海盗的作文 专用贴！

让我来做海盗UID: 2762535

In the brief, the speaker in the listeningargues that the fact or the evidence in the reading material could not provedinosaurs are kind of Endotherms, which casts doubt on the authors point in thepasssage that dinosaurs is belong to Endotherms with numerous evidencestestified, although ones are reptiles which are not Endotherms, universally.

First of all, in the listening, theprofessor maintains that the polar region is much warmer than that of today.Clearly, dinosaurs could hibernate to the warmer place in the winter when theymight not bear the asperity of the temperate. This standpoint disagrees withthe testimony demonstrated in the reading that the fossil found in the Polarregion demonstrates that only animals who can keep the temperature constantcould be alive in this harsh enviornments.

Besides, according to the lecture, the legsof dinosaurs are underneath the body just shows that those can supply moreweight within this body structure. Actually, the position of their legs alsoallows dinosaurs themselves to grow larger and larger physically. Indeed, onlyin this position of legs, do dinosaurs buttress themselves own weight. Thisrefutes the point in the passage that the common of Endotherms and dinosaurs inthe position of legs which is underneath the body suggests dinosaurs areEndotherms.

Furthermore,the professor makes the point that dinosaurs have not only theHaversian canals, but also the growth vein which takes charge of the slowgrowth period. Obviously, Endotherms just have the Haversian canals in the bonebut not the growth vein. This difference means that the dinosaurs could be thepart of Endotherms. In this way, the circular growth period like the not grow,slow grow, and rapid grow is the distinctive characteristic to determinewhether the dinosaurs are Endotherms or not. While the passage, on thecontrary, indicates a conflicting statement that dinosaurs and Endotherms aresimilar in the bone structure that each of them is dense with dense Haversiancanals to suggest that dinosaurs are kinds of Endotherms






好吧，我承认，已经基本忘了 怎么写的规则。。 因为已经很久灭有动笔了。。 今天算开斋。 时间 可能延迟了5分钟。 大家见谅。。 以后 我会 尽量 熟悉的

让我来做海盗UID: 2762535

囧，第一次写作文，没人评？  

RP？？  晕！，

lilacxiaoUID: 2472270

In the brief, the speaker in the listening arguesthat the fact or the evidence in the reading material could not prove dinosaursare kind of (kind of 可以去掉哦，多余，语法也错了)Endotherms, which casts doubt on the authors point in the passage（单词拼写） that dinosaurs is belong to Endotherms with numerous evidences testified（语法问题？）, although ones are reptiles which are not Endotherms, universally.9 }$ t- _4 G4 Z5 F1k  Y2 l

5 i/ p  G0 E* Z: JFirstof all, in the listening, the professor maintains that the polar region is muchwarmer than that of today. Clearly, dinosaurs could hibernateto the warmer place in the winter when they might not bear the asperityof the temperate.(这句和原文有冲突哦) This standpoint disagrees with thetestimony demonstrated in the reading that the fossil found in the Polar regiondemonstrates that only animals who can keep the temperature constant could bealive in this harsh enviornments（拼写，然后多了s）.! k! F  O# K: c5 Q2 n8|

! g6 ]. J( C  z' |Besides,according to the lecture, the legs of dinosaurs areunderneath the body just shows that those can supply （support）more weight within this body structure(两个动词哦，语法有错).Actually, the position of their legs also allows dinosaurs themselves to growlarger and larger physically. Indeed, only in this position of legs, dodinosaurs buttress themselves own weight. This refutes the point in the passagethat the common of Endotherms and dinosaurs in the position of legs which isunderneath the body suggests dinosaurs are Endotherms（很简单的意思不需要这么长的表达哦，有几句重复了）.+ P5 n6W2 l) A

6 i9 b) r) G" [) W8 X( WFurthermore,the professor makes the point that dinosaurs have not only the Haversiancanals, but also the growth vein which takes charge of the slow growth period.Obviously, Endotherms just have the Haversian canals in the bone but not thegrowth vein. This difference means that the dinosaurs could be the part ofEndotherms. In this way, the circular growth period like the not grow, slowgrow, and rapid grow is the distinctive characteristic to determine whether thedinosaurs are Endotherms or not. While the passage, on the contrary, indicatesa conflicting statement that dinosaurs and Endotherms are similar in the bonestructure that each of them is dense with dense Haversiancanals to suggest thatdinosaurs are kinds of Endotherms（说实话我看了两遍没太看懂你想表达的意思，但感觉和原文出入还是大的，可以再听一遍试试？）


