香蕉皮ISSUE147---不知道为什么这么短？

bananasliceUID: 2628141

TOPIC: ISSUE147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
WORDS:328   TIME: 00:55:11
DATE: 2010-2-6 18:14:54

Are tradition and modernization incompatible so that one must choose between them? In my view the assertion was kind of over-state, in fact, tradition and modernization are not such a incompatible relationship but both of which indispensible.
At first place, I concede that as the progress of technological development, some traditions do replaced by new things. We use electrical bulb rather than candles; we cooking with micro-wave oven instead of traditional oven; various new-type synthetic materials substituted nature materials; we use paper currency instead of gold and silver. It is true that modern technology has replaced many traditions.
However, sometimes the conflicts between tradition and modernization seem not so irreconcilable. Taken clothing as an example, while fashion means "the most popular at present”, classical style would revive at intervals. And festival as a cultural tradition is seldom changed during a long time. Chinese New Year is known as the most important festival for Chinese people, every year families get together to celebrate it, its significant was just as Christmas for western countries' people, and it has been more than three thousand years since people started to celebrate it.
What’s more, there is a kind of tradition which can be a tradition not because of it is not advanced, outdated but because it's superiority is old and trial that still contain weighty merit. The quintessence of Chinese culture--Chinese Traditional Medicine (CTM) has a history as long as development of Chinese culture course. Although using radically distinct thinking model, recognized human and the nature is a whole, diseases were arise out of either of that balance being upset--which has been questioned, CTM is even more effective than modern medicine, for the treatment of many diseases.
In sum, the assertion regarding tradition and modernization are incompatible is goes to extremes, and it is unnecessary to conclude such hasty generalization. As I see it, when supporting technological progress, we should recognize that the existence of traditions must have its values.

bananasliceUID: 2628141

希望各位同学指点一下，怎么这么短呢，我觉得已经讲清楚啦

missingusaUID: 2625832

AW对字数没有要求, 对于这个问题lz可以参考这个帖子:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=923452
不过我以为, 对于我们这些语言功底不是非常深厚的人来说, 字数可以从侧面反印文章的质量, 但前提是思路正确并且没有废话;
比如lz的这一篇, 觉得更多的是在说明自己的论点, 而没有进行有效的论述;
以第一段Topci Sentence为例:
At first place, I concede that as the progress of technological development, some traditions do replaced by new things.
下文只是罗列了一些例子, 其实lz可以再想下为什么科技的现代化会替代传统, 最根本的原因是什么, 并且我们必须选择其一吗.....
这也同时引申出了lz的第二个可以加强的地方, 就是对于题目的后半段进行的有效回应.
lz在写作遇到困惑的时候, 可以利用版上的搜索功能, 参考下前人是怎么写的, 提供两个链接:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=913250        ----by irvine666
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=917603        ----by sakuraanne

最后祝lz能够取得好成绩^^

irvine666UID: 2575525

LZ的跟进性论述做的实在是不够好，基本段落结构是由：
主题句+例子构成，而且例子对主题句的支持力度非常小
通常议论文所述的段落结构是
主题句+跟进论述+分论点1+例子+分论点2+例子+结束语

bananasliceUID: 2628141

3# missingusa
确实~。。。正文段都没有分析的句子 这样讲不清楚。。多谢前辈！^-^

bananasliceUID: 2628141

4# irvine666
哈哈。。是啊~太草率了~前辈还想请问一下提纲的话应该例子详细写还是跟进分析详细些呢？