Phoenix小组组员2号第一次A习作

wu-intrepidUID: 2659758

TOPIC: ARGUMENT103 - Blue City Highway had always beennotorious for its tight curves and poor roadway visibility, and the accidentrate there was generally very high. Last year the highway was redesigned tobroaden the curves and improve roadway visibility. Drivers report that they nowfeel much safer driving on the highway and that the redesign has been a bigimprovement. But the number of accidents on the highway has not beensignificantly lower in the six months since the redesign than it was in the sixmonths before the redesign. Therefore, the redesign clearly did not improve thecurves and roadway visibility enough to make a difference.


In arguer's opinion, due to the accidentsnumber is almost the same with before, redesign about the broadening the curvesand improving roadway visibility is not successful. Though it is properinference, since the tight curves and poor roadway are the major problems in Blue City Highway.There may be other courses to raise traffic accidents.

First, the arguer just compares the numberof accidents now with early period. However, neglect the accidents' degree. Ifaccidents are more serious before redesign than now, we cannot say it not be improved.Suggesting now, drivers and passengers in the accident are just slightinjuries. Nevertheless, which in past were seriously hurt or even died.Probably, because of the redesign of broadening the curves and improvingroadway visibility, helping drivers to see the cars in front more clearly, andbrake in time; and to increase more space to avoid the opposite cars. It isobviously, the situation now is better than before, and the redesign isefficient.

Second, though the accidents still happen,courses may not as the same. Despite the two majors, other courses should beconsidered. The weather, for instance, is also maybe a reason. Due to six onlymouths passed, it may be summer and spring, which are rainfall in that city. Weall know, in raining day, the road is wed and slipping, and the glasses of carsare not clear by raining. It is very dangerous for drivers that cannot seeclearly though car glasses and cars may be slip. Thus, possibly, the number ofaccidents in the other seasons will fall down, and it may be lower than beforein a entire year. Then, it shows redesign decreases the accidents.

In addition, arguer mentions the driversfeel safer than before. The arguer thinks their feelings are not exact.Obviously, both the arguer and drivers negative this one point: careless islethal in every case. Just because the situation of road is better, so driversthink there is no danger at all , and drive faster and of little care. Thus, itis necessary to compare that the driver's speed between now and before, andalso to investigate whether the drivers disobey traffic items more than before.It is more likely to drivers careless, not the duty of redesign that coursesthe accidents.



To sum up, the courses making the accidentsare various, the arguer cannot lay the blame on the redesign withoutinvestigating comprehensively. Only considering the all factors such as the degreeof the injuring in accidents now, the difference of drivers’ behaviors, and theother potent possibilities to course accidents, the conclusion should bepersuaded.

wilber5945UID: 2709861

1号组员批改：
建议：可以再锤炼一下语言，感觉语言有点儿散

In arguer's opinion, due to the accidentsnumber is almost the same with before, redesign about the (貌似多余)broadening the curves
and improving roadway visibility is not successful.(我觉得作者只是说改进的不够，但是这种改进还是一种成功的方法。)
Though it is proper inference, since the tight curves and poor roadway are the major problems in Blue City Highway.There may be other courses to raise traffic accidents.（这样承认作者的假设，貌似就少了一个攻击点了：事故与其他因素的关系比如：道路限速等等。未必主要是因为道路窄可见度低造成的。如果攻击点不够的话还是考虑下吧）

First, the arguer just compares the numberof accidents now with early period. However, neglect the accidents' degree. If accidents are more serious before redesign than now（改为If accidents before redesign are more serious than now会不会好些）, we cannot say it not be （改为is not）improved.Suggesting now, drivers and passengers in the accident are just slight injuries. Nevertheless, which(这里用which的话，nevertheless前面就应该用“，”号而不是“。”号吧) in past were seriously hurt or even died.Probably, because of the redesign of （改为that）broadening the curves and improving roadway visibility, helping drivers to see the cars in front more clearly, and brake in time; and to increase more space to avoid the opposite cars(这句话貌似没有主语). It is obviously, the situation now is better than before, and the redesign is efficient.

Second, though the accidents still happen,courses may not as the same. Despite the two major（补factors，咋看之下有点不懂）, other courses should be considered. The weather, for instance, is also maybe a reason. Due to six only mouths passed, it may be summer and spring, which are rainfall in that city. We all know, in raining day, the road is wed and slipping, and the glasses of cars are not clear by raining. It is very dangerous for drivers that cannot see clearly though car glasses and cars may be slip.(应该再补一句直接说这个时候车祸发生率变高了，然后下一句转折在其他季节可能好转) Thus, possibly, the number of accidents in the other seasons will fall down, and it may be lower than before in a entire year. Then, it shows redesign decreases the accidents.

In addition, arguer mentions the drivers
feel safer than before. The arguer thinks their feelings are not exact.（这句话要表达什么意思？）Obviously, both the arguer and drivers negative（是neglect吧）this one（重复了删掉一个） point: careless（改为名次carelessness） is lethal in every case. Just because the situation of road is better, so(貌似because后面就不用so了) drivers think there is no danger at all , and drive faster and of little care. Thus, it is necessary to compare that the driver's speed between now and before, and also to investigate whether the drivers disobey traffic items more than before.It is more likely to drivers careless, not the duty of redesign that coursesthe accidents.

To sum up, the courses making the accidentsare various, the arguer cannot lay the blame on the redesign without investigating comprehensively. Only considering the all factors such as the degree of the injuring in accidents now, the difference of drivers’ behaviors, and the other potent possibilities to course accidents, the conclusion should be persuaded.