总结：首先，350+哦，字数太多，会被扣分的吧。
词汇量挺大的，语言底子很好，不过小错误和不合适的用词还是比较多。
说的有点繁琐，尽量用简单的一两句话表达意思，不要含糊，不要加上自己的一些理解。
抱歉，评价晚了，一起加油;-)& g! B: j  y( |% I5 v

让我来做海盗UID: 2762535

University students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not part of this field of the study.

Obviously, with such rapidly developing society, we should arm ourselves with knowledge both in nature science and social science. In this way, taking basic science classes in the university is a wise choice for you to prompt yourselves which is not only a shortcut enabling us to applied new method or thought to our certain majority area, but also a way making us study more systemically and objectively. Some people, however, frown upon it and maintain that having science intro courses may cause some little schedule conflict and distract their attentions from their interested field. Personally, though taking science courses can bring small troubles and marginal drawbacks, almost features of being a listener in the science course do benefit us most even if it can cause problems above or only little sacrifice.

There is no denying the fact that the advent of every revolutionary and amazing new theory in single area or field must be supported in the science area that which may be the common sense among the people or even have taught in the university basic science class. Indeed, there is useless and meaningless for us to just focus on one major side while ignore the most necessary field that is basic science. It will not be hard for us to find a compelling and convincing example to demonstrate this standpoint. If you are researching or making a report of the ebb of the ocean, you might know something about the astronomy. Since the ebb of the ocean has some connects with the phase of the moon. While you will find easy to tackle this issue and will not necessary to consume time in the library, if you take the basic science at the same time. How convenient and powerful the basic science makes our life.

In addition, another equally significant and essential aspect of supporting this statement  which I stand behind because it develops us a more logical thought and cultivate us to remark or review in a more objective way. Furthermore, taking the basic science is beyond for the what knowledge we can get, but the way we thought such as scholars or professors.
To illustrate that , there is an appropriate and relevant case in point that I am afraid of ghost at night and confused that whether the world is created by God in the past. In sharp contrast, I am totally convinced that the miracle of the world has a unbelievable long time to revolute, and also there is no ghost either.

No two fingers of a hand are same; similarly no two individuals can think the same way. Still someone might list other reasons and arguments to explain the reason why they drop the class such as the schedule conflict. However, these can be solved and tackled by talking to the instructor. There will not exist such disputes any longer, definitely. Moreover, all I want to assert that taking the basic science class is beneficial and helpful for both nations and us, generally. Being aware of these points mentioned above, each of us will be more convinced and positive to take the basic science classes.


好久没动笔了  

貌似 有点 生疏 ，  拍 吧。  谢啦~   辛苦了~~~~

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

Obviously, with(with一般是加能力之类的词，用living in) such rapidly developing society, we should arm ourselves with knowledge both in nature science and social science. In this way, taking basic science classes in the university is a wise choice for you（我记得别人以前改我作文时建议不要用YOU这个人称，也建议你，嘿嘿） to prompt yourselves which is not only a shortcut enabling us to applied(apply, applied好像也有v用法啊，我没用过) new methods or thoughts to our certain majority areas, but also a way making us study more systemically and objectively. Some people, however, frown upon (这个词不错)it and maintain that having science intro courses may cause some little schedule conflicts and distract their attentions from(这个词组不错) their interested(这里说major field会不会更好？) field. Personally, though taking science courses can bring small troubles and marginal drawbacks(这个怎么翻译，请教下~), almost features（？怎么说？） of being a listener in the science course do benefit us most even if it can cause problems above or only little sacrifice（重复了，不如把benefit这句放在though之前）.4 v: d5 b  ~# v6 c( f: c
) `3 [4 d: C% n) h

