[phoenix] issue130 第一次作业 by 12号

zj-129UID: 2179763

ISSUE130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

I can not agree more with the quotation that how children are raised nowadays lead to the futuer of one society. However, I can not have the agreement of the claim that we can not socialize the next generation who the better society need.

As we all know that the children are the brilliant and hopeful sesource of any nation or race. People are generous to use all kinds of words and phrases to conmment about the child. Children are always described as the most positive danamics and power to cause the society to go ahead. Thus, the quality of how children are tought and raised determine the power of a society, to some extend, determine the destiny of one country.

Where does our contemporary civilization come from? How does our societies composed? What is the score evaluable factor of one nation? The propereast and the only answer is people. The history has showed the achievements of the past people's success of raising their children, namely us. We can also bring our kids to a new high level as the same.

Of course, we must face a large number of problems, such population, lands, water and so on. Our children might deal with a more trouble world
we left to them. But that does not means they do not have the bility to control the new situations. What's more, we could not give up our dreams to better a society which our children can built.

Admittly, some people saw the problems which come from the situation that an adult or parents can not raise their babies well enough to built a better place. But we also admitted that its only part of the overall things. One method to work out is education. Education, which was formed for thousands of years, from west to the east, from the ancient to contemporary life, is one approach to socilize the child.

To sum up, I undoubted support the opinion that the way children are raied today determine the future of society. But, I can not agree the next conclusion that we can not raise proper people to better our own society. Cause the second conclusion are not the direct result according to the reason.

这是我写完之后才写的，貌似应该开始就写的，第一次写，非常幼稚，欢迎指正。
【命题分析】
第一个命题肯定：儿童是社会的未来，他们的状况决定了社会的命运。因此，儿童的社会化过程非常重要。
第二个命题商榷：我们是否学会如何抚养孩子？
一个方面，社会上的确出现了教育失败的例子，一些孩子长大了危害社会。
另一方面，还要看到，一些孩子造福了社会。
综合，总体而言，作为社会整体的孩子的社会化是成功的，因此我们是有能力的，也懂的。

xusichuangUID: 2653998

I can not agree more with the quotation that how children are raised nowadays lead（determine） to the future of one society. However, I can not have the agreement of(好像换成with比较好) the claim that we can not socialize the next generation who the better society need.  首段有点单薄

As we all know that the children are the brilliant and hopeful resource of any nation or race. People are generous to use all kinds of words and phrases to comment about the child. Children are always described as the most positive danamics and power to cause the society to go ahead. Thus, the quality of how children are taught and raised determine the power of a society, to some extend（前面是完全同意，这里怎么又是 部分同意呢？）, determine the destiny of one country.  此段说理的成分较多，如果有些例证会更好

Where does our contemporary civilization come from? How does our societies composed? What is the score evaluable（不太理解score evaluable） factor of one nation? The propereast（是 most proper吧） and the only answer is people. The history has shown the achievements of the past people's success of raising their children, namely us. We can also bring our kids to a new high level as the same.

Of course, we must face a large number of problems, such as population, lands, water and so on. Our children might deal with a more troubled world we left to them. But that does not means they do not have the ability to control the new situations. What's more, we could not give up our dreams to better a society which our children can build.（这一段是不是想过渡呢？个人感觉作用不大）

Admittly , some people saw the problems which come from the situation that an adult or parents can not raise their babies well enough to built a better place. But we also admit that its only part of the overall things. One method to work out is education. Education, which was formed for thousands of years, from west to the east, from the ancient to contemporary life, is one approach to socilize the child.（这一段在论述教育的重要性吧，感觉有些跑题）

To sum up, I undoubted support the opinion that the way children are raied today determine the future of society. But, I can not agree the next conclusion that we can not raise proper people to better our own society, Cause(这个词太过于口语化了) the second conclusion are not the direct result according to the reason.
楼主的提纲写的很好啊，可是写起来感觉有点与提纲不符。另外，有的语言不是很流畅，比如Admittly , some people saw the problems which come from the situation that an adult or parents can not raise their babies well enough to built a better place. But we also admit that its only part of the overall things. One method to work out is education。单词的错误，在word里面就可以纠正的。
有点挑剔，不好意思啊，一起加油！