improve our life significantly.(this point digress from the main topic) For instance,with the development of the Internet,it becomes more convenient for us to contact each other all over the world. As another example,(replacing)as a replacement of the horses and carriages ,automobiles become the most efficient transportation in the world.Apparently,this (increadible)incredible invention profoundly enhance the efficiency of production(help us save a huge amount of labor and time).(Now)on the other hand,imagine that (if) we were put in a city without automobiles,Internet,or cellphones. Obviously,it is miserable for us to tolerate this condition.    However,some people ascribe the deforestation,air pollution,energy crisis and Internet crime to the technology.(I agree with your opinion that you totally digress from the topic= =b)For example,in their opinions ,the Internet is eroding the young people’mind more and more severely, (making)resulting in more crimes,mental problems and addiction to Internet.In my opinion,considering the way we use the Internet,we should be shameful to blame the Internet.The invention of the Internet aims (to) at imparting knowledge at a high speed and help people increase the work efficiency.Becides,the use of Internet is at the mercy of human. It is only a tool whose effects on our daily lives were totally decided by ourselves (at our fingers that can be used for both good and bad).Unfortunately,it is our abuse of the Internet that result in a series of problems,which make our life more complex.
        In conclusion,the advancing of technology dramatically promote our living standards,in other words,it makes our lives more simple.the proposal that technology contributes to the more complexity of living is just not convincing.
        - o2 z5 F1 L. Q2 l3 j( ]* _: F3 a9 ?8 a( ?) y/ N! f0 Q4 ]3 _. ^7 r9 l0 R0 J: x6 l5 _    To sum up,from certain pespective,it is definitely that technology may make our life a little complicated.But from the broader perspective of life,we must adimit that technology advancement is vital part for our society.What’s more, we should be responsible for our behaviors,applying the technology in positive aspects.0 d: |$

oracletanUID: 2759589

我是改在doc里面的，没料到传这里颜色全没了，能告诉我怎么传文档么，谢了

carriexuUID: 2559756

3# oracletan
你选一楼下面的回复，然后再输验证码那个位置有添加附件
谢谢你的修改~~

rmbzhcUID: 2404001

不好意思，今天来晚了。我在保证质量的前提下，尽快修改。很抱歉！

rmbzhcUID: 2404001

Over a huge span of time,from the industrial revolution to the information era,achievements of human in science and technology creat have created profound changes on our life.

说明：见longman例句Over a span of ten years, the company has made great progress. 第一句最好不要有明显错误。

It is widely believed that advanced technology makes people’s lives simpler than before.  你这里也用life 的复数了呢? 见longman例句Television is only one facet contributing to the violence in our lives.  life做生活，生命的意思时可数；做抽象的生活的意思时，不可数。例如，You have your whole life ahead of you 还是longman例句。

However,some people argue that ,in addition to the convenience brought by the technology, nowadays,technology is making our life more complicated.
建议不用现在进行时。Has made吧，过去开始，到现在一直在把我们的生活变负责。另外，我坚持用Lives,理由同上。

For my part,we shouldn’t blame the technology for the problems we meet today.
我建议观点句要写得清晰，有力。个人感觉这句不是很顺 for my part, the technology should not be blamed for all the problems we meet today.

1 `: z8 I5 ~, j  }, I  @
First,in my point of view,we should be thankful to the technology ,which improve our life significantly.For instance,with the development of the Internet,it becomes more convenient for us to contact each other all over the world. As another example,replacing the horses and carriages ,automobiles become the most efficient means of transportation in the world.This increadible invention helps us save a huge amount of labor and time.Now,imagineimagining that if we were put (如果想表达置身一个城市，就不用put了。)in a city without automobiles,Internet,or cellphones.Obviously,it is miserable for us to tolerate this condition.

最后一句不是很顺。Imaging that if we were in a city without any automobiles, Internet or mobilephones, it is impossible for us to stand/tolerate.
后半句有一点中式，你一读应该也能读出来。

However,some people ascribe the deforestation,air pollution,energy crisis and Internet crime to the technology. (不太严谨。Ascribe all the problems, ranging from deforestion, air pollution, energy crisis to Internet crimes, to the new technology)

For example,in their opinions ,the Internet is eroding the young people’mind more and more severely, making（leading to） more crimes,mental problems and addiction to Internet.In my opinion,considering the way we use the Internet,we should be shameful to blame the Internet. (be shameful? 我们应该用逻辑来反驳上述观点，而不是道德否定，说，这种想法很令人羞耻？通过改你的作文，发现我的问题和你很相似，就是中文的论证思路还不过关。这句可以直接删掉，说in my opinion, considering the way we use the Internet, the invention aims to ….接你下面论证的内容)

The invention of the Internet aims to impart knowledge at a high speed and help people increase the work efficiency.Becides,the use of Internet is at the mercy of human. It is a tool at our fingers that can be used for both good and bad.Unfortunately,it is our abuse of the Internet that result in a series of problems,which make our life more complex.
; j. j1 A' ?4 v! \


To sum up,from certain pespective,it is definitely that technology may make our life a little complicated.But from the broader perspective of life,we must adimit that technology advancement is  a vital part for our society.What’s more, we should be responsible for our behaviors,applying the technology in positive aspects.# R$ n: j1 j8 w( Y7 M6 S! k

最后一句，What’s more, the key part is how people use it in different ways. The proper applicantion may bring more positive aspects.
改完你的作文，我深刻体会到大家的共同问题。我冒昧地觉得你和我水平接近，积累了不少词语，英文水平貌似还不错。但是问题是，语法错误，自以为高明地用一些中式的句式，还有英语以外的，论证逻辑松散，说完例子不知道该说什么了，总结也薄弱。我希望在坚持练习写作的同时，还改分析自己的作文。

能力有限，我好像更多地指出了你的问题，没有给出非常好的解决方案。我下次继续努力。
这篇文章字数才300哪位同志能加几句有用的话是最好的了。

rmbzhcUID: 2404001

1# carriexu

我想给你发word的附件，按照你的方法没有发了，如果需要我给你发邮件吧。

另外，对于你说的写跑题的说法，我不赞同呵呵。
Technology makes people’s lives simpler  in turn to make people’s lives more complicated.

in turn, 的意思是所以。见longman : "as a result of something. ex.Interest rates were cut and, in turn, share prices rose."

题目是说，科技使生活变简单了，因此使生活更复杂。我们的理解，和你后来发给我的理解都是对的。比如，电脑使工作效率提高却要学习打字；自动语音电话系统反而不解决问题。所以我认为我们没有跑题。

你有别的意见，我们可以再讨论。

今天发晚了希望见谅。我以后努力改进。