There is no denying （on）
the fact that the advent of every revolutionary and amazing new theory in single area or field must be supported in the science area that which may be the common sense among the people or even have taught in the university basic science class. （哇，这句好好好长啊。建议，作为段首的中心句，最好简洁明了，之后再阐述也Ok的）Indeed, there（it） is useless and meaningless for us to just focus on one major side while（and） ignore the most necessary field that is(such as) basic science. It will not be hard for us to find a compelling and convincing example to demonstrate this standpoint.（这句可以不要） If you are researching or making a report of the ebb of the ocean, you might know something about the astronomy. Since the ebb of the ocean has some connects with the phase of the moon. While you will find（feel） easy to tackle this issue and (it)will not necessary to (去掉)consume time in the library, if you take the basic science at the same time. How convenient and powerful the basic science makes our life（有点语病）.8 m6 H9 v# k5 G: l: b  S, T& \/ V

In addition, another equally significant and essential aspect of supporting this statement  which I stand behind because（is that） it develops us a more logical thought and cultivate us to remark or review in a more objective way.（为虾米你的首句都这么长呢） Furthermore, taking the basic science is beyond for（不要） the what（不要） knowledge （+that）we can get, but the way we thought such as scholars or professors这句是没说完么？.
To(可省) illustrate that , there is an appropriate and relevant case in point that I am afraid of ghost at night and confused that whether the world is created by God in the past. In sharp contrast, I am totally convinced that the miracle of the world has a unbelievable long time to revolute, and also there is no ghost either这段的时态是不是该有点不同？.6 o# c! {& C" P6 ~! M

No two fingers of a hand are same; similarly no two individuals can think the same way. Still someone might list other reasons and arguments to explain the reason why they drop the class such as the schedule conflict. However, these can be solved and tackled by talking to the instructor. There will not exist such disputes any longer, definitely. Moreover, all I want to assert that taking the basic science class is beneficial and helpful for both nations and us, generally. Being aware of these points mentioned above, each of us will be more convinced and positive to take the basic science classes我觉得结尾太啰嗦了，尤其是前面半段。直接突出你的观点就好

总评：
海盗童鞋真能写啊，都快600字啦，30分钟写完的不？？
1.
第一段是不是太长了点啊？第一次看到这么长的第一段，不知道这么长好不好。不过我倒觉得不必写这么多，点一点，然后留到后文去阐释的就好。
2.
好像每段第一句也都很长。个人建议，要简洁概括一些，也不要太复杂冗长的句式吧！
总体不错，很不错，词汇也很丰富，加油！

让我来做海盗UID: 2762535

5# amanda_qinyy

没看时间，但是 估计 超时了。 但是 可能并没有超多少

我一般考场 也是500来字。。。。  我综合也超。。
我记得别人以前改我作文时建议不要用YOU这个人称，也建议你，嘿嘿-----那用什么啊？

marginal drawbacks(这个怎么翻译，请教下~)  同前面的 SMALL TROUBLES  因为用 AND 相连

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

6# 让我来做海盗

不用you,就用we或者I吧。

让我来做海盗UID: 2762535

7# amanda_qinyy

我马上 就去看你的去了哈哈 。。  木着急， 我的今天作业 还没做呢。。 晕

让我来做海盗UID: 2762535

To solve problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past?

Undoubtedly, the stuff we learned and acquired from the past can always help us to find the key to the present problem or the disaster we would might in the future. That is to say, we can analyze the similarity of the problem from today and past to tackle the issue, easily. Some people, however, frown upon it and maintain that the past would influence and change our solutions to the problem, negatively. Personally, though understanding the past could induce some bad effect and cause some little sacrifice which seems to avoid, what I want to say is that every wise solution to the issue could derived from the similar problem in the past.

There is no denying the fact that the new and creative solution to the present problem could not guarantee our citizen to overcome or escape it. Indeed, the conservative ways from the past to tackle the problem may not be so unreliable. It will not be hard for us to find a compelling and convincing example to demonstrate this standpoint. The economics debacle happened in the 2009, the governments all over the world take do the similar policy, basically. That the policy they take we can just find in the first world-recession in the 1900s. From now, we can get a conclusion that is we escape from the recession virtually with the policy the government had been taken long before 100 years. It really works!

