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iwvUID: 2759912

TOPIC: ISSUE233 - "Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning.


Along with the information technique is widely applied, the innovations in different fields emerge at every moment, which benefit our life greatly. Therefore, the time we spend on traveling, going shopping, cooking and other facets are significantly undermined. As a result of this, people enjoy the new technology, put it in another way, they are greatly benefited from the new look of our society. The innovations, take the video, computer, and the internet as examples, not only do good to the society, but also, in a large scale benefit the society, especially do good to schools, which is the greatest institution for the all-round development of students. Even though there are all kinds of benefits, to some extent, we cannot ignore the shortcomings it brings.

In my school, which can be regarded as a representative university in all colleges in China, students are the people provided with the ultimate benefits from the innovations, since technology innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet provide improved teaching methods. Thus, rendering teaching more effective, the innovations lead to more vivid and impressive classes. Because of the internet, we can get to know current affairs occurring around the world, and get easy access to the things we have little chance to experience by ourselves.

In addition, students could make use of computers and the Internet as a means of improving their learning efficiency. Computer is versatile and used in variety of fields. It is highly appreciated by people, for it make things convenient for us. Large amount of time spent in the way in order to get some counseling learning, in the library searching a certain academic article among masses of books, can be saved to obtain more knowledge one need.

However, as it is said, every coin has two sides; addition to videos, computer games and the Internet, or the abuse of such things as computer games, porn and violent programs on the Internet will not only distract them from learning but also endanger their psychological health. Given the bad influence, we cannot deny that the innovations are really not always so benefit. Take the small part of students, who are addicted in the internet and spend most of their time in playing games and distracted from the real world by the technology,, as an example, they cannot learn the real knowledge which we need so badly indeed. The saying that "technology and science comes first" implicate that we have to obtain the new innovations in order to keep up with the steps our society takes. But in the process of developing, we, our students, especially need more carefulness in the method of putting the innovation into practice.

Innovations sever as a double-edges sword. Along with the process we benefit from them, attention about avoiding the irrelevant or detrimental to learning is required. Taking advantages of these technological inventions, we cannot ignore our real purpose and be distracted by other detrimental usages. We can make the best use of innovations only if we can restrain ourselves to some extent.

headeyeUID: 2671390

Along with the information technique is widely applied, the innovations in different fields emerge at every moment, which benefit our life greatly. Therefore, the time we spend on traveling, going shopping, cooking and other facets are significantly undermined. As a result of this, people enjoy the new technology, put it in another way, they are greatly benefited from the new look of our society.（社会的新面貌？感觉look有点别扭） The innovations, take the video, computer, and the internet as examples, not only do good to the society, but also, in a large scale benefit the society, especially （do good to）和前面的benefit重复 schools, which is the greatest institution for the all-round development of students. Even though there are all kinds of benefits, to some extent, we cannot ignore the shortcomings it brings.

In my school, which can be regarded as a representative university in all colleges in China, students are （the people）多余 provided with the ultimate benefits from the innovations, since technology innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet provide improved teaching methods. students are provided with the ultimate benefits from the technological innovations, such as videos, computers, and the internet, which provide improved teaching methods.似乎更好懂一些Thus, rendering teaching more effective, the innovations lead to more vivid and impressive classes. Because of the internet, we can get to know current affairs occurring around the world, and get easy access to the things we have little chance to experience by ourselves.

In addition, students could make use of computers and the Internet as a means of improving their learning efficiency. Computer is versatile and used in variety of fields. It is highly appreciated by people, for it make things convenient for us. Large amount of time （不确定这里需不需要加which is） spent in the way in order to get some counseling learning（learning 换成information？）, in the library searching a certain academic article among masses of books, can be saved to obtain more knowledge one need.

However, as it is said, every coin has two sides; addition to videos, computer games and the Internet, or(为啥有个or。。) the abuse of such things as computer games, porn and violent programs on the Internet will not only distract them from learning but also endanger their psychological health. Given the bad influence, we cannot deny that the innovations are really not always so benefit. Take the small part of students, who are addicted in the internet and spend most of their time in playing games and distracted from the real world by the technology, as an example, they cannot learn the real knowledge which we need so badly indeed. The saying that "technology and science comes first" implicates that we have to obtain the new innovations in order to keep up with the steps our society takes. But in the process of developing, we, our students, especially need more carefulness in the method of putting the innovation into practice.

Innovations sever as a double-edges sword. Along with the process we benefit from them, attention about avoiding the irrelevant or detrimental to learning is required. Taking advantages of these technological inventions, we cannot ignore our real purpose and be distracted by other detrimental usages. We can make the best use of innovations only if we can restrain ourselves to some extent.

观点没有问题，每段之间也很有逻辑。就是用了太多长句，应该是要长短结合的吧。。主要是长句多了有点错综复杂的感觉，要仔细多读好多遍才能看懂。。。。
我也是第一次这么详细地改别人文章，不对的地方请多见谅！

headeyeUID: 2671390

顺便求互拍……真正目的来了……
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... 6amp%3Btypeid%3D101

after17UID: 2681985

TOPIC: ISSUE233 - "Although innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet seem to offer schools improved methods for instructing students, these technologies all too often distract from real learning.


