Issue98

jinziqiUID: 2387034

Issue 98
"Colleges and universities should offer more courses on popular music, film, advertising, and television because contemporary culture has much greater relevance for students than do arts and literature of the past."

The author believes that there should be much more courses concerning about the contemporary culture instead of the arts and literature of the past, which I disagree. Courses are designed carefully for students to receive education in one area, while contemporary culture is for fun at our spare time. The culture of the past is necessary for students to get the general understanding of the world.


Indeed, contemporary culture has much more relevance to students for the reason that people often discuss them in daily life such as the hot episode, popular music and coming movies. People should know what is Avatar, why Google ends in China, and what is the hottest television recently. If one knows nothing about it, other people will not like to chat with him because there is nothing interesting in his mind. On the contrary, knowing about what is popular can help you make friends who have the same interests with you and can quickly become familiar with someone instead of strangers. Common interest is the premise of getting along with someone.

Although contemporary is a part of our lives, it is also necessary to study arts and literature of the past. By taking those courses, it can help students to build the basic value of the world, so that students can choose the right things to concern with. Nowadays, quantities of new movies are showed on the Internet only in a week. How should we choose our favorites to watch in order to save time? If one is interested in Pride and Prejudice, he may also like Jane Eyre but he will not spend time on watching commercial movies such as 2012. At the same time, by studying the classic literature, he can distinguish the bad and the good, the hate and the love, so that he knows how to behave as a good man in reality.

Courses in colleges are not only giving a direction to students, but also can bring the classic that is in the past to the contemporary society. If we have no idea about the arts and literature of the past, we may not truly understand the contemporary culture which often quotes the classic to make the art work better. In addition, the reason why those arts and literature can pass down for many years is that they are popular during many generations so they can be called famous and classic. As for students, there is no reason that we don’t read those classic works at first to improve our quality and this is why we have to recite those famous and profound poems just at early ages. As time passes by, we can gradually understand the true meaning of those poems and they will have much more influence on one’s behavior than contemporary culture that is only hot for a short time.

To sum, courses in colleges and universities are necessary for students and cannot be instead. To learn about the contemporary culture, the Internet is enough to know everything. But we should study the past culture before to choose the right things to go on to study.

cjluUID: 2448066

"Colleges and universities should offer more courses on popular music, film, advertising, and television because contemporary culture has much greater relevance for students than do arts and literature of the past."

The author believes that there should be much more courses concerning about the contemporary culture instead of the arts and literature of the past, which I disagree. Courses are designed carefully for students to receive education in one area, while contemporary culture is for fun at our spare time. （ziqi大概是想表达出课程是严肃的而当代文化都是娱乐的吧？但是这句话实在是太绝对化了。题目中说的是contemporary culture而不是fast-food culture. 当代并不是和历史截然分开的并且当代文化并不仅仅只有娱乐）The culture of the past is necessary for students to get the general understanding of the world.（题目的重心在于当代文化比历史文化和我们的生活更加相关，最后一句最好点出你自己对于这个比较的观点，有more或者less的感觉，而不是陈述历史文化的作用）


Indeed，（最好不要铺垫的太实了。反衬可以，但是一定要和另一方面作出比较。你可以不直接说当代文化和历史比怎么样，但是一定要给读者这种感觉，让读者明确你的态度是历史文化更重要。要不然单看这一段我就觉得其实你是赞成的……） contemporary culture has much more relevance to students for the reason that people often discuss them in daily life such as the hot episode, popular music and coming movies. People should know what is Avatar, why Google ends in China, and what is the hottest television recently. （要注意你不是为了举例子而举例子，或者为了突出这一点而写一段。一定要时刻记得你想要表达的是什么）If one knows nothing about it, other people will not like to chat with him because there is nothing interesting in his mind. On the contrary, knowing about what is popular can help you make friends who have the same interests with you and can quickly become familiar with someone instead of strangers. Common interest is the premise of getting along with someone.