In addition, another equally significant and essential part which I stand behind is that we do not need extra time, energy, effect to evaluate the new solutions’ possibility of success. Even, have no worry to find a new approach to solve the problem. To illustrate that, there is an example in point. I have ever had a time to say a familiar topic in just 45 seconds as many details as possible before. I was totally confused and even lost my confidence when I began to practice the task one and two. However, at that time, my memory aroused that think back to my childhood that I also frustrated and failure thousands of hundreds times before I learnt to ride a bicycle. With this encouragement, I finally conquered the speaking section.

No two fingers of a hand are same; similarly no two individuals can think the same way. Still someone might list other reasons and arguments to disagree this statement. However, all I want to assert that understanding the past to solve the present problem or the problem would confront is most beneficial for our citizens. Being aware of these points mentioned above, we could overcome any difficulties on the way to the success, easily.
444字  超时 5分钟。。。 关键  。。。  这个 问题 好抽象。 而且，我当时有点 顿， 想的例子 太宏观了。。 后来发现 没有必要。。 囧。。。。。。

rjyuuUID: 2591508

Obviously, with such rapidly developing society, we should arm ourselves with knowledge both in nature science and social science.// In this way, taking basic science classes in the university is a wise choice for you（恩
最好不要第二人称
新东方说的） to prompt yourselves which is not only a shortcut enabling us to applied new method or thought to our certain majority area, but also a way making us study more systemically and objectively // Some people, however, frown upon it and maintain that having science intro courses may cause some little(little 约等于没有) schedule conflicts and distract their attentions from their interested field（things或者away from field个人观点）. Personally, though taking science courses can bring small troubles and marginal drawbacks, almost features of being a listener in the science course do benefit us most even if it can cause problems above or only little sacrifice.
% p6 J% U/ u5 _+ {* t9 T1 k/ M
" @7 N: L8 l& y' [- M0 X4 t6 x% \4 eThere is no denying the fact that the advent of every(each) revolutionary and amazing new theory in single area or field must be supported in the science area that which may be the common sense among the people or even have taught in the university’s basic science class. Indeed, there(it) is useless and meaningless for us to just focus on one major side while ignore the most necessary field that is basic science. It will not be hard for us to find a compelling and convincing example to demonstrate this standpoint. If you(同上
第二人称
老外可能不舒服
恩
有种被指鼻子的感觉 ) are researching or making a report of the ebb of the ocean, you might know something about the astronomy. Since the ebb of the ocean has some connects with the phase of the moon. While you will find easy to tackle this issue and will not necessary to consume time in the library, if you take the basic science at the same time. How convenient and powerful the basic science makes our life.（额。。。小概率事件的感觉== 没有普遍性）
, S1 f0 }, c8 _+ S2 [; S7 @  D2 k: L) V+ G( D
In addition, another equally significant and essential aspect 【of supporting this statement  which I stand behind】 because（is that） it develops us a more logical thought and cultivate us to remark or review in a more objective way.(Critical thinking and analyzing ability?) Furthermore, taking the basic science is beyond for the what knowledge we can get, but the way we thought such as scholars or professors.(为什么这个是furthermore 明明是in addition的同意句)
( H9 e$ D9 U/ h1 \To illustrate that , there is an appropriate and relevant case in point that I am afraid of ghost at night and confused that whether the world is created by God in the past. In sharp contrast, I am totally convinced that the miracle of the world has a unbelievable long time to revolute, and also there is no ghost either.（恩
攻击宗教！！万一考官是个Christian…额。。。
很多西方人都觉得进化论完全是扯淡）
8 ~: w+ j3 s7 [+ R8 `; v3 G8 h% X. Z6 p3 v
No two fingers of a hand are same; similarly no two individuals can think the same way. Still someone might list other reasons and arguments to explain the reason why they drop the class such as the schedule conflicts. However, these can be solved and tackled by talking to the instructor. There will not exist such disputes any longer, definitely. Moreover, all I want to assert (is )that taking the basic science class is beneficial and helpful for both nations and us, generally. Being aware of these points mentioned above, each of us will be more convinced and positive to take the basic science classes.

clisalongUID: 2715802

17号：nicole修改

Undoubtedly, the stuff we learned and acquired from the past can always help us to find the key to the present problem or the disaster we would might in the future.（the 少用，the 是特指的，应将the present problem改成present problems, 下面disaster一样，这样会严谨点。） That is to say, we can analyze the similarity of the problem from today and past to tackle the issue, easily. Some people, however, frown upon it（it 指代不明吧） and maintain that the past would influence and change（change这里用得好像不大准确） our solutions to the problem, negatively. Personally, though understanding the past could induce some bad effect（induce 搭配effect不是很好吧，感觉怪怪。） and cause some little sacrifice which seems to avoid, what I want to say is that （改：In short，会不会更好点呢？？前面的表达没有问题，但是感觉不好。）every wise solution to the issue could derived from the similar problem in the past.