Along with the information technique is widely applied, the innovations in different fields emerge at every moment, which benefit our life greatly. Therefore, the time we spend on traveling, going shopping, cooking and other facets are significantly undermined. As a result of this, people enjoy the new technology, put it in another way, they are greatly benefited from the new look of our society. The innovations, take the video, computer, and the internet as examples, not only do good to the society, but also, in a large scale benefit the society, especially do good to schools, which is the greatest institution for the all-round development of students. Even though there are all kinds of benefits, to some extent, we cannot ignore the shortcomings it brings.

In my school, which can be regarded as a representative university in all colleges in China, students are the people 建议删去 provided with the ultimate benefits from the innovations, since technology innovations such as video, computers, and the Internet provide improved teaching methods. Thus, rendering teaching more effective, the innovations lead to more vivid and impressive classes. Because of the internet, we can get to know current affairs occurring around the world, and get easy access to the things we have little chance to experience by ourselves. 本段论据充分翔实，很好的论述了innovation的好处

In addition, students could make use of computers and the Internet as a means of improving their learning efficiency. Computer is versatile and used in variety of fields. It is highly appreciated by people, for it make things convenient for us. Large amount of time spent in the way in order to get some counseling learning, in the library searching a certain academic article among masses of books, can be saved to obtain more knowledge one need.

However, as it is said, every coin has two sides; addition to videos, computer games and the Internet, or the abuse of such things as computer games, porn and violent programs on the Internet will not only distract them from learning but also endanger their psychological health. Given the bad influence, we cannot deny that the innovations are really not always so benefit. Take the small part of students, who are addicted in the internet and spend most of their time in playing games and distracted from the real world by the technology,, as an example, they cannot learn the real knowledge which we need so badly indeed. The saying that "technology and science comes first" implicate that we have to obtain the new innovations in order to keep up with the steps our society takes. But in the process of developing, we, our students, especially need more carefulness in the method of putting the innovation into practice.

Innovations sever as a double-edges （edged） sword. Along with the process we benefit from them, attention about avoiding the irrelevant or detrimental to learning is required. Taking advantages of these technological inventions, we cannot ignore our real purpose and be distracted by other detrimental usages. We can make the best use of innovations only if we can restrain ourselves to some extent.

文章写得很不错，说理充分
注意一下标点符号的用法

after17UID: 2681985

欢迎回拍啊 http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/viewth ... age=1#pid1773584322

iwvUID: 2759912

谢谢大家，感激不尽，我会尽快回拍
第一次修改
Along with the information technique is widely applied, the innovations in different fields emerge at every moment, which benefit our life greatly. Therefore, the time we spend on traveling, going shopping, cooking and other facets are significantly undermined. Contemporary science is being applied to production on an unprecedented scale and with unprecedented speed. This has given all fields an entirely new look. The innovations, take the video, computer, and the internet as examples, not only do good to the society, but also, in a large scale benefit the society, especially schools, which is the greatest institution for the all-round development of students. Even though there are all kinds of benefits, to some extent, we cannot ignore the shortcomings it brings.

In my school, which can be regarded as a representative university in all colleges in China, students are provided with the ultimate benefits from the technological innovations, such as videos, computers, and the internet, which provide improved teaching methods. Thus, rendering teaching more effective, the innovations lead to more vivid and impressive classes. Because of the internet, we can get to know current affairs occurring around the world, and get easy access to the things we have little chance to experience by ourselves.

In addition, students could make use of computers and the Internet as a means of improving their learning efficiency. Computer is versatile and used in variety of fields. It is highly appreciated by people, for it make things convenient for us. Large amount of time spent in the way in order to get some counseling information, in the library searching a certain academic article among masses of books, can be saved to obtain more knowledge one need.

However, as it is said, every coin has two sides; addition to videos, computer games and the Internet, or the abuse of such things as computer games, porn and violent programs on the Internet will not only distract them from learning but also endanger their psychological health. Given the bad influence, we cannot deny that the innovations are really not always so benefit. Take the small part of students, who are addicted in the internet and spend most of their time in playing games and distracted from the real world by the technology,, as an example, they cannot learn the real knowledge which we need so badly indeed. The saying that "technology and science comes first" implicates that we have to obtain the new innovations in order to keep up with the steps our society takes. But in the process of developing, we, our students, especially need more carefulness in the method of putting the innovation into practice.

Innovations sever as a double-edged sword. Along with the process we benefit from them, attention about avoiding the irrelevant or detrimental to learning is required. Taking advantages of these technological inventions, we cannot ignore our real purpose and be distracted by other detrimental usages. We can make the best use of innovations only if we can restrain ourselves to some extent.

headeyeUID: 2671390

改了过后好多了~呵呵，意见被采纳的感觉蛮高兴的！^_^
看lz的arguement中。。。