Although contemporary is a part of our lives, it is also necessary to study（这句表达的不好，also necessary就让人觉得study the past其实并不是很重要） arts and literature of the past. By taking those courses, it can help students to build the basic value of the world, so that students can choose the right things to concern with.（前后两句紫色的接不上。students choose的right thing就是如何选择一部电影吗？而且电影也是当代文化，这样一想就让人觉得难道历史文化就是为了让人在当代文化中进行选择？如果你要让两者形成对比的话，证明历史文化的重要最好从对人们精神深层的影响去论述） Nowadays, quantities of new movies are showed on the Internet only in a week. How should we choose our favorites to watch in order to save time? If one is interested in Pride and Prejudice, he may also like Jane Eyre but he will not spend time on watching commercial movies such as 2012. （两者没有可比性，各有各的好处，无雅俗之分）At the same time, by studying the classic literature, he can distinguish the bad and the good, the hate and the love（这个词可以适当考虑换一下……）, so that he knows how to behave as a good man in reality.（这一段逻辑有问题……历史文化的重要是在帮助人们选择当代文化吗？举的例子不能有效的论证你的观点。）

Courses in colleges are not only giving a direction to students, but also can bring the classic that is in the past to the contemporary society. If we have no idea about the arts and literature of the past, we may not truly understand the contemporary culture which often quotes the classic to make the art work better. In addition, the reason why those arts and literature can pass down for many years is that they are popular during many generations so they can be called famous and classic. （那如果当代文化的一部分也接着流传了好几代，那今天你看它没深度，几代以后是不是又是arts and literature of the past了呢？那么它们有什么本质的区别吗？）As for students, there is no reason that we don’t read those classic works at first to improve our quality and this is why we have to recite those famous and profound poems just at early ages. （怎么突然又学生了……）As time passes by, we can gradually understand the true meaning of those poems and they will have much more influence on one’s behavior than contemporary culture that is only hot for a short time.（两者的对比太绝对，并且这句话没有得到有效证明）

To sum, courses in colleges and universities are necessary for students and cannot be instead. To learn about the contemporary culture, the Internet is enough to know everything. （结尾就不要再扯出Internet这个新概念……大家会想，为什么Internet就enough了？没有证明呀。）But we should study the past culture before to choose the right things to go on to study.（the past culture怎么帮助我们choose了？什么是right things？为什么看Jane Eyre不看2012就是right的？）

先说说我的整体感受吧，ziqi你似乎有自己的一套模板。我也看了你的69，比这篇有提高，但是问题还是同样的。
每篇文章你都找了关键词，找的也挺准。但是问题也就在这里。
你论述的时候都是把关键词分成了几个部分分别论述的。这样子导致它们不能有效地链接起来。
而且你举例子的时候，一定要紧紧扣住你要论述的内容。你可以用这个例子，但你一定要记得你要证明什么。
另外，题目的重点不是几个关键词，而是它要说一个比一个重要。在你的文章里只有陈述而没有比较。
还有，整体来说它在说colleges的事情，但是你分别说了当代文化和历史文化，都没有怎么涉及到大学课程的问题。

嗯，说说小建议吧^^ziqi你现在语言什么的都还好，没有特别明显的错误或者让人不能理解的语法。你这两天试试把注意力放在题目各个关键词的链接点上，不要太拘泥于模板。抓住题目的重点就好了，不是那些单个的名词，而是它们之间的关系。
同样的例子稍微改改就很好。
有什么问题就留在下面然后PM我~然后我回给你哈^^
还有，98和69都有同样一个毛病，就是你把两部分分的很清楚，但是太绝对了。这样很容易被驳倒，给自己留下一些回旋余地比较好。

jinziqiUID: 2387034

要是早点明白这个问题然后每篇文章都有意识得去避免多好啊~
多去关注一下题目中关键词的关系...
按照lulu的指点，重新思考了下提纲：


1.尽管当代文化比过去的文化与当今的生活有更大的关系，因为人们生活随处可见，电影的海报，街上播放的流行歌曲，并且我们的言谈举止就属于文化的一部分，所以对当代文化更有感觉。


2.但是相比之下，过去的文化更值得我们去学习，研读，因为它对社会有更持久的作用。通过学习，我们可以看到它们是如何影响当今的生活，对当今的艺术家在创作上起了什么指导作用，对如今的人们的价值观上产生了什么样的影响，这样，无论是在艺术创作方面，还是在生活中，都会给学生们带来更多的启发。


3.站在学校的角度来讲，将当今文化设为课程也是不可行的，毕竟当今的文化的好坏没有一个客观的标准来衡量，而过去的文化都已经经过历史的沉淀，留下了精华。我们无法去讲清楚当今的种种文化对社会的价值，因为它是一个正在发生的过程。


虽然我的思维还是有一定的局限性，但愿这次的提纲会好些~