There is no denying the fact that the new and creative solution to the present problem could not guarantee our citizen to overcome or escape it.（主题句应尽量简短，太长了。） Indeed, the conservative ways from the past to tackle the problem may not be so unreliable. It will not be hard for us to find a compelling and convincing example to demonstrate this standpoint. The economics debacle happened in the 2009, the governments all over the world take do（怎么有两个动词啊？） the similar policy, basically. That the policy they take we can just find in the first world-recession in the 1900s. From now, we can get a conclusion that is we escape from the recession virtually with the policy the government had been taken long before 100 years. It really works!
（名词性从句用太多了。）
In addition, another equally significant and essential part which I stand behind is that we do not need extra time, energy, effect to evaluate the new solutions’ possibility of success. (主题句表达应该更明确点。为什么 we do not need extra time…to evaluate…，而且这里没有写明和learning from the past 的关系。改改主题句，应更明确简短。) Even, have no worry to find a new approach to solve the problem. To illustrate that, there is an example in point. I have ever had a time to say a familiar topic in just 45 seconds as many details as possible before. I was totally confused and even lost my confidence when I began to practice the task one and two. However, at that time, my memory aroused that think back to my childhood that I also frustrated and failure thousands of hundreds times before I learnt to ride a bicycle. With this encouragement, I finally conquered the speaking section.（这个例子好像和主题句关系不大，不能很好支持主题。换个例子会不会更好呢？）

No two fingers of a hand are same; similarly no two individuals can think the same way. Still someone might list other reasons and arguments to disagree this statement. However, all I want to assert that understanding the past to solve the present problem or the problem would confront is most beneficial for our citizens. Being aware of these points mentioned above, we could overcome any difficulties on the way to the success, easily（前面很好，由反面推正面观点）

总结：文章不错，可是从句过多，每段的主题句没有很好陈述清楚。而且，看来作者很喜欢用the，这样容易搞到文章不够严谨。

linawanggtaUID: 2708273

[tr][/tr]

额，搞不懂乱码是哪里来的 By 小玮 To solve problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past? + g" K- V+ J( a8 C% S7 g; A+ f - i& d4 d1 F5 @* e' ^# U! KUndoubtedly, the stuff we learned and acquired from the past can always help us to find the key to the present problem or the disaster we would might in the future. That is to say, we can analyze the similarity of the problem from today and past to tackle the issue(很好的开头), easily. Some people, however, frown upon it（很好的短语啊） and maintain that the past would influence and change our solutions to the problem, negatively. Personally, though understanding the past could induce some bad effect and cause some little sacrifice which seems to avoid, what I want to say is that every wise solution to the issue could derived from the similar problem in the past. 0 W: S0 \  Y& q; Q$ I: G( @ 2 k7 E# z2 n' q8 O8 c7 yThere is no denying（on） the fact that the new and creative solution to the present problem could not guarantee our citizen to overcome or escape it. Indeed, the conservative ways from the past to tackle the problem may not be so unreliable. It will not be hard for us to find a compelling and convincing example to demonstrate this standpoint. The economics debacle happened in the 2009, the governments all over the world take do the similar policy, basically. That the policy they take we can just find in the first world-recession in the 1900s. From now, we can get a conclusion that is we escape from the recession virtually with the policy the government had been taken long before 100 years. It really works!6 S  y- G5 @' a( H1 k ) s4 {% d+ z. d3 ^" F2 H) g In addition, another equally significant and essential part which I stand behind is（额，建议不要前面这些，直接引出段落大意） that we do not need extra time, energy, effect to evaluate the new solutions’ possibility of success. Even, have no worry to find a new approach to solve the problem. To illustrate that, there is an example in point. I have ever had a time to say a familiar topic in just 45 seconds as many details as possible before. I was totally confused and even lost my confidence when I began to practice the task one and two. However, at that time, my memory（I restrospect the frustration I met in learning bicycle riding） aroused(arouse 不用在MEMORY) that think back to my childhood that I also frustrated and failure thousands of hundreds times before I learnt to ride a bicycle. With this encouragement, I finally conquered the speaking section.: B* G/ O- `$ L9 R6 J2 S + j+ g3 y) G! i# d! t8 FNo two fingers of a hand are same; similarly no two individuals can think the same way. Still someone might list other reasons and arguments to disagree this statement. However, all I want to assert that understanding the past to solve the present problem or the problem would confront is most beneficial for our citizens.（文章前面都很啊，但是结尾有点模板化，海盗应该可以写出更novel and distinctive concluding） Being aware of these points mentioned above, we could overcome any difficulties on the way to the success, easily. 9 ~: J' J- U" H6 @; K$ p" G 444字  超时 5分钟。。。 关键  。。。  这个 问题 好抽象。 而且，我当时有点 顿， 想的例子 太宏观了。。 后来发现 没有必要。。 囧。。。。。。 写的很好啊，咱们两风格好像啊。

