Argument206

wilber5945UID: 2709861

TOPIC: ARGUMENT206 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Parkville Daily Newspaper.
"Throughout the country last year, as more and more children below the age of nine participated in youth-league softball and soccer, over 80,000 of these young players suffered injuries. When interviewed for a recent study, youth-league softball players in several major cities also reported psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win games. Furthermore, education experts say that long practice sessions for these sports take away time that could be used for academic activities. Since the disadvantages apparently outweigh any advantages, we in Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine."

正文：
The author of this argument suggests that children of Parkville under nine should not participate any athletic competition. To support this conclusion the author cites that (1)80,000 young players suffered injuries last year in youth-league, (2)result of an study in some major cities show that youth-league softball players suffered psychological pressure and (3)education experts' conclusion that practice sessions take away the young player's time for academic activities. However, this argument contains several severe logical flaws, which render it unconvincing.

To begin with, the author's conclusion is based on the assumption that young players is easily injured in the softball and soccer, which is depend on that 80,000 young players suffered injuries last year. Without giving further details such as the amount of children participated, however, the author cannot convince me that these games are dangerous to children. It is entirely possible that millions of children played in these games and only 80,000 injuries. If in this case, the author's evidence could be unpersuadable.  

Even if softball and soccer is dangerous to children, the author unfairly assume that this situation which happened throughout the country applied equally to Parkvile. Perhaps, in Parkvile, parents and coaches do well in supervising and few children were injured.

The author also quote the result of a study that young softball players suffered psychological pressure in several major cities to enhance his assumption that the children in Parkville, who participate in sports competition, also bear this kind of pressure. However, the author give no evidence to show that Parkville is one of these major cities and softball player could representative for all young players. For that matter, it is entirely possible that young players in Parkville did not feel any psychological pressure from their parents and coaches.

Even assuming that softball and soccer is really unsafe for children under nine, the author cannot concludes that all kinds of athletic competition should be forbidden for the children in this age group. For example, jog and table tennis are safe for children in different age groups.
Moreover, even if the children is prohibited from participating the sports competition, the author gives no proofs to substantiate that they would spend more time in academical activities. Perhaps some children prefer watching television or playing video games to studing.   

In sum, to convince me that athletic competitions should be forbidden for children under nine in Parkville, the author must provide more evidence such as the amount of young players join youth-league last year and the psychological state of young players in Parkville.

zj-129UID: 2179763

2月11日1号习作修改稿：

Argument206
TOPIC: ARGUMENT206 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Parkville Daily Newspaper.
"Throughout the country last year, as more and more children below the age of nine participated in youth-league softball and soccer, over 80,000 of these young players suffered injuries. When interviewed for a recent study, youth-league softball players in several major cities also reported psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win games. Furthermore, education experts say that long practice sessions for these sports take away time that could be used for academic activities. Since the disadvantages apparently outweigh any advantages, we in Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine."

正文：
The author of this argument suggests that children of Parkville under nine should not participate any athletic competition. To support this conclusion the author cites that (1)80,000 young players suffered injuries last year in youth-league. (2)result of an study in some major cities show that youth-league softball players suffered psychological pressure and (3)education experts' conclusion that practice sessions take away the young player's time for academic activities. However, this argument contains several severe logical flaws, which render it unconvincing.

To begin with, the author's conclusion is based on the assumption that young players is easily injured in the softball and soccer, which is depend on that 80,000 young players suffered injuries last year. Without giving further details such as the amount of children participated, however, the author cannot convince me that these games are dangerous to children. It is entirely possible that millions of children played in these games and only 80,000 injuries. If in this case, the author's evidence could be unpersuadable. Even if softball and soccer is dangerous to children, the author unfairly assume that this situation which happened throughout the country applied equally to Parkvile. Perhaps, in Parkvile, parents and coaches do well in supervising and few children were injured.

The author also quote the result of a study that young softball players suffered psychological pressure in several major cities to enhance his assumption that the children in Parkville, who participate in sports competition, also bear this kind of pressure. However, the author give no evidence to show that Parkville is one of these major cities and softball player could representative for all young players. For that matter, it is entirely possible that young players in Parkville did not feel so much (any) psychological pressure from their parents and coaches.

Even assuming that softball and soccer is really unsafe for children under nine, the author cannot conclude that all kinds of athletic competitions should be forbidden for the children in this age group. For example, jog and table tennis are safe for children in different age groups.
Moreover, even if the children is prohibited from participating the sports competition, the author gives no proofs to substantiate that they would spend more time in academic activities. Perhaps some children prefer watching television or playing video games to studying.

In sum, to convince me that athletic competitions should be forbidden for children under nine in Parkville, the author must provide more evidence such as the amount of young players join youth-league last year and the psychological state of young players in Parkville.  

评价：总体而言，A比I写得流畅很多。很多词汇变化非常丰富，也注意用规范的术语来概括逻辑错误。如果句式再丰富点会更好。而且很多细节需注意。

zj-129UID: 2179763

2月11日1号习作修改稿：

Argument206
TOPIC: ARGUMENT206 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Parkville Daily Newspaper.
"Throughout the country last year, as more and more children below the age of nine participated in youth-league softball and soccer, over 80,000 of these young players suffered injuries. When interviewed for a recent study, youth-league softball players in several major cities also reported psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win games. Furthermore, education experts say that long practice sessions for these sports take away time that could be used for academic activities. Since the disadvantages apparently outweigh any advantages, we in Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine."

正文：
The author of this argument suggests that children of Parkville under nine should not participate any athletic competition. To support this conclusion the author cites that (1)80,000 young players suffered injuries last year in youth-league. (2)result of an study in some major cities show that youth-league softball players suffered psychological pressure and (3)education experts' conclusion that practice sessions take away the young player's time for academic activities. However, this argument contains several severe logical flaws, which render it unconvincing.

To begin with, the author's conclusion is based on the assumption that young players is easily injured in the softball and soccer, which is depend on that 80,000 young players suffered injuries last year. Without giving further details such as the amount of children participated, however, the author cannot convince me that these games are dangerous to children. It is entirely possible that millions of children played in these games and only 80,000 injuries. If in this case, the author's evidence could be unpersuadable. Even if softball and soccer is dangerous to children, the author unfairly assume that this situation which happened throughout the country applied equally to Parkvile. Perhaps, in Parkvile, parents and coaches do well in supervising and few children were injured.

The author also quote the result of a study that young softball players suffered psychological pressure in several major cities to enhance his assumption that the children in Parkville, who participate in sports competition, also bear this kind of pressure. However, the author give no evidence to show that Parkville is one of these major cities and softball player could representative for all young players. For that matter, it is entirely possible that young players in Parkville did not feel so much (any) psychological pressure from their parents and coaches.

Even assuming that softball and soccer is really unsafe for children under nine, the author cannot conclude that all kinds of athletic competitions should be forbidden for the children in this age group. For example, jog and table tennis are safe for children in different age groups.
Moreover, even if the children is prohibited from participating the sports competition, the author gives no proofs to substantiate that they would spend more time in academic activities. Perhaps some children prefer watching television or playing video games to studying.

In sum, to convince me that athletic competitions should be forbidden for children under nine in Parkville, the author must provide more evidence such as the amount of young players join youth-league last year and the psychological state of young players in Parkville.


评价：总体而言，A比I写得流畅很多。很多词汇变化非常丰富，也注意用规范的术语来概括逻辑错误。如果句式再丰富点会更好。而且很多细节需注意。

zj-129UID: 2179763

今天回得比较晚，希望楼主别介意才好