让我来做海盗UID: 2762535

Young people should try different jobbefore they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

Obviously, the most distinctive advantageof the young people is that they get inexhaustible time and opportunity to huntfor or encounter what they love and to absorb the precious experience frommistakes. That is to say, the people who are the rookie to start their careerlife might be supposed to acknowledge the different area and field to searchwhat are the dream jobs and career for them before selecting what his wholewould be with. Some people, however, frown upon it and maintain that they wouldwaste and kill their valuable time. Personally, do a right and unregretfulwhole life decision might be more essential and significant rather than sacrificingseveral years.

There is no denying the fact that it iseasier to make the achievement for people who do the stuff they loved anddesired. In this way, selecting a right and proper career or job is priorityfor us to think about. In fact, career life is a long way to go. You wouldchoose which one is best approach for you to get the achievement and success. Agood case in point is that Lebron James, the one of the best and all-roundbasketball player in the world, was used to train football, baseball before hegot his dream destination-basketball. How can you imagine if he just put hisheart in football. How many people would still remember his name.

In addition, another equally andsignificant aspect is that though we are the graduate-student, we still arefreshmen in the career. Indeed, we have no experience and no partner to guaranteeus in the way to the success. Remember, no one could success overnight, eventhe actor or the singer. You may make a big mistake in your early career life. That’sthe right time for you to prompt yourself. No one could just reach their goalwithout failure or disaster. Take Michael Jordan for instance, he ones said, Ilose thousands of shoots and cut from the school team at my high school time,that’s why I succeed now. Thus, just temper yourself in the different jobposition before get your dream-career.

No two fingers of a hand are same;similarly, no two individuals can think the same way. Still someone might listother reasons and arguments to explain why they disagree with this statement.However, all I want to assert that most of people would take this method in thereality to ensure of the great career prospect, generally. But how far it istrue is left to the judgment of the individual’s intelligence.

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

Obviously, the most distinctive advantage
of the young people is that they get inexhaustible time and opportunity to hunt
for or encounter what they love and to absorb the precious experience from
mistakes. That is to say, the people who are the rookies to start their career life might be supposed to acknowledge the different area and field to search for what are the dream jobs and career for them before selecting what his whole(?) would be with. Some people, however, frown upon it and maintain that they would
waste and kill their valuable time. Personally, do(making) a right and unregretful whole life decision might be more essential and significant rather than sacrificing several years.这句观点，还应该再提一下try different jobs.
5 x/ E9 u; A5 z! ^' _
There is no denying the fact that it is easier to make the achievement for people who do the stuff(请教，可以这样表达么？) they loved and desired. In this way, selecting a right and proper career or job is priority for us to think about. In fact, career life is a long way to go. You would choose which one is （the）best approach for you to get the achievement and success. A good case in point is that Lebron James, the(省) one of the best and all-round basketball player in the world, was used to train football(?train to play football??怎么表达？), baseball before he got his dream destination-basketball. How can you imagine if he just put his heart in football. How many people would still remember his name.这段的中心句不够明确，并没有说通过try来作出choice。例子可以很好的说明，但我第一次读的时候，这一段，真的误以为你前面说专心对一个job，例子又相反的观点，没太读明白。 b0 E* W- l

In addition, another equally and significant aspect is that though we are the graduate-student, we still are(are still) freshmen in the career. Indeed, we have no experience and no partner to guarantee(这里用help or instruct好些)
us in the way to the success. Remember, no one could success overnight, even the actor or the singer. You may make a big mistake in your early career life. （前后两句间加个连接词 however）That’s the right time for you to prompt yourself. No one could just reach their goal without failure or disaster. Take Michael Jordan for instance, he ones said, I lose thousands of shoots and cut from the school team at my high school time, that’s why I succeed now. Thus, just temper yourself in the different job position before get your dream-career.6 L这个例子似乎是在说，Jordan对篮球执着，失败了也不放弃才成功。但和different jobs无关，他没没有尝试其他。例子和中心句无关。7 D; R+ l0 m! l, s1 J
No two fingers of a hand are same; similarly, no two individuals can think the same way. Still someone might list other reasons and arguments to explain why they disagree with this statement. However, all I want to assert that most of people would take this method in the
reality to ensure of the great career prospect, generally. But how far it is
true is left to the judgment of the individual’s intelligence.这段是模板吧？！

总评：
海盗的这篇文章，感觉论述部分的中心句和例子的关联度不大，要再斟酌下例子。
粉色的是我认为用的好的词句，横线部分是用法不确定的地方。
你很偏爱长句，写的都很顺，佩服，尤其是第一段那里的，我怎么都表达不好，学习了！

happyfaith2008UID: 2709856

Obviously, the most distinctive advantage of the young people is that they get inexhaustible time and opportunity to hunt for or encounter what they love and to absorb the precious experience from mistakes. That is to say, （如果是紧承前一句的话，我就觉得费解了，这两句话不能形成这种进一步说明的关系吧？）the people who are the rookie to start their careerlife might be supposed to acknowledge the different area and field to search what are the dream jobs and career for them before selecting what his whole would be with. Some people, however, frown upon it and maintain that they（代词太多不太好，最好指明they是啥子） would waste and kill their valuable time. Personally, do;P （doing，这个词用的，让人无语，做决定，做能用do么？） a right and unregretful whole life decision might be more essential and significant rather than sacrificing several years.（看到这里我很茫然）（第一段看完也没有看出你的观点句子在哪里......）

There is no denying the fact(去掉) that it is easier to make the achievement for people who do the stuff they loved and desired（干嘛被动？或者说过去式？）. In this way, selecting a right and proper career or job is priorityfor us to think about. In fact, career life is a long way to go. You wouldchoose which one is best approach for you to get the achievement and success. Agood case in point is that Lebron James, the one of the best and all-roundbasketball player in the world, was used to train football, baseball before hegot his dream destination-basketball. How can you imagine if he just put hisheart in football. How many people would still remember his name.（花一大段论述要选择自己喜欢的career不值得，有跑题之嫌，题目问的是different jobs的问题，before... have career 只是作为一个时间上限定而已，题目要是说to have a career in long term ,你这样论述绝对不偏。 ）

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In addition, another equally and significant aspect is that though we are the graduate-student, we still are freshmen in the career. Indeed, we have no experience and no partner to guaranteeus in the way to the success.（句子好怪的哟~~） Remember, no one could success overnight, eventhe actor or the singer. You may make a big mistake in your early career life. That’sthe right time for you to prompt yourself. No one could just reach their goalwithout failure or disaster. Take Michael Jordan for instance, he ones said, I lose;P （lost） thousands of shoots and cut from the school team at my high school time,that’s why I succeed now. Thus, just temper yourself in the different jobposition before get your dream-career.(如暧暧所言，的确例子和分论点不结合)



No two fingers of a hand are same;similarly, no two individuals can think the same way. Still someone might list other reasons and arguments to explain why they disagree with this statement.However, all I want to assert that most of people would take this method in thereality to ensure of the great career prospect, generally. But how far it istrue is left to the judgment of the individual’s intelligence.

额的神啊，这个首段没有开好，而且后面的分论点也有点乱。自己先想想缕缕吧~~~
语言挺高级的，词汇也不错，复杂句比较多，但是要用对哦~~
改作文